Chapter 8: Confidence.exe Successfully Installed
Wherein Naruto gives Danny the cheat codes to romance and the universe pauses to go: wait, what?*
Look, I didn't mean to start the day by getting chased through the streets like a dollar-store action hero, but when a demon-possessed dog starts playing "bite the teenager," you don't exactly stop to ask if it's had its shots.
The sun had barely peeked over the rooftops of Amity Park when I woke the whole neighborhood with my screaming. You'd think people would be more concerned about a boy being hunted through suburbia, but nope—dead quiet. Just me, the mutt, and the sound of my soul leaving my body one bark at a time.
"SAVE ME!" I yelled, which I admit wasn't very heroic, but hey, I'm new to this whole "survival of the fittest" thing.
Up ahead, Naruto—who was the one responsible for this doggy deathmatch—watched like it was his Saturday morning cartoon. He had the audacity to look bored.
"Don't be such a wimp," he called out, his tone flat. "When I was eleven, I was wrestling bears the size of cars."
"Great," I muttered between wheezes. "And here I am, being eaten by Scooby-Doo's evil twin."
Naruto wasn't done. Of course he wasn't. "The skill I gave you covers all creatures. Human, animal, whatever. You're only losing because you're scared."
Wow. Thanks, Coach. Nothing gets the adrenaline flowing like a motivational speech from a war criminal.
"Come on, Danny," I wheezed. "Pull it together. It's just a dog."
An extremely fast, sharp-toothed, bitey dog.
My brain, in all its genius, decided this was the moment to go full circus act. I spotted a lamppost and leapt for it like Tarzan in gym shorts. I caught it! For a glorious two seconds, I was off the ground.
Then I remembered I have the upper body strength of a noodle.
"SO STUPID," Naruto muttered from his sidelines throne, right as I slid down the pole like the world's saddest firefighter.
Cue: teeth. In my butt.
The pain was unreal. I screamed like a banshee stuck in a blender. For a second, I was pretty sure I'd die there, remembered as "that kid who got eaten on Main Street by an angry poodle."
Then—blink—I was flat on my back, staring at my bedroom ceiling. Like the whole thing had been a simulation.
Unfortunately, the angry voice from the foot of my bed made it clear: this was very real.
"You'll remember this," Naruto said darkly. "Nobody refuses me."
Yikes.
I sat up, legs jelly, heart pounding like it owed the dog money. Every molecule of my being screamed, never again.
Naruto, mercifully, seemed slightly less murder-y. "This time, I'll go easy on you," he said, which—given what had just happened—was like saying, "I only partially threw you into the volcano."
He turned to the dog, who was now shaking like a wet sponge in a freezer. Naruto let out this... pressure. It wasn't visible, but the air changed. One second, the dog was Cujo. The next, it was a trembling furball contemplating its life choices.
Naruto muttered "Pathetic," and walked away like he hadn't just stared into a creature's soul and shattered it.
As we headed home, he finally exhaled—like he was the one who'd done cardio. "You need to get stronger, fast," he said. "I'm not carrying you. Not forever."
Which—okay, fair. I did kinda suck today.
He glanced at me sideways. "Your body's already changing. I'm fixing your cells, feeding them properly, and you'll be shredded by next month."
Great. So I'm a science experiment with a personal trainer who thinks pain is a love language.
Naruto sighed like a disappointed dad. "My last students were prodigies. Gifted. Hungry. You? You're average."
Ouch. Right in the GPA.
"But," he added, "rules are rules. If I don't push you, you'll never stop leaning on me."
I didn't say anything. Mostly because I was trying to breathe and not cry in public.
As we walked back, Naruto squinted at the horizon. "You've got something different. A future with power that'll change everything. No chakra needed."
Which would've been inspiring—if I wasn't too busy limping home, nursing my pride and my butt.
So yeah. Just a typical morning.
Welcome to training with Naruto.
Please send ice packs.
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Let me start by saying this: if you ever wake up and find out that your body is being used like a rental car by a guy who's basically a walking demigod ninja warlord from another universe, don't panic. That was my mistake. That, and trying to outrun a chihuahua from the ninth circle of barky hell.
Anyway, after that mildly traumatic experience—y'know, getting my butt bitten by a dog while Naruto yelled inspirational abuse in my head—I thought maybe I could sleep in, rest my poor, heroic muscles (RIP), and pretend none of it happened.
Naruto? Not so much.
By the time I regained control, we were back home, and I was drenched in sweat like I'd just run a triathlon while being chased by bees. My body ached in places I didn't even know had muscles. I shuffled to the bathroom like a zombie, took a shower hot enough to cook pasta, and prayed no one noticed how suspiciously not-me I was being.
