When I entered my cabin, my steps were halted at the door as the smell of fresh flowers hit my nose, and the cabin was decorated with the same. Well, somebody made a move. It was high time, and I was kind of counting the days, but I never thought he would be out of ideas to swoon me and use an old trick. I chuckled at that and called my assistant immediately. I gave her the order to clear my cabin immediately, with a stern face that I rarely use. She immediately nodded her head and called someone to clean my cabin.
I should be angry or at least worried about Asher's next step, but I am pleasantly anticipating his next move. There was no effect on my mood for now, and I couldn't expect the same in the coming days, but there were some changes in me. I didn't get over anything completely, but I think I can handle things in the right way this time. Is therapy working? I hope so, or else I would be doomed this time, too.
I chuckled when I saw an unknown number flashing on my cell again; it was him. He had been trying to contact me by using different numbers; it's like he wouldn't give up until we met face-to-face. I sighed at the thought.
I rejected the call and kept my cell in my pocket. I was watching the bustling streets, dreaming of the future, anticipating some change in their lives. Some will be successful, some will be struggling by not giving up, and some will give up at some stage. I am not getting at which category I do fall in; I am carrying my family's success, struggling in my love life, and not giving up on either. I envy the streets, especially those who have not given up and are battling, unlike me. At some point, I gave up entirely, and I am ashamed to admit the same. Yes, I had given up and thought of taking a permanent break from everything, and I hated myself so much for being so weak. I felt hopeless at some point, and I was blinded when I made the decision.
I did everything, but I couldn't get over certain someone and his betrayals. Moving on was the best option, but it was blocked by money and power. My hookups would never turn into more than that, my crushes would never turn into my dates, and I was never blessed with more than two dates. I didn't take those rejections seriously, thinking I was not enough for them to date me or that I portrayed myself as desperate, so they ran away, but the whole reason was different. Eventually, I found the reason, but I couldn't stop him, and not even a guy overpowered him to reach me. My hand started making a screeching sound on the window glass when I thought of my naivete.
My cell started ringing again; the same unknown number was on display. I don't know how many numbers I have blocklisted, but no matter what, I was not able to blacklist him from my life. It's frustrating to think that I can't avoid him forever, but it's even more frustrating when I am anticipating his words of apology and his moves to make up for every fucking thing like it never happened.
The cell started ringing again. I thought of blocklisting the number, but this would turn into a never-ending annoyance if I didn't address it, so I swiped the green button. This is it. I composed myself both mentally and physically. It's been a few months, and I don't want his voice to have the same effect on me. I fucking hope.
"Ralph…" He was in shock. For a few minutes, we stayed on the line, neither daring to continue, and I could hear heaviness in his breathing where mine was normal. "Talk to me, please." This time, he was desperate, pleading. "Yes." My voice was calm and composed, and his voice did have a certain effect on me. "Thank you so much, thank you. I can't believe it; you answered my call. Thank you…." I hummed in response, not exactly getting the proper word to respond. "Can we meet, please?" I was not even surprised. He always grabbed the opportunity, whether to please or to destroy things; he just couldn't miss the chance to do either. I replied. Okay, immediately, this anticipation was killing me; I think I was dying with the same eagerness to swoon over or to get destroyed.
My cell dinged with the notification; it was the restaurant address with the timings. After checking the same, I locked my cell. Prepare for the journey with lots of prayer.
I was on time at the empty restaurant, and Asher was seated in the corner. I halted my steps when my eyes were on Asher, looking as handsome as ever, but his eyes looked empty and lifeless. There was something in common, which was good, and I don't know why. After a brief second, I was in front of him, and he was startled. Asher started smiling, which was not reaching his eyes, but I couldn't even mimic for the sake.
We were staring at each other; there were so many emotions running on his face at the same time my face was stoic. The anticipation was killing me; I was damn eager to know what he had planned this time already. He started his move by sending flowers; I was looking for more. Asher cleared his throat. Strange that he was pondering so much, and it's not at all him. He never thinks of the consequences of his actions. For sure, he regrets but never learns from any, but now he was thinking rather than straight away getting to the bloody point.
"Thank you so much for coming, Ralph. It really means a lot." He was sincere, and still he couldn't believe that I was sitting in front of him. My eyes did not leave his face for a second. I don't even know whether I was glaring or staring at him. There was so much running through me that I didn't know which would bypass, win over, or take over me. "How are you?" I started laughing when I heard his question. Was he fucking serious? I couldn't control the loud sound, which echoed in the empty restaurant till my eyes started feeling stingy. I laughed, laughed. I wiped the tears in the corner and pulled my hair backwards, which was blocking my eyes.
