"Oh shit... Shit, fuck, fuck, fuck!"
I muttered as I quickly reached for the tissue box and grabbed a bunch of tissues, and pressed them down onto my thigh.
"Fuck, I went too deep... "
I clenched my teeth tightly as I applied pressure, pressing down harder.
"Ah, shit, it's soaking through,"
I grabbed a couple more tissues.
"... This.. this should be good enough, right? He'll be happy with this right? I cut deeper than usual..."
I asked myself as my gaze moved towards the cellular device emitting a blue light...
"Yeah, he'll tell me that he's proud of me, and then praise me even more..."
I'm already heating up at the thought of being praised by my darling. Though, I quickly snapped out of my thoughts.
"I-I have to hurry up before darling gets mad..."
I quickly tossed the bloody tissues away, onto the carpet, next to my bed, and reached for my phone. I snapped a couple of pictures of my thighs; the cuts were still fresh and bleeding. They weren't that deep, but definitely deep. And it hurt a lot, but it'll be worth it.
"And sent..."
I could feel my heart beating out of my chest as I waited, staring at the screen with a wide smile on my face... My smile drooped slowly. It's been 15 minutes.
"H-He sure is taking a while, huh..."
I hesitated for a while before sending a text, then another, and then another... My paranoia and abandonment issues are starting to act up now as I started spamming him, filling his DMs with texts:
"hey?"
"darling?"
"baby?"
"whered u go??"
"helloo??"
"hey..."
"r u asleep? did u fall asleep?"
"babyy"
"hey... pls respond"
"baby pls respond pls"
"m losing my mind"
"pls respond ur baby is losing her mind"
"heyy"
"...."
"please"
"please respond"
"im getting rlly paranoid rn pls"
"baby"
"baby"
"hey"
"if u dont respond rn ill kms"
"im crying rn pls respond pls"
"please respond"
"please jus fucking respond"
"please"
I've lost count of how many texts i sent, but it's been a little over 30 minutes now...
"are u ignoring me?"
"huh r u ignoring me??"
"what did i do"
"baby pls tell me what i did wrong ill fix it right away"
"please"
"i prmise i eont do it again pls justell me what id id wrong ill fix it pls"
"im sorru"
"im sorry"
"pls ill fix it whatever it is ill fix it pls just tell me whst i did wrong"
"pla just stop ignoring me ur making me cru"
"pls no ignore"
"ill fix whatrver i dud wrong pls respond stop igniring me"
I'm hyperventilating now. I can feel my heart pounding against my chest- I can hear it in my ears. My mind's spiralling. Am I being punished? Is he punishing me? But I don't even know what I did wrong... Wait, could it be... I quickly took a selfie in an angle in which my tits are included, and sent it.
"here"
"ure mad at me coz id idnt send today right"
"you can stop ignoring me now"
"please i just sent"
"hey"
"respond please"
A few minutes passed by and still no response... My head snapped towards the pile of razor blades laying next to me. And, without any hesitation at all, I grabbed one and dragged it across my thigh. I didn't even wait for a second before slicing again, and again, and again.
"Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck,"
I dragged the now bloody razor across my skin again and again, and yet it didn't help at all. It isn't working this time.
We were just a while ago, what could've gone wrong? ...Is he cheating on me? Is that fucking bastard cheating on me again?! My eyes darted towards my phone, staring at the screen... still no response, but he's still online...
My eyes moved towards the razor blade I'm holding. It's all bloody now, even my fingers are coated in my blood.
"...Xerxes..."
A tear ran down my cheek as I whispered his name, as if he'd hear it. I dropped the bloody razor blade I was holding and fell onto my side, my head landing right next to my phone and pile of razor blades. Slowly, I reached for my phone, grabbing it and clutching it tight against my chest as I curled into a ball.
"Xerxes... Xerxes..."
I sniffled as I whispered his name repeatedly, almost chanting, softly, until I eventually fell asleep.