Spoiler alert: they definitely noticed.
Down in the kitchen, I was greeted by the smell of bacon, eggs, toast, and sweet, sweet normalcy. My mom—Maddie Fenton, ghost expert and secret ninja with a frying pan—looked up from the stove and beamed at me.
"Good morning, Danny! I saw you on your jog earlier. So proud of you!"
Jog? Ma'am, that was a sprint-for-my-life-from-certain-canine-doom session, thank you very much.
Dad, bless him, slammed down a plate of pancakes with a flourish. "That's my boy! You keep this up and you'll be busting ghosts with your bare hands! Or at least wrestling a walrus!"
I didn't even bother asking why a walrus. I just nodded and mumbled something motivational like, "Yeah, strong walrus hands, got it."
Jazz, my big sister and full-time mind-reader, barely looked up from her book, which probably had a title like Why Your Brother is a Danger to Society: A Sibling's Guide to the Supernatural. She gave me a slight nod, which is Jazz-speak for 'Huh, not a total failure today'.
Naruto, who was still in control (because apparently body-sharing doesn't come with a mute button), took a seat and began loading up my plate like he was feeding an army. Eggs, bacon, fruit, toast, peanut butter, honey, jam—if it was on the table, he took it. Then he started eating it. Fast.
Like, cartoon-character-fast.
Mom blinked. "Danny, are you okay? That's enough food for three people!"
"Relax, Mom!" Naruto said through my mouth, which is still so weird. "Just super hungry! Nothing weird happening here!"
Cue Dad launching out of his seat like a rocket. "HE'S POSSESSED! TO THE BAT CAVE—er, GHOST CAVE!"
He ran off, presumably to grab one of his weapons of mass parental embarrassment.
Jazz slowly lowered her book, eyes wide. "This is... genuinely concerning. Are you on a protein cleanse? Because that much sodium is actually illegal in four states."
Meanwhile, Naruto kept chewing like nothing happened. Internally, I was screaming. Like, full-volume, dramatic-movie-slow-motion screaming. But Naruto just smirked and thought, "Energy intake optimal. Growth accelerated. Excellent."
Because yeah, turns out he's been remodeling my body from the inside out like a one-man renovation crew. Muscles, reflexes, stamina—Naruto was upgrading me like a busted video game character. Except, instead of XP, I was paying with my dignity and occasional dog bites.
As he leaned back with a satisfied sigh, he muttered, "If I had the chakra beasts from my world, this body would be a powerhouse already. But I suppose we'll settle for mortal food. For now."
Jazz tilted her head. "Did you just say 'chakra beasts'?"
I panicked. "Nope! I said charred toast! Gotta be careful with the toaster!"
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So there I was, digesting approximately twelve pounds of breakfast and halfway into a food coma, when the sass queen herself, Jazz, decided to throw some shade. I made a totally innocent comment—okay, fine, it might've involved offering to help her get a boyfriend—and the next thing I knew, I was on thin ice so fragile it made Jack's ghost-proof underpants look reliable.
Let me be clear: I was not actually trying to date my sister. That's a very important disclaimer I feel should be carved into the moon just in case someone from the Ghost Zone tries to make a weird fanfic about this later.
See, Naruto—currently cruising around in my body like it's a top-of-the-line sports car—decided it was the perfect moment to start throwing around pick-up lines like they were ninja shuriken.
"Reality is stranger than fiction," he said, with that smug grin of his. "By the way, how's everything going for you? Need help getting a boyfriend?"
Jazz looked at him like she was deciding which organ to punch first.
"I will slap you," she said, calm as a bomb.
But Naruto just leaned in with the kind of confidence that either wins wars or gets you dumped into a garbage can.
"I'm serious," he said. "I love you so much that if we weren't siblings, I'd take your hand in a heartbeat. Those brutes out there are blind."
At this point, I was screaming inside my own head. Like, full panic mode. Sirens. Flashing red lights. That one SpongeBob episode where his brain is on fire. That was me.
Jazz? Completely unbothered. Crossed her arms. Glared. Probably mentally designing my funeral arrangements.
"Flattery won't get you anywhere," she said. "Especially not with me. Besides, you're in no position to offer advice—you're a lonely devil."
Naruto just grinned wider. "Unfortunately for you, I've got flowers in both hands."
And then—then—Mom and Jazz said "Sam" at the same time. Like a freaking chorus of sarcasm.
"Not much of a challenge," Jazz fired back. "Get someone else to accept your words, and then we'll talk."
