"There he is! "
Jungkook's heart raced like a wild drum in his chest as he pressed himself against the cold, unforgiving brick of the building behind him. The shadows of the alley enveloped him, cloaking him in darkness and yet heightening his senses. He felt utterly trapped in this narrow space, the walls closing in around him like a constrictor, squeezing the breath from his lungs.
It was the dead of night, nearly 2 am, when the world felt suspended in silence. All he craved was a moment to breathe-to escape the suffocating atmosphere of Mingyu's house that hung over him like a storm cloud. Each second spent there felt like dragging his feet through quicksand, and he could feel his chest tightening more and more beneath the weight of his thoughts. The pressure was relentless, a reminder of that fateful night with Jennie, an emotional tempest that still stormed through him.
He had experienced a myriad of intense feelings before, but none had gripped him quite like this. It wasn't merely the rush of adrenaline or the bittersweet pang of nostalgia; this sensation was almost visceral, like a tight knot in his chest that made it impossible for him to draw a full breath. What troubled him most was that this feeling wasn't fleeting. It lingered, a dark shadow that followed him into the corners of daylight, whispering promises of despair and inevitability.
A faint sound broke through his turbulent thoughts: the unmistakable clicks of two officers loading their weapons. Jungkook's lips curled into a ghost of a smile, a dark satisfaction rising within him. Footsteps echoed distressed but oddly comforting, creeping closer to his hiding spot.
Just a few steps to the left, he told himself, and it would all be over.
Wasn't this what he had secretly longed for? An end to the chaos? A silence that would finally drown out the noise in his mind? The thought was both terrifying and liberating.
With each shallow breath he took, the moment felt more surreal, time stretching thin around him. After what seemed an eternity, he gathered his resolve. His heartbeat steadied slightly as he took a deep breath, grounding himself in the reality of his choice. He straightened his shoulders and took a single, deliberate step to the left, ready to face whatever awaited him in the darkness.
"Please know this: if something were to happen to you, it wouldn't just affect you. The hurt would spread through my life in ways you might not be able to imagine. I would be left dealing with a deep emptiness that's hard to bear. Your safety is incredibly important to me-it gives me the strength and hope to face each day. When you are okay, my heart can feel some peace. But if you were ever in danger, I worry I wouldn't know how to move forward without you."
"Before doing something... Please... Please think of me first. "
Jungkook stopped. He hit the building wall with his fist as hard as he could.
Fuck.
Placing his other hand on the wall more for support, he closed his eyes tightly as he cursed once again.
Damn you. Ah... Damn you girl. Stop invading my mind. What the fuck did you do to me?
Jungkook grabbed his head and pressed his back against the wall as he slid down to the ground. And he cried. For the first time since he left you, he let his tears to flow freely and trickle down his cheeks.
Why? Please... Let me go.
There's nothing left here.
The two officers were positioned just a short distance away, their expressions tense as they exchanged glances. Jungkook felt a heavy weight in his chest, a gnawing anxiety creeping in as he realized that it was only a matter of time before they discovered where he was hiding. With a frown, he shoved his hand deep into the pocket of his worn jeans, his fingers brushing against the cold steel of the knife he had been carrying-an unsettling reminder of the path he had been forced to navigate.
He couldn't shake the feeling of dread as he recalled Mingyu's recklessness; despite Jungkook's persistent warnings, he had found a knife.
Jungkook's heart raced at the thought. He was exhausted from this constant tension, the fear and the adrenaline that surged through him like a wildfire. The last thing he wanted was to bring harm to anyone-he didn't want this life filled with pain and violence anymore. Each passing moment felt like a countdown, and all he wanted was a way out.
That stupid doctor.
Suddenly, the quiet tension in the alley shattered as figures stepped out from the shadows, their footsteps echoing against the wet pavement. Jungkook's heart raced as he tried to make out the muffled voices nearby. He caught bits of conversation-someone was talking urgently to the police, explaining something important, and then, just like that, they left.
With a shaky breath, he felt himself collapse to the ground, his knees giving way beneath him. Confusion hit him like a massive wave. How did it come to this? He had seen their faces-he knew they recognized him when he slipped into this hidden alley. Panic surged through him, quickening his heartbeat. He leaned his forehead on his arms, which rested on his knees, struggling to sort through the chaos in his mind. The reality of the situation began to sink in, and for the first time, he felt an intense fear-the gnawing worry of being caught and facing consequences he had never really thought about before.
He had always lived on the edge, not really caring about the dangers that surrounded him, but now everything felt different. His thoughts drifted to you; it was because of you that everything had changed. Your presence, your unexpected impact on his life, had thrown him into this mess.
