January 5, 2023
"What happens when a protagonist dies?" Jake, the writer with spikes as hair, asks to break the ice.
I see impressed and surprised looks on the others' faces. This is exactly why we had decided to come together. These kind of questions were the most exciting to us writers. What a thrill stories are… but to write them, oh boy… What a pain to live through that.
"What else? A new one takes their place," Dimitri, the youngest of us – with her chubby cheeks, calmly says the answer as if it were the norm. I had to give it to her, she made sense – even when all she wrote were simple short stories, to the world. Marvellous ones though.
"Okay, but they are the PROTAGONIST, for a reason," Pyne, still ever-smiling, counter-argues to it.
"What even defines one? A protagonist?" Kevin, with his expressionless innocence, asks.
"Right. Ain't just some point of view, now is it?" Matthew says, holding his wine glass away. "For a protagonist to die… means it is the end."
"What about multiple POVs?" Helen, the biggest deal of an author here, says.
"Not all of us just roll out with such… craze and chaos. Respect and love to it… but… that's a tough thing. And somehow you slay it," Candice, the oldest of us with all-white hair, says with a calm and impressed expression on her wrinkled face.
"Did you just say 'slay', ma'am?" Dimitri chuckles.
"Oh, don't do all that ma'am nonsense now, darling. Candice is fine."
"I'll be damned, she is," Schott, Candice's writer husband, looks at her lovingly – in a daze, while smiling.
Candice smiles but reads the room, making Schott look away too. "Speaking of fine," she says, looking at me – caught in holding onto my peacock pendant. "What does our Miss Universe think?"
I nervously chuckle. "That…"
"Oh I'm sorry. I didn't mean for that to… no, you are an amazing writer, Divya. The Miss Universe part is just more part of the charm. Your charm. I love and respect your work the most," Candice says, considering my face for a moment. "If I were to say, and you allow me to judge… you'd be the protagonist here."
"Hear ye, hear ye," Schott says, to flatter me further.
"I agree," Zaher, my most favourite of everyone here, says and winks at me – it held all understanding as she smiled towards my pendant and everything. "And I think she'll outlive every other protagonist," she says as an answer to the prior question.
"Ah I wouldn't take such a title. Not especially with…" I point to the other eleven. "All of you here. We are just the top twelve writers as they say… if anything: all of us get a chance to be the protagonist."
"Then Ms. Helen will be the writer, eh?" Gonzaleus asks. "And I agree with Ms. Divya being the protagonist."
"Flattered, I thank you. But the honorifics are unnecessary Gonzaleus. That is unless you prefer me to prefix you with a mister, or perhaps doctor?"
"Er… I am pretty proud of that. But yes, unnecessary the same. Flattered too. But I just mean… having a stalker and everything is… quite a mystery thriller, eh?"
"Gonzaleus!" Candice hissed at him.
"No that's alright," I say.
It was true…this person who writes in the most shiny… red ink… all that glittery bright in his letters… was already off-putting enough besides the content of his, or perhaps her, letter.
"I must assure you… we are safe here," Schott says with a smile, and tried to awkwardly chuckle. "If anything, the snowstorm is dangerous."
"Honey, not you too," Candice sighs. "Don't mind him, he was just ATTEMPTING to lighten the mood."
"Well… also I expected our Mr. Reckless to perhaps laugh. Heard he likes jokes," Schott says, prompting towards the last person – the quiet one – Mr. Reckless.
"Uh… Tasni is fine," the girl awkwardly looks up after being mentioned. "I was just… pondering an answer."
"You can give us anything… we all have different approaches and styles at the end of the day," I say. "But it's ok if you have nothing or don't want to share."
"Indeed. Magicians never reveal their secrets… and we are not less than magic with our words," Zeher says with pride.
Narratives are interesting. Some say not to meet your heroes… I met mine, and now she is a good friend of mine. Zeher… her name is close to the word that means poison, but she was the elixir of life.
"I think… it depends on the writer. But they are forced to switch it up. Perhaps the dead character goes on… or another takes their place as Dimitri said. But that makes me wonder… if every possible… protagonist character dies… or if everyone dies… what happens."
