On their way to school, one member of a trio of friends speaks his truth unto the world. A truth so all encompassing that many can sympathize with it. Nay, they would proclaim it for gospel themselves! Even across cultures, the concept is widely accepted as the unvarnished truth!
"I hate Mondays."
"You aren't Garfield," Kyoka deadpans, which prompts Hitoshi to look at her. With a straight face, he stares into her eyes and decides to challenge her bold claim.
"Meow, bitch."
"I don't think Garfield has ever actually meowed," Yui muses, tilting her head to the side as she tries to recall any instance of the orange tabby actually acting like a cat. You know, except for him generally being lazy and bullying the dog.
Her statement causes the other two to try and remember the pre-quirk character meowing themselves, only to come up blank. "Huh." Hitoshi blinks as he comes to the realization. "You're right."
Yui nods as she steps around a street sign. "That is usually the case, and yet people are always surprised." The other two give her deadpan looks, but she just returns it with her own. They know they won't win in a staring contest, so they choose to roll their eyes instead.
"Really? Are you planning to make your hero costume resemble a pirate?" Hitoshi snarks, causing Yui to hum thoughtfully.
"That doesn't sound too bad. I could try to see about asking Ms. Joke for pointers."
Kyoka raises an eyebrow at her. "You know that was unintentional, right? She added the bandanna later on to keep her hair out of her eyes when she fights."
"True," Yui nods in easy acknowledgement. "But that doesn't mean she isn't fully aware of how she looks with it. She easily could have used a hairband or something else to keep her hair out of the way. I'm fairly certain she decided on the bandanna because of her love for the Pirates of the Caribbean movies."
"As long as she's a fan of the original ones," Hitoshi points out. "The reboots they tried don't have the same casual hilarity. Johnny Depp was a perfect cast, and they just haven't been able to find anyone else who takes as naturally to the character."
The girls hum in agreement while nodding their heads. But before anyone can say anything else on the subject of classic movie series, an unseen force drags them all into an alley they happen to be passing by. Contrary to most peoples' expectations, they don't panic, struggle, or question what's happening. Instead they collectively let out sighs of irritation.
They get dragged far enough that anyone sending a casual glance down the alley wouldn't immediately see them, and they have doubts that even if someone did see them, they would try to help. After all, when someone who isn't a hero sees three teenagers surrounded by a dozen bigger and older teenagers, they'd either brush it off as them being young and getting into 'childish hijinks' or try to call a hero.
People are still trying to get used to the changes in the law regarding quirk use.
The trio aren't all that surprised that they've been dragged into yet another situation like this. It's happened often enough that the police have gotten them their own coffee mugs at the station. What might be the reason for this familiarity with being targeted by people?
"See, I told you these three have good stuff! Those are real gold!"
Shonimuka sneers at them while toadying up to Generic Delinquent Leader C, complete with a cross-shaped scar on his shiny bald head. As one, the trio takes a step back and points as the light gleams off of it.
"""BALD! BALD! BALD!"""
"IT'S A QUIRK CONDITION!"
"So he says…"
Generic Delinquent Leader C shoots a glare at the member of his gang(?) and grinds his teeth in anger before switching targets back to them, a vein popping out on the opposite side of his scar. At least now his head is symmetrical!
"Originally we were going to let you go if you gave up the jewelry without a fight. Now we're beating all you little shits into the ground!" His head starts to glow, making the previous glare worse.
"Oh no," Hitoshi cries out in monotone.
"How dreadful," Kyoka deadpans.
"Do any of you have a transformation quirk oriented towards canines? Specifically coyotes?" Yui questions with her hands in her pockets, drawing such confusion from the group that their readied quirks dissipate.
"Huh? No?" Generic Delinquent Leader C answers while another asks their own question.
"Out of everything you could have asked about the situation, why that?"
Yui shrugs, drawing her hands from her pockets and tossing something within each at their opponents. "It would be thematically appropriate." With a quick tap of her fingertips, the two objects rapidly expand to their full size. The delinquents they fly at feel their mouths drop open in shock as they try to dive out of the way, only for the objects to land on their legs with sickening crunches.
While they shriek in pain, the remaining ten (plus Shonimuka) stare at them in shock. And why wouldn't they? After all…
"""""WHY THE HELL ARE YOU CARRYING ANVILS AROUND!?!?!?!"""""
Said anvil thrower shrugs disinterestedly as she readies her brass knuckles, having already passed Kyoka her staff and Hitoshi his escrima sticks. The lack of change in her face from possibly crippling two people unsettles them deeply. "Like you said; we're little shits."
And with that as their battle cry, the three friends launch into yet another lesson on why it's a bad idea to try and mug them.
`~`
"Fucking Mondays."
"Yep." Detective Tsukauchi glares at the indigo haired teen who has the nerve to agree with him. Off to the side, officers are guiding the attackers into police cruisers. With the exceptions of course being the two who each have a leg that is 'mysteriously' crushed, along with a number of others with various broken bones. Those ones are loaded into an ambulance with a police escort.