And for that, a spark of anger ignited within him. He resented you-not only for the trouble he found himself in, but for making him feel so vulnerable. Tears streamed down his cheeks as a sense of entrapment washed over him. You had woven yourself into his life, leaving him gasping for breath. Confusion mixed with feelings he never wanted to face, culminating in a crushing sense of helplessness. He felt trapped by you.
"I found you. "
Jungkook's eyes widened, his heart missed a few beats at the feeling of a hand on his shoulder.
"Finally I found you. "
He remained seated on the cold, hard ground, his forehead pressed against his arms in a gesture of defeat. The weight of his emotions felt unbearable, and he could feel the painful bite of his own lip as he tried to suppress the sob that threatened to escape him. Despite the turmoil within, he sensed the gentle warmth of a hand moving through his hair and resting on his head, a small comfort amid his distress. A single tear slid down his cheek, carving a path through the dampness of the night.
"I'm so sorry," you whispered, your voice trembling with regret. "I promised I would let you go, that I wouldn't get in your way again. But fear consumed me. Mingyu told me you disappear every night, and last night, you didn't come home at all. I needed to know if you were okay."
"I'm truly sorry. I'll leave as soon as I can, please believe me. But you need to go back to Mingyu's house," you urged, your voice tinged with desperation. "I can't bear the thought of you wandering these streets of Seoul at night. Next time, the police might catch you... or worse."
Jungkook remained silent, the tremors of his body palpable beneath your touch as your hands enveloped him in a comforting embrace. His gaze softened, and, almost instinctively, the knife he had been gripping slipped from his fingers, clattering to the ground as you tightened your hold on him.
"Are you hurt anywhere?" you asked, your concern for him overriding your own fears.
Slowly, Jungkook lifted his head, meeting your gaze. In that moment, your heart raced uncontrollably, a whirlwind of emotions swirling within you. Just earlier, you had witnessed police officers racing after someone in the distance, unable to discern who it was from where you stood. All you could see was his back, but even that fleeting image was enough for you to recognize him instinctively. You would recognize Jungkook anywhere.
Without thinking, you had pursued the officers, your voice trembling as you informed them that Jungkook was heading in the opposite direction. You claimed to be frightened by his demeanor when you spotted him holding a knife. It was nothing short of miraculous that they believed your frantic tale; after all, there was no reason for them to suspect your intentions.
Now, as his eyes finally locked onto yours, a rush of relief washed over you, allowing you to breathe once more.
"Please, don't look at me with pity," he said softly, a mixture of vulnerability and strength woven into his words. "I don't want to be seen as weak or pitiful."
"I've never seen you that way," you assured him gently. "But I can't help but worry about you."
"I'm not hurt," he murmured, his voice barely audible.
You couldn't help but smile at his words, feeling a flicker of warmth ignite inside you. "Thank you," you replied, tilting your head to gaze into his teary eyes, the pain reflected in them intertwining with your own. Your chest tightened as you tenderly traced your fingers down his cheek, feeling the softness of his skin beneath your touch.
"You're really looking at me," you breathed out, your voice shaky and filled with emotion. "Finally. Do you have any idea how long I've waited for this? For you to see me?"
"I know," he whispered, the admission slipping from his lips as you cradled his cheeks in your hands, grounding him in the moment.
"Ah... I've missed you," you confessed, the words heavy with longing.
Jungkook bit his lip, his eyes darting away from yours as a new sensation stirred within him.
"Why did you run away? I... You didn't feel like home anymore?"
Jungkook shook his head vehemently, his breath hitching as he closed his eyes. The overwhelming sensation of suffocation crept in, constricting around his throat like a vice. A thick knot lodged within, threatening to spill over as tears began to pool in the corners of his eyes.
"I... Did I do something wrong?"
His voice trembled with uncertainty.
"No... You couldn't possibly do anything wrong." He offered you a soft, reassuring smile, but he still avoided your gaze, the weight of the moment hanging heavily between you.
"You don't want to see me?"
The desperation in your voice cut through the silence, raw and aching.
"Please, leave."
The plea left his lips like a whisper, laden with pain.
"I will." You took a shaky breath, your heart fluttering painfully in your chest. "I promised I would. As soon as I see you safe."
"Why did you have to come then? I wanted you out of my life." Jungkook's words cut like a knife, each syllable dripping with anguish.
"I know."
The admission hung in the air, a quiet acceptance of the truth. You reached out, your fingers brushing through his ruffled hair, searching for some connection, some reassurance.
As you looked into his eyes, searching his face for answers, the fake smile you'd held onto began to crack; you were exhausted from the pretense. Your heart sank further when your eyes caught sight of the hickey on the side of his neck, a mark left by someone else.
As always. It will never be me.
A wave of despair washed over you.
I will never have this chance-to be this close, to be the one who leaves a mark.
Your lip trembled as you fought to keep your composure, biting down hard until the metallic taste of blood filled your mouth, stubbornly suppressing your tears.
