Shushin POV
The early morning hours found me wide awake, lost in a contemplation of the elusive nature of time. The past, present, and future seemed to merge into one, existing simultaneously yet always slipping through my fingers. I, too, felt like a wanderer, devoid of a true place where I could claim as home.
There was a profound loneliness in my existence, an understanding that my inner world remained a mystery to others. In the eyes of others, I was considered ungrateful and selfish, oblivious to the beauty of my solitude.
I questioned whether there were even words to describe the faint emotions that coursed through me, and whether I would ever stumble upon a place that mirrored the familiarity of what I called home.
Yet, there was a poignant beauty in the idea that only I could truly understand the depth of my own solitude, a profound solitude that made me unique but also disconnected from others' perceptions.
In the silence of the room, I pondered the dichotomy of being simultaneously invisible to others and being seen as ungrateful and selfish. It was an irony that only added to the loneliness that surrounded me.
Perhaps it was the very nature of being misunderstood and unappreciated by others that fueled my sense of solitude, yet it was this solitude that also offered me a profound understanding of myself.
The more isolated I felt, the more deeply I delved into my own thoughts, finding solace in the idea that no one else could truly comprehend the complexity of my feelings. This isolation became both a curse and a blessing, allowing me to see the world through a unique lens, but also leaving me feeling disconnected from the rest of humanity.
I envied those who found comfort in the familiarity of their surroundings, who could lay their heads down at night and wake up refreshed and content. But for me, sleep was elusive, and my mind was never at ease.
I spent countless hours contemplating my place in the world and the meaning of my existence, yet the answers always seemed just out of reach. I felt like an outsider, someone who could never fully belong. The weight of this loneliness seemed to bear down on me, crushing my spirit and leaving me emotionally spent.
I was sitting alone in a dark room. At first I did not see anything, but my eyes got used to the darkness and I could see after a minute of looking at the wall in front of me. It seemed as if the moonlight was accompanying me in my solitude. How sincere are those intangible things. I love my bed, which lies under the window. Big and spacious, outside my window there is a small garden that no one enters, because I do not like disturbance, where there is only me, the moon, the sun, the clouds, and my tired heart, all of us sitting drinking our bitter memories. How picturesque and attractive it is, to have some hours or moments where I cannot see Shadows of others.
I dreamt of freedom and longed for a place to call home. a quiet house, adorned with enough rooms to hold all my beloved belongings. Outside, trees swayed gently and a myriad of flowers bloomed. And nearby, a wide, expansive sea lay shimmering in the distance.
In this paradise, I would share the company of the moon, the sun, the clouds, and the ever-rolling sea, a perfect harmony that would bring me everlasting joy. With this vision in mind, a sense of hope blossomed in my weary heart.
There, in this tranquil sanctuary, I envisioned each morning watching the golden rays of the sun rise over the vast sea, bathing everything in a warm and pleasant glow. I would listen to the soothing whispers of the gentle summer breeze, its caress bringing with it the sweet scents of the blooming flowers.
And as the day drew to a close, I would sit out on the porch, watching the sunset paint the sky in hues of red and orange, while the moon silently joined us in its nightly dance across the heavens.
The winter nights would be filled with a cozy warmth, the cold breeze of the season unable to penetrate the comfort of my little haven. With the soft illumination of moonlight, I would listen to the calm symphony of nature's symphony, the crickets and nightingales lulling me into a peaceful reverie as the trees swayed slowly to the rhythm.
I would wake up the next morning to the sight of the moon, the sun, the clouds, and the sea, all gathering together in a chorus of natural perfection, a reminder of my dream of freedom and my contentment in this tranquil paradise.
In this peaceful shelter, I would find joy in the simplicity of life, the simple routine of the passing days, the rising and setting of the sun, the changing of the seasons and the endless flow of time. I would be content to sit and observe as the world went by, my heart full of gratitude for the beauty that surrounded me.
This small house, perched by the sea, would become my home, a haven where I could live a life of peace and contentment, surrounded by the things I loved most in the world.
This atmosphere reminded me of a night I lived a long time ago, but despite the long time that has passed, its effect still lives inside me, and I am the one who thought I had forgotten..
That night, I didn't even touch the wine, but I felt like I was drunk, because suddenly I wasn't what I used to be, I felt different feelings, his words sounded like a nice song, maybe the air at night under the moon is like being drunk, maybe the air and the beauty made me feel that I love him, maybe I loved him before and maybe I felt those feelings because I love him, but no matter how much I thought about that night, I did not find an answer, except that love certainly had something to do with it.
The dawn light crept through my window, caressing my face as I continued to dwell on my existential musings. I was trapped in a constant struggle to find meaning and purpose, while others seemed to navigate their lives with ease. I was like a ghost, wandering through the world without truly existing in it.
The weather was cold, perhaps because summer was almost coming to an end. I quickly went back to sleep before the birds disturbed me with their singing, which had never sounded so beautiful to my ears.
....
