Warning
This episode contains inappropriate material, such as: dialogue and suicidal thoughts, sexual violence, disturbing images and gore that could affect audiences under the age of 21 who could misinterpret the audience's intentions. What is told in this story is pure fiction, I do not seek to praise and approve topics with sensitive content, so if you consider that you cannot stand the scene, skip it.
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Dominick
—She ended up like this because of me... —I whispered.
The place is cold. Where I am? There are voices screaming everywhere, they tell me to shut up, they tell me to finish it. How long have I been here? What is this?
—Until you wake up, Dominick —I heard a familiar voice tell me. Where is? Why is it so dark?
Footsteps cross around me, as if I were a lion about to hunt its prey. His voice... is so similar to... mine. That boy is identical to me. He's there, standing in front... me? How did I get up here? Why can I now see myself lying on the floor, looking for my other voice?
—It's you... one of us must be in control now —my voice whispered in his ear again. —Or he will come for us —I finished. He?
Who were they referring to?
A scream of horror accompanied by a horrible vision appeared before my eyes: my father hitting me hard on the floor.
—Dom, wake up —Ethan said, waking me up. I haven't had nightmares like this in a while, how long was I asleep? I was at home, in my room. The light coming through the window reflected the roof of the house, blurring my vision due to its white paint. I squinted my eyes, bringing my hand to my face to relieve the annoyance caused by the light, and seeing them walking in my room, I heard Ethan's voice tell me:
—Get up sleepyhead, it's time to go.
I made a gesture of "I want to sleep a little more" covering myself from head to toe and he took off the entire sheet, telling me to stand up again. I pulled his arm and he fell next to my bare chest on the edge of the bed and hugged him for a long time. He didn't move and responded to my hug and remained silent.
—I love you, best friend —I told him while I felt the hug with my eyes closed and a smile without taking my lips off.
The door opened and the view bothered me again, a woman's voice joined the room:
—Aww, how cute —was what he said. I didn't push my hug away but I felt Ethan move his body, perhaps to respond to the person—. Breakfast is ready. Get off or you'll be late.
—A little while longer —I responded, clinging more to the hug I was giving Ethan. I have always loved receiving and giving hugs to him. They are the best and he always stays even if it is just for my whim. He has always understood me and I don't regret having met him.
—We'll go down now —was what Ethan said and I heard the door close or open?
I already experienced this. Where I am? This is not right. I suddenly undid the hug and it was my father's face, I was in his arms and that scared me, to the point of running to the corner of the room, terrified.
—DON'T HIT ME, I WON'T DO IT AGAIN! —I screamed nervously.
When I opened my eyes, I was in that dark place again. If this is a nightmare, I want to wake up. Now.
He came back, he came to hit me.
—WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? —I screamed, tired and broken—, Why don't you fucking kill me? Why are you doing this to me? —With my hands in my hair, I started pulling him over and over while screaming.
My scalp was burning, I was pulling out my hair hard, directing all the anger and hatred on me, without hope, I was just afraid, I just wanted it to end here, why do I see him? Why Ethan? Why did he abandon me too?
I need it to stop, I need everything to stop.
I don't want to think anymore, I just want to be happy, free. I have the right to that too.
«It's your fault for being born like this. I hate you. I hate myself.»
Why did you always need everyone to live? Don't you see it? Life screams it at you: you are useless. Realize. Your simple existence is bad for others, you have made them miserable, you have destroyed families because of your uselessness. You're just a mistake, scum.
—STOP DOING THIS TO ME, PLEASE. —I implored him without stopping pulling out my hair, without letting go of all my frustration. —I am your son. Don't let me live like this.
Son? Am I not too? Did they ever love me? Can't you see I only do what I was taught? See any other way out for that here?
You will never see the light again. You're going to stay locked up here forever. —my father's voice shouted in echo throughout my head.
I started banging my forehead and squeezed my eyes in pain. It was worse than being dead.
—No no no... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!! —I screamed, hitting my head over and over again—. SHUT UP!! Tell him to shut up! Help me!!
«SHUT UP!»
—Dom, calm down... —I heard Adam's voice somewhere.
—Tell him to shut up! Help me brother, please! Tell dad not to scold me anymore! Tell him not to yell at me! —He begged for help, seeking to get out of this dark place. I needed to escape. I heard my brother's voice say things inaudible to me. And a flash of light suddenly appeared: A gun. That was my solution. If I commit suicide here, it will all be over. He will never hurt me again, he won't be able to attack me.
I didn't know what I did, it was quick and easy. I had the gun in my hands. Was this what he wanted? Did you want me to finish it here?
«Dominick... do it»
«You are very rich Dom. I love how soft you are, I can't stop touching you.»
I positioned the gun on my head, I couldn't stay like that for another second.
—I can't take it anymore... —I whispered with tears streaming down my face. Everyone was looking at me, won't anyone do anything?—. His voice... in my head... —I squeezed my eyes, firmly holding the weapon that would stop my suffering. —I can't take it anymore... I can't live like this.. I need it to stop...
«I love your little mouth too, then you're going to suck me, but first I wanted to fuck you in the ass. It's my favorite part of your body, your little ass son.»
—SHUT UP! —I grabbed the gun tightly and put my finger against the trigger—. TELL HIM TO SHUT UP! PLEASE! Don't you understand that it's killing me?! —I screamed scared. He was here, standing next to me, next to my ear telling me those things he did to me when I was little. It was hell on earth. I decided to finish it, I pulled that trigger over and over again while I could.
«You shouldn't let the earthenware gather! Damn rat!»
«You're disgusting, you fucking faggot!»— he shouted, letting out a mocking laugh as he looked at me.
Because? Why is he still there? Why do I continue to suffer? Can't I escape from him?
—KILL ME, KILL ME, KILL ME! —I yelled at Ricardo over and over again, who made fun of me while looking at me. Tears came out because he laughed non-stop.
«Don't worry daddy, I won't tell anyone. I don't want you to feel bad and I want to be a good son. —He imitated my voice, in a mocking way.
