Embris wasn't sure what to say. She was happy at what Tchisa said, but at the same time, she had a feeling that Tchisa's words might mean something other than what she heard. She wasn't sure if it meant she was in the clear for joining the guards for the Blue Rose or not, but she hoped she had in fact kept herself from being disqualified, even if it was through someone trying to pull a prank on her.
"That was the point of not telling any of you a specific time," Tchisa continued, sounding almost annoyed. "So, because you're the only one who even showed up close to on time, I'll give you a pass on that. However, keep in mind that you're not going to have room to be late again without reason."
Embris nodded, grateful that she at least got this chance, even if she was already starting on a bad foot. After all, she'd still be able to be a guard for the Blue Rose's stand-ins this way. As long as she made sure to be on time when her shifts were supposed to start, she'd at least be able to work her way through this mess that she'd inadvertently gotten herself into. Though, she also suspected that she'd be given the worst times to guard, but she was confident that she'd be able to manage. Especially with how she'd screwed up by not understanding how she was supposed to be waiting for Tchisa rather than waiting for her to arrive before coming over.
Though, as she thought about it, it was possible that she hadn't been getting pranked, but rather someone else understood that she was supposed to be waiting for Tchisa where they were supposed to meet rather than waiting for Tchisa to arrive before showing up. If that was the case, then she wondered if the other Silversthorns were as callous towards her as they appeared. That maybe they just showed her their concern differently, much like her father and mother were different in that regard.
"Um, when will I learn what my shifts will be?" Embris asked, hoping she wasn't making a wrong step here. She didn't need to ruin this chance before she'd even been able to have her first shift.
Tchisa looked at Embris, making her wonder if maybe she should have left without having said anything. She was just realizing how much like her mother Tchisa was. With every glance, she had to question if she'd said the wrong thing or done something wrong. At least when her mother was unhappy, that's how she was like and Tchisa made her feel like she was standing before her mother right then. Making her feel like she was years younger and still a little girl in front of her mother.
"I'll send someone to collect you tomorrow and we can go over that then," Tchisa answered after a few minutes of silence, nearly making Embris sag to the ground in relief.
Embris merely nodded and quickly made her escape before she did something to humiliate herself. Which she suspected was rather possible at that particular moment.
As she turned to leave, she noticed Jenn walking towards the building, moving much slower than she usually did, rubbing at her eyes. Which made sense to Embris, given she'd come from Jianopra's memorial service and Embris couldn't say how close she was to Jianopra, so it wasn't like she could say whether or not she should have been crying. Though, she recalled what her mother had told her about situations like this. That it wasn't shameful for a woman to cry over someone who had died, especially if they were close to them, but it was rude to comment about the fact that they had been crying.
So, Embris quickly made her way over to Jenn, intercepting her before she reached the building where she slept. Embris suspected that she was on her way to take a nap, with how tired she looked, but Embris wanted to take this chance to talk with her, as she couldn't say when she'd get another chance. Especially with her now being accepted as one of the guards for the Blue Rose's stand-ins.
Which made her wonder if that meant she'd sometimes be guarding Jenn, though with how often Jenn was out on one errand or another, probably for the Blue Rose, she wasn't sure how often that might occur. She just couldn't help but feel amused at the prospect of that happening.
"Jenn!" Embris called out as she approached, though it didn't seem like Jenn heard her as she didn't show any signs of reacting in any way. At least until Embris stood directly in front of her.
Jenn looked up, her eyes focusing, making Embris wonder how far away Jenn had been a moment ago, though when Jenn smiled sadly, Embris couldn't help but wonder if maybe she'd interrupted her reminiscing about Jianopra, making this a rather poor time to try to talk with Jenn, even if she might not get a chance to speak with her before she gets sent somewhere again for who knew how long. Embris also couldn't help but notice how red her eyes were, showing that she in fact had been crying recently, which only seemed to make Embris more uncomfortable right then.
"Sorry," Jenn said before Embris could apologize herself for disturbing Jenn when she probably wanted to have been left alone. "I was just thinking about some things. Did you need something?"
Embris felt like she could kick herself, even though she knew that she hadn't done anything wrong right then. She'd just made an incredibly stupid choice, but it wasn't like she could pull that stone out of the water and erase the splash that it had caused. However, since she'd already bothered Jenn, she might as well tell her what she'd come to say anyway.
"Not really. I just thought I'd let you know I was joining the guards for the Blue Rose," Embris said, not wanting to say 'the Blue Rose's stand-ins' as even if it was common knowledge now that the Blue Rose had stand-ins to take care of day-to-day matters for her. After all, Embris had a feeling that the Blue Rose might like it not being thought about in general.
