The captain crosses his arms, his calm gaze fixed on her. Maximus, on the other hand, smiles with amusement, fully prepared to hear more unbelievable stories.
— "The first day," — Maina raises a finger, her voice trembling with anger — "Aldo walked straight into an illegal weapons workshop! A place full of massive, muscular blacksmiths, each gripping a sledgehammer! And what did he do?"
She whips around to glare at Aldo, her eyes burning with fury.
— "He picked up a hammer—a blacksmith's hammer nearly half his size!—and smashed a sword mold to pieces right in front of them!"
The captain raises an eyebrow slightly, while Maximus bursts out laughing.
— "And then what?"
— "THEN HE CURSED THEM!"
Maina shouts, her eyes blazing with indignation.
— "What did he say?"
— "He pointed at the blacksmiths and yelled, 'You call this pile of scrap metal a weapon? I could find something sharper in the marketplace trash!' Then he threw the hammer on the ground… and ran away!"
The captain lets out a deep sigh.
— "So you had to run too."
— "Of course! Did you think those blacksmiths would just let me stand there?!"
Maina trembles, raising a second finger.
— "The second day, Aldo walked into a place where three witches were brewing poison! I didn't even have time to understand what was happening before I saw him… kicking each one in the ass!"
Maximus nearly chokes with laughter, while the captain presses his fingers to his temple, eyes closed.
— "One by one?"
— "YES! He looked at the three witches, sighed in disappointment, then—BAM—kicked the first one, BAM—kicked the second one! The third one panicked and tried to run, but she didn't escape either!"
Maina takes a deep breath and mimics Aldo's solemn tone:
— "'Brewing poison with skills like this? Do you people have no professional ethics? Poison should be subtle, effective, colorless, and odorless! Look at this crap—it's bright green and steaming! Who wouldn't know it's poison?!' And then… he ran. Again!"
The captain turns to Aldo, who still stands there with his arms crossed, utterly unrepentant.
— "The third day," — Maina continues, her voice choking with frustration — "he saw a merchant caravan being attacked by bandits. This bastard didn't say a word—he just charged in! I had to follow!"
She thrusts three fingers in front of Aldo's face, her eyes wild.
— "Three punches! He punched the bandit leader three times in the face! No weapons, no magic, just three punches! Then he pointed at me and shouted, 'You'll have to go through her first if you want to get to me!'… And then… HE RAN!"
Maximus howls with laughter, while the captain sighs in pure exhaustion.
— "And the fourth day?"
— "He walked into a crime syndicate's underground tavern," — Maina whispers, as if she no longer has the strength to yell — "looked around, grabbed a bottle of alcohol, poured himself a drink, took a sip, nodded… I actually thought, for once, nothing was going to happen…"
She pauses, trembling as she recalls the nightmare.
— "…Then he calmly set the whole tavern on fire before running away!"
The captain's mouth opens, but no words come out. Maximus claps his hands like he's watching a masterpiece of theater.
— "The fifth day… HE WENT TO A CHILD TRAFFICKING DEN!"
The room falls into silence. The captain's glare sharpens on Aldo, his voice suddenly much more serious.
— "What did you do?"
— "Insulted their dicks and ran."
Maina shakes, nodding like someone who has lost all hope in life.
— "Exactly. He just looked at the traffickers, didn't even lift a finger. He just stood there, arms crossed, and said in the most casual voice… 'I mean, if you're gonna do illegal work, at least have some presence. Look at you lot, a bunch of short-dicked weaklings thinking you run this place?' And then…"
Maina grits her teeth.
— "He ran."
The captain buries his face in his hands.
— "The sixth day… I just wanted to go home and sleep… BUT NO! Aldo saw a troll! A massive troll! I thought he'd finally run away immediately… but no. He stood there, bent down, picked up a rock."
She mimics throwing.
— "Threw it once."
Then again.
— "Threw it twice."
She shakes her head.
— "No. HE THREW SEVEN TIMES!"
Maximus is now rolling on the floor laughing. The captain, fifty years old, stares at Aldo for a long time, his eyes filled with an incomprehensible mix of emotions—mostly despair.
Maximus claps slowly, his voice solemn:
— "Truly incredible. As a senator, I must formally acknowledge your great contributions to the Empire's security. You have sacrificed so much, and the Empire will never forget your efforts."
Maina glares at him.
— "I don't need the Empire to remember! I NEED SLEEP!"
The captain sighs, shooting Maximus a tired look.
— "Can you stop saying useless nonsense?"
Maximus smiles innocently but maintains his grand tone.
— "I wish you a good night's sleep… free of Aldo-induced nightmares."
Maina hurls a chair straight at him.
"Not over yet~," Maximus continues teasing.
Maina nods vigorously, her eye twitching with frustration. She takes a deep breath, as if preparing to unleash a flood of pent-up rage on the kid sitting across from her.
— "Let me spell it out CLEARLY. Aldo spots a group from the Cult of Insect—several THOUSAND of them—and instead of reporting it or trying to contact the Black Crusade, he runs off to recruit some lunatic—a baker in Tarif—"
The captain furrows his brows, something suddenly clicking in his mind.
— "A baker in Tarif?" He leans on the table, scrutinizing Aldo. "You mean the bakery with those roasted meat baguettes?"
