Her knees grew weak as she stared at Zabulus in a tearful anger that went hand-in-hand with embarrassment.
She stepped back, a line of salty water still running from her red and wet eyes. Only allowed to move her lips and produce some sort of incomprehensible murmur that spoke of sorrow, hopelessness.
A memory rushed to Zabulus' mind as he kept contact with her...
'The suns are dying... Yet their beauty lasts... They are strong... Yet their spirit remains low... They are beautiful... Yet they're dying... Why?'
A man spoke to him—Once to her.
On a day as dark and dreadful as any day, a scene played in an unknown place, a white beautiful landscape, untainted by the blackness of the world outside the library. A blackness, or a seed of darkness that laid waste to many worlds...
Zabulus slowly withdrew his arm, 'eyes' looking for hers, yet, it would find none.
'Say... do you fear death?' The man asked. There was no answer, and thus he laughed. 'Hahaha, of course you do. It's only natural to fear death; you wouldn't want to die, of course not. You want to keep living, just for a little longer, even if it meant pain in the process, would you agree, Ixo?'
The girl lifted her gaze, red and glossy eyes meeting a much darker pair in a shade similar to a void.
She did not want to, in truth, for in her young mind, death is a fate worse than living for just a while longer.
For no matter what, you have an end that is soon reached, no matter how long.
You could have the greatest day, but no matter your wealth, it means nothing, and the last breath is there.
That would be the reason to fear death, to keep on living so the thought would have less gravity.
And so she spoke, 'Yes... Yes, I would. Death, I've never experienced, but in some way, it haunts me... It haunts my dreams, yet in another, it's my only savior. I-I don't want to handle the ever-changing state of mind and the constant loss of moments. I don't want to go through the dread of losing my happiness the moment it shines, the moments when I know not the fear of death because my hope blinds me. Those... Those are the most painful moments of them all, for... If death decides when happiness ends, then we've all experienced death at least once a day...' Her tone was low as a hum, her head rested on her knees as she sat down against a wall, the only brightness coming from the windows, the windows which were covered by pure white curtains. She felt alone. 'I haven't known loneliness for a long time, but I've known the feeling of not knowing it. It was that moment that I remember, that I felt loneliness for the first time. I felt my happiness escape me and- And it was dreadful. Not the loneliness, but the death of my happiness.'
'Then you do not know the meaning of pain, then? Laughter is death's favorite gift! Each day you suffer brings the feeling you call happiness, do you understand?' His voice boomed and made her flinch, the man who spoke had a bigger shadow as he approached her.
He sat down next to her, with a little bit of distance in-between them.
'Tell me, Ixo, when does death visit? When is death always nearby?'
She sat silently, contemplating the question and trying to come up with an answer. But her answer was far from the correct one. For in her head she pictured her creation and... A younger Ixo's memory played out in the scene.
Onofre would've told her she was proud of her, but she hadn't met her at this point in time.
'I think it's... every day. Any day at this point, maybe some sort of cruel prank where one could live forever and ever, with only the loss of one's moments of happiness...' She answered as she gripped the scarf covering her shoulders. The girl held the feeling of sadness well. 'What about you? When does death visit to you?'
'Hmm... Death to me is a constant, like a father or mother always in their house, death is there to welcome you. Even today, the air feels denser with its presence, does it not?' He inquired as he pointed to the sky and leaned over to take a glimpse at Ixothrozophella's face. 'Death comes for many reasons, many reasons... Pain is usually associated, and the end of life is the most common. Everyone has their own death, I mean that as in, when the pain ends, the one experiencing the suffering may believe that they died, or worse, may not survive the next breath.'
He sounded too grim for her liking as she dug her head into the red scarf... The sight and the smell was nostalgic, not nostalgic in a good way, though, as some sort of nauseous feeling invaded her stomach and made her turn pale... It was a red color that wasn't crimson like that of a rose, more similar to blood... 'I would've expected... But... My memory says otherwise... They never told me where this was, I do not recognize its scenery at all... Maybe, if I just focus more...' She took her head out of the fabric and looked closer into the field of nothing but white for miles on end... She sighed and rubbed her head. 'Do you think death is outside?'