"Great," Jenn said, her eyes still looking sad, though her smile at Embris' revelation was genuine, making Embris feel pleased, even as she continued to mentally kick herself for bothering Jenn at a time when she was still clearly mourning the loss of her friend.
"Well, I just wanted to let you know that," Embris added, eager to leave Jenn so she could be by herself for however long she needed.
"Uh, if you don't mind, could you talk with me for a bit?" Jenn asked as Embris started to turn to leave. "I could use the company."
"O-okay," Embris replied, feeling hesitant, even though she couldn't argue with Jenn's statement. She'd figured that Jenn would have preferred to be alone, but she knew that some people needed to talk with others when they were mourning to help them get past their grief.
"I was wondering what you thought of me being- uh, a stand-in for the Blue Rose," Jenn said, sounding like she was about to say something else but stopped herself. Embris wasn't sure what that was about, but couldn't think of what to respond to it with.
"I will admit that I hadn't seen that coming, but I knew that you weren't just a regular person around here. Not with how many meetings you were called to attend," Embris answered, feeling a little surprised that she hadn't started suspecting something sooner. "Though, were you intentionally keeping it a secret?"
Jenn shook her head. "I didn't even think to mention it. It's not like I thought about keeping it a secret, it's just that it never came up and I hadn't even thought about it really until…" Jenn trailed off as her eyes unfocused, making Embris feel like now might be a good time to make her exit. If only to give Jenn some space.
"I'll just-"
Jenn cleared her throat, her eyes clearing and refocusing, looking much less sad than she had a moment ago. "Until the Jianopra was killed by someone who thought she was the Blue Rose and wanted Tchisa to take over, even though Tchisa doesn't want to take over after the Blue Rose is gone."
Embris looked around, feeling like Jenn was treading on dangerous ground with the way she spoke. "What're you saying? Shouldn't you be saying something about hoping the Blue Rose will live a long time or something?"
Jenn chuckled, making Embris worry that Jenn was about to get herself in hot water with the Blue Rose, even if she was one of her stand-ins. "I meant that when the Blue Rose dies, that Tchisa wouldn't want to take over even then. I mean, everyone dies eventually, even if it's from old age, so what's the problem with thinking about that? I mean, I know the Blue Rose isn't worried about someone trying to kill her. She's more worried about her people getting caught in the cross-fire."
Embris was at a loss for words right then. She wasn't sure what to expect as a result as they entered the building. She hoped that Jenn was right and wasn't setting herself up for trouble later on. Especially if anyone else heard her speak about the Blue Rose like that. As even if the Blue Rose didn't care about Jenn talking like that, she knew many likely didn't share her views on thinking about the Blue Rose dying. For any reason.
_
Jenn woke up from the early morning light shining through cracks between the wooden boards that made up the walls of her room. Her stand-ins were still asleep and this was the first time Jenn was aware that the light would hit her in her eyes if she was positioned in a certain way. Although, she supposed that it would be based on the angle of the sun as it rose, but she couldn't be sure without taking measurements to determine if that was the case.
Regardless of anything like that, she was awake now and there wasn't any point in delaying getting up.
Besides, she knew that she had things to get started on that day. As now that Jianopra's memorial service was taken care of, she needed to start on her trip to Veloutra, where she expected to find the best selection of people who had the skills she was looking for who were being sold as slaves.
She estimated that it'd take them a week to reach the capital, a week where she'd make sure to not waste her time. Although, that was assuming she didn't need to stop by Ferusha. She wasn't sure why she'd need to do that, but if she did, then it'd add at least a couple days to the trip. She wasn't sure what to expect, but she was at least confident that she'd only have to go there if there was a good reason to do so. One that she doubted would come up in the short time before she was supposed to leave.
Briefly, Jenn allowed herself a minute to think about the conversation she'd had the day before with Embris. She was confident that Embris would do her best to guard the rest of Jenn's stand-ins, even if Embris wasn't aware that Jenn herself was the Blue Rose. A fact that made Jenn wonder if she shouldn't tell Embris sooner rather than later, given how much she trusted the girl. It was possible that Embris would spread the news faster than wildfire, but Jenn doubted that she was a gossip and felt like she really could trust her, even if Embris had been kept in the dark about her being the Blue Rose up to this point.
Besides, Jenn worried about how Embris would feel if she found out about Jenn being the Blue Rose in another way, where Jenn couldn't control the circumstances, and would poison Embris' feelings towards Jenn. After all, she did consider Embris a friend and she felt bad about keeping this secret from her. While she expected that Embris would understand, she couldn't be certain and didn't want to lose a friend over something like this. Not that she could think of a way to tell her before she had to leave.
Jenn just hoped that she wasn't going to make things worse for herself later on by not dealing with this issue right then.