—If you tell anyone, I'll tell them what a whore you've been and how you've let me undress you, kiss you, suck you, jerk off and fuck you. Everyone will know that you are a little whore and the school kids and the people on the street will call you a fucking faggot.» —He kept shouting his voice in my head.
The voices were disappearing, my surroundings were turning black. What's happening to me? I'm sorry to lose my strength and from one moment to the next, I fell I don't know where. Everything lit up and I saw her:
«—Forgive me for abandoning you these years, son.
—Mom?
It echoed everywhere and out of nowhere, one of my mother's eyes was hovering over where I was, I watched her; his head smashed, shit, it hurts too much. I can't do anything, I can't save her.
My brother was here, crying next to me.
—Kill me. —I said in a weak whisper—, kill me, please...
"I will make your life as miserable as mine was. You will live my curse, my sweet curse." —Ricardo said, next to my ear.
I showed up in the school bathroom and I could see myself, I could see him:
«I need help»— I told myself.
«Shut up» —Ricardo said, next to my ear. «Damn, Dominick. You're a pain»
«I need sex» —the voices in my head shouted.
«Dominick, Dominick...» —Ricardo continued, whispering next to my ear.
«What's wrong with me, what is this??»
Everything went dark again.
«I'm going to spank you, that will be your punishment for not wanting to obey me...
—Dad, what are you going to do to me?
—I teach you to obey me.
—No!! Wait!!»
He was there.
«Fucking you is so much better than ever fucking your mother...»
My head hurt a lot, I couldn't stand it. That was me. Being tortured by my father.
«Dominick, do it»
—Shut up, shut up!!—I hit my head— Shut up, please!!—I screamed between whimpers.
«This is your fault...»
—You understand now, don't you? —he asked me, standing next to me.
Is that? Was it him all this time?
He was with me at every moment, because of him I failed so much. He manipulated me at his mercy because of the fear he had generated in me since I was little... everything from the beginning was his fault. I'm just too weak, Ricardo takes advantage of it to destroy me, do it the same or worse than they did with him.
Lightning. How I hate myself.
What does Emily mean then? Were you the one telling me that she was my solution?
—There was always a constant war in you. Me against you, that's why you're so unstable, that's why you're so shit. That's why you're disgusting.
Stop, stop now, please!
—You have a very nice little ass, son, and I'm sure it's very soft. Will you let me touch it for you? —his thick voice changed to a little boy's voice—, okay, but I don't understand what you're doing dad. —His voice equalized all over my head.
His laughter had been my only enemy, he, the person who begot me, is the person who is destroying me. Why, even though I already know the reason why he is hurting me so much, can't I figure out why he does it?
Is there an excuse for your attitude? Do I really deserve it for being like that?
—It's your fault for being born like this, I hate you. —He repeated his voice in a great echo.
I felt a loud finch on my head and fast voices passed through it. It hurt a lot and I felt like I was going to explode at any moment, I was dying in screams, the voices didn't stop, I needed everything to stop.
My screams came out like a plea, like a wish that would surely free me forever, —KILL ME! Why do not you do it?
His words were cruel, full of hatred, —This is your punishment for being weak. This is how you will live until you die.
I swear I destroyed myself. I saw it again: —I imagined this once... Maybe I dreamed it... and with the boy of my dreams. —Emily's voice spoke, directing me to that day.
It was so real, I could almost touch it.
—What you say is beautiful...—my vision smiled at her—. You are beautiful. —I heard my voice speak to him—, I never believed that anyone would notice me. And what a goddess who has given me life.
In my head, my own voice echoed once again: Is this being in love? Does it feel this cute? Does it feel this good? What is it about her that makes me feel this way? And why does she, without the need to have sex, make me feel more things than other girls, right? I want to find out that! And I will do it with her by my side.
—It's time to go home...—I spoke unconsciously.
I need help to calm this desire to fuck. If I don't stop I'm going to lose her. I will go to a psychologist or wherever for help. I'm going to make it, I promise for you. Will it be okay for me to tell her first?
But... I already lost it... No?
My head hurt again. Emily entered the room and found us with her family in bed, Ricardo on my back made fun of me for sending everything to hell.
He stopped laughing. —In the end, dear son... We are not that different, are we?
No, I'm not the same as you, I don't want to, I don't want to become a monster!
—Aren't you anymore, Dom?
I am? Am I a monster?
Ricardo made me collide with reality. —Your friend is dying because of you... you destroyed her future. She can't be the same from now on. It's all your fault.
And I saw her, lying there exclaiming a little light, she suffered because of me.
Mia... I...
—Everything you have done... everything that has happened to the people around you is your fault. And living with it will be your punishment until you die.
Is it my punishment? I deserve it?
—That's why you're alone. Because it's all your fault.
I despaired. Uncontrollable nerves of guilt and denial entered. —That's not true... I went to the psychiatrist so Emily could be with me, I did everything right. It wasn't like you say... I didn't want to hurt anyone. It was your fault! I... I don't...
—Dom... Mom... Mariza... Dory... what... What are they...? that?
«Emily...»
—Dominick... what does it mean...?
Emily... forgive me!
Ricardo stood next to me and his voice changed to that of a girl, to Emily's. —I hate you... Get out of my house...
I woke up.
—Emily! —I screamed in a nervous fit. —Where am I? —I whispered when I saw that I am between four white walls and a flash of cold walks through my skin.
A girl approaches me and says something I didn't hear, a few minutes later, a man came in. —Is in the clinic. He suffered a serious shock where he was unconscious. Right now your brother and some of your friends are out there waiting to hear from you. —He explained calmly as he looked around, and his voice screamed in my head.
«EVERYONE GET OUT OF MY ROOM!»
A strong pain accompanied by a scream of agony came out of my mouth, I was suffering again.
—BRING EMILY! Tell her I'm here for her! Tell her I love her! Forgive me! —I was on the verge of madness and I started to see everything black again, he came back to look for me.