Why do I still care about him this much? Ah, what a stupid question.
You shook your head, as if trying to dispel the swirling mix of emotions. You grabbed his shoulders, drawing him to his feet, steadying him.
You are not important right now, Y/N. Snap out of it.
With renewed determination, you declared, "I will take you home." You grasped his hand tightly, pulling him along with you, every step heavy with unspoken words and shared regret.
Now you understood why he couldn't meet your gaze.
He felt guilty.
You took a deep breath, trying to steady the whirlwind of emotions swirling inside you.
"Didn't I tell you that you are free?" you asked, your voice firm yet gentle. "You can do whatever you want. I mean it. If you didn't hear me, then I'll repeat it again: you don't owe me anything." You paused, letting the weight of your words sink in. "Don't look at me like you feel sorry for me. I hate that more than anything. You are not an object that belongs to someone."
Jungkook's eyes widened as he took in your resolute stance, his expression a mix of surprise and contemplation. He didn't respond immediately, instead watching your profile with an intensity that made your heart race.
"Just make sure to do and say what you feel," you continued, softening your tone. "Nothing else is more important than that." You wanted him to understand that his happiness mattered, that his voice deserved to be heard.
A small smile broke across Jungkook's face, a familiar warmth that had always drawn you in. As always. So strong huh? Sometimes it can be really annoying. Do you know that?
Do you ever break?
He turned his gaze to your hands, he noticed them clasped tightly together, as if you were grasping for some semblance of control over turbulent feelings.
Would you ever let me go?What about you? If you're worrying this much about me, then who is going to worry about you? Do you even care about that?
With a sudden determination, you opened the front door of Mingyu's house and ushered Jungkook inside, but instead of following, you remained in the doorway, rooted to the spot.
Jungkook turned around, his gaze searching yours for something-answers, reassurance, solace. He held your stare for a few seconds, but then shame washed over him, and he averted his gaze to the floor. In that moment, the distance between you felt insurmountable.
Your heart sank further when you noticed Jennie entering the living room, her presence shifting the atmosphere even more. You could see the tension in Jungkook as he glanced towards her, and it only deepened your sadness. The unspoken struggles within the three of you loomed large, like shadows in the light.
"Oh. So you found him. " Jennie said bored as she jumped on the couch.
"Mingyu was right. You really do find things. People like you are really boring."
Your eyes instantly caught hers.
Jennie stood before you, a tight knot of anxiety twisting in her stomach. She was convinced that you would lash out at her, ready to hurl harsh words that would cut deep. However, to her surprise, that moment never came. Instead of snapping back, you wore a calm, practiced smile, one that seemed friendly at first glance. But as she met your gaze, she felt an icy dread creeping over her. Your eyes, sharp and unyielding, held a chilling void that sent shivers down her spine, leaving her feeling utterly vulnerable and exposed. In that moment, she realized that the satisfaction she craved from provoking you would never come; instead, she felt frozen in place, as if your gaze alone could freeze the very air around her.
"You better hold in your intelligent remarks and be careful from now on what you say or do. Because I will find out." You warmly smiled her way, confusing her.
"Mingyu told me that you are a kind, sweet little girl. " Jennie laughed as she stood up from the couch, approaching you slowly. It seems he has a wrong impression of you. "
"I don't know how Mingyu sees me. If I am kind or sweet, it's because he deserves it. But... I am not like this with snakes disguised as bunnies."
Jungkook smiled at that.
He knew your other face. That bitchy side of yours. He didn't see it often though, only a few times.
Flashbacks.
"And why do you think you can satisfy me? "
End of flashback
"You can't be serious. Don't tell me you like this thing. "Jennie remarked.
"I don't understand how Mingyu trusted you. You better keep your mouth shut about all of this, or I will sew it for you, just to make sure. "
You smirked as you pulled a needle out of your pocket, just to make yourself clear.
Jungkook raised an eyebrow. You shrugged your shoulders, a wide grin plastered onto your face.
"We always have to be prepared. "
Jungkook wondered what else you could possibly have in there.
"Mingyu trusts me because he knows me. I don't care about winning your trust. It's nothing to me. "
"Fair." You nodded your head. "Then I will trust Mingyu. " You grinned as you put the needle back into your pocket.
You seemed calm and chill about everything. But seeing the girl who slept with the most important person of your life, you felt like grabbing her hair and pull her head out.
But you had to keep everything locked away, buried deep inside where no one could reach it. You had to swallow hard against the waves of pain and disappointment crashing inside you. The thought of letting him see how much this affected you was unbearable; it felt like you would be exposing your raw heart to the world, vulnerable and unprotected.
"So... how could you stay with her for so many years?" Jennie's voice cut through the silence, her gaze shifting to Jungkook, who was still staring in your direction.