It appeared that I had slept for quite a prolonged period. This was a recurring pattern for me, as I frequently found myself roused from slumber at the crack of dawn, only to find myself in a disoriented state that was akin to drunkenness. It seemed that once I did manage to succumb to sleep, it was a deep and unforgiving repose. I would never have awoken if not for the forceful entrance of Xiao Yao, who had barged into my room and announced: "My sister wants you to go to her chamber."
Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I pleaded with Xiao Yao," Come on, Xiao Yao, I can understand the lack of morality on Tianyang's part, but why are you imitating him? At this rate, we'll go broke from having to repair so many doors." I muttered under my breath, ensuring that she couldn't hear me, "That wicked woman is up to no good. She should have come herself instead of making her younger sisters do her bidding."
My attention was immediately captivated and I enquired, "Where is Yao Yao?"
With a touch of irritation in her voice, Xiao Yao responded, "It appears that Yao Yao has found something that has captured her interest, thus she doesn't feel the need to stay by my side as much anymore. But fear not, I always knew our friendship wouldn't last forever."
I flung the blanket off of me and began to prepare myself, "If Yao Yao finds something that captures her interest, why not immerse yourself in it as well? That way, you'd have more things to talk about together. You're still young, and your friendship won't be broken so easily. As long as you remain steadfast in wanting to maintain your closeness, she will also want to reciprocate."
Xiao Yao sighed, her frustration and disappointment palpable. Knowing that I couldn't erase her fears, I tried to comfort her, "Just give her some time. If she truly enjoys it and finds happiness, then even you will find joy in her joy. If it causes her sorrow and she decides to give up, she will learn valuable lessons and mature from the experience. Eventually, she will return to you, seeking your guidance on the path to maturity. And together, you shall become two mature girls, only death can part you."
Xiao Yao let out a faint smile, and I couldn't help but realize that Perhaps she was the more mature one between the two. With a resigned yet wise expression on her face, Xiao Yao responded, "If that's the case, I fear it may already be too late."
Then she left the room and closed the door, which was holding it together with all its strength like a strong door. He must have felt sympathy and did not want her to receive a rebuke that would increase her sadness, indeed! How sincere are those intangible things.
I call them intangible, because I think that talking makes you more tangible. If you are very silent, you will seem distant and intangible. I tend to be intangible like them, but I am also not like them. Even the windows and doors are better than me. What a ridiculous thing.
I donned a dark green hanfu, the somber color reflecting my mood. I chose it deliberately, hoping the shade would discourage interaction and signal my lack of cheer. Was there a reason behind my melancholy? No, in all honesty, I relished in my own disappointment. A strange twist of logic, but I believed it made me more effective. Contrary to popular belief, success does not always stem from happiness. It is often sadness that fuels the drive to succeed, and once we achieve it, happiness may follow, or we may remain strangely melancholy. Luck, like any game, can be treacherous.
With my mind swirling with these thoughts, I stepped out of my room, my footsteps heavy and melancholic. Each step carried with it a sense of resignation, a reluctant acceptance of my situation. The corridors of the palace echoed with a dull silence, punctuated only by the faint creaking of the wooden floorboards beneath my feet. As I made my way through the labyrinthine halls, I couldn't help but feel a strange sense of deja vu, as if I had walked this path countless times before.
Without hesitation, I stood before the door of Xiao Yan's chamber and forcefully slammed it open, causing a loud and jarring sound to reverberate through the room. The sound of the door almost made me deaf, but I survived. I entered without shame and sat down, while the eyes of those sitting were stabbing me, but that's okay, I didn't die and I didn't become deaf.
Xiao Yan looked at me and said: "You are taking revenge on me, right?"
"One thing is certain, you are the king's daughter. Your intelligence is exceptional."
Tian Yang laughed as if he had not been surprised at me a minute ago: "So, Xiao Yan, what do you want from us?"
Xiao Yan put her hands on her heart pretending to be sad, but I know that she goes crazy with joy when someone wrongs her, it makes her think of ways to remove his organs, "Don't act like that, I'm really working hard."
"Stop your nonsense and tell us now. Are you going to make a play whenever you want to say something?"
Xiao Yan sat up straight, "Yes, ma'am, I came today because we have a new business deal, after our very successful mission. There are many unjust things happening around the Kingdom and the entire world, but the reason for sending this message to us is that it was clear and frank."
Tian Yang raised his eyebrows, feeling curious: "What's so obvious about this?"
Xiao Yan pursed her lips before speaking: "That's because she said, 'To the orchid, bring me justice.' "
"Who's Orchid, am I?"
"The people who work for us are very reliable, that's true, but we still never reveal your identity or about us. We just say 'President Orchid is not here' when something goes wrong, but ordinary people never even know about this title."
"Maybe she knows Shushin, that's why she sent to us."
"She...is from the city of demons."
I looked at Tianyang, who seemed lost in thought, and his face disappeared. If I didn't know him, I would have said that he was afraid, but I wasn't that different from him at that point.