Hitoshi just sips from the mug of coffee officer Sansa brought for the boy. Said cup also proclaims its hatred for Mondays, accompanied by a black cat glaring out at anyone who'd dare to say otherwise. On either side of him are his companions, also drinking their morning coffee. Kyoka's mug has a stylized music note looking like a beast's maw with the word 'Sound-bite' underneath it. Yui's mug is simpler in comparison, but more… concerning. Hers just has a hand flipping everyone off over the declaration that: 'I will end you'.
The detective would be lying if he said he doesn't find the girl intimidating. Something the vast majority of those who've suffered her ire would agree with.
Deciding that getting into a battle of snark with the teen (which the teen would probably win, if he's being honest) wouldn't make his day any better, Detective Tsukauchi just takes out his notebook and flips to an empty page, pen poised to write their statements down.
"So, I know that the three of you are aware of who I am and what my quirk is, but I still have to say it for formality's sake. I am Detective Tsukauchi and my quirk is Lie Detector. It allows me to know whenever someone is lying to me."
Getting the obligatory nod from the three 'problem children', as Eraserhead would say, he starts getting their statements. "Please describe how you ended up in this situation."
Hitoshi starts. "Well, we were walking."
"We felt something drag us into the alley," Kyoka continues.
"Those ruffians threatened us so we responded accordingly," Yui finishes smoothly.
Tsukauchi meets her eyes with a deadpan look. "The three of you broke a various number of bones in a dozen people's bodies. Two of which will need serious physical therapy to walk again."
"That's not our fault," Kyoka dismisses the assertion with a flick of her earphone jacks. Tsukauchi raises an eyebrow at the fact it reads as truth.
"Really? And how do you figure that?"
"They shouldn't have tried to mug us. Badly, at that." Hitoshi's response is punctuated by a long, loud slurp of coffee.
"The zodiacs deigned to inform everyone that today; those born under certain signs should be wary of heavy objects," Yui mentions lightly. "It's not our fault they didn't check their horoscope."
He knows he's going to regret asking, but he's obligated to! "What 'heavy objects' fell on the two of them?"
Giving him shit-eating grins that can rival Eraserhead's (except for Yui Kodai who remains expressionless) the three answer in sync.
"Meep Meep, motherfucker."
"..."
He chooses to ignore that, refusing to touch the trio's dedication to references with a ten foot pole. Especially in the face of how often they manage to actually bring events from pre-quirk shows to life.
He'd rather not end up falling into a giant hole while walking down the street one day, thank you very much.
`~`
"Last question," Tsukauchi informs them after getting the full story minus their typical sass. "Did any of you use your quirks?"
Yui raises her hand, causing the man to nod and mark it down before flipping the notebook closed and slipping it back into his coat. "I hope the three of you realize how lucky you are that the vigilante laws have loosened so much. If the self-defense clause hadn't been added after the HPSC's restructuring, I'd be forced to bring you in."
"Except for the fact I have a permit to use my quirk for training outside of designated areas," Yui reminds him while the other two smirk. Another change that's been implemented. As long as the quirk isn't dangerous to those around them, those aiming for a heroics course can get a limited-use quirk license so long as their teacher's sign off on them being responsible. There's been talk about expanding that into a full quirk use license that the general public can apply for, but there's been a lot of pushback from those in the government who've been in politics the longest.
"It is not my fault that the actions of others disrupted my concentration and forced my quirk to release. I had to remove them from my person so that I could avoid injury. The fact that they just so happened to land on the people who disrupted that concentration is a complete coincidence. It is also a complete coincidence that I just so happened to be training it using items that could be used for self defense, as well as other generally heavy objects."
Tsukauchi groans, long familiar with the headaches the trio has become adept at giving him. Even before the self-defense clause got introduced after the HPSC's restructuring, the three did more than toe the line of vigilantism. Hell, he'd even go so far as to say they erased the line and redrew it somewhere else!
The headache-inducing part is that they'd always have ways to argue against the accusation that were completely reasonable. Well, reasonable for not using their quirks. Not reasonable for how they didn't use their quirks.
They spent twenty minutes trying to explain in a cohesive, logical way why they just so happened to have bags of zip ties, an excessive amount of salt, and thirty seven burritos, but even to this day he's not entirely sure what happened. Nor how they got out of it. He's pretty sure he ended up just blocking part of that memory out of fear that it eventually did make sense.
"Just… try to avoid any more trouble? Even though none of you have technically engaged in vigilantism, any hero schools you apply to won't look favorably on the sheer scope of things you've gotten involved in."
"UA is for the best of the best," Kyoka smirks at him.
"Which makes it the perfect place for us," Hitoshi smirks at him.
"And it's no secret that the principal absolutely loves getting the most interesting people learning there," Yui notes with a tinge of excitement coloring her usually plain speech.
"""And who could be more interesting than the members of the Hoard?"""
"..."
One of these days, Tsukauchi is going to get an answer about them speaking in sync. This is not that day.
Nor is it the day he asks about what they mean by being part of 'the Hoard'. He's almost afraid that they're actually part of some low-attention vigilante gang. Which would honestly fit for them trying to get experience for when they eventually take the UA Entrance Exam. But if they are, he has no doubt that even if all the other members were to somehow get caught and arrested…
These three would get away without a single mark on their records.