"You got to be kidding, right?" I was surprised when it came in a calm tone with a smile. "How the hell am I?" I repeated the question, only I could hear, trying to feel the weight of the question on my lips. How am I? This was the frequent question from everyone around me, which I didn't bother to answer because I fucking don't even know the bloody answer. "What do you think?" He must know, right? I mean, he should when he can easily manipulate me in every situation. He knows me very well, so he gets off the hook in every damn situation and wins me over. So, he should know the bloody answer.
Asher was struggling to meet my eyes. Oh god, give me a damn break for the fucking day. "I am sorry." This only causes me to erupt in laughter yet again. What the hell was wrong with this guy only sprouting meaningless things? I leaned on the chair to get more comfortable. This whole situation was bloody hilarious.
"Well, are you even sorry for anything, like for real, at least once?" When the last word left my mouth, my voice was crooked, and I hated it. As if his answer mattered the most and would affect me in some way. "Every fucking time I am, trust me." Wow, hilarious. "Nope, you were not, or else you would not fall in the same situation again and again, don't you think?" He was feeling guilty like always. "I tried, Ralph. I tried my best every fucking time. I would be fucking cautious every fucking time, but I couldn't help sometimes. Parties, fame, attention—I just couldn't help it; sometimes things will go beyond me, and I can't help it. I tried my best not to repeat my mistake and jeopardize our relationship again, yet here I am once again pleading in front of you. Please, Ralph." He definitely has some balls. Please, Ralph, for fucking what? Tried but failed that too twice if he fucking valued our relationship why the hell he didn't bother to overcome or once for fall get rid of everything?
"People do have choices." He leaned back in the chair and started ruffling his perfect hairstyle, which was his way of showing his frustration and probes, "What would you do in my place, Ralph? How would you avoid the whole thing without getting fucked up not even once?" "It's not once for your information, and I would give up on the profession, which was fucking my relationship." It only snapped him, I guess, the way his whole posture was glaring at me. He was exhaling his breath to calm himself, clenching and releasing his knuckles in the process.
"Out of all people, I didn't expect this from you, Ralph. Giving up my profession as an actor after what I had gone through to achieve where I am, you fucking witnessed every fucking thing; still, you are suggesting I should give up on something that I am passionate about throughout my fucking life. You know how my parents were against my acting career and what they did to stop me from pursuing it. I went against them, so struggling was inevitable, but I didn't give up. You fucking know everything that I had gone through, still suggesting that I should give up on my career?" I was not quite sure how to respond to that because I had been with him and witnessed everything. His eyes would be so vibrant when he was speaking about being a model and entering into the entertainment industry. He was so passionate about his goal and never once thought of changing it when his parents threatened him. I witnessed his struggles at the same time I fucking witnessed how it damaged our relationship.
Why the hell was he making me feel guilty for suggesting?
"You are not ready to pluck the cause of the relationship, but you want a relationship. I am not getting why." "I want this relationship, and I was ready to do anything to be in this relationship, and I fucking tried my best, but you fucking pushed me with your bloody conservative behavior." What the hell was he talking about? I was taken aback by his outburst all of a sudden, and again, I didn't expect this at all.
"What the fuck do you mean? I fucking pushed you." His eyes were wide in the realization. Please don't tell me things came out without his knowledge. That means it was there, and he never threw it at my face.
"Ralph, let's not do this now." "Do you think we get better time than this?" He sighed in resignation, and I expected one more, most expected throw from his side. "I always wanted more in bed, something more experimental, and I wanted to try every fucking crazy thing, but you never showed any interest; if you would, there was always a fucking limit. We fucking spoke about this; it never worked, and your lack of interest in the subject made me suppress my wild desire. He cleared his throat. I couldn't hold back those desires, which were always flooding in me. I fucking tried trust me, I suppressed everything, but things were forced, and I couldn't hold myself back.I am sorry I couldn't help but think if only you could have fulfilled my desire, things would be in place and our relationship too."
I was in shock and stunned at my spot. My breath hitched for a second; he didn't really say that. Did I really push him? If I had compromised in bed, he would never have cheated on me; that's what he was trying to say. I fucking pushed him.I wanted to speak to justify myself turn the bloody table, but my throat was clouted.
How the hell was he pointing at me after everything?