Host, "Here we go again for another FAQ! I hope you're ready, for I doubt today's guests are any less crazier than the previous ones. Buckle up your belt and sit tight; another wild ride is about to start!"
Misha, "Oh, come on, we weren't that bad…!"
Gabriel, "…"
Jake, "What the heck did you guys do last time…?"
Gabriel, "Well, roleplaying?"
Stephan, "That sounds lovely! I'd love to roleplay with Jake, too!"
Jake, "No."
Stephan, "Oh, please, don't be so uptight!"
Jake, "Then, how about roleplaying this: I'm the executioner, and you're on death row. Would you rather be electrocuted, hung, or beheaded? Better choose wisely."
Stephan, "Hm, give me a minute, I need to think…"
Host, horrified, "Please, previous guests, don't give them any idea! Despite what I said, I'd very much like to have a normal interview this time, thank you!"
Misha, "Sorry to break it to you, but you've got Stephan on the stage today. A normal interview is never going to happen."
Host, "Is it too late to cancel the interview?"
Misha, "What d'you think?"
Host, "I hate my job."
Question # 1
Host, "Alright, let's get the ball rolling. What's the dumbest thing you've ever done thinking it would end up ok?"
Stephan, "Well, I guess eating rotten food to get hospitalized and keep my father away from his work is in the top three for me."
Jake, "Wait, are you telling us you purposely ate rotten food…? What's wrong with you? You can not only fall gravely ill from eating spoiled food, but you can also literally die, and in such cases, it's not a peaceful death."
Stephan, "But it worked like a charm in the end, and my dad never found Matthew's secrets, so everything's fine. Also, Misha and Gabriel chewed me out until my ears were about to fall off: trust me, I never did it again, and I certainly don't plan to do it again!"
Jake, "Do you really think telling me that will prevent me from scolding you to death? Is your brain only for decoration?"
Stephan, "Yes, of course!"
Jake, "…Why am I even bothering?"
Host, coughs, "And what about you, Jake?"
Jake, "Hard to say since the persona I enacted before was the dumbest punk on earth, and I did a lot of moronic things, like being a creep to Masha or harassing Gabriel. Although, in the end, I got the result I wanted by acting like a moron. It might not have ended well, but it ended the way I wanted most of the time, so…"
Stephan, "Oh, dear! What a manipulator!"
Jake, "Look into a mirror before talking, will you?"
Stephan, "Sure thing!"
Jake, "The interview just started, and I'm already tired."
Host, "Ha ha…"
Question # 2
Host, "What is the weirdest dream you ever had?"
Jake, "Does dreaming about your past lives count? Because that's the only thing I've been dreaming about these past few years. And I must say, I was quite weirded out by these when it started."
Stephan, "'Cause you're not weirded out anymore?"
Jake, "Humans can adapt to pretty much anything."
Stephan, "Fair enough."
Jake, "What about you?"
Stephan, "Let me think for a second… Oh, right, that was probably the weirdest dream I had. You see, in that dream, I'm devouring strange sandwiches. The filling is green and appears slimy and bubbly, while the bread isn't white or brown; it's purple. There's a pile on a plate, and I know I have to eat them all, but no matter how many I eat, the pile doesn't decrease. It gets refilled almost instantly. The strangest part is that I'm bawling my eyes out, yet still keep on stuffing my mouth."
Jake, "Are you sure that's a dream and not a foreshadowing of Misha's next prank?"
Stephan, "Are you trying to jinx me?!"
Jake, "Was I being too obvious?"
Stephan, "..."
Question # 3
Host, "Did something you were cooking ever catch on fire?"
Stephan, "I'm the 'eating out' type of person and rarely cook, so no."
Jake, "Also, no. But in one of my previous lives, one of my daughters almost blew up the house, thanks to her cooking catching fire. It was one hell of a day."
Stephan, "Seriously? What kind of kitchen fire almost blows up a house?"
Jake, "Oil fire. She wanted to put it out with water, and when I told her not to, she turned toward the flour, thinking that it had the same proprieties as soil and that pouring the bag over the fire would stifle it…"
Stephan, "Isn't flour, like, highly flammable…?"
Jake, "Ever heard of flour bombs?"
Stephan, "…Ah, I see."
Question # 4
Host, "For what reason are you most likely to be arrested according to your friends and family?"
Stephan, "Public indecency!"
Jake, "Why are you so proud of that?"
Stephan, "I'd rather be arrested for public indecency than for something I haven't done, like forcing someone into my bed."
Jake, "Point taken."
Host, "I feel like there's a story here…"
Jake, coughs, "Anyway, in my case, probably for killing my parents, although I doubt I'd ever be caught if I were to decide to murder them. There are way too many people who hold a grudge against these two, and framing one of them as the killer shouldn't be too challenging."
Host, "…"
Stephan, "Hm? Is something wrong, Host?"
Host, "I just thought that Jake's answer was pretty much the same as his brother's."
Jake, "What did you expect? When the parents are cold-hearted bastards, their kids tend not to love them much."
Host, "…"
Question # 5
Host, "If you could ask your pet three questions, what would they be?"
Stephan, "I'm too irresponsible to have a pet, so…"
Jake, "At least you're aware."
Stephan, "But it doesn't mean I have no idea what I'd ask it if I could. First, am I handsome from an animal's point of view? Second, is Jake pretty from an animal's point of view? Third, would we make a cute couple from an animal's point of view?"
Jake, "If you want, I can tell you the answer to these questions."
Stephan, "Please, do!"
Jake, "The answer is 'no' for all three."
Stephan, "Oh, come on! How about a 'yes' for the third one, at the very least?"
Jake, "No."
Stephan, "Tsk."
Host, "Ahem. What about you, Jake?"