«I'm going to come after you, Dom», I heard his voice in small stormy whispers.
I looked to the sides with a lost look, I was scared, he's coming for me again. I don't want, I don't want him to come and finish destroying me.
—Little brother —I heard a boy's familiar voice.
I had just entered the room and he was approaching me with familiarity, with a little enthusiasm that I noticed in a few moments. My hands were shaking, and he was walking around me, I couldn't see his face, his footsteps could be heard getting closer.
—How are you, little brother? —Adam asked me, who I recognized when I saw him more clearly.
—You... —I saw him and a wave of memories ran through my mind, he was my brother. —You are Adam.
—Do you remember everything? —he inquired calmly.
And I looked at her.
«—There is something about you that makes me love you» she spoke, and just hearing her voice made my heart race.
I became desperate, I was scared of losing her again, —No... she... I have to go... I want her to love me, I need her. Bring it to me, please. Where is she?
—Where is Emily? Tell her I already went to the doctor, as I promised —I grabbed Adam's hands and implored him. —I did it for her... tell her, tell her I love her.
Involuntary laughter came out of me, I knew I had gone to the psychiatrist. But why isn't she here? Where is? Will she know that everything I've done has been for her?
Who was I in love with? Did I do everything wrong again?
Where are you, Emily? Didn't you forgive me? Was I fantasizing about you? Where was my head, what was I thinking? Was it all an illusion?
I heard another familiar voice that made me smile, it was Ethan, he was here.
«You better go...»
My face changed its expression to disappointment. Anger, heaviness. —He abandoned me... like my dad. —I stated with a weak smile.
And my dad came in laughing at me. I could see him, he couldn't stop laughing as he mocked, —He abandoned you because you're useless! Hates you!
His sick laugh was still running through my head and I had that attack again, I went back to my room and saw him coming running towards me to kick me.
I screamed as best I could to prevent him from doing it, I was very afraid, I lived under his shadow and I was clear that I couldn't get out of it without a lot of help. His laughter seemed to have no end, it disappeared and appeared again and again, and for a moment, a boy appeared:
«You and I can't be together...», he said firmly. As if he disowned me.
Steven?
Everything turned black. And I saw my father again in this dark place that now seems to be my home. Ricardo's laughter disappeared as if the wind was dragging her into a void that has no end.
Why isn't Emily here? What happened? What is the reality?
Ethan is here, but where did I stay for all of this to happen? How long ago did I stop seeing reality? Was it all an illusion? Who is Steven? Why do I know his name?
A figure identical to me stood in front of me. It was me, somehow, I had no feet, I had no hands, he fell on all fours and started crawling in my direction at an otherworldly speed. He had no eyes, he had them covered with human skin, his mouth was also covered with a cloth of his skin. It was something scary, I wanted to run, but I couldn't. He hit the dark ground with his deformed wrists and looked at me, although he had no eyes, I felt a horrible fear. I felt like he could see my soul, I felt his fear, I felt his strength.
It was taking away my remaining strength. It took over my body. What will happen if that manages to take control of me?
Everything around me became cloudy and incessant voices attacked me again.
«HOW DOES DOMINICK FEEL?! SUFFER AND DIE DAMN!!»
«You have a very nice little ass, son, and I'm sure it's very soft. Can you let me touch it for you?»
I was just screaming, I saw him coming to hit me again and again. I wanted to be dead, I wanted him to end up killing me, but it was an endless loop. All the images in my head were flying everywhere, they were screams and stormy memories that I wanted to escape, and I didn't know how.
I wanted help and at the same time I needed to die. Why does Emily give me peace of mind? Who is she? Does he have super power?
That's not love. It's addiction. I'm addicted to it in some way and I needed to get out of here to find out.
I heard my voice equalize around me.
—Mom?
—My little...
I looked everywhere looking for his voice. —Mom? It's you? Where are you?
—My child me...
Everything lit up and I saw myself, in that dark place, my mother in front of me, with my soul destroyed with guilt and pity.
—Why did you leave me alone mom? Why did you leave me with him? You knew he hurt me... —I heard my self say that vision. For a moment I forgot everything that was happening, it was unreal. —Mom... you left me alone for two years... knowing I was sick, knowing I was disappearing... —I talked and approached myself to shut up.
—Forgive me... Dom, me...
—Shut up. Shut up.
The whole scenario around me changed: it was me in the shower at school, my voice was not silent in the background: —Why didn't you abort me? Why did you let me be born to live like a damn sick person all my life? What do I do now mom? Do you think I want to live with this shitty life I lead?
He interrupted him: Shut up Dominick!
—Shut up! SHUT UP!
As I repeated and hated myself for not keeping quiet at that moment, several scenarios ran ahead of me.
—Damn, Dominick!
She screamed. Me too. I snorted loudly and my sobs were high-pitched. I felt pressured and guilty. My mother screamed like an animal in agony and I yelled at her to forgive me. I didn't want to lose her, I didn't want her to leave.
—Why do you hate me dad? What did I do to you? —I caught his attention and he started to approach.
—I do not hate you.
That echoed inside me. That voice, those words, his mocking laughter took over everything in my mind. The pain tormented and gripped me with killing me.
—Don't listen to him, son! Shut up!
My throat felt torn, it hurt a lot from screaming so much. I then understood those screams of that moment. My head was going to explode. And all those voices spread again:
Why did my dad hate me so much?
Why had he hurt me so much when I was the one who needed help?
Why don't I mean anything to him?
—SHUT UP, SHUT UP. —I shouted at the voices in my head.
Why does it hurt so much?
Why do I still consider him a father?
Why do I still love him?
—It's your fault, Dom. —he said.
—Son, listen to me, react.
—STAY AWAY, STAY AWAY FROM HER! STOP NOW!
—Forgive me for abandoning you these years, son. I ask you to survive this, and that one day you will forgive me.
He kept making fun of me.
—I was a bad mother, but I want you to know that I came here to look for you, to put my life at stake because I love you.
«Because I love you. Because I love you.» —his voice echoed over and over again.