The question caught him by surprise, but a smile formed on his face. 'Are you curious about what death is like, or are you curious about what it's like being death? Heh, well, I've seen death many times. I'd love to think of myself as a being who harbors it. But I know I'm just a lowly Librarian. Hell, just look around anywhere you can find! The world is ours! We don't have to worry about getting a damn job, worry about paying for an apartment... Nothin' but you and me! The same can't be said of your friends outside, they'd never dream of finding a place like this... But it's only a part of it. Come with me, come with me as I open another layer to our lives together.' His tone of voice grew grim and lightened up afterwards, as if there wasn't anything wrong, with a wave of his hand that invited Ixo, the two approached a floating box that didn't have a wall keeping it there. With a key that held many elements, he entered a code and pulled on it... A button activated the device as the wall opened into a staircase heading down and inwards, their lights turning on as he led the way...
'Don't tell anyone about this...' He whispered under his breath, and their path became one in darkness with walls on the side. 'It's going to feel a lot different to be here in a few hours.'
She was confused, but curiosity got to her as she felt the descent down the stairs was long and winding, as her legs could not wait to go down and...
There, a place littered with coffins. Hundreds upon hundreds of them in one big room that she was supposed to find homey in a sense, to keep her calm.
But her face didn't express anything. His face expressed something along the lines of remorse.
'This is... An alternative, as we say in our language. Some like to call us 'Undying Pieces of Shit', some like to think of us as a higher being than God, a demon, something greater. To us, it is just... Nothing, only a source of pain.' He opened the lid of one coffin, the color that peeked her eyes was a blinding yellow as she squinted and turned away her head from the radiance of it all. He ushered her to enter, and she did so in compliance...
It was nothing but an extremely bright void, not at all resembling the emptiness of a galaxy or an ocean without light in her eyes, for they would only remain closed after being exposed to the intense light. 'Oh...? So it is that nothing is more painful than something? Oh, I see...' His muffled voice could only barely be understood, as her senses could not work properly with her eyes shut and a loss of some sort of a 6th sense in the situation.
'To die is... For a moment to be gone... To forget a moment is to lose yourself. I see.'
The coffin lid opened. She woke up in a jolt, the tears that soaked the corner of her eye still wet on her cheeks and her breathing rapid. 'This feeling of... Remembrance, what is this?'
'It's the life and memory of a past Librarian, probably.' His voice made her remember a dream, but it felt different.
'Then are we like a chain? A chain that doesn't break in a sense?'
'....'s....'s....'s...'
The memory ended and Zabulus' consciousness rushed back into the physical realm and back inside himself once again.
The crying face of Ixothrozophella made him feel sorrow in his heart. But in a single moment his sorrow was replaced with an indifference, his eyes glanced off to where Phronta was; a blank stare as if in deep contemplation.
Zabulus drew back a step.
Ixothrozophella raced farther to her advantage, and finally, after hours of a constant struggle, after years of hoping...
Perhaps blinded by her tears, or possibly ignoring them... Her blade would miss Zabulus, leaving a space between her and him. She now only felt the need to die, as seeing that memory once again was nothing short of excruciating. And what better to cut her body apart, for what purpose? Maybe as a final 'Screw you' to the world around her, the same one he tried to make for her.
The weapon clattered to the ground once again as he bent down to grab the blade.
"Az- Azkite... Demon... a-a-ah... Demon, to think I fell into this mess...!!?" Her legs and body felt heavy as a foreign and surreal feeling came over her. "You... Y-you destroyed everything for me..."
"I don't know you nor how I did."
"You t-took away the only good parts of m-my life..."
"I don't know. What parts did I take?"
"You... You destroyed me and tainted my p-perceptions... Why did y-you d-destroy me? Why would you do that?"
Zabulus felt pity for the confused girl. "Because, sometimes a being only cares about his own life and has a hidden disdain for everyone." He said, "Did you know why I used to live my life as a lone creature, fighting and destroying so that no-one would have an opportunity to get close to me? Because I only wanted power, because I hated the thought of someone like my old self being near me and so close... I'm sorry for what may have happened because of the old me, and I apologize for... whatever has happened to you. I think-"
She grabbed at the hem of her clothes and gritted her teeth, speaking between the clenches of her jaw as her hands balled themselves into fists. "NO, n-no... You know nothing, n-nothing ab- about me... My whole fucking life I was trying to learn what it meant to have value a-and what it meant to be seen by o-others! Do you have any idea what a life of being locked away is like!? Of having an anxiety-wracking fear about everything?! Even now I see an unseen future, it- it's like my head won't s-stop talking and w-will n-never s-stop..."
