Ryuuen, that bastard, was definitely up to no good.
This was basically like everyone had already revealed their cards—Ayanokoji and Kouenji were each holding a royal flush. What was even the point of the rest of them playing?
Especially since Hikigaya and Kanzaki had arrived late. There was no reason to jump in knowing they'd be humiliated.
"Kanzaki, your Class A, the so-called representative of the grade, suffered a crushing defeat. Aren't you going to avenge your classmates?"
"I'll pass. I have no interest in something this ridiculous."
Kanzaki calmly refused Ryuuen's provocation, but Ryuuen had no intention of letting him off so easily.
"Right now, the only ones still wrapped in towels are you two… No, three. Could it be that you're hiding your true abilities, just like Ayanokoji?"
That statement made it obvious—Ayanokoji had already been dragged into this mess by Ryuuen.
As for Kouenji, he was probably participating of his own accord… Wait, why was that guy looking this way?
Just as Hikigaya was wondering about it, Kouenji chuckled and said, "I've already seen Dead-Eye Boy's size before. Though he can't compare to Ayanokoji Boy and me, he can still crush the rest of you with ease."
…Oi.
Kouenji's words were like a bomb, instantly setting the entire bathhouse ablaze.
"No way! I don't believe he's bigger than Katsuragi-san!"
"Exactly! And don't forget, Class C has Albert!"
Yahiko and Ishizaki jumped up on the spot… Wait, why were they more excited than the actual person involved?! If you guys want to compete, just do it yourselves!
"Wait, wait, calm down!"
Seeing these idiots about to surround him, Hikigaya tried his best to defuse the situation while cursing Kouenji for spouting nonsense again.
If he wanted to brag, that was fine, but why drag an innocent bystander into it?!
"Seriously, you guys have already seen how absurdly inhuman Kouenji and Ayanokoji are. There's no point in looking at me."
"Hehe, we just want to confirm it for ourselves."
Ishizaki grinned wickedly as he approached, while the others watched expectantly.
After all, among the first-year boys, if not all, at least a third probably held some grudge against Hikigaya.
It seemed like everyone was eager to see him embarrassed… Sigh. Why did humans enjoy hurting each other so much?
And for the record, weren't they all losers in this too?!
"Fine, fine, look if you want. But don't start making sarcastic comments afterward—unlike those two freaks who can wrestle wild boars, I'm just a normal guy."
"Enough nonsense, hurry up and— wait, wild boars?"
Just as Hikigaya resigned himself to his fate, Ishizaki suddenly froze at those words.
Then, with an incredulous expression, he asked, "Hikigaya, did you just say wild boars? Do you mean the ones in the nearby mountains? Are you saying those two guys are… bigger than wild boars?!" [T/N: Hahahahaa Shit!]
"…Huh?"
For a moment, Hikigaya had no idea what he was talking about.
Why was the conversation suddenly comparing them to wild animals?!
Nobody had said anything like that!
"N-no way… They wrestled wild boars?"
"Is this for real…?"
"Kouenji, sure, I can believe that… but Ayanokoji? It… seems possible?"
The sound of murmuring filled the air. Their discussion was becoming more and more distorted.
These idiots had misinterpreted the meaning of "wrestling"… but Hikigaya had only repeated Ayanokoji's original words.
So, masterpiece over there, could you stop staring this way?
"Oi, Ayanokoji, I never expected you to go that far," Ryuuen smirked. "Looks like humans aren't enough for you anymore. Next time, maybe you should find a gorilla as your opponent."
"It wasn't me—"
"Hahaha! Dead-Eye Boy, your information network is as sharp as ever!"
Before Ayanokoji could clarify, Kouenji's loud laughter cut him off.
"Yesterday, I did indeed have a delightful wrestling session with an adorable little boar. Ayanokoji Boy saw it and decided to follow my example. In other words, I was the first man to conquer a wild boar!"
"No one is competing with you…"
Hikigaya was stunned. Kouenji's self-obsession wasn't just excessive—it was completely off the charts.