"I suppose…" Helen tries to think more while already giving her answer. "The writer narrates without a point of view?"
We all seem to silently agree to that, which makes Candice grin.
As the night continues and everyone talks… I get lost into my peacock pendant again. And Tasni goes back to being silent. Nobody objects as we silently agree and laugh along.
I missed him. It sucked being away. And especially scary because… he told me the letter would be fine, that he'd save me from whoever that was. But now… in a cabin at the top of a mountain… perhaps no one can find us. Perhaps it is the chill from the snow outside – the hair upon my skin don't fall down.
It was a long trip, the long conversation cuts short and all of us go to our own cabins to sleep. Of course Schott and Candice had different cabins but they choose the same one. I luckily don't get lost in the snow and walk the right direction to get to my… windowless cabin. Who in the world thought that a closed cabin would be good?
I just sigh and get inside. My luggage was here, with all the trackpants I had planned and gotten… I realise I hadn't taken the cold seriously. But I couldn't sleep in these clothes… as I try to look through my luggage on what to wear… the goosebumps don't recede.
I sigh feeling I was dumb to do this. "Make yourself at home if you're here," I say, without looking up from my luggage.
A kind of lightning sound makes me jump away from my luggage, grazing my foot at the bed's edge. I laugh at my idiocracy and year up with pain – yet I do not stop laughing at how dumb this was.
"How you laugh through pain, is gentle to the ear. But I worry darling," my mind plays the letter and I sigh at the serious and passionate tone it is creating. "That you will not bleed under me and stain my palms."
"Mmhmm," I say out loud, to myself.
But I hear the rumble again and turn to look through the… oh there is no window. As I turn to the door…
"Gonzaleus?" I ask the person at the door… but as far as I remember he wasn't wearing a hoodie. But he did claim to have a spare key to everyone's cabin. "Very silent and very funny. Is that why you left earlier from the conversation? Interesting impersonation though. Even when I'm a fool to think it was my own head… no word about that to anyone, yeah?"
"Not a word," he says, still in that serious tone – making me shake my head. He walks closer, and I just try to ignore him.
"You can go now… I'm just worried on that sounds from nearby. Is everyone fine?"
"No… there are bears here. But you should be worried about the man."
I feel the chill even more… what the hell was Gonzaleus on? I start sprinting away to the side and then towards the door – I hear his footsteps approaching towards me too. As I crazy open the door… the white snow… the white…
His hand holds the front of my neck, from behind me. But they tremble as he looks forward too.
"It couldn't be day so soon. And even then…" that wasn't white snow… but tiles. Extending to an eternity… with no source of light into the eternity of white… everything could still be seen: and it was nauseating to look at.
"Marvellous," he says and pushes me forward, my hands hit the warm…warmer than snow… floor. And I feel a jolt across my arm. "You brought us somewhere nice. That is thoughtful of you, Miss Universe."
"Who the fuck are you? And what is this?" I ask this guy in a hoodie.
"I'm not sure… but why would I care when you are here with me? Remember my promise to you? You are worthy of being… so much more than Miss Universe. A piece of art. Allow me to show," he says, coming closer. "You'll be a Bright Art."
The warm… room temperature tiles… become warmer. My head meets it many times. And I just… cough up blood still and feel his hand desperate to end me.
"What is happening?" I ask through numb pain… a writer could write that there is no instant death and everything but in reality…
"Are you immortal? That… what?" he asks me, looking around. "This place… must be. Some kind of… reserve. You… you wouldn't die. Yes. I was worried I'll have to use your blood only for one piece. But then if so… you will heal and I can make as much art as I want to – with you. Don't you see? This white space… is my canvas. And you are my paint, Miss Universe."
"You are crazy."
"Perhaps… but you can wish to be something, Miss Universe. I'll allow it. What do you… want to be?"
I look down at my pendant, feeling numb in my head and as if my broken head would break more if I move… but I still speak up, "With him."
