My consciousness returned slowly, my senses filtering back one by one. At first, everything was just a blur—hazy shapes and muted sounds drifting aimlessly. Then, gradually, clarity of my surroundings began returning.
In front of me, a ceiling, white colored with a square pattern.
There's also a faint smell of antiseptics and herbs.
Perhaps this was an infirmary?
My body felt heavy...
A dull ache throbbed through my muscles. Everything still hurts, and it reminded me of how recklessly I had been pushing myself in that fight against Baal.
I winced, trying to catch my breath as I slowly scanned the unfamiliar room.
Now that it has become much clearer, I can see that this wasn't the infirmary at L'arc Academy.
Then, where am I?
I saw a familiar figure open the transparent curtain to my bed. It was Carmilla.
"Oh, you're finally awake, Ray." Carmilla's soft voice spoke to me with a tinged sound of relief.
I turned my head slowly to face Carmilla as she sat beside me. She looked worn but healthy. She smiled faintly, though worry lingered in her eyes.
"Carmilla… Where are we? This isn't the academy. Didn't we...?" My voice was weak, barely above a whisper.
Then I remembered a scene right before I was unconscious.
A black knight appeared and attacked me.
She hesitated, her gaze dropping. "We're in South Tang, near South Jaka City."
I stared at her, confusion mixed with dread. "Why are we here? What happened after—?"
Before she could answer, the infirmary door opened abruptly, and Thalamik strode in, his expression tight with exhaustion and something else—something darker.
"You finally woke up," he said curtly, folding his arms. His eyes held mine steadily, a storm brewing behind their calm facade.
"Thal…" I started carefully, dread deepening. "What happened?"
Silence stretched between us. Carmilla shifted uncomfortably, eyes cast downward. Thalamik finally spoke, his voice bitter.
"I used one of my strongest fiend soldiers. The black knight that you saw... to knock you out. That was the only way I could bring you here safely."
Why did he make that decision?
Why did he make that kind of heartless decision?
That was the only thought to fill my head.
"Why did you do that? Why???"
"Listen to me. Just as I predicted, L'arc Academy was destroyed. So it's no use for you to blame me, Ray."
My heart plummeted. For a moment, my thoughts froze utterly, unable to process his words. "Destroyed...? How?"
He exhaled sharply, pain flickering across his face. "Two Demon Lord Envoys attacked. According to Hale, their names were Berith and Eligos. Our Instructor barely survived. Most of the cadets that were unfortunately there… they didn't."
I can feel my heart rate rising.
From anger? Or from devastation?
How many of all my friends back at the academy had fallen?
"There is bound to be someone left, right? Our L'arc academy isn't that powerless." My voice cracked, followed by denial, terrified of the answer.
The third strongest there, Aric. The one who can manage to hold his own against me and Thal should still be living. He is strong enough to do that, at least. Then, the people below Aric's rank, Pacifica and Wisnu. They both ought to survive the attack, right?
"Pacifica and Wisnu. They didn't make it." Thal spoke as if he knew what I was thinking.
"Then what about Aric?" I cut Thal's word.
Carmilla swallowed hard. "He's alive, but barely. He's in a vegetative state. The healers don't know if he'll ever recover."
I clenched my fists. The feeling of helplessness clawed at me as my anger flared suddenly. I slammed my fist against the bed. "We should have gone back! We could've fought—"
"Are you insane?" Thalamik snapped harshly, stepping closer. "You barely survived Baal. Carmilla and I exhausted our mana completely just trying to keep you alive. Returning to the academy would've been suicide."
"I don't care!" I shouted back, voice hoarse and trembling. "Our friends needed us, and we abandoned them—"
"You don't get it, do you?! Aric, Pacifica, and Wisnu all thought the same as you. They could've escaped, yet they chose to fight on Hale's side, resulting in their death and utter defeat." Thalamik spat.
"Remember this well. We didn't abandon them, Ray!" Thalamik's voice rose, something wild flashing in his eyes. "We survived. Do you get that? Survived. If we died back there, everything we fought for—everything they died for—would have been meaningless."
He was shaking now, fists tightly clenched. His voice dropped to a furious whisper, "Do you think I don't feel it too? The guilt? The helplessness? I lost my family once as well, Ray. Do you think it's easy for me to know it had happened again?"