Then, Kouenji shot Ayanokoji a knowing look and said, "But Ayanokoji Boy, mischief has its limits. Involving others makes it less… beautiful."
You're the last person qualified to say that… Wait.
Did Kouenji already know about what happened this afternoon? Had he heard from a teacher?
"It was just an accident," Ayanokoji said slowly. "And I only described what I saw. I didn't exaggerate anything."
"Heh, did you forget what I said yesterday? The one making the judgment is me. No matter what others say, it won't change my mind."
It seemed Kouenji was convinced Ayanokoji was scheming behind the scenes, evidence be damned. Perhaps there was something to learn from his unwavering self-confidence.
However, the other guys couldn't understand their conversation at all.
They thought they were arguing over who had wrestled the wild boar first.
"It feels like we're not even in the same dimension anymore…"
"Well, he is a T-Rex. Even a wild boar wouldn't stand a chance."
This discussion was getting out of hand. It was dangerously close to veering into some kind of beastly perversion.
Honestly, male jealousy was ugly.
"These two are already kings! Right?"
Bridge by Hashimoto's shout, the bathhouse erupted in another round of commotion.
"King! King! King!"
Centered around Kouenji and Ayanokoji, the boys spontaneously started a 'king call.'
They're getting way too excited about this.
And of course, Ryuuen, ever the troublemaker, yelled, "Hey, hey, don't look down on people! It should be Wild Boar King, right?"
"Wild Boar King! Wild Boar King! Wild Boar King!"
"Heh heh heh, so you guys have finally learned to appreciate the beauty of my physique."
Kouenji looked extremely pleased with himself as he leisurely slid back into the bath.
Meanwhile, Ayanokoji was covered in black lines, looking like he was about to mentally shut down.
Yeah… when it comes to situations like this, having a thick skin is the only way to survive.
But 'Wild Boar King,' huh…? That's actually kind of amusing.
Hikigaya's mind immediately went to work on something devious. Come to think of it, 'boar' wasn't really an insult. Since ancient times, it had been a symbol of bravery and strength, much like a bear.
It's just that, in this case, it was being used to mock a certain… reproductive organ.
In other words, wasn't this an even bigger bombshell than the rumors about Ichinose?
After all, the only thing that can defeat magic is more magic.
But this was Class A's issue, so it was best to let their own people handle it.
Hikigaya spotted Kanzaki, who was sitting on a stool washing himself, and crouched beside him, whispering, "That was pretty interesting just now. Don't you think others would find it just as entertaining?"
"What are you talking about?" Kanzaki looked over in confusion.
"Obviously, the 'Wild Boar King.'"
"…It's just a crude joke."
"Heh, and because it's crude, it spreads even better." Hikigaya hinted, "Just like that thing about Ichinose… Didn't you want to help her? Here's a perfect opportunity."
Ichinose was already a first-year celebrity, and thanks to someone's efforts, Ayanokoji's name was rising even higher.
To be honest, Hikigaya was tempted to ask him for advertising fees.
Kanzaki hesitated for a moment before shaking his head firmly. "No, I won't do that. That would make me no different from Ryuuen."
"Yeah, there's no difference."
Hikigaya admitted without argument, then added,
"But what if I told you that, this afternoon, Ayanokoji set a trap and used a wild boar to injure two second-year seniors who were following him? Would you still feel guilty about it?"
Using any means necessary against bad people—of course, that was wrong.
But human emotions were often simple.
For example, if hurting Ayanokoji meant saving Ichinose, would Hikigaya do it?
Of course, he would!
After all, Komachi and Ichinose's little sister were good friends. If Komachi found out he just stood by and did nothing, she'd definitely be furious.
Kanzaki hesitated. "Even if you say that… do you have proof?"
"So, if there's proof, you'll agree to do it?"
"No, I mean—"
Faced with Hikigaya's relentless questioning, Kanzaki looked deeply conflicted.
On one hand, he genuinely wanted to help Ichinose. On the other, his sense of morality held him back.
