"So, this is your place?" I ask from where I'm sitting on the granite countertop, leaning on the leg I've pulled up while the other idly sways.
"Yep. Now get your ass off the counter, I eat there!" I chuckle and do as Mirko asks, bouncing in place after I get both feet on the ground.
Like we agreed last week, I'll be interning with her for the first two days of the internships. Then on the third day I'll switch to Endeavor, two days after that I go with someone called Gran Torino, then I'll spend the rest of the time with Sir Nighteye. I am definitely not looking forward to that particular team up. Still, Mirko and Endeavor will be fun! Especially since Shoko is interning with her dad! I wonder if she wants me to help her arrange an 'accident' for him while on patrol? They seem to have a better relationship now, so I better check with her before I do anything.
"So," I ask, "what's the plan for today? Patrol? Paperwork? Blow it off for some fun? I call Himi for some real fun?"
Mirko rolls her eyes and smirks at me. "As fun as that would be, unfortunately it's paperwork today."
I sigh and bring the back of my hand to my forehead. "Woe is me, that my old foe makes its return. I had thought them slain, given I never had to deal with them in the first place."
Mirko raises an eyebrow. "If you never dealt with them in the first place, how could they be an 'old foe'?"
I shrug. "I've got people to figure that out for me."
`~`
In the LoV's base, One sneezes, earning himself a scowl from Skyfall. "Nasty, cover yer mouth!"
One apologizes while rubbing a finger under his nose. "Sorry. But I'm pretty sure that Midosagi is planning to make me do something ridiculous again."
Skyfall rolls her eyes before turning back to her workbook. "Whatever." A few minutes later, frustrated with how her lowercase 'g' looks too much like an '8', she turns back to the senior villain. "I've been wonderin, why choose One as yer villin name?"
One gives her an unimpressed look. "We both know that accent is fake. Why do you insist on sticking with it?"
Skyfall shrugs. "I like it." She smiles. "Plus, I'm hopin it'll annoy Midosagi."
One thinks about it for a moment before nodding. "Fair." Then he sighs. "Essentially, I couldn't think of anything, and Midosagi and Toga were already calling me One, so…"
"...So you were too lazy to come up with something yourself?"
"...I suppose."
Skyfall just stares at him for a moment before sighing and going back to her writing practice. Toga says that writing and reading are part of the same coin, and both will help her with thinking things through. Especially if she ever decides to write a journal (she refuses to call it a diary, she's not nearly girly enough for something like that). Plus, if it helps her avoid becoming like One…
Her enthusiasm for her lessons has never been so high.
`~`
"Anyways," I clap my hands and spin on my heel so I'm facing the table where two stacks of papers rest, "what kind of paperwork are we doing?"
Mirko lets out a loud groan while dropping into her seat. "Damage and injury claims."
I raise an eyebrow at that before shrugging it off and plopping into the seat on the other side of the table. I mean, sure, injury claims from the people the rabbit hero apprehends are reasonable given how much she loves to fight, but damage claims? Other than putting holes in things when her attacks miss there shouldn't be many of those.
`~`
"How would you feel about turning villain?" I ask the rabbit heroine from where I'm slumped over on the floor.
"Tempting," Mirko responds blankly, her ears twitching as she writes down yet another rejection for the 'injury' claim.
Seeing her on patrol and getting slapped by your girlfriend for staring is not Mirko's fault. No, it does not entitle you to monetary recompense. No, it does not entitle you the right to 'cop a feel' either. Even if your girlfriend broke up with you for being a lecherous scumbag.
A lot of those 'damage' reports aren't' much better! Oh, her metal shoe scuffed the wall of your building when she jumped off of it to dropkick a villain? Suck it up! A villain threw her through your store's window? Not her fault, file it with your insurance company!
"We don't have to do any paperwork," I point out in the face of her rejection, which actually causes her to stop writing for a moment and actually consider it. Which I sort of expected but also not really. I don't really have a problem if she does decide to switch sides, and it would be funny if it were to end up being because of how much she hates paperwork, but Himi might complain about corrupting our rabbit.
So, in order to stop our booty call from losing her license to beat people into the ground, I interrupt her thoughts. How do I accomplish this? By jumping up and flicking a knife at her tit! Fortunately it works, even though it looks like she mostly grabbed it out of the air on instinct more than anything. The action doesn't even get more than a raised eyebrow out of her!
"I'm bored, let's go on patrol!" Seriously, paperwork sucks!!
"Can't," she grunts, "the condition to forgo your chaperone from UA was that you spend the whole first day inside, to show that you have the patience and ability to restrain yourself. Not to mention the fact that you'll be showing that you're actually 'determined to change'."