Tears came out of me unconsciously.
—Mom, me...
—FORGIVE ME, FORGIVE ME MOM! —He screamed with fear, fear of losing her again, of experiencing that and not being able to do anything, —DON'T CONTINUE! STOP! —he bellowed at him dazed.
He struck again until his skull crackled several times.
I opened my eyes and that screamed senselessly. —MOM!! —I kicked trying to erase that image from my head.
Everything was so...
And I heard that again: —This is your punishment for being weak. This is how you will live until you die.
«Thus you will live until you die.»
I let out that scream again. That scream that drastically changes everything in some way, for some reason. And then the pain stopped. It was like traveling to the afterlife, lost in the eternal rest of peace. It was something like my body had been transported to another dimension and everything I had experienced, which seemed to be hell, was over.
My brother's voice echoed in my head as he said my name. —Dom? —I saw him clearly, his face identical to mine that for a moment I wanted to insult. He was what I always wanted to be, there was never rivalry between us because I am sick.
I wish it had been him.
And the image of my mother being hit once again on the head invaded me, causing a severe headache. As if a gunshot had been fired next to me. A horrible noise that caused me pain and made me scream in agony. —STOP! —I yelled at Ricardo, who was destroying my mother's head with that. I screamed again, I asked him, I begged him, I implored him, "stop" again and again, I shouted at him to leave mom and not kill her.
That voice tormented me in whispers in my head, —The culprit is you. Your mom is dead because you are too weak, you couldn't save her. You can't save anyone because you're useless.
Shut up. Shut up. Don't do it. Shut up.
—Mom... —I whispered, seeing everything clearly again. My brother was crying, he seemed worried. I touched his face. A giant anguish took over my chest and locked a lump in my throat that forbade me to speak. —She's dead, right? —I swallowed as best I could. Adam was so close I heard his sobs and he didn't answer me. My eyes crystallized. —My mom is dead... right? —I stressed, my voice destroyed.
—Yeah. Mom is dead, brother. —he responded with a hollow voice. His head held mine while he cried. He had been suffering. I continued screaming with my brother and I still didn't believe it. There are still tragedies that I don't process and restoring myself will cost me too much.
—It's my fault... —he said between moans. —If only I hadn't been so hard on her...
He stopped me, as if ordering me to stop. As if what he was saying hurt him: —Don't continue, enough. You are not to blame for anything.
—The thing is that if I hadn't been born everything would be so different... —I kept complaining about myself. —Mia, mom, you; everyone would be fine without me.
—Shut up Dom, shut up —he interrupted me already excited. —If you hadn't been born I wouldn't have a reason to stay alive. —he finished.
The only thing I could do was cry.
—Stop blaming yourself for everything. You are a victim like everyone else, but you are the most affected. Understand that. You are not guilty of anything, and I will live for you, to take care of you. I promise. —he expressed.
I cried with him, everything around me ceased to exist and I felt safe. I need help, I need her and I need to be someone normal. Although that is basically impossible. I want to try, even if it destroys me. I'm going to fight to save myself.
Somehow I managed to calm down, still trying to process everything that happened. Although I didn't say it anymore, I couldn't stop feeling guilty about what happened to Mia, it showed that I am someone very important to her. But why did he do it?
I am useless.
I will be grateful to him all my life. Even if I have to give mine for her. I wanted to go see her, I couldn't stay here like a coward, I needed to be strong for her, for her.
After talking to the doctors for a while, they decided to let me see her accompanied by my brother and Harry. When I left the room, holding on to Adam's shoulder, I felt a strange spark, it was like a current that slid from the back of my neck and ran through my entire spine. My legs hurt, they felt heavy, and I couldn't rest them much against the cold ceramic floor.
When we got to the room a few minutes later, a lump got stuck in my throat. His condition was critical, and I felt very sorry and wanted to die. Ethan walked past me and left his coat next to an armchair in the large room. It seemed to me that he would stay today.
I couldn't keep watching it, it was too much for me. Mom was dead and so were many people who had suffered because of him. That's when time stopped; Emily crossed in front of me walking in the direction of what seemed to be the exit, with a bandage on her wrist and an aura that baffled me. I was still a goddess, beautiful and my heart beat a thousand times a second.
I whispered her name in a low voice and she looked strangely; When he saw me he opened his eyes in shock, —Emily... —I could tell, before I had an attack of something, it was disturbing.
My vision darkened and he, my father, appeared once again, I saw a child in the corner of a room that was dark, empty and creepy. I felt a strong tightness in my chest that got me out of control and made me scream. I could see a light running away from me. Emily was gone, he had let her go again.
He had lost again. I don't know where I was but I heard footsteps approaching, I was very afraid because I knew that the one who came was my father, he came to hit me again, I heard his laugh, the one that doesn't come out of my head and with which I have nightmares every night, now I won't be able to escape anymore, I will never be able to be happy.
The only way out is to become him.
Ricardo returned to the gloomy cave where he had me prisoner, he held my arm very tightly and pushed me against the dirty ground, I felt how I began to undress, and as he said between mocking laughs: "I can't believe how rich you are, my fucking faggot", I just yelled at him to stop, not to hurt me anymore, but he hit me, and I clung to him more.
It couldn't be more stable, it was already destroyed.
That's what you wanted? Is that how you wanted to see me? You got it!
And then, he said it: —I want you to stop depending on what keeps you alive... let it go and you can be happy. There will be peace.
«Let me in» —I murmured in my head.
And when those voices were made in my head, visions of nothingness began to appear:
«—Dominick, what the hell are you doing?
—Fuck you with your mouth.
—But that's not there...
—Adolescence is to be experienced.»
—Kelvin? —I spoke remembering that.
—I am dead because of you. —shouted his voice inside me. —If only I hadn't met you...
I began to lose control and despaired from the guilt and anguish that if I had never crossed his life, he would be alive. Everyone would be fine if I hadn't been born.
Cameron
In order to grow I just needed to trample on others. And that's what I did, I destroyed things that were good for my own good, I stopped feeling the empathy that maybe they never had with me.