Seeing this, Hikigaya simply gave up. "Sorry, I shouldn't have pressured you. That was thoughtless of me. Please don't take my meddling to heart."
"No, don't say that. I know you're doing this for Ichinose."
"But I still want to tell you one thing—being a righteous person in this world is painful. Learning a thing or two from Ryuuen isn't entirely a bad thing… especially in this school."
If you wanted to put it in a more dramatic way—one day, you'd drown in your own naivety.
"…I understand." Kanzaki's expression grew heavy as he nodded.
"And for the record, I'm doing this for my sister."
That part needed to be made clear.
Just as Kanzaki was about to question the sudden change in topic, a voice called out from behind them.
"Hey, what's got you two talking so enthusiastically? Let me in on it."
Turning around, they saw Ryuuen.
Hikigaya immediately stood up—mainly because his previous sitting position gave him an unfortunate view.
"Ryuuen, perfect timing. We were just discussing something really interesting. Want in?"
"Oh? What is it?"
Ryuuen's curiosity was piqued, and Hikigaya whispered the details to him.
After listening, Ryuuen burst into laughter.
"Heh heh heh… dead-eyed bastard, you're getting more shameless by the day."
"So, what? Are you in or not?"
"Something this fun? Of course, I'm in." Ryuuen grinned viciously. "Even if you're using me, I don't mind. After all, I still owe Ayanokoji a little payback."
"You just want to see him suffer, don't you?"
Even though Ryuuen didn't interact much with others, his subordinates got along with a lot of the guys.
Like Kondo and Komiya from the basketball club. They had even framed Sudo once, yet now they played basketball together like nothing had happened… That's just how guys' friendships work.
Anyway, get a bunch of dudes together, and of course, they'd love dirty jokes.
At this rate, the whole school would hear about it by tomorrow.
Suddenly, Hikigaya recalled a famous line from Romance of the Three Kingdoms—
Ayanokoji, I borrow your… uh, crotch for a bit!
"Hey, Rotten-Eyes, I almost forgot something."
"What is it?"
"Of course... this!"
Ryuuen suddenly shouted, and with a swift motion, he yanked the towel wrapped around Hikigaya's waist.
The loud exclamation caught the attention of the people around them, and countless pairs of eyes immediately turned their way.
Wait… why are you all so interested in another guy's lower body?!
"Kouenji was telling the truth..."
"This is on the same level as Katsuragi… no, probably closer to Albert."
"I feel like Princess-sama might not survive this."
Hey! Don't discuss this right in front of me!
And Hashimoto, you bastard, I'll remember this!
Hikigaya was beyond frustrated and couldn't help but complain, "You guys are seriously annoying. Besides, none of you are getting girlfriends anyway, so whether it's big or small—whoa?!"
Before he could even finish, bars of soap came flying at him from all directions.
Luckily, he managed to use Ryuuen as a human shield… Looks like his words had triggered mass outrage.
Seriously, learning to accept reality is the first step to becoming an adult, you know!
—
Late at night, forty-five minutes past lights-out, Hikigaya held his breath as he slipped out of his room, carefully making his way toward the cafeteria.
After several days of testing, he was fairly certain that no teachers patrolled at this hour, but it was still best to be cautious.
He sat down at a random seat and waited.
Soon, a weak flashlight beam flickered behind him.
Before he could even turn around, a voice suddenly snapped at him.
"Ayanokouji! You bastard, don't think you can still threaten me at this point! So what if I bullied that trash woman, Karuizawa? If you dare expose this, I'll just claim you were the mastermind! Worst case scenario, we both get expelled!"
"Uh…" Hikigaya was stunned by the sudden outburst.
Huh? So she already knew?
Then why did she obediently follow Ayanokouji's orders back then…? Is she a masochist?
"Quit standing there with that dead face and turn your damn head around! I still have a score to settle with you!" Manabe snarled.
"…Excuse me, it's dead eyes, not a dead face."
With a sigh, Hikigaya turned around—only for Manabe to freeze in shock.
"Wh-Why is it you?! Where's Ayanokouji?!"