"Oh… how romantic. I'll turn your blood to him. And your pendant will lay proof. You'll be with him here. And then you'll help me. Don't worry. Don't panic. Have patience. Your turn… to shine, is here."
And soon I feel myself become something bigger, one on the floor, on his hands… but I know no death. No mercy. But I feel myself fade into the white space.
-*
"Well I have all your keys, duplicates, so let me know if you lose them. But don't lose them," I say, getting up.
"Going somewhere?" Candice asks me, and I stop to look and smile at her.
"Just… finding inspiration. I go where my feet take me."
They don't question me, everyone knew it was so I could smoke a cigarette. The cold was… well, cold. And too much talking had me an affect to take care of. And cigarettes just do it.
As I watch the smoke I release – confused of whether it is the cigarette or the cold, my eyes don't lift away from the deep woods. Even in a mountain… I mean, as a kid I thought mountains were just barren rock, but trees upon them was a fantasy in itself. And I had to write such fantasies… simple yet… mind boggling. Only if I were good enough as the good lord…
I put my hand in my pocket and walk forward. The snow covering these tall trees… oh I could get lost if I go within. But I don't… for I instead take the patches of land where there are no trees in the path.
Dimitri was it? That child has written such a story… of a man walking up a moutain, only it was raining in that story. And the man came across a…
"Cave," I say, finding the joke of a small opening in between the rocks. Something of a makeshift cave that had barely opened.
The story of the Pied Piper. Even I had felt drawn to this cave, so perhaps… this here is my Pied Piper?
"Oh Pied Piper~" I sing into the opening, while using my lighter to fill the darkness. "Let down your hair… or is there a secret code? What was that usuh-"
The sudden shift in air moves the flame of the lighter towards my nose. The heat fades as the breeze hits my face and even the flame fades. My eyes stare at the sharp ends of the movement towards me. But they shut as the dust or something hits my eyes and I fall to my ass onto the ground while pushing a bush or something up.
"What in the world?" I ask, unable to see through the tears in only one of my eye. My visions blurs and beats in a vignette aching towards a sure centre of my vision. And at the centre I see the darkness in the cave. And even when I close my blinding eye the darkness… no, that's a light. White…
"A… a," I try to find words, while looking at it.
"AUUUUGGGHHHHH!" it screeches while looking up.
"M-mini… b-b-ba-ba-bear," I say, and it looks down at me, nose flaring.
I get up and starting running away towards the cabins, while still holding my eye. No… no, there… there cannot be a fucking bear here. Who the fuck… thought it was safe to send the world's best writers here for this?
How long has it been? The other cabins have their lights on. I find my cabin and hurriedly try to open it, then I put the key in and try to open again… but no luck. This is what the movies show. In the state of panic, every key becomes the wrong key. And while I try the other keys, something touching me prompts me to turn and side swipe it. But it dodges and coming forward holds down my hands and points its fist to my face.
"It is me," Schott says and seeing the realisation in my eye, puts his first down. "Why are you closing one of your eye and trying to get in our cabin?"
I find Candice just at a distance, grabbing onto something white – which makes me gasp. She looks at her purse and back at me – with a confused look.
"Sorry, I thought this was… my cabin."
"Are you alright, Gonzaleus?" Candice asks, with a worried expression.
"Yes… sorry that I… almost punched ya," I say to Schott.
"Almost? You would have broken my nose."
"Well you seem to have fine reflexes."
"Well," he laughs. "Even before I went to the military: I took down a guy with a gun."
Candice scoffs audibly. "I threw the stone to save you."
"Yeah, at my face," Schott says, looking back.
As he smiles at me, I move away from the door. He throws glances at me while opening the door, must be because of how I hadn't left.
"Say Schott," I say, as the locks click open. "Ex-military… did you perhaps bring a gun? A rifle or shotgun per se?"
"Hmm… Do you suspect me because you found one? Or is it why you were rattling about our cabin door?" he asks, but I just don't answer him. "I did get a hand pistol. Safety purposes, even when they said there were no threatening kind of wild life here… humans, you know? More dangerous. I will hand it over of you insist it breaks any policy. But you can trust me with it, in my defence."