Naruto, never one to back down from what he calls "social training arcs," leaned forward with mock seriousness.
"I'll date you for a week," he said. "Strictly professional, of course. I'll show you how guys think—what they like, what they're scared of, why they cry after watching The Notebook. I'll be your personal boyfriend consultant."
Jazz blinked like she was trying to decide whether to call a therapist or an exorcist. "You're betraying your kind."
"I was never one of them," Naruto said, like some rogue romance rebel.
Jazz, clearly trying to pretend she wasn't even slightly amused, sighed. "Fine. If you actually manage to pull this off without embarrassing either of us or getting us arrested, I'll buy you a PS3."
"A deal forged in destiny," Naruto declared.
Jazz stood up, slinging her bag over her shoulder like a dramatic anime heroine. "Take care at school, Danny. And try not to get bullied."
Which—ouch. Right in my ghost-core.
As she walked out, Naruto leaned back and patted my stomach. "We're gonna need a tux. Or at least a new hoodie."
Inside, I groaned. "You realize this is a bad idea, right?"
Naruto just smiled. "Danny-boy, all great romances begin with terrible decisions."
So now I have exactly one day to mentally prepare for the weirdest sibling experiment of all time. And probably also explain to Sam why I'm dating my sister "for science."
Please let a ghost attack me before then. Please.
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After Jazz left—presumably to investigate the suspicious transformation of her brother into someone with actual game—Danny stepped outside for what should've been a totally average ghost-free morning. But instead of ghosts, he saw something infinitely scarier:
Sam. Waiting at the door.
Looking nervous.
With fidgeting fingers.
Danny had never seen Sam nervous around him, and suddenly he realized—oh no. Naruto was in control. Naruto had seen. Naruto was smirking.
"Time to shine, Danny," came Naruto's voice from the white void like some smug angel/devil hybrid. "Just follow my lead."
Danny walked toward her with the kind of swagger that would've made his ten-seconds-ago self trip over his own shoes. He didn't hesitate. He didn't stammer. He just did what Naruto told him, because right now that voice in his head sounded right.
"Hey there, beautiful."
And then—hug mode: engaged. Arms wrapped around Sam from behind like it was the most natural thing in the world. She stiffened, startled, and then slowly relaxed.
"You just made my morning perfect with your presence," he murmured, like a line ripped out of a romance novel but somehow... not cringe?
Sam turned, her face a soft shade of what-the-heck-just-happened, and Danny kissed her neck. A tiny shiver ran down her spine. Victory. Her inner goth defenses didn't even activate. If anything, she leaned back into him.
"I feel the same," she whispered. "I couldn't wait to see you."
Danny turned her around gently. His hand rested lightly on her waist. He looked her straight in the eyes like he wasn't dying of awkwardness inside.
"Of course you couldn't. Our chemistry is too strong to ignore," he teased. "Did you sleep well, or were you up all night having... naughty dreams?"
Sam's blush threatened to set fire to the lawn. She managed a coy smile. "A good dream."
Danny grinned, full Naruto-mode now. "Knew it. You're such a naughty little minx, my Sam."
And then came the kiss.
From deep inside the white void, Naruto gave an approving nod like a director satisfied with the scene's first take. But he wasn't pulling every string—this was more of a guided unlock. Danny's heart had known this affection for Sam for years. All Naruto did was turn off the internal sabotage system labeled "fear of ruining the friendship."
Danny was still steering the ship. Naruto had just... patched the controls.
Meanwhile, Naruto's brain, being the multi-core processing unit it was, continued assessing long-term trajectories. Sam was good. Real good.
But was she endgame?
Paulina: Pretty. Popular. Could become useful with training. Major potential PR asset. Also, currently allergic to humility.
Batgirl: Now that was a powerhouse. Skilled. Tactical. Already living the double life. Political connections via Gotham's elite. A perfect future ally. A more demanding route, though.
Still, Sam had the loyalty factor in spades. She wasn't just supportive—she was ride-or-die. And in Naruto's book, that always ranked high.
Back in the real world, Sam pulled away from the kiss, cheeks still glowing. "We'd better get going, Romeo, or we're going to be late for school."
Danny laughed, actually laughed—no fake nervous chuckle, just confidence and joy. "Right behind you, Juliet. Lead the way."
They walked off together, hand-in-hand, the morning sun casting warm golden light over the sidewalk.
Inside the void, Naruto sat back on his metaphorical beanbag and smiled.
Progress achieved.
Danny: +5 Confidence
Sam: +20 Smitten
Ghosts: Still on vacation.
For now.