"Helvick, what does it mean to become normal?"
A memory of a recent past.
A question Jun has pondered and asked countless times.
Sitting silently by the bonfire in the middle of a desolate desert, staring listlessly at the starry sky, doing nothing but contemplating, such a question came out. A question about this goal he strived for.
"Where did that come from?"
Helvick, donning a khaki explorer suit much like an actual ranger, continued to poke at the fire as he let out those unsurprised words.
"Well, let's just say I'm curious."
"You say the same to everyone else, don't you?"
Curious about the strangest thing, Helvick thought. That said, human standards shouldn't apply to one whose time seems almost limitless, spending years escorting him around the world in search of ancient ruins on a mere whim instead of a guaranteed incentive.
It wasn't that Jun had nothing to gain, but that that gain was something beyond Helvick's knowledge and understanding.
"I can't guarantee a satisfactory answer."
Helvick thought of himself, who barely fit such a word.
"Outliers tend to be quite aware of things they don't possess in some way...Well, if I do sound a bit rude, I apologize."
"No, that's fine..."
His voice trailed off, leaving space for murmurs.
"So you want a different perspective..."
Such a question wasn't hard to answer. If anyone else asked the same thing, assuming he did answer, there would be no delay.
'I wonder...'
However, he felt hesitant facing Jun. His heart was beating in anticipation and his breathing felt rough. Something tells him that his answer must be chosen and worded with care.
"Well..."
His thumping heart echoed louder and louder, filling him with a bit of euphoria.
Could the words from someone like him really matter?
'How should I approach this?'
The usually lax gears in his head start turning.
Normal itself is a simple term that points to the familiar and expected, but it could mean different things to different individuals.
What's normal for one might not be for another.
So the crux of the issue is the individual's definition and the perspective which they wished to be perceived.
By logic, one who asked such a question must be one who prioritized the lens of outsiders, which is why one seeks others' wisdom instead of just trusting their personal judgment.
Then, the question the individual must be able to answer first is...
"What do you think is normal?"
***
"Then...was all my effort...was all my desires..."
Jun's mind was a jumbled mess, trying to comprehend what he was told. He recounts the words and doubts about himself that he cast away as unnecessary, wondering why he didn't pursue it just once.
The colors that he wished to reach, the powers granted to him to do so, the "Do what you want to do" he received, the unending journey spanning decades unfulfilled,...
"Fake? I too wish I knew. To me, those things are simply too flimsy and limited to draw a complete picture. That's why you must decide for yourself. Though I can say this..."
A deadening cracking sound reverberated.
"Most humans wished to have something to be normal to them.
All [Jun Kether] once longed that to be their life and their existence, and all that bled into you, who brought it in as your own.
Of course, I too am somewhat at fault, but if all goes well...perhaps it's finally time for you to be free."
The estranged voice cut off, leaving a moment of tense silence among the horrid cracking.
Jun stood frozen. The words settled like ash on his shoulders—light, but suffocating. Then, the rigid gears began turning rapidly, and his voice came out.
"What does that mean? I'm free? That doesn't make the slightest of sense to me. What am I supposed to do, knowing all this? What have I been living for? Am I not a proper human, but a clone? Who am I then really? Ah, it should've been me who died, shouldn't it? Not a proper human, yet dreaming of becoming normal? How audacious! I should've realized that that wish has always been beyond me. Haha...I should've realized...So long! So long..."
The silence lingered on like heavy fog, suffocating yet not oppressive. His heartbeat has slowed down, leaving only his mind in turmoil. Time seemed to stretch on forever, yet no reply came.
It was...quiet, and as if for a moment, he was allowed a little peace. Or rather he forced himself too, as if that was the most normal thing.
'What now?'
His "world", painted white, was crumbling away.
He, whose everything seemed like a lie, had nothing to do and nowhere to be.
Perhaps the end would be a fitting place, but is he even allowed to die? Worthy of it?