"Yes," I say, and tap at his shoulder.
I leave towards my cabin, without another word. There is no way there was a bear… and it was too small. Did I just… imagine it? What came out might have been a bat or something. Yes. A bear… that too a white one? A polar bear? There was snow here but this was not the Artic nor was it Antartica…
I laugh and sit at my bed, how foolish I was. How could I delude so much? Was I crazy? Even if I keep my door open, nothing will come here and harm us. We are safe. The bank had funded and sent us here. The greatest bank. They couldn't possibly… be wearing a white bear suit to creepy me out now can they?
But yet it happens so.
They scare me. Or try… by standing at my door. This… no now there were two people in this perfect suit, I couldn't see the face until it ducked down to its fours and entered. Such idiots. Oh my I'm so afraid. Ridiculous.
But thunder shudders outside… does it rain? No it… no they… oh they were using some good speakers to roar but it was thunder, not a fucking roar. Idiots.
"Oh come on now, no need to take it this far," I say as they bite my feet and drag me to the floor. "We can say I'm afraid now… it hurts. Just knock it off!"
But it thunders again and I hear it comes right out of its mouth. The bear. Its fangs bearing out at me. I feel the shudder in my bones at this.
"Oh my fucking god, no," I say.
The breeze… it was its claws. They come to my face again and slash my face down. I feel my lips tear and as if my eyeball had either flew out or gotten buried inside my brain. Its feet fall on my thigh, as another limb bears down at my chest. I don't see it but I imagine this ten foot beast putting its mouth at the sides of my face and-
-*
"And I'm afraid of love," a familiar voice and a bit familiar but blurry face says on the video, and it goes on to another person talking about their fear.
"Wait, that is Gonzaleus," Schott points out and I just squeeze his hand tighter.
"What is this video?" I ask, and Dimitri looks up at me.
"I'm not quite sure ma'am, everyone has their interpretations. The bank just… I don't know, some top influencer kind of person, as you can see their name on the screen, went on and asked people about their fear and why. It was very eerie. And that's where I first saw Gonzaleus."
"But why love?" I ask. Shevaa
"He went on to say… on a longer stretch of a video that… love makes us do things, fearlessly and recklessly. And sirens of the ocean… well they feed and work on that… want of a man, as he says, until they fall for a trap and die. So love is scary."
"Well his thought process is scary," I scoff, but see Schott's tense expression as he gulps in his dry throat. He finds me staring at him but shakes me off of him.
"Z?" Schott reads out.
"Yeah that is what they call themselves. No face but… yeah they promote the bank and everything. It is… eerie," she says while playing it again.
"A job which could take a wrong turn than it is," a guy nervously says.
"Um… another dimension. Considering how different it could turn out."
"Losing patience. It can end up in doing something bad which you might regret."
"Drowning even when I know to swim. Helplessly. Choicelessly."
"Schizophrenia sounds scary. Seeing things which aren't there."
A scripture translated to, 'The King.'
"Ca-cannibalism is…" a girl says, gulping. "Dangerous…"
"Rape," a girl says, barely trying to keep her shaking wry smile.
"Creepypastas are scary. Feels real."
"Being a reason for someone's pain, and having no choice but to…" he smiles instead of completing the sentence.
Another scripture translated to: 'Being the strongest but being unable.'
"Child birth," somebody who isn't pregnant says while putting her hand to her belly. "Painful."
"Uh…" an infamous superhero says. "The ocean around Bermuda," he nods, he was known to have sea powers. "Very dangerous. Let it be-"
"A kind of monster which cannot die. What if it wants to get you?"
"Heroes being… unable to help, even with their powers."
"Animals are scary. And I'm afraid of love. What it leads to."
"Silences are eerie."
A beeped out word. "Delete that," he nervously laughs.
"Have you heard of Medusa?"
"Parasites."
"Fear is… scary."
"Immortality. It doesn't guarantee zero pain."
"More disgusted than afraid: worms and those slimy… and the flying bees and stuff."