I stared back at him, words caught in my throat. Thalamik rarely broke like this. His voice was heavy with pain, old and new wounds bleeding together. I understood his logic, but my heart refused to accept it.
"Thal…" My voice softened, heavy with remorse. "I'm sorry. But we can't just run. How can we protect anyone if we run every time things get too tough?"
"It's called survival," he growled bitterly, turning sharply away. "It's about living another day, to actually make a difference. To protect whoever's left. Suppose we were to throw our lives away stupidly like that. Can we really say we did our best?"
The room fell into tense silence. Carmilla reached out, gently squeezing my hand. "Ray… Thalamik is right. You're strong, but you're not invincible. We barely managed to save you. You almost died. You do remember the necrosis on your cells after you over-exerted your Mana reserve, right? It took a lot of people to properly help you recover in these 5 days."
Her eyes were pleading, full of unspoken worry. She was right—I'd forced them both into impossible situations. My chest tightened even further, shame mingling with frustration.
But I can't accept it...
"What good is this strength," I murmured bitterly, looking away, "If I can't protect anyone with it?"
Thalamik sighed deeply, his voice gentler but weary. "No one's expecting you to save everyone alone, Ray. But you've got to accept that sometimes, retreat is necessary. You're not a god. You're just… human."
His words cut deep. Human—that was precisely my problem. Even if I was the strongest at L'arc, being human always made me one step behind. The reason for me being always too weak, always too late.
With the destruction of South Jaka City and the academy, every tragedy felt like my personal failure.
If I have power yet always forced to deal with losing people.
What is the point of me even fighting?
I stared blankly at the ceiling. "What's the point, then?" I asked bitterly. "What's the point of having this power if all I can do is run and lose people?"
Carmilla squeezed my hand again, firmly this time. "The point is that how you fight is as important as what you're fighting for.. We're alive, Ray. You've been given a chance by the others didn't get to help humanity strive against the demons.. So don't waste it blaming yourself."
I turned to look at her, feeling the sincerity in her words.
Yet that meant my life is more precious than the others.
I can't accept that.
Slowly, painfully, I sat up, ignoring the protest in my body.
"I don't want to waste this life that has been given. But no life is worth being sacrificed. Those who died shouldn't be seen as sacrifices for the greater good! Their lives are as worth it as mine is."
Thalamik turned back, watching me intently. "And why is that, Ray? Do you think everyone else could even come close to fighting Baal. Or maybe performing a Mana Trinity with us? If you said your life is equal with theirs, then answer that."
The answer would be...
Even if they can't, even a single life is worth protecting.
I paused, thinking deeply before speaking again. "I'm tired of running, of losing everything I cherish. I've always been given another chance. But I never had the chance to properly do what I wanted to do!"
"What is it then that you wanted to do?" Thalamik sounds frustrated.
"I want to fight to protect everything. There will be no more losses and no more running!"
Silence appeared between us. A tense quiet broken only by the faint rustle of bandages as Thalamik eyes narrowed, bitter skepticism flaring in their dark depths.
"Protect everything?" he echoed coldly, shaking his head. "You say it like it's that easy, Ray. Like sheer determination alone can change reality."
He turned abruptly, moving toward the door with an air of weary disgust. His voice was low, almost inaudible, but heavy with pain. "You're too naive, Raymed. Believing you can save everyone—you're just setting yourself up for another tragedy."
I opened my mouth to argue, but before I could say anything, Thalamik was gone, the door shutting sharply behind him, leaving only the echo of his bitter words.
Carmilla gently touched my shoulder, eyes filled with quiet sadness. "Give him time, Ray. He's hurting more than he's letting on."
I sighed deeply, staring at the door where Thalamik had stood moments before.
***
Hours later, sleep still hadn't come to me. Feeling restless, I instinctively went outside, leaning against the balcony railing of our temporary refuge. South Tang was quiet beneath the dark panorama of night as they bathed in the silvery glow of distant stars.
My mind was in shambles.
Even looking at the stars in the sky reminded me of those we'd lost.
If only I'd been stronger...
My fists tightened against the railing, anger mixing with frustration.
I'd always tried to protect everyone, yet every step forward seemed overshadowed by loss.
Soft footsteps approached. My eyes sauntered towards Carmilla, who stepped beside me; her crimson eyes also looked to the sky. For a moment, neither of us spoke, content to share this quiet companionship under the vast night sky.
"Can't sleep either?" She finally asked gently.
