What is it that makes us so different. Is it because you were born a boy and I a girl? Was it delusional for me to think that I could have you someday all to myself, being a family together. Was it the ecstasy when I met you at the corridor that made me feel so upside down, that day when your face was covered but your voice as beautiful as ever flowed through. Was it the time when you asked me for a pen? I was using mine at the time but gave you someone else's pen instead, threw it at you I remember. That was the second time I remember you ever talking to me. The time when we took the same question paper and had to do all the experiments together, when I didn't know if the seat beside you was free because you had your writing board on the other table. Was it the time when you stood so close to me, when you were distributing the record books or when I was getting to my place not realising you were just behind me. I remember you asking for an A 4 paper and I didn't pay you any heed. Every time you enter I find my eyes following you. And every time I enter, I try not to look your way because I know you were just looking outside. Or was it that unexpected moment when I was entering the class and you just had to leave, when I was so shocked that I uttered an "oof" and you were emotionless, undisturbed as ever, you didn't even look my way. Was it the time when you almost fell from the stairs just when I turned around and your smiling face immediately turned to stone cold. I remember whizzing past you trying to make it obvious that I saw. Was it the time when you were a complete gentleman in front of me and stopped for a second for me to pass when I had a very bad exam day.
I yearn to hold your hands, to say I love you every second that we pass through. I yearn to see you smile, only at me. I yearn for your laugh and sleepy face up close. Why is it so hard to love you when you are so close to me yet so far away? Why do you shield yourself from others? Why do you keep the cold face whenever you pass me by? Why don't you look at me the way I look at you? Why do I feel like I will never reach those hundred steps to you? Why don't you step on one when I am trying to cover two? You make me feel so lovesick, hate this feeling though.