I never needed money, I never needed anything more than to feel like the owner of everything, the one who had control over others and simply sometimes I no longer understood why I did it. I had fun, yes. But it didn't fill me at all, a momentary happiness that turned into tears and nightmares.
To get to where I am I had to trample on others, I had to abandon myself even when I left those I loved crying at some point.
Since I last fell in love, this has become my way of protecting myself. I stopped trusting everyone, and I used them in my own way to feel power, to feel, something, someone.
Arturo became my friend because I feel like he supports me, but I know that he would also betray me, he would turn his back on me like everyone else. I had to endure watching my family be destroyed and I don't trust or believe in anything that will ever surprise me.
Two years ago I promised not to give love a chance again, whenever I get excited about someone it ends badly, I have in my mind the memory of my dead love; She had managed to stabilize me, I was always, or am, very temperamental, but submissive. I thought I would marry her, but life took her from me in a shooting that had my name on it.
There are days when I believe she will open the door to my room and tell me how she loved so much; "my bunny". Her love will be irreversible, irreparable, I don't think anyone can ever take the place she had in my life.
Never fall in love, that is just a chain of illusions that lengthens longer and longer until it catches you and you are a prisoner of harsh reality. Falling in love is just a way of getting lost in life, a way of faking happiness that many times both live and with the passage of time they realize that everything they tried to have for each other was simply a way of freeing themselves from that. that no one gave you.
People are momentary, they just go through a cycle and until we understand that, we will live trapped in an endless loop.
Stopping loving has turned me into this. And I love being like that, even if it destroys others, it's what keeps me well.
That thing about wanting to destroy Steven simply for the pleasure of feeling him crawling in his shit, in his misery, seeing him fall deep. Falling here, where I am, hoping to bring everyone with me. I need that Dominick that they talk so much about to use him, just as I have used those around me to climb.
I like to see people do what I say. I like to be in control of everything, I like to be the one who manipulates everything. Be like god.
Sitting in the dark corner of my room, smoking because of fashion, electronic cigarettes, the room in a mess and dirt everywhere, a person without order, a person without someone to guide him. I hear several knocks on the door, I thought it might be Steven with information about Dominick, so after shaking my hands against my pants I went to the door and opened it.
It was a girl.
No. It wasn't a girl.
She was a goddess, a queen. A divine appearance. I needed to look at it a little longer to know if it was real.
How do I explain this? Why do I feel this?
I got very nervous, the reason? Don't know.
My hands were sweating, the reason? She?
My heart skipped a beat, the reason? His smile.
It is impossible to understand love at first sight. You simply have to live it.
After that smile, his lips parted to say something, something I had forgotten, I had fallen in love with a girl and it was something basically impossible. He said Arthur's name, and my thoughts darkened.
—Hey? —I blurted out without processing what he had told me.
—Yes. —he stated, smiling. —Sorry, we haven't introduced ourselves; I'm Raquel Díaz, Arturo's wife —she introduces herself, smiles and corrects herself by turning her eyes as if she were saying "stupid" to herself. —Ex-wife, sorry. The custom.
I couldn't believe it, this girl is more beautiful in person. Did Arturo leave him like this for nothing? What waste.
Stupid! It's too beautiful!
—Hello? —He brings me back to reality by waving his hand for me to come back.
—Hey, sorry. I'm high. —I explained in a stupid smile. —I haven't seen him in more than two weeks.
His gaze became very sad. —Don't you want to come in? —was the only thing that occurred to me, after a dead silence.
—It's my fault he's gone. I'm sure. —began to speak with cloudy eyes. —If I hadn't crossed that boy between us, he would still be with me. —a voice of guilt was toned and expressed throughout his body. For a moment I felt the reality of his anguish.
Seeing his desperation, I could only say, —Do you want to talk about it? Who is that boy? —and she agreed, entering the gloomy room where I live.
—I had a relationship with a student. I'm a math teacher... and that boy was the appearance of a beast that you couldn't refuse. It was impossible and I fell more than once. —expressed. —Arturo met him, and we had our moment... but after that was where things changed. He stopped being the same with me. —his tone of voice changed. Apparently it bothered him to talk about it.
—Why are you telling me? —I opened my big mouth, without any filter.
—Because he told me a lot about you. —He answered, I noticed he was somewhat distant after that expression I made. —He told me that you were his friend. Live here? With you? —He inquired, prowling the dark room with his gaze.
—Lived. A while. —I responded sticking to the electronic cigarette. —Almost a month ago he left the place and never returned.
Her innocent voice when asking and her voice waiting for a disappointing answer that would destroy her was very evident. How did this girl achieve that? —Do you know if she likes someone? Have you already met anyone else?
—Yes. —I responded coldly. His brow furrowed. —She fell in love with the boy you brought into your house.
It went blank. He sat down suddenly as if he had ruined all his illusions. I felt bad for doing it, but it was worse that he stayed on that lie.
Emily
I never expected to see him again. He makes me weak. He makes me nervous, he makes me feel strange things from the first moment I saw him in high school. Dominick is for me the boy I always dreamed of; Full of mysteries, he is highly attractive and on top of that I am sure that he is crazy about me.
But things have their place in the time in which they happen. Dominick betrayed me in the most atrocious way I can know, even if I can forgive him, that moment in my life, entering my room that day, encountering all that...
Every time he was close to Dominick he felt the embracing fire of a beast. As if I was clinging to him. I'm not going to deny that yes, although it was a very short time since I met him, I fell in love like a stupid person because something about him made me feel safe.
Josh is very similar to him. That's why I considered it to be the perfect replacement. I want to convince myself that I'm feeling things for him and I want him to reciprocate.
What would happen to Dominick the moment I saw him in that hospital? Why did his gaze reflect so much suffering? What is this anguish that runs through my chest?
Arriving in the comfort of my home with Josh, I realized he wasn't here. For some time now he has been acting strange after what happened in the store. Will you like me and don't know how to respond to my attempts at seduction?