"Probably wrestling a wild boar in his dreams."
"Hah?"
"Just kidding." Hikigaya rested his chin on his hand, looking at her with a puzzled expression.
"Tell me something, Manabe. You knew that Ayanokouji couldn't actually threaten you, so why did you still sell out your class? Were you… seeking excitement?"
"T-That's none of your business!"
In reality, it was Ryuuen who had lectured Manabe first, making her realize the situation.
Of course, Hikigaya hadn't been present for that conversation. More importantly, he hadn't expected Ryuuen to bother explaining things to her in the first place.
After all, Ryuuen had always treated his classmates like mere chess pieces—since when did he start reasoning with them?
The answer, of course, was Hikigaya himself.
Ever since the start of the school year, Ryuuen had repeatedly suffered losses at Hikigaya's hands, forcing him to acknowledge his limitations. While his outward attitude hadn't changed much, deep down, he understood that he couldn't lead his class to Class A alone.
Unfortunately, being a delinquent, Ryuuen was too proud to admit it outright. It wasn't until Ayanokouji beat him that he finally backed down.
"Well, I guess it's not my business. But since you're already here, why not chat for a bit?"
"Huh? W- Wait a minute!" Manabe's eyes widened. "Are you telling me… you lured me out here using Ayanokouji's name?!"
"Uh…" Hikigaya was once again baffled.
Shouldn't that have been obvious the moment she saw him? …This delinquent girl is hopelessly dumb.
"Just shut up and listen. I won't take much of your time."
"What the hell?! Why did you lie?! You could've just used your name!" Manabe was still fuming.
"…I was afraid you wouldn't come."
"And what makes you think I'd show up just because it was Ayanokouji's name?"
"Well, you're here now, aren't you?"
"That's—!"
"Enough, shut up."
Hikigaya had had enough of dealing with this idiot. He seriously didn't understand why she was making such a big deal out of it.
"You've got some nerve!" Manabe shot back. "You're the liar here! Why are you acting like you're so high and mighty?!"
"…Keep talking, and I'll tell Ryuuen about your little schemes."
"Hah? What's there to tell?!"
"Oh, you know… how you instantly accepted Nagumo's invitation without a second thought, and even planned with Tokito to overthrow Ryuuen."
Hikigaya sighed, his tone full of mockery. "Honestly, I was pretty shocked. Tokito tried convincing you for ages and you didn't budge, but the second Nagumo stepped in, you immediately agreed… Tsk tsk, good-looking guys do have it easy."
"W-What?! As if you're any better! You're working under Nagumo too!"
"My situation is different. My class doesn't have a Ryuuen—just a nice guy, Hirata."
Even if Manabe was an idiot, she was still a delinquent.
She should understand the unspoken rule—serving two bosses was a death sentence.
"Tch, and you expect me to believe you? Where's your proof?!"
Manabe was still stubbornly denying it… No, to be fair, what she said was true.
There were no surveillance cameras here, and the spacious cafeteria offered no real hiding places for anyone.
"Just because you're close with Ryuuen-kun doesn't mean you can boss me around! You thief!"
"I'll admit to being a thief, but I'm not close with Ryuuen."
Hikigaya sighed and shook his head before taking out a finely crafted pen from his pocket—the one he had borrowed from Horikita.
"By the way, I just recorded everything you said. Oh, and you do know what this is, right?"
"Eh? Eh…? A… recording pen?"
Manabe hesitated for a moment before blurting out the answer herself.
"Yep. Smart girl."
"Ugh…" Manabe instantly froze in place.
It took her a while to recover before she snapped back, visibly flustered. "T-There's no way! You're lying! The teachers thoroughly checked everything before we got off the bus! Even Rika's books and pens were inspected several times—it can't be a recording device!"
"…Sigh. And you call yourself a girl."
Hikigaya shook his head, his expression filled with exasperation.
"Don't you know that girls have plenty of places to hide things? Besides, didn't you just call me a thief? Have you already forgotten how I stole from Ryuuen?"