The name Lain echoed, but even that deserved skepticism.
Because his dear God...no, that being over there, he was just its tool to re-enact something that was no more.
Should he even be angry? He thought it should be natural, but all he feels is an empty void, desperately waiting to be filled in.
'Do you really even want to become normal?'
Jun scoffed. It was not on his will, to begin with, so...so...
It must be wrong, right?
"You can't deny it, because it's an integral part of [Jun Kether]. However, that only stays absolute due to our link."
Jun felt doubt. It wasn't just doubts about the words he heard, but also doubts about the inkling he just had hearing the voice again. There was something...a little bit different.
"Change is an aspect normal to humans. [Jun Kether]'s 'normal' encompassed all that is of human, for human, and possible to it. I am no longer human, that is why a link was formed, you and me, and a reminder was created to keep me 'conscious'. "
It was tinged with regret and sorrow, yet hopeful and desperate to convey something. Was the monotonous voice of a God capable of that?
Jun felt a little pull below. It was a red, delicate string that the figure held with care.
"I had hoped to experience even just a little of what is lost, betting on the nature of humans to triumph over the 'minor' setback our connection causes. However…"
The voice cackled.
"…It's futile again, always. It's normal that humans dream futile dreams. It's even more normal that at one point, they have to learn to accept and live with the inevitable. For too long have I kept running away, turning away at a fact, one universal for all normal."
The string blackens, thinning and withering away in an instant. At the moment of severance, a sense of profound clarity hit Jun, as did the feeling of loss.
"I must apologize again and in advance.
Your current Ego, it's problematic. After all, it's a combination of fragments that continue to reject each other to this day. Now that you're actually on the way to being a normal human, your actual Ego is slowly manifesting.
All these memories, emotions, wishes, and longings will come crashing on you one day. They may hurt 'you', crush 'you', and maybe even kill 'you' to take over now that you're free, no longer obligated to pursue the continuation of [Jun Kether].
They are certainly not friends to you now, but whether they're foes or not, that's up for you to decide.
Your time is finite, remember that.
Now...One fin@l thin#..."
There was a tingling sensation in his ringing ears as the voice began corrupting like a broken channel. His shoulder felt heavy as if something was weighing it down.
"G0...L1vE a$ yOu W!sH...Di€ @s YoU wILL..."
Just like the 'world' that filled his sight, his mind blanked.
***
A little bird landed on a blackened figure. Its beaks slightly opened, but came out was no singing.
"Saying such a thing after all that, aren't you worried he might just...I wonder if I'm jinxing it."
"For an ex-[God], you have quite a sense of humor too, Astrea...or should I call you Lain?"
"Shut up. It's better than all this play pretend I see you do all the time. And for your information, I'm just retired. I can return anytime I want!"
"Then why don't you?"
"..."
The bird silently glared at the figure, who seemed to not care even the slightest bit. It wanted to yell 'Whose fault do you think it was?' but instead resigned.
"Fine." The bird sighed. "You want me to continue following him, is that it? I shall do just that!"
"Hm? But I haven't said anything?"
The bird soared in the air proudly, disappearing into the distance like thunder.
"I was going to say she's free to choose what she wants to do, but whatever I guess. If it's Jun, he will just be fine,...even if for a little longer."
The figure slowly lay on the ground, where all that remained was a blank sheet. There appeared to be no end to the tears either. Its eyes heavy, it mumbled.
"O sorrow, so that you will once again...accompany me into the depths of the end."
All has soon dried up the moment the string severed.
However, it...no, he wanted to believe something was still there for him.
That way...it would be a little less lonely.
That way...his end would look a little more human.
Its eyes closed, and then a voice echoed.
"The 3rd [Throne] has lost its glimmers!"
As a matter of course, a free-for-all where the winner takes all.
A succession where the ascendant must prove their worthiness, or so foretold.
Did 'they' know?