Aldo nods. "Yep, that one."
— "Ah… damn, their bread is pretty good. I stopped by once."
Maina's eyes go wide. "CAPTAIN!"
— "What? It really was good." He shrugs.
— "That damn baker! I actually had a good impression of him—Joon-soo, that guy—until I found out he was friends with Aldo."
The captain blinks, then raises an intrigued eyebrow.
— "Wait, why Joon-soo? How the hell is he involved in this?"
Aldo chuckles, crossing his arms with pride. "Isn't it obvious? I came up with the plan, but the one who convinced 800 villagers to grab their farming tools and charge into battle—that was Joon-soo."
— "800 villagers? What the hell? Why would they even join? Why not call the Black Crusade?"
Maina grits her teeth. "Because these two lunatics surrounded the cultists before I could call for backup!"
Aldo immediately jumps in, his voice filled with pride. "But the strategy was extremely effective. Joon-soo and I split the villagers into three groups: one for guerrilla attacks, one for direct combat, and the last for logistics. We—"
— "SHUT UP!" Maina slams the table with a loud bang, making the whole room tremble.
— "I was the one shoved into the FRONT LINES! The cultists panicked so much that they summoned a giant cicada! And then what? The Black Crusade's 338th Airborne Division had to send a whole squad to clean up the mess!"
The captain suddenly blinks a few times. "...Wait a second. Don't tell me… this is the incident that destroyed 700 tons of wheat?"
Maina nods so hard her hair bounces.
Aldo clears his throat. "Uh… but Joon-soo and I did compensate the villagers."
Maina turns to glare at him, eyes filled with murderous intent.
Maximus, who has been barely holding back laughter this entire time, finally claps his hands lightly, then puts on an exaggeratedly serious expression like he's about to issue a royal decree.
— "Dear Maina, I must say, your contributions to the empire's security are truly admirable. A person like you—"
Maina sits there, fists clenched, her lips twitching.
The captain just rubs his temples and sighs. "...Damn it, you two lunatics..."
Maximus, still grinning, rests his chin on his hand like he's enjoying the best comedy performance of the year.
— "You're lucky I have a great sense of humor. If I were as stuck-up as some of the Senators, you'd be in a much bigger mess right now!"
Maina glares at him.
— "Oh, what an honor."
Maximus pretends not to hear her, even clearing his throat before adding a few more empty words of encouragement.
— "But truly, your dedication to the empire's stability is commendable. A devoted warrior, a responsible woman, an unyielding symbol of—"
Maina reaches out as if to strangle him on the spot, but then her gaze accidentally falls on Aldo.
And just like that, the memories crash into her like a tsunami.
Three more incidents.
ABSOLUTELY INSANE.
All at night.
She shudders at the recollection—thank god it all ended when she tied Aldo up from 9:30 PM to 5:30 AM.
Aldo crosses his arms, tilting his chin up in irritation.
— "How the hell did you think tying me up all night was a good idea? Do you have any idea how badly I needed to pee?!"
Maina smirks, sweet but dripping with menace.
— "Oh, I knew. That's why I carefully changed your diaper. No need to thank me."
Aldo freezes on the spot.
Zihao, sitting nearby, covers his mouth, shoulders shaking from suppressed laughter. Maximus snorts, barely stopping himself from bursting out.
But Maina doesn't laugh.
She just stares at Aldo.
Then, her voice rises, carrying the weight of six days of absolute hell.
— "At first, I expected watching over you to be like observing a child prodigy—some 14-year-old genius running a business, an extraordinary mind far beyond his years. I thought I'd see you studying finance, negotiating with merchants, strategizing like a brilliant military commander..."
— "...But no. NO. That is NOT what I got."
Maina plants both hands on the table, her eyes wild, on the brink of madness.
— "Instead, I watched a FOURTEEN-YEAR-OLD run around slashing up illegal weapon factories, charge straight into three witches and KICK EACH ONE IN THE ASS, waltz into a criminal hideout, SET IT ON FIRE, and casually skip away! And let's not forget—you called a bunch of child traffickers 'short birds' and just walked off without a second thought! AND THEN, YOU SAW A TROLL AND THREW ROCKS AT IT SEVEN TIMES INSTEAD OF RUNNING AWAY!"
Maina gasps for air, her hands trembling from rage.
— "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW EXHAUSTED I WAS?! DO YOU KNOW HOW LITTLE SLEEP I GOT?!"
— "I only have ONE BODY! I'm not immortal! I don't have supernatural abilities to keep up with a 14-year-old with a NON-HUMAN thought process like yours!!"
— "If I could legally adopt you right now, I'd drag you home, lock you in a room, SEAL EVERY DOOR AND WINDOW, and make sure you DON'T DO ANYTHING STUPID for at least three months!!!"
Maina exhales sharply, her eyes still burning red from fury.
After a moment of stunned silence, the captain finally speaks.
— "...Alright. Got it. I'll approve a three-day leave for you."
Maina blinks. She looks at him, then takes a deep breath.
— "Thank you. And I beg you... next time, don't make me watch over a kid again. I. CAN'T. DO. IT."
Without another word, she spins around and storms off.
Maximus is still stifling his laughter. Zihao too.
Aldo just mutters under his breath.
— "I still can't believe you changed my diaper. But I didn't even wet myself."