I give her a deadpan look. "But I'm not determined to change."
She shrugs. "Not my problem, that's the justification that the higher ups decided to use to agree with your request."
I hum and nod along with her explanation, though that doesn't mean I have to like it. Stated as such through the groan I let out while doing some stretches. "Fine. In that case, wanna spar?"
She stops writing again, giving me a considering look while her ear twitches thoughtfully. "Of course I do… But I need to get these forms filled out by the end of the day," she sighs, looking at the stack of paper that's shrunk to half its size. Though mine is in the same boat, and we've been at this for hours!
I let out a louder groan and drape myself dramatically over my chair. "But most of these are from stupid people complaining about stupid things because they're stupid enough to think that the HPSC stupid enough to give them money for stupid reasons."
"Yep," she agrees easily, putting another paper on the 'finished' pile.
We stay like that for a while, me being dramatic and Mirko filling out paperwork. Not sure how long, honestly -I'm pretty sure I dozed off at some point- but long enough that Mirko finally gets exasperated enough to talk to me again.
"Look, the sooner you help with this shit the sooner we can do something actually fun. So get off your ass and do your half!"
I pretend to think about it for a moment before letting myself fall forward over the back of the chair and onto the seat. Face first. Not getting any kind of reaction from the hero I reluctantly turn myself right-side up and snatch a paper off the pile with a grumble. "I should have just stabbed Izumi at the Sports Festival and called it a day. But nooo, I had to go all 'dramatic villain origin story' about it. Haven't even gotten laid in the past week because Himi said I'm not allowed to do it with the students or teachers…"
I continue to grumble under my breath while filling out rejection after rejection, and I know that Mirko can hear me because of the way her ears and lips are twitching, but she doesn't say anything. At least until I address her directly. "So, what shady stuff is the HPSC trying to get you to do with me?"
She chokes on nothing at the sudden question, coughing violently with a hand in front of her mouth while I watch with no small amount of amusement. I really wasn't trying to do anything, but I can't say I don't appreciate the result.
"I- Er- Nothing! I don't do shady shit!" Wow. She is really bad at lying. Wonder what it is that they asked her to do?
"I'd usually agree that you don't do anything shady, if only because you're the very definition of the opposite of subtlety. But… that?" I kind of wave vaguely at her to indicate her abysmal attempt at lying. "That was very clearly an attempt by an unsubtle person to be subtle."
She grimaces, unable to really deny it. Though I'm kind of interested in how she would deny it, if she tried. It would probably be funny. After a few moments though she sighs. "Fine, yes. They want me to do shady shit. Fucking stupid shady shit too!"
I nod along understandingly. "Yeah, dealing with people who refuse to understand your capabilities is really annoying." For some reason, it feels like someone is glaring at me, but I'm sure that's just my imagination. Mirko and I are the only ones here after all!
She slumps in her chair dejectedly. "You have no idea."
I kick back and balance on the back legs of the chair while looking at her appraisingly. "So, I'm guessing it has something to do with me?" Her ear slightly twitches, though she doesn't otherwise react. I'm… not sure if that was an acknowledgement or a natural movement. Either way, I'll assume I'm right. "I'm guessing murder attempt? No? Poison, medically induced coma style? Maybe lead me into a trap so you can honestly say that you aren't the one who killed me? Ooh, maybe they want you to-"
"They want a DNA test!" Mirko shouts before I can even get to the even wilder theories about her acting as a spy. I mean, that's completely ridiculous. Just look at her! Only an idiot would think that someone who loves violence would make a good spy for the LoV regardless of occupation!
"Well, that's random." Why a DNA test? Do they not believe that I'm Yagi's son?
"They want to find out if you're actually related to All Might before they decide what they want to do about your announcement."
…Well. Shouldn't there be hospital records for this? Or they could, like, just ask? What made them think that asking Mirko to try and get something to use as a DNA sample would be a good idea? No, how do they think she could have pulled something like that off without me knowing? It's not like she uses blades to fight, so an accident in training wouldn't have worked…
I shrug. "I don't mind." I let a smirk play over my lips. "In fact, we can have fun with you getting them their DNA sample."
`~`
At the end of the first day of Midosagi's hero internships, Mirko stands in front of her contact at the HPSC with slightly wobbly legs, holding out a transparent container, the contents of which are obscured by her hand. "Here's the DNA."
The man blinks at her, surprised at how quickly she got what they needed. He reaches out and takes hold of the container just under the lid while giving her a curious look. "Ah, thank you. How did…" Before he can even ask how she got it so quick she turns on her heel and speed walks out of the room. He thinks that odd but doesn't question it. At least until he holds the container up to get a look at what they'll be testing.
"IS THIS FUCKING SPERM!?