My phone rings in my bag and I run towards it. I search through my things and find 6 missed calls from a number I don't recognize. And 3 missed calls from Josh. I was worried immediately. I jumped to call him and left the house, leaving the door ajar, I was in the hallways that led to the portal and the hotel rooms.
—My mother. You've finally answered, Emily! —Josh shouts from the other line. —Where the hell were you, aunt? —He reproaches me, still screaming.
—I was... I was busy —I suddenly got upset. —what happened?
—Mariza, your cousin. He committed suicide. —finished, bluntly.
—That?
And for a moment, I could see her. Crying and screaming help. Until it disappeared. The day became eternal. That day I couldn't get over it, she had committed suicide for love and from what I saw, she was always suffering.
Those words:
«Emily, forgive me for ruining your happiness»
How could I be so blind? How can I overcome this pain that a boy marked me for and that my best friend couldn't win in her battle and decided to give up?
Yeah. It hurt. In the end she was the only real friend I had. In the end it was the only good thing before everything went to shit.
Between the whining of my aunt, her sisters and family; something stood out there. And it was he, that man who begot me was there. And he had spoken to me. After so long without showing up, I was here, in this strong moment for the family.
—My little kitten —He expressed himself being a few centimeters away from me. I remembered when as a child she told me that because she had a very fine voice. And among that pain and shock, a wave of anger invaded me; and without realizing it, I had my hand on his face that had turned from that strong slap I had thrown at him.
Words full of resentment flowed from inside me, that pain and this momentary shock had broken me. —Don't call me that again. It's clear? —I vocalized with great emphasis on each word.
He had the attention of almost everyone watching the situation. I left that place without taking a single look back.
What was that man doing here? What did he come for? I don't need him anymore. I don't need anyone.
Josh followed me outside my aunt's house. —What happened to you in there? Who is that man, aunt?
Seeing him like this, wondering and worried, filled me with tenderness. And I felt the need to do it; I grabbed his face in my hands and kissed him. It was an impressive kiss that reminded me of that day.
«Kissing you is like flying high, very high... to the sun.»
I felt bad at that moment, but it didn't stop it from being a beautiful kiss. Looking at her eyes, those long, beautiful eyelashes that gave her a unique charm, her blushing cheeks and the sparkle in her eyes that melted me with love, made me understand that I was in love with him.
But why did I feel a strange sensation in my body? Do I need to fuck? Why do I think about this now that it's a serious time?
My body and soul scream something I don't hear clearly. And time becomes long as I continue with his face in my hands, he still doesn't believe I did that. Me neither.
He reacted strangely and hugged me tightly, as if he needed to. And I felt safe, I felt comfortable because I was in his arms.
We entered again and a giant anguish crossed my chest when I collided with reality: Mariza was dead.
How are you supposed to deal with your best friend's death? Is there a way to recover from that?
Ethan
«Stop, little brother! Don't do it anymore!»
—Forgive me! Forgive me, Mia! —He screamed like crazy into nothingness, waking up from that disastrous memory. His breathing was completely labored and he was sweating. Veronica's tender caresses brought me to reality as I heard a "calm love" from her in whispers.
—I am here, love. Quiet.
I felt mentally and physically exhausted. The dark and disturbing secret that I had kept hidden for so many years, that horrible secret that our parents still fight for, the secret that keeps my sister and me on the sidelines... Those years in Italy were the biggest nightmare of our lives. lives.
—I would like to know what those dreams you have are about —she expressed, with some fear in her words. —It has happened many times and the truth is I would like to know because-
—I don't want you to hate me. —I interrupted her, bluntly—. I don't want you to abandon me too for my damn existence. I am someone who is disgusting, I feel like a disgusting person. —he commented, rubbing his open hands all over my face, with great frustration.
«Little brother! Help me!»
—Mia... —I said quietly. With pressure in the chest. With that immense desire to cry.
Italy, six years ago.
Aosta Valley Region, Aosta.
My parents are important businessmen from Valle Aosta in the country. Since we were little we have been used to being alone in the house. Mia and I have always been too close. I am a big supporter of it and it is one of the most precious gifts my parents have ever had.
Let's go to secondary school education. And this winter our parents will be away from home because they have a new branch of their company in Spain and soon we will go visit that place. It's very beautiful.
I learned Spanish because I found it more fun. My sister is more attached to Italian although she also speaks Spanish perfectly.
In November, when the cold was already enveloping the entire country, where we already felt the need to be warm due to the low temperature that was beginning to be experienced at night, a girl, who would act as a babysitter while our parents were out of the country, arrived at the house very early.
We found it fun and we quickly gained confidence. He did not reproach us or prohibit us from almost anything. As the days went by, she became one of the family. Every night we kept calls with mom and dad telling him how well that babysitter treated us. Our parents, Alessandro Morelli and Fiorella Adamo. Born in Italy and from very powerful families. Heirs of these and we would be next. Our babysitter had become very close, so close that she knew many of my secrets and weaknesses.
In mid-December, when we were all sleeping. I was still playing on the play, my sister had fallen asleep next to me, as soon as I finished a few rounds, I would go take her to bed. And so it happened, several hours later.
When I went to bed, it was 3:34 in the morning.
And my body was very tired, so much so that I didn't even realize when I fell asleep. That night I dreamed how our parents came back and gave my sister and me a bear hug. And when I opened my eyes, after hearing some very strange murmurs, I woke up completely. My sister was next to me and everyone around me was moving.
—Lia? —I called the babysitter without receiving any response. I hurriedly woke Mia up and didn't understand anything of what was happening.
—Fratellino, what's wrong? —she asked.
Little brother, what's going on?
—I don't know where we are, and the babysitter doesn't answer me. —I told him, already somewhat upset.
—Lia, dove sei?
Lia, where are you?
She started shouting Lia's name over and over again, until we started hearing mocking laughter coming from outside. The place we were in was a kind of giant box that kept us inside and which stopped when everyone started laughing.