Her stutter was back, her knees growing weak, and she fell to the ground.
"H-hey... a-are you o-okay?" Phronta said, timidly getting up from her hiding place and cautiously approaching her, her head moving to check what lay behind her. "G-give her some r-room to breath... Maybe... Maybe h-hearing all of th-these voices is u-uh... b-bad for h-her...?" Her voice cracked from the pressure put on her, she was fearful and worried, yet still tried her hardest to care for the distressed warrior.
"Kill me."
"Wha-?!" Phronta flinched back after hearing Ixo's voice, not really getting why she'd want that so easily when she was this close to having it all... Or not quite.
"P-please, just end it... Kill me... End my miserable life already, my Queen..."
"I don't understand what the Queen has to do with you wanting to die right n-"
Zabulus stood in silence as the realization set in.
"No."
"Kill me! Kill me! Kill me! Please, if the Queen has no more use for me, then let me perish and suffer in the way a low life such as myself deserves to suffer!"
"H-hold on a second-"
"DO IT, KILL ME OR I'LL GO AND KILL MYSELF!!!"
Phronta jumped back at the volume of Ixo's screams.
Zabulus had no more words to spare for the lost girl, so he walked up to her and lifted the blade as if to put an end to it all, but quickly struck the ground and impaled a spot next to her head. The girl almost yelled in terror but her voice was muted by the sound of the impact, her body pushed back and making a form on the floor. She'd feel her heartbeat increase and would feel the vibrations of the nearby rock impact against the walls, her ears felt deaf as the metal sank a half-inch deep into the rock. The sword was embedded into the ground.
"Next time, you might not get that lucky," said Zabulus with a scorned expression on his face. "And-"
Boom.
The door to the room was destroyed. A certain light radiating from the outside blinded Phronta, causing her to look away.
"Who dares to disrupt my..." Onofre's voice grew quiet from the booming echoes of a stampede and a murmur of thousands rushing at the gate, or perhaps the hole. "Boyo? Ixo?"
Onofre appeared, confusion written all over her face and body as her mouth spoke incoherent sounds.
Zabulus quickly put himself on guard, as he was certain that Onofre was the one who sent Ixothrozophella.
"W-what... Oh, it looks like she's broken. My sweet, poor thing... She has no choice, no free will, yet, she chooses to shatter herself. Hah, that's funny. Boyo, what did you do to her?"
"What I did? Do you mean what she did? Why you sent her?" Zabulus questioned Onofre, taking another glance at Ixo. "If you were a better person, you'd leave her alone."
"Sent her?! What preposterous things are you insinuating, boyo?! My girl here, is innocent of everything."
'Bullshit.'
Zabulus tilted his head. "If so, why did she go and try to kill me?"
"No, tell me this. Why have you brought a traitor with you to this tower? Are you aware of the order of the Forty-Eight, boyo? She was one of us, and you lead her to her demise."
Phronta ran up to hide behind Zabulus, trying hard to not burst into a panic attack, trying not to think of everything at once.
"Ah... that makes it all clear, I misjudged you, then, boyo."
Zabulus responded, "How is the presence of a coward who attempts to kill the living for living how they want to live supposed to be a judgment? Tell me, if a murderer and an ender of life tries to end your own, is it still murder, and would their soul not have to worry about Hell?"
"My, you never told me what side you're on. But then again, shame on me for ever bringing you here! What was I thinking? You have my deepest apologies for ever doing so."
"And what's this about anyway!? Why's Phronta a traitor for wanting to live how she wants? Is she meant to forever be stuck in those walls doing nothing her entire life?! Just a caged bird you never bothered to understand?!"
"Phronta? Are you telling me... it's THAT girl? The girl who will burn the world? Hahahaha! I knew it, I just knew it. I can see it in her face! Oh how she's grown, I bet someone misses their mommy and daddy! Where are those two anyway... Oh, yeah, they died in a heresy event."