"Humans… and their concept of beauty and shaming who don't come under standards."
"Noise… heavy noises. I can't even do concerts."
"Villains who aren't villains but yet are made to be."
I just place my hand on Schott's thigh and talk to Dimitri without looking up her phone. "I'll say… some things in your generation is just a little too…" I suck in air. "Well," I say, getting up while tapping Schott's thigh, "Sleep isn't scary, to be honest."
We walk out. "It is just a video," I tell him, but he doesn't shake it off. But after the weird encounter with Gonzaleus he finally sits at the desk and checks his gun.
"How many in the magazine?" I ask.
"Six. I didn't bring extras," he says and jolts back to reality. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be. I understand how you must feel," I say and put my hand on his shoulder. "But we are in this together, remember?" he wryly smiles at me and kisses my hand while holding it. "Besides… I saved you once."
"You almost gave me a concussion by throwing that stone to my head."
"Almost. Besides, it was that or a bullet."
"Or some red lightning, yes. Thank you. But I can save us now."
I lower myself and kiss his cheek. "Destiny didn't want us dead, thirty years ago. We were ready to die in each other's arms back then… we will face it together again."
A fact about lightning is how you see it before you hear it… because light is faster than sound. Perhaps we were blind while seeing each other: where did the thunder come from?
Schott grabs his gun. "That was no thunder."
We race out… Gonzaleus… that was his room. We find it after the second thunder – a roar. Schott pushes me behind him after we see what it is. We slowly back away, and the things finally stops realising we are here.
"We are not your enemy," Schott whispers up his breath.
Gonzaleus… or so I guess, it was his room after all. But it was hard to know when there is no face. He rocks his body upwards, and then back down. Upwards. Down. Upwards. Back down.
"What?" I ask, and Gonzaleus 'looks' towards me.
I feel an urge to run as I feel him run towards me – but instead his head rolls towards our feet with one knock from that… polar bear. And a third thunder, a roar, resounds from its upwards facing head.
"Leave us," Schott aims his pistol. "We mean you no harm."
But this time it wasn't my imagination, I see it comes towards us. Pushing Schott sideways after he fires one shot, I try to pull the door close… but Gonzaleus head doesn't roll out of in – just gets stuck in between.
"CANDICE!"
I gasp as the door breaks – throwing me away.
No.
Not when I'm not in his arms. Please lord.
Arms hold me. Down. And smash me down a dozen times while thunder clouds form and roar above me. I was to die on another hill. But this here… so close to him but so far. I look towards Schott as he shouts and shoots at the bear in rage.
No.
Find my arms instead. A writer knows when the story is about to end. And here… it… is.
-*
"ARGGGHHHHH," I say, shooting the rest of the five bullets into the bear's body. But it doesn't stop. It holds Candice in its arms.
No.
"NO!" I say, throwing my body weight on the bear, but it doesn't budge.
My poem… My words. She is my pages. I cannot bear to see it rip.
And I feel glad as I finally bother the bear and it strokes my neck. But I don't end up in her arms. I just look at her face looking at me. Just in reach but so far away. I see only my own reflection, fading, in her eyes. Her reflection in mine drown out in tears. Until my body is torn apart and all my red love flows out.
Will our blood at least perhaps embrace and hold each other? Form an amalgamation which I could foolishly call… the Outro to love?
-*
I gasp and come out from below Divya's bed. What in the fuck did I hear? Was it that creep? Where did they go?
My body takes me away. Uphill. Up… whatever. This was a long ride. The heat in my legs replace the cold outside. I should've worn something warmer.
I wasn't even that far, even while running for so long. I hear rustling in the woods. I find someone run past me without looking. Gonzaleus. And what follows him, ignores me too. Was that the damn snow? No… there were no bears around. Especially polar bears.
But there was.
I sit there in fear and hear roars like thunder which threaten to break me inside out. Gunshots which shake the very mountain. I'm no protagonist, what am I to-
-*
"What in the world, SCHOTT!" I run towards them as I see the bear take Candice and him down.