They removed a cloak that covered the square place, we were in a fairly cold place, locked in something that looked like a stage. There were a lot of people and when we ran towards them, a gigantic transparent wall stopped us; a glass.
Everyone made fun of that act. The cold was so strong that I felt it to the bone. I hugged my little sister without yet understanding what was happening.
Older and older people were on the other side and did nothing to save us.
Because? Why were they making fun of us seeing that we were dying of cold?
Lia appeared among the people and stood in front of us, turning her back to us. We called her again and again but to no avail. He ignored us completely.
—Tutti sono I benvenuti. —began to speak—. La notte più gloriosa per il nostro piccolo mondo è appena iniziata.
Welcome everyone. The most glorious night for our little world has just begun.
—Stasera. verranno contrassegnati un prima e un dopo. —said a man who stood next to him.
Tonight will mark a before and after.
—That? What will they do with us? —Mia asked, somewhat nervous.
—Very good question. —Lia responded, with a disturbing smile on her face. —You are the show tonight, do your best.
Mia looked at me in bewilderment. He hadn't understood what he had said either. —Don't you understand? —He yelled at us, causing us to react in fear. We were horribly cold, and we just wanted to get out of this place.
—Fuck her, dannato.
That? Let him do what?
—No... but... —I started talking, stuttering.
—Fratellino, what are you saying? —Mia was excited.
Little brother, what are you talking about?
—Shut up brat! —spoke with authority. Angry. It was the first time I heard his disturbing, dark voice. —Now take off your damn clothes and let him fuck you.
I couldn't process those deep words, it was an aberration. —Isn't it beautiful that your own sister is your first time, dear? —she blurted out, with a smile full of malice on her face.
It was almost impossible to believe it. That woman had in her eyes the evil that I had never seen in my life. How did he hide it while "protecting" us? —Why are you doing this to us?
—That? Encourage you to fuck your little sister? That? —he launched with an absurd snort. He rolled his eyes and looked at me with great hatred and in his eyes there was "pleasure" of something in this place that generated it.
—Little brother! —Mia shouted, when a large man was holding her, squeezing her mouth, applying strong pressure to the point of preventing her screams from escaping. Another man came to me and grabbed my arm tightly, I tried to hit him, bite him and do something to make him let me go, but it was practically impossible.
He had me tied up and didn't let go. He took me out of that place, and while he did so, those people behind the glass made fun of us.
—If you don't do what I tell you, I will kill your parents who will be watching what you do. And then to your little sister and finally to you, you fucking boy. —Lia whispered in my ear. I couldn't believe or process his words, my eyes were wide open and a couple of long lines of tears ran down my cheeks. She sang a mocking laugh. —You were always weak.
I shook my head in a resounding "no" as she spoke. —You are very weak.
They pushed me into a dark, dark hole. I hit my head hard and everything was spinning a lot. It wasn't cold here anymore, and here was Mia. My little sister was on the piece of stone in the dark place. It was like the place of slave torture. There was thick, almost suffocating air. He ran his hands over the unconscious body of my weak little sister. He looked towards me and with an almost demonic smile he laughed mockingly and wrapped his tongue around his tongue like a beast when he has his prey.
—Are you ready, little monster? —that man asked, with a tone of his own victory.
I denied it. I didn't want my parents to die. I didn't know what to do. —Do it, Ethan. Come on —Lia's voice whispered in my ear.
—I do not want! Can not! It's my little sister! —he shouted in complete denial.
He grabbed me tightly by the hair, and pushed me hard, colliding with the stone on which my sister was lying. —shut up, insolent brat! —she turned sour.
My sister woke up whispering my name, and I felt trapped in a spiked cage, lying in the middle of the road or in a lava pit. Unconsciously, seeing my sister sit up, I slapped her hard and a scream escaped her lips. —Fratellino!
I felt shit for doing that. But she had said it was the only solution. A curtain rose over a corner of the dark cave and, locked in that place, many adults watched us as they applauded for what they knew I was going to do.
—If you don't, I'll kill your parents, Ethan. —Her voice was sung in my head again. And with a "no" mobilized in complete denial, with more fear than I already had, I grabbed my sister by the hair tightly until she stood up and tore the small blouse from the pajamas she was wearing. She screamed between whimpers and they screamed with joy when they saw my reaction. They enjoyed it like you have no idea.
Immediately afterwards, I hugged my sister tightly, simulating touching, which motivated them more, I thought I would tell her. —They have mom and dad... If we don't do what they tell us, they're going to... —she stopped me.
—Fratellino, I trust you. —He responded in a weak whisper, very confidently.
Without processing another half word, I was on my sister, who had been left lying on the molded stone she was on minutes ago; I kissed her by the neck and the screams of those perverts came back. —You were always a shit, Ethan. —I heard Lia tell me. —Too weak.
I fiddled with my sister's breasts as I slid the rest of her pajamas. I tried not to hear Lia's voice, who wouldn't shut up and made fun of me. My sister was completely naked, they enjoyed that, several of them, men, stood very close to where we were and masturbated while they watched the act we were doing. A face of horrible perversion appeared on their faces, they bit their lips and devoured my little sister's naked body with their eyes.
—Colpiscila! Wow— they shouted.
Hit her, come on.
Mia's gaze was lost, she looked at me with fear and bewilderment, she would never think I would hit her like they asked, but I did. I punched him in the face again and again. The shouts of joy returned.
My weak little sister had a red face from 1my hits. Her nose was bleeding and she was dizzy from the shock and movement of her head that it caused her by force.
And I saw my parents tied to a chair, their faces covered and screaming for help. I was very afraid and continued to obey everything they told me. —Prega per lei! —They spoke like animals to devour caged prey. They pulled the bars, with all the desire in the world to enter. They couldn't take their eyes off my naked and beaten sister.
Urinate on her.
I couldn't believe the amount of perversion that was in each of them. —Do what they tell you. —Lia spoke, in a commanding tone.