Zabulus' anger rose from the bottom of his heart, there was a special place in there for Onofre... but the way she was acting, the way she was talking... This wasn't the person he was lead to know.
"It's sad, boyo. I never wanted to have to hurt you, you were special to me~!"
"Then... in that case... That's why you sent her to kill me?"
"Ah, no, I did not, believe me. She must've thought to do so on her own. But it's funny, she saw you for who you were, and did the right thing! Say... is there a reason there's a blade right next to her head? Because you wanted to kill her, I know you do."
"Don't lie! You said, 'What did you do?' you clearly implied you knew what was going on in here... No. Onofre, tell me, tell me honestly... was that why you left me out to my own devices? To test my trust?"
"Hmph. Ah, yeah. But hey, how do I know you wouldn't turn your back on me and try to kill me, too?"
Zabulus had no further words to spare. He walked a step forwards, then two, then five. He charged at a slow pace, and she would stand there, doing nothing.
Just as he was about to reach her, she disappeared.
The sound of her softly landing on the ground behind him could be heard.
"Ah... what a soft, and cute face you've grown into, eh? Phronta, my sweet child. Give your Aunt a hug and forget about everything else, you silly!" Yet, despite her words, she held Phronta's chin and head tightly and stepped inwards. "Do you want to live? Ohhh you so desperately want to live. I know you do. You all do, so did your father and mother."
Phronta's face was frozen, filled with tears and barely able to breathe.
"Dry it, my little angel," Onofre said.
"LEAVE HER ALONE! SHE DID NOTHING WRONG!! I'M THE REASON SHE ESCAPED IN THE FIRST PLACE!" Zabulus yelled, his fist tightened as he pushed towards Onofre and was ready to strike, only for a strange feeling in his guts.
It wasn't right... he shouldn't push, stay put... Wait.
Zabulus wanted to come closer to Phronta but...
"Come anyyy closer and her head will pop off of her body!" Onofre hissed.
"Just... Stop it... Please..."
Ixo was nowhere to be seen in the room either, nor was her blade. The hole was still there, and there were still books on the walls.
"A-ah... I'll... I'll be good..." Phronta's words were slow, her mouth barely moving as she attempted to speak. "We'll be o-okay..." She smiled towards Zabulus as Onofre's grip tightened.
"Y-yeah... I'll make sure that you're safe, I-"
"Goosh! This is getting boring," Onofre rolled her eyes, "Hey, I'll kill the girl, and you can be next."
Crack.
The room filled with silence after the sudden break, and from Phronta's perspective her neck slowly turned sideways, and then her body followed after falling from the hold and touching the ground.
Her chest no longer breathing, no longer beating.
Phronta... the youngest was dead and cold.
The silence was deafening.
There wasn't a soul who would say that it was his fault, it was all Onofre's fault.
Her smile remained plastered on her face as she sighed.
"...Can I call you 'boyo' anymore? Sorry, the fact you had a hand in all of this was unintentional, it was my mistake for letting her go out of my sight, really!"
Onofre kicked Phronta's corpse with enough force that it rolled towards Zabulus, right at his feet.
He looked beneath him, seeing her dead, eyes and her smile fading away.
He held her gently in his arms, and whispered, "Don't you ruin that smile... It's important." Tears rolled down his cheeks.
He cried.
He was silent.
He didn't give an explanation of his pain nor grief nor sadness nor loneliness.
Just one name left his mouth, or so he said.
One simple name was enough.
It was all that mattered in the world now.
He knelt in a form that seemed of that of an angel, his wings wrapped around her body and forming an enclosure to which Onofre's confusion could barely fathom. She looked on at the scene and simply thought she'd cut open his wings or maybe his body...
But he was no angel. For the angel's light owed nothing to the devil's darkness.
A weeping devil encumbering and suffering in the midst of the heavens with an angel in his arms.
Tears flowed, and flowed. They flowed so much that there would be a river that would fill the tower all the way up. But still, they only added up.
He wept more than all the tears of an entire nation.
He wept more than the weight and density of the planet could support.
The burden on his shoulders and the amount he's had to face were simply not comparable in the slightest.
At this point, he'd given up on everything, friends, a lover, his whole life, he didn't want anything.
He only wanted one thing, and it was to see Onofre dead.