Amiriah pov
I stared at the ceiling, Lani's weight a comforting presence against my chest. The others had left us alone after my outburst, though I could sense them hovering nearby, whispering their theories about me.
Kai. The name floated in my mind like a phantom, both familiar and foreign. Why would I call out for someone I couldn't even remember? And yet, when I thought of the name, something deep within me ached—love mingled with a loathing so intense it made my breath catch.
More troubling was what Jackson had said about the gene tube. If it had failed, then how did I end up pregnant with Lani? The question sent a chill through me, and unwanted memories began to surface—flashes of the hospital, of guards and their friends, their laughter, their hands. My skin crawled at the thought, nausea rising in my throat.
No. I wouldn't go there. Whatever happened in that place, Lani was mine. Only mine.
I looked down at her sleeping face, so peaceful, so trusting. Her tiny fingers curled against my hospital gown.
"Lani," I whispered, "you are only my daughter. Nobody else's. Just mine." The words were a promise, a shield against whatever truth might be lurking in the shadows of my past.
My thoughts drifted to the family I once loved. The Harringtons—powerful, wealthy, and utterly convinced of their own righteousness. They had labeled me as crazy, refused to believe me when I insisted it wasn't me who had hurt Lenna. The memory of their faces—suspicious, fearful, disgusted—burned bright in my mind.
Mother's face stood apart from the others, her eyes filled with sorrow rather than judgment. But even she had signed the papers. Even she had let them take me away.
Betrayal and hatred swirled inside me, a toxic brew that had sustained me through my darkest days in that hellish hospital. And yet... a small flicker of love remained, stubborn and unwanted. For Mother. For Zuri and Zari, who had once braided flowers into my hair. Even for Father, who had taught me to ride when I was barely tall enough to reach the stirrups.
My mind circled back to Kai. Who was he? A fellow patient? A doctor? Or someone from before? Whenever I tried to focus on him, I felt a deep longing mixed with an anger so profound it threatened to unleash my darkness again. It was maddening, this love and loathing for someone just out of reach in my memory.
"Ma-ma," came a tiny whisper, pulling me from my spiraling thoughts. "Look at me."
I glanced down to find Lani's eyes half-open, heavy with sleep but fixed on my face. My heart swelled at the sight.
"Yes, my little treasure?" I smiled at her.
The sound of my voice seemed to clear away the last of her drowsiness. She lifted her head from my chest, her eyes meeting mine with such intensity it took my breath away. Her small face broke into a smile that teetered on the edge of tears.
I pulled her into a tight hug, pressing kisses all over her face—her forehead, her cheeks, her button nose. She giggled despite herself, but when she looked at me again, her eyes were brimming with tears.
"Mama, don't leave me alone again," she whispered, her voice breaking.
The raw fear in her words shattered something inside me. I held her tighter, my own eyes burning with unshed tears.
"I promise, I won't leave you alone," I said fiercely. "Never again."
I watched her eyes search mine, looking for the truth in my promise. She had seen too much, experienced too much fear in her short life. My daughter deserved better than to be haunted by the same shadows that plagued me.
A thought formed, sudden and clear. Perhaps the only way forward was to face the past—on my terms, with my daughter protected at my side.
"Lani," I said, stroking her hair, "how about we go on a little trip to S City?"
Her eyes widened slightly, Shocked . She look at me and said no looking very scared "No S City I dont like it lets go somewhere else please" Look at me with almost begging eyes. Look at her in the faces and said I need to go check something out and then we will leave". She doenst need to now what S city meant to me, didn't understand that I was proposing to walk back into the lion's den. But I would shield her from that knowledge. I would shield her from everything.
And perhaps, in returning to where it all began, I might finally remember who Kai was—and why the mere thought of him could break me apart so completely.