Without respecting my sister's beaten state, I brought her to her knees again and tried too hard to have to urinate on her. Without realizing it, I was already urinating on his beaten face. She screamed and sobbed like a weak soul in pain. He begged for forgiveness, and they didn't stop their screams of emotion. —Latch her! —They ordered in euphoric screams.
Take it!
«Don't do it, please. Don't do it.» —Mia's eyes shouted at me, begging.
—Will you still act like the weak guy you always were, Ethan? —she spoke again.
It was my torture. It was my piece of hell on earth.
—Make him take all your urine, Ethan. —she finished, in a threatening tone.
And I forced Mia's lips, creating an "o" with them, who in just a few seconds were filling with my yellowish liquid. She screamed. —Stop, little brother! Don't do it anymore! —I heard among his screams that were made difficult by the fullness of his lips. She coughed, choking from that act. Everyone shouted in joy. They were the only ones to enjoy such an atrocity.
There is still more to tell you. Many things happened that seemed irresponsible on the part of my parents, perhaps you thought. But not.
That night seemed eternal. My sister and I continue to suffer for every perverse thing that crossed the minds of those heartless people. Slowly I finished placing myself on top of my sister, she had to masturbate me and fuck me because they asked for it.
—Fare sesso con tua sorella, Ethan— they said non-stop. In great howls, as if they were wolves straight to catch their prey.
Have sex with your sister, Ethan.
Those laughs, those laughs that I will never forget. Their faces, their penetrating and demonic looks.
And I swear I will never forget that time, when I penetrated my little sister, forced by those people. She had stopped screaming, her gaze was completely lost and she had stopped moving. I didn't resist, and I felt like the most disgusting human being in the world at that moment.
—Forgive me, sorella —I murmured against his lips, while moving my hips slowly. —I'm too weak to protect you, little sister. —I expressed angrily against me. My tears of pain fell against Mia's bare chest. A line of blood ran down his lips, the color of his cheeks having taken on a bruised tone.
She focused her gaze against mine. It was very sharp and too cold. He had turned off a light on her.
When his voice told me to stop, I did it quickly. I looked at my member's head, which was stained with blood and a little on its trunk. The penis jumped agitated, with involuntary desire that the current act provoked in me. They did not stop looking at us, many had ended up on the ground, others continued looking at us with exasperating desire.
My sister wasn't moving anywhere. I didn't process or know what to do. He was motionless, watching them laugh and express themselves when they saw us. The surroundings made many turns around me, and slowly I stopped seeing the faces of those who accompanied us in that spectacular place.
I looked at my sister, the destroyed clothes on the floor. The smell of urine that she gave off because of me, her small breasts sucked by one of them, who touched me while they forced me to commit all that.
They are damn sick. That's the only thing I know.
How would we escape from that place?
How long did it take us there?
Today I know the truth.
They lied to us about the rescue and about the kidnapping of our parents. They were never in danger and they let us know, to make us feel worse. They made us think that we were worthless to our parents.
Several days passed and we saw how they brought new children and Lia stopped being Lia. Now it was Fiorella. And I could understand that she used false names to get into homes like a babysitter. My sister stopped talking and remained under my protection; —I promise I will never let anyone harm you again. —I murmured in his ear, as screams from the other children ran throughout the cave.
—Povera fucks. —laughed—, I suoi genitori abandoned him.
Poor brats. His parents abandoned him.
—No! That's not true! —shouted my sister, who hadn't said anything for a long time. —They are going to come for us, our parents love us. —He let out between whimpers, it hurt him to see reality. And I couldn't admit that was true.
—I love you so much, sarebbero venuti a prendere te, dei ragazzini di merda. —He finished, without leaving that disgusting smile on his face.
If they loved you so much, they would have come for you, you shitty kids.
We didn't say anything about that. And Mia fell asleep after crying the whole time. I stayed a couple more hours, but I couldn't stand the sleep and fell asleep.
Without knowing anything else about myself, I woke up in a white place. Everything was quiet and the smell was over. Mom was sitting in an armchair next to me. And when he saw that he opened his eyes, he knelt down to where I was. The desire to cry invaded me. His body felt heavy, and he still didn't understand what had happened.
It all seemed to be over and I didn't know when. Between echoes and a faint voice I heard my mother's voice, I don't know how she was in that place. I still do not know.
As time and days passed, we knew that that whole nightmare had been real. Our parents found us in the garage of a car parked in front of the house. Tied up and asleep, apparently they had handed us over.
We decided to tell our parents everything and they felt extremely guilty about what happened. Months after all the nightmare experienced in Italy, we went to Spain, but our parents did not stop searching every day for that woman who had destroyed our lives forever.
—Even though we are not close like before, I want you to know that you can count on me. I'm your brother and I hate myself for everything that happened in that place. —He was talking to Mia, while we were lying in the living room of our house.
A couple of years passed and my sister's body changed considerably. She looked too beautiful, at such a young age she was already turning the world upside down. What had happened had strengthened us.
I entered the Gym, I played sports daily and a couple of months later, I met Dominick. The most wonderful person in my life; my best friend.
But it doesn't take away the guilt I currently feel.
My parents are there, in Italy, searching non-stop for that woman who destroyed families and homes without a drop of heart for anyone. He only cared about his wicked life and money. Seeking justice.
And here I am now. Dying inside.
Wanting to be dead.
Because I couldn't keep my promise to my sister.
Destroyed again and I couldn't save it.
It felt very heavy to have this burden of conscience. It felt too horrible to be a life; a life I no longer wanted, because I destroyed everything.
—Forgive me little sister. —I managed to say, with my throat in shit from crying so much. Touching his right hand, which was connected to the devices. Those big tubes came and went from his mouth. And for a moment I looked at the girl I had destroyed.
To that girl who had turned off the light...
Forever.
Sweet doom.
Next episode:
"Sweet destruction"
<•>
"How much do you trust the lives and safety of your children? We should think twice before doing something that could change the course of life forever. If you are a parent, think carefully before leaving your children with anyone. The evil of the world is too great to believe in."