As your eyes met his, a rush of emotions flooded your chest, a mix of fear and a flicker of hope. Your heart raced, pounding like a drum in your ears. Deep down, you were terrified - terrified of the possibility that he might find your feelings pathetic, a burden he didn't want to carry. Maybe for him, listening to your struggles and insecurities day after day was like a never-ending loop of suffering.
Yet Jennie sensed something you couldn't see. Perhaps she had a clearer perspective, one that came from being an outsider looking in. You were too caught up in your thoughts, your emotional turmoil, to notice the subtle shifts in Jungkook's expression or the way his eyes lingered on you when he thought no one was watching.
With a huff, Jennie rolled her eyes, frustration flickering across her face. The memory of that night still haunted her and it frustrated her that you couldn't see the significance of what was unfolding right before you.
***
"You will stay here. At least for a couple of days. If not, then you will take him with you. " Mingyu pointed out his finger toward a lost Jungkook sitting on a chair, somewhere near one corner of the living room.
This was the first thing Mingyu said as soon as he came back from work.
"I can't do this anymore. This idiot doesn't eat.
Doesn't sleep.
In fact, he doesn't do a damn thing. "
Jungkook tried to protest by lifting a finger up but Mingyu cut him off.
"He doesn't want to talk to me. He completely shuts me out. Deep down, he knows how crucial it is for me to understand his situation. Yet, he remains silent, avoiding the topic as if it's a forbidden land. Just when I think we might engage in a meaningful conversation, he seems to vanish, retreating into a shell of indifference. I can't sustain this kind of existence-it's draining. As much as I yearn for him to stay by my side, it feels like he's lost touch with the reality of our circumstances, particularly what might come if the authorities got involved..."
"I will leave then." Jungkook declared with a resolve that cut through the tension in the room as he stood up abruptly.
"You will sit down and shut up." You shot him a fierce glare, and to your surprise, he complied without protest, returning to his seat.
"Why can't you sleep?" you pressed, trying to peel back the layers of his silence.
Jungkook merely raised an eyebrow, his expression a mix of defiance and resignation, and remained mute as you had commanded.
You let out an exasperated sigh, rolling your eyes in frustration.
"There's nothing I can do about this," your shoulders slumped as a wave of helplessness washed over you.
Mingyu let out a groan of disbelief. "Are you really telling me that you're just going to let him act this way? Just stand by and watch?"
You bit your lip, torn between your emotions, and finally gave a quick nod in response.
Mingyu's mouth dropped open in astonishment, clearly taken aback by your admission.
"It's as if you're expecting me to perform miracles here," you shot back with annoyance, crossing your arms tightly against your chest. "I'm just a human being, not some kind of saint." Your brows knitted together in frustration.
"But you always come up with something, don't you?" Mingyu chimed in, his tone half hopeful, half complaining. "You're... weird. Don't stop being like that now."
"Well, thank you for the compliment," you retorted, unable to suppress a hint of sarcasm. "But really, how do you expect me to make him cooperate? What's your brilliant solution?" You raised an eyebrow, tilting your head slightly as you awaited Mingyu's response, eager for any spark of inspiration.
"Torture him. "
"What? You can't be serious. " You started to laugh at his childishness.
Jungkook raised an eyebrow.
Mingyu noticed that his attention was fully captured by your conversation. A mischievous grin spread across his face as he leaned in closer, his eyes sparkling with mischief.
"There are definitely other ways of torture," he teased, his tone playful yet suggestive.
In that moment, a memory flashed in your mind-a conversation you had shared with Mingyu about Jungkook and his evident jealousy towards Jinyoung. It felt like a weight pressed down on your chest, a tangle of unsaid feelings and unconsidered possibilities.
You shook your head inwardly, reminding yourself of the reality of the situation. You had no idea whether Jungkook still had lingering feelings for you, and the thought twisted your heart. The fear of the unknown gripped you tightly; you had no way of knowing what Jungkook might do if he found out. His reactions had always been unpredictable, a wild card in a game you didn't want to play.
Then there was the most painful truth-you couldn't bear the thought of adding to his hurt. The potential damage that could arise from indulging in such emotions was too great to risk. Ultimately, you feared it would shatter your heart long before it could shatter his. The very idea of seeing Jungkook in pain was unbearable.
As your gaze locked with Mingyu's, you felt a surge of conflicting emotions. There were riptides beneath your calm surface, wishes that were striving to break free.
Deep inside, you longed for the chaos of it all, an insatiable craving igniting your desires. You imagined what it would be like to see Jungkook unravel a little, to witness the spark of jealousy flicker in his eyes. The scenario played out vividly in your mind-a glimpse of him losing his composure, just a bit, over you.
To see him jealous, just a little, would be intoxicating. But the reality of that desire was fraught with complications, and you couldn't ignore the bittersweet taste it left on your heart.