Jake, "I'd probably ask my mother's cat the three questions if I could. It must have witnessed quite a few interesting things. I have to think about what to ask, however. I wouldn't want to waste this chance."
Host, "Again, you and your brother answered pretty much the same thing. You're quite alike."
Jake, "No, we just have a brain, unlike some people."
Stephan, "…"
Question # 6
Host, "Which combination of items is more likely to make a cashier uncomfortable in your opinion?"
Stephan, "Well, that's easy. You can start with–"
Jake, "Shut it, I don't want to hear it."
Stephan, "I haven't even started!"
Jake, "No need to be a genius to know that whatever you have in mind is related to sexual activities. Although, I guess that's the easiest way to fluster a stranger. Knowing you, you would bring the most outrageous things to the counter."
Stephan, "What can I say? People are still so prude they get agitated with the slightest hint of exuberance."
Jake, "You do know that sex shops exist, right? How about making your purchases there and leaving the poor, everyday cashiers alone?"
Stephan, "Where's the fun in that?"
Jake, "You're impossible."
Host, coughs, "What about you, Jake?"
Jake, "I'd just take whatever in the shop that seems perfect to commit a murder and hide the body."
Host, "…Are you sure you're not copy-pasting your brother's answer?"
Jake, "No, we're just both ruthless."
Question # 7
Host, "Would you rather eat a bowl full of crickets or a bowl full of worms?"
Jake, "Bowl of worms."
Host, "That was quick!"
Jake, "I already had a handful of crickets shoved down my throat, and I can tell you that these things are not fun to eat. If you don't want to choke, you must chew crickets thoroughly, so, yes, I'd rather go with the smooth worms."
Host, "…"
Stephan, "That was quite the insensitive question, pal."
Host, "It's not my fault! The interview is a copy-paste from the previous one with Misha and Gabriel! I swear I have nothing to do with it!"
Stephan, "Is that so… Well, I'll follow Jake's lead and go for the bowl of worms, too."
Question # 8
Host, "Who was your favorite teacher? Why?"
Jake, "I honestly couldn't care less about my teachers while I was at school. Let's say I had other things in mind. However, my kids had this fantastic teacher in primary school who spoiled them rotten. She was warm and kind and even managed to make my most reluctant boy look forward to Monday. So, if I had to choose, I guess it would be her."
Stephan, "Is it me, or did you pay way more attention to your kids than yourself in your past lives?"
Jake, "Got a problem with that?"
Stephan, "No, not at all! In my case, I'd say it was a teacher from my high school."
Jake, "Were they good-looking?"
Stephan, "Why do you ask?"
Jake, "Just answer my question."
Stephan, "Well, heck yes! One of the sexiest men I've ever met!"
Jake, "No wonder, then."
Stephan, "Ah, but don't worry! You're a lot sexier than him."
Jake, "I didn't ask!"
Question # 9
Host, "Who was your less favorite teacher? Why?"
Jake, "Tristan's teacher from this year. I almost wrung the woman's neck at the parent-teacher meeting. What kind of teacher ruins a kid's dream just because it doesn't align with her vision of what they can become? I wonder what went through her head when she tattled to me and Gabriel. Our parents were busy, so we went on their behalves."
Stephan, "She tattled…?"
Jake, "Yes. She was pretty pissed because she told him to rewrite his essay on his dream or she would leave him with a failing grade, and Tristan replied that she could keep the bad grade, and he'd keep his dreams. My little brother can be quite stubborn."
Stephan, "Now I'm curious about that dream of his…"
Jake, "And I'm not telling you."
Stephan, "Cheapskate."
Jake, "Whatever you say, I'm not telling. And it's your turn to answer the question."
Stephan, "Alright, alright. Hmm, I guess my religion teacher in high school. He didn't like my appearance much, saying long hair is for girls and such. He was also disgusted by my sexuality and always picked on me."
Jake, "We both know you don't care about others' opinions. And to be honest, I fear what you did in retaliation."
Stephan, "Have you no faith in me? I honestly didn't do much: I only dressed in a girly fashion in his classes and ensured he knew I love men just as much as I love women. I didn't break any rules or harass him."
Jake, "Well, I'm pretty sure dressing like a girl and professing your love for men was as aggravating as could be for the man. In this case, that counts as harassment."
Stephan, "It's not my fault if he was small-minded. As if wearing a dress would get rid of my manhood… Weird concept, if you ask me."
Jake, "…"
Stephan, "What is it? Curious about how I look in women's clothing?"
Jake, "Let's talk about that another time, shall we?"
Stephan, "Sure! Oh, and for the record, I'm curious about how you would look in women's clothing. Especially in stockings."
Jake, "And I'm not."
Question # 10
Host, "What is the craziest thing you have done while drunk?"
Jake, "I stay relatively level-headed even after drinking my mind off, so I haven't done anything crazy. But I do become very honest and straightforward. My youngest daughter's boyfriend called once while I had one too many, and I remembered being quite… unfriendly. I was scolded senseless by my daughter and never touched alcohol after that episode in that life."
Stephan, "Very honest, huh…?"
Jake, "Don't get any funny idea, or you're sleeping on the floor tonight."
Stephan, "I didn't say anything!"
Jake, "The look on your face speaks volumes."
Stephan, "Crap, does it?"
Jake, "You're incorrigible."
Host, "Alright, let's get back on track, shall we? What about you, Stephan?"
Stephan, "Hm, the wildest thing I did was probably an orgy?"
Jake, "Your sexual life sure is eventful."
Stephan, "That's when I'm single! I do a turnabout when I'm in a relationship. I'm a very faithful partner, you know?"
Jake, "Uh-huh."
Stephan, "Maybe I should have spit out a white lie for that question…"
Jake, "No, you think?"