My blurred vision doesn't help but I run towards them, feeling my fight or flight adrenaline. The bear bites my leg and I try to push it away. I kick it to the ground and kick it's body a bunch of times and finally put a the latest rock I can find – smashing upon it.
I get dragged from behind, my back and my head hit a tree first. Then the ground. Thunder cracks. I get pushed away and looks down to my blood oozing out of the side of my mid-body. Oh lord, how? I-
-*
"Holy shit, those people clearly are dead," I say, and even Pune looks mad – that always calm guy. "I don't know how to explain it but… I feel it."
"Mr. Jake we weren't supposed to have such wildlife. A polar bear? This isn't a polar region."
"The wild and love," I say under my breath. "There is something very fucked up going on. And we clearly have an antagonist bigger than a bear."
"It sure feels like only half of us are left," Helen says. "We should escape. That is our only choice."
"Off a mountain? What should we… ski…" I hurry towards the main room we were at and grab the skis off the walls. "Right. We are to do that."
"We don't have much time!" Kevin yells.
And the roar breaks the wooden door of the cabin. I quickly wear the ski on my feet, move it!" I yell and prompt them to move to the other room.
I close the door behind me and pat Dimitri's shoulder to go towards the window. The chilling breeze and a few snowflakes hit my face.
"Hey, Jake…" Dimitri says.
"GO!" I scream, having stuck my ski below the door.
I find the ground with ease but my legs cry. I watch on the far mirror as the beast tears apart my back. Why should this be happening? Why? How?
"So I'm no protagonist," I say, and the bear roars at me as if telling me a yes while-
-*
"Tasni, no!" I hear, as I race down my ski.
No I couldn't wait. The freaking bear… but I see somebody familiar, Zeher, at a distance. I crash sideways but not being familiar with skiing… which I was to learn tomorrow… I push the blades to her face and twist my ankle. We roll down to the campfire which Jake has lit for us… burning in the snow we reach the bus we had come in. The cold was helpful for survival but my skin yet burns and-
-*
"OH SHIT LOOKOUT!" I say, pushing Kevin and pulling the girls to cover below me, as I realise what Tasni's reckless act would-
-*
I cough and sit up, pushing Pyne's body out of the way. "Pyne…" I barely whisper. "Dimitri? Helen? Are you guys…"
I find Helen holding Dimitri.
"Run, ok?"
-*
I just watch, frozen on the ice… as the bear tears Kevin's head from his body. No, how did we move on this quick? Why was the bear so enraged?
"WAKE UP, DIMITRI!" Helen screams to wake me up.
The bear twitches its face and bears its teeth at us… but it stops. It stops and looks to the side. And as it does, I push myself on Helen and help her up too.
The protagonist… cannot die. I have to save her.
I push us to our feet and then forward, away from the bear, the fire, down the mountain.
"You are the protagonist. Go," I say, feeling my short story nearing its end.
-*
I don't even get to gasp as I fall while holding on Dimitri's hand too tight. She… wait, where kn the world did…
I try to push the rock. Oh Sisyphus, how did you do it? Oh Orpheus if only I had looked back like you to see what was to come. But now I'm just like Prometheus, chained to this rock, because Dimitri won't let go.
I scream up my lungs, as I see the avalanche nearing. But Lowly Screams or a "Don't please," does not help stop or even halt the avalanche. It strikes towards me and I hold my breathe as if it'd be like swimming. But my eyes go blind as the snow rages into them. What is the difference, the bear would have killed me too.
-*
I crawl away. I had to. Holding myself and a part of me alongside me. The avalanche… it was to come, I knew it. I make my way back to the cave and hug my wounded baby.
"Don't worry…" I whisper to my baby. "I know they hurt you. I know they brought us here wrongly. And they hurt us… but I got them all. They won't hurt you. And those two ladies will die from the avalanche."
"It… hurts."
"I know… but we won't die here. I have brought their heads with me. Don't you just love them?"
I say, pointing at the nine heads… it won't last us long. But their bodies could be found. I'll go tear pieces of them when the avalanche stops.
"We won't die. Don't worry. This is not our Death."