KeLani pov
It's been a whole month since that scary night when Mama came home crying and trembling. A whole month of living in her darkness space, which is like a big, shadowy room that changes shape whenever Mama wants it to. Sometimes it looks like our old apartment with the yellow kitchen, sometimes like a forest with trees made of shadows, and sometimes just like a cozy bedroom floating in the middle of nowhere.
Every time I try to ask Mama what happened that night—why she was so scared, why her feet were bleeding, why she couldn't stop crying—she just touches my cheek and says, "You're too young to understand, treasure." Then she changes the subject or gives me a new book to read or a new game to play.
But I'm not too young. I know more than Mama thinks I do. I know about the doctors that experimented on her. I know about the darkness that wasn't always inside her. I've read the book the one that told me about her past lives and how she always dies in S City. All of these suffering she was going through was because she asked the God and Goddess of Darkness to save me.
We haven't left the darkness since that night. Mama says it's safer here because the safe house might not be safe anymore. She didn't explain why, but I heard her whispering to herself one night when she thought I was asleep: "They found me once. They could find me again."
I don't know who "they" are—her family or the bad people or someone else—but whoever they are, they scared Mama so much that she won't even peek outside her darkness anymore.
It's not so bad living in here. Mama can create anything we need—food, clothes, toys, even a little garden where we can sit and pretend the sun is shining. But it's not real. Nothing in here is real except for us. I miss feeling the actual sun on my face. I miss the wind and the rain and even the sounds of the city that used to keep me awake sometimes.
Yesterday, Mama told me something new. She said she's going to try and reach out to someone in her family for help. She wouldn't tell me who, though. When I asked if it was her mama or papa, she shook her head. When I asked if it was one of her brothers or sisters, she just got this faraway look in her eyes.
"Someone who might understand," was all she would say. "Someone who might help us without... without trying to control us."
I don't know who that could be. From the stories Mama has told me, her whole family sounds scary—especially her father who runs the big company and does secret things in the shadows. But Mama seems different now, like she's made up her mind about something important.
This morning, she started making a new plan. I watched her create a small table from the darkness, where she spread out maps of S City and started marking places with little dots of light.
"Is that where we're going to meet your family person?" I asked, standing on tiptoes to see the map better.
Mama nodded, her finger tracing a path through the city. "It needs to be somewhere public, but not too crowded. Somewhere with multiple exits."
"Are you afraid they'll try to take you away again?" I asked, remembering how she'd cried about being trapped.
Her hand paused on the map, and she looked at me with surprise. "How did you know about that?"
"I just guessed. You were really scared when you came home."
Mama sighed and pulled me into her lap. "Yes, I'm a little afraid. But I also think... I think this might be our only chance to stop running. To find answers."
"About the darkness inside you?" I whispered.
Her arms tightened around me. "Yes. And about other things too."
"Like the man named Kai?" The name slipped out before I could stop it.
Mama went very still. "Where did you hear that name?" Her voice sounded strange, tight and breathless.
I bit my lip, knowing I'd said too much. "You call his name sometimes. When you're having bad dreams."
She was quiet for a long time after that, just holding me and breathing slowly like she does when she's trying not to get upset. Finally, she kissed the top of my head.
"Yes, treasure. Like the man named Kai."
After that, Mama went back to planning. She decided on a place—some kind of old bookstore with a café inside—and a time, early morning when there wouldn't be many people around. She spent hours practicing what she would say, talking to herself in a mirror made of shadows.
Sometimes she seemed hopeful, almost excited. Other times she would stop suddenly, her face going pale, and I could tell she was thinking about changing her mind again.
"But what if they try to take you again? What if they hurt you?"
She knelt down in front of me, her hands on my shoulders. "I'm stronger now. My darkness is stronger. And I won't let anyone separate us, ever. Do you understand me? No matter what happens, we stay together."
I nodded, but inside I was still worried. Mama might think she's stronger, but I see how she trembles sometimes when she thinks about going outside. I see how she wakes up screaming in the night, fighting against enemies I can't see.
Tonight is our last night in the darkness before the meeting. Mama is pretending to be brave for me, but I know she's scared. I'm scared too. The book said she always dies in S City, and even though I've been trying to change things, what if I can't? What if this person she's meeting is the one who hurts her?
As Mama tucks me into our shadow-bed, I hold onto her hand extra tight.
"Promise you won't leave me," I whisper. "Even for a minute."
"I promise, treasure," she says, brushing her lips against my forehead. "You and me against the world, remember?"
I nod and close my eyes, but I don't sleep. Instead, I listen to Mama's breathing as she sits beside me, keeping watch in the darkness. I'm making my own plan now. If anyone tries to hurt my mama tomorrow, I'll use the darkness too. Mama doesn't know it, but sometimes when she's asleep, I practice calling to the shadows like she does. They don't listen to me as well, but they do listen.
And if I have to, I'll make them listen better. Because no one is taking my mama away. No one is going to make the book's ending come true.
No one.