Jenn slowly got up, stretching as she did so. She did her best to not wake up her stand-ins who were still asleep, though she did have to avert her eyes from Roesadra and Oleania as their blanket had fallen away to reveal both of their chests. A sight Jenn hoped they wouldn't mind her seeing before she realized it was there.
After she'd put on a fresh set of clothing for the day, Jenn made her way to the front room of the building, ready to start out right away, even though she knew that there was going to be a small delay as they made sure that they had everything they needed for the trip. A delay that Jenn knew she couldn't get around.
As Jenn exited the building, she was nearly trampled by Yaelish who was about to enter the building at the same time.
"Sorry about that," Yaelish apologized as Jenn had jumped out of the way, not sure if something was going on that she wasn't aware of.
"It's okay," Jenn answered, mostly out of habit. She had no idea what was going on, but worried that something was happening and that's why Yaelish was in such a rush.
"I was sent to get you," Yaelish said before Jenn could think of anything to say beyond her rote response. "Everything's ready to go and whenever you're ready, we are."
Jenn nodded, starting to recover from her surprise. "Well, let me get something to eat and I'll be ready."
Yaelish smiled as Jenn left with her following. Jenn was a little surprised to realize that Yaelish was going with her, as she was pretty sure that Yaelish had been tasked with something else the day before. A task that she had expected would take more than a day to complete. Though, as she approached the waiting group, Jenn realized that everyone present in the company she'd be travelling with were all from before she'd recruited the bandits to join them. That everyone present knew she was the Blue Rose.
Jenn wasn't sure what to make of this development, but she wasn't going to complain. She knew that there had to be a reason why she hadn't been informed about this change, but she wasn't going to say anything about it right then. Even though she felt a little irritated that it had been made without her being involved in the decision.
Fortunately for her, she saw Tchisa right after she'd gotten a roll and breakfast stew. Briefly, Jenn longed for the days when she'd be able to eat cereal again, but right now she wasn't going to complain. Especially when she knew she was the only person who knew what cereal was around here. As that would require an explanation she really didn't feel like getting into at this time. If at all.
"What's the reason for the change in those who were to accompany me?" Jenn asked, vaguely aware that Gishia was supposed to be her second-in-command again on this trip. A change she was glad for, even if she was perplexed as to the reasons why the change had been made in the first place.
"It was a last minute decision by Malea," Tchisa replied, sounding so casual that Jenn almost accepted the point without saying anything more.
"Wait, why was it a last minute decision?" Jenn asked, feeling like there was more to the whole issue than was being made clear right then.
"Well, at first we were going to let you continue on like normal, but then we realized that we can't afford to take chances on what might happen with your safety if we send you out without people who know to guard you," Tchisa replied quietly, clearly not wanting her voice to carry in the early morning quiet.
Jenn blinked. She wasn't sure what Tchisa was getting at, but she couldn't help but feel a little resentful at what implications were coming through clearly to her. "Are you saying that I can't handle myself if something unexpected happens?"
Jenn felt like she'd done rather well with unexpected circumstances, especially with the jackalope-kin and the centaurs. Both situations were unexpected and hardly put her in danger. Which made the explanation all the more confusing to her.
"Not saying that at all. What I'm saying is that we can't be sure that others won't try to do something to you, now that you're known to be at least a stand-in for the Blue Rose."
Jenn looked at Tchisa's expression, feeling a little surprised. She hadn't expected it to be looking at her as if she was someone to be coddled and handled carefully. As if she might break if not taken care of properly.
"So, you guys don't trust me anymore?"
Tchisa sighed as she shook her head. "That's not what this is about. It's about how we don't trust most who don't already know that you're the Blue Rose. Not when you don't have a clear heir. We need to ensure that nothing happens to you before you can start having children of your own and we can establish a more secure foundation for whatever it is that you plan with this settlement."
Jenn felt her face heat up at the mention of her having children. She wasn't sure what that was about, but she couldn't help but feel a little resentful at the implications of it. It almost felt like she was being treated like she was breeding stock or something.
She wasn't sure, but she had a feeling that her emotions were showing on her face because Tchisa continued, "It's because Jianopra was killed on an attempt to kill the Blue Rose. We can't be sure that others don't have some idea of trying to do you in so they can try to get someone else to take your place. Your other advisors are nervous and despite my assurances that you've started getting the respect, mostly, of others, they want to ensure you're surrounded by people who won't try to kill you just because of your connections to the Blue Rose, not realizing that you are the Blue Rose."
Jenn sighed, not happy with the changes, but realizing that there wasn't anything she'd be able to do about them. She had a feeling that she'd need to accept them, regardless of what else she'd have to endure. She recognized that her advisors were likely only worried about her, but it was nice to hear that Tchisa had confidence in her, even if her other advisors didn't.