I shook my head, not looking away from the stars. "Too many thoughts."
She nodded quietly, her gaze drifting upward. "I can't stop thinking about what happened so far. Everything felt so unreal. It feels like disaster keeps coming towards humanity. A few months ago, our worries were just training drills and exams. Now…"
"Now, we're fighting against a world-class disaster." I finished bitterly. "And lost..."
She sighed softly, her voice filled with quiet contemplation. "We've certainly faced a lot, haven't we? The conflict with elves then borders with demi-humans now demons… The world seems determined to break humanity."
I turned slightly to look at her, catching the distant sadness in her eyes. "Yet we keep fighting on. Even if we're powerless to protect everything. Humanity still did its best to strive."
Carmilla smiled faintly. "We do it. I think it's because we all have something worth it enough to try and protect everything. Even if Thalamik thinks you're naive for believing so, I agree that trying to protect everything is the only way of thinking to fight against our seemingly undefeatable opponents."
The mention of his name brought a heavy silence again. "He thinks I don't understand the necessity of surviving," I murmured, frustration evident in my voice. After giving it some thought, maybe he's right. Maybe I am still too naive."
Carmilla shook her head gently. "That's not it, Ray. It's not really about being naive or wrong. Thalamik… He's complicated. More than he lets anyone see."
Her words sound cryptic, as if she was trying to convey another side of Thalamik that I didn't know myself.
"When we first fought Paimon, did you know? That he was so desperate to protect everyone that he stabbed himself to amplify his mana."
My head snapped toward her, eyes wide with shock. "He did what?"
She met my gaze calmly, sadness mixed with deep admiration. "He punctured his stomach without hesitation. Blood the spilled everywhere. At that moment, he probably knew that it might kill him. But, even if that were to happen, he was ready to sacrifice himself if it meant stopping her—even just temporarily."
I stared at the stars again, a mix of guilt and awe churning within me. The revelation hit hard. Thalamik had always acted cold, cautious, and pragmatic, yet beneath it all, he was just as desperate as I was to protect those he cared about.
"He always scolds me for being reckless," I muttered bitterly. "But he's willing to do something even crazier."
Carmilla's smile was gentle yet sad. "He acts tough and criticizes your recklessness precisely because he sees himself in you, Ray. He doesn't want you to make the same desperate decisions he does. I understand that Thalamik believes that... You are the strength, which is the key to humanity's survival and its future."
I blinked, absorbing her words slowly. "Thal… thinks I'm humanity's hope?"
She nodded earnestly, her gaze distant. "Your strength is extraordinary, Ray. Thalamik recognized it long before you did. He knows you're the best chance we have against the demons, elves—against anyone who threatens humanity. Especially against Zuatha Il Zikmel."
Hearing that name again stirred something profound within me. The elf leader's face flashed vividly in my mind, her twisted smile etched permanently into my memories. She had taken everything from us—our families, our homes.
"Zuatha…" My voice was barely a whisper, yet heavy with hate and determination. "She started all of this." I clench my fist.
Carmilla touched my shoulder gently, her presence comforting. "Thalamik won't rest until she pays for what she did to South Jaka City. But he can't do it alone, no matter how much he pretends otherwise."
I turned fully toward her, meeting her gaze with newfound clarity. "And neither can I."
She smiled gently, warmth flooding her eyes. "Exactly. None of us can do this alone. We might fight differently. Thalamik with his strategy, me with my support magic, and you with your strength, but we're strongest together."
I looked up again, breathing deeply, letting the cool air soothe my racing thoughts.
It was as if the stars shone silently at us.
In some ways, I feel like the vast stars are somewhat like us.
Small lights struggle to shine alone, yet together, they can join to illuminate something greater.
For now, though, beneath the endless sky, I allowed myself a brief moment of peace beside Carmilla. Because in the end, even amidst tragedy, loss, and chaos, moments like these reminded me why we kept fighting.
I wouldn't let Thalamik down. Nor Carmilla.
To do that. I need to be even stronger.
I need strength so that I can protect those I want to protect, no matter how great their power is.
I'll just have to keep getting stronger.
I'll keep winning and winning.
I'll become strong enough... No, even stronger than enough to protect what's dear to me.
Because that's the only way I can.
Because that's what my best friend believes.
Because he believed that I was humanity's hope, I won't betray his hope.
I'll definitely become stronger.