I sat alone in my club room, the soft hum of magical electronics filling the otherwise quiet space. The broadcast had ended about thirty minutes ago, and my throat felt a bit raw from all the talking. Friday evening meant most students were either in their common rooms or sneaking out for weekend adventures. Not me though - I had work to do.
"We need more sweets," a gruff voice interrupted my thoughts.
Well, mostly alone.
"Jarvey, you're gonna get fat if you keep eating like this," I sighed, eyeing the small pile of wrappers accumulating near his tail. Acid Pops, Fizzing Whizbees, and at least three Chocolate Frogs had already met their demise at his tiny paws.
Jarvey stared at me with those blood-red eyes of his, looking both indignant and slightly guilty. "I have a fast metabolism," he retorted, licking chocolate from his whiskers.
I stretched my arms high above my head, feeling the satisfying pop of joints releasing tension. As I did so, my mind formed the thought of the Order, and within moments, a leather-bound tome materialized out of thin air, slamming itself onto the table with enough force to make Jarvey jump.
"I still can't get used to that book," Jarvey said, his fur bristling slightly. "It just appears out of bloody nowhere. Unnatural, that's what it is."
"And you can get used to everything else?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. "It's all magic in the end."
Jarvey shrugged his tiny shoulders, the movement rippling through his sleek form. "Whatever that book uses, isn't a magic I've ever felt before, so no it isn't the same."
I stopped arguing with him and turned my attention to the spellbook. I'd been studying it for three days already, and it continued to fascinate and frustrate me in equal measure. I willed it to open, until they settled on a particular entry.
School of Enchantment
Endless Earworm
Spell which infects a person with an earworm. This earworm can last as long as the victim's brain allows, therefore it doesn't take any magic from the spellcaster aside from its initial cast.
Cast time: Instantaneous.
Creator: Felix Serendipity
I smiled, seeing my name there. It turned out that each spell I used was recorded here, except for a few like Fireball, Flight, and Misty Step, which already existed. Those more established spells had other creators' names attached to them - ancient wizards I'd never heard of, with dates stretching back millennia.
Somewhat disappointingly, most of my original spells followed the same theme - they all belonged to the School of Conjuration and involved replicating various forms of pain or discomfort. I was apparently a one-trick pony.
"Meh, it doesn't matter," I muttered, flipping through the pages. "Testicular Torsion is worse than anything these other scribes could come up with anyway."
I heard Jarvey stifle a laugh, which he quickly disguised as a cough.
The spellbook began to flutter its pages once more, responding to my thoughts. I'd been contemplating all my unfinished projects lately - the radio expansion, mapping the rest of Hogwarts, studying the Sorting Hat, and hundreds of other projects. It was too much for one person to handle.
What I needed was help - specifically, help from someone who could take my place for unnecessary stuff like classes. Someone who couldn't know about any of my 'nightly' soon to be full day activities. Someone like... myself.
The book settled on a new page.
School of Necromancy
Clone
This spell grows an inert duplicate of a living creature as a safeguard against death. This clone forms inside the vessel used in the spell's casting and grows to full size and maturity after 120 days; you can also choose to have the clone be a younger version of the same creature. It remains inert and endures indefinitely, as long as its vessel remains undisturbed.
At any time after the clone matures, if the original creature dies, its soul transfers to the clone, provided that the soul is free and willing to return. The clone is physically identical to the original and has the same personality, memories, and abilities, but none of the original's equipment. The original creature's physical remains, if they still exist, become inert and can't thereafter be restored to life, since the creature's soul is elsewhere.
Material Components: A diamond at least the size of one cubic inch and at least 1 cubic inch of flesh of the creature that is to be cloned, which the spell consumes. A vessel made by magical properties that has a sealable lid and is large enough to hold the creature being cloned, such as a huge urn, coffin, mud-filled cyst in the ground, or crystal container filled with salt water)
Casting Time: 1 hour
Creator: June Moon
"So Jarvey, what do you think?" I asked, turning the book so he could see the page.
Jarvey stared at the spellbook, then back at me, then back at the spellbook, then back at me before finally erupting in alarm.
"Are you insane? Why would you go through with this spell? Are you mental!" His tail puffed out to twice its normal size, making him look like he'd stuck his claws in a lightning socket.
"Yeah, you're right," I said thoughtfully, scanning the requirements again.
"Thank you," Jarvey sighed, his fur slowly settling back into place.
"One hundred and twenty days is way too much time," I continued, "plus it seems like I'd have to create an artificial soul for it to function properly, which I have no clue about. Maybe it would just be something like implanting memory? I also really need to learn Legilimency. Plus, where the hell am I gonna get a coffin? I can make the diamond pretty easily with transfiguration, but the rest..."
"That's what's putting you off?!" Jarvey yelled, his voice cracking slightly. "Not the fact that you'd be creating a backup of yourself? Not the soul-transferring, not the cubes of your own flesh, but the timeline and the coffin?"
I nodded, still scanning the spell requirements.
"Nevermind," he sighed, collapsing dramatically onto the table. "Just don't show me another spell. My little heart can't take it."
I shrugged and murmured, "Let's see if there's another one."
The book's pages began to flip once more, as if some invisible librarian was searching for the perfect reference. Finally, they settled.
School of Illusion
Simulacrum
You shape an illusory duplicate of one beast or humanoid that is within range for the entire casting time of the spell. The duplicate is a creature, partially real and formed from ice or snow, and it can take actions and otherwise be affected as a normal creature. It appears to be the same as the original, but it is much more feeble than the original. Aside from that though, the illusion is the same as the creature it duplicates, except that it is a construct.
The simulacrum is friendly to you and creatures you designate. It obeys your spoken commands, moving and acting in accordance with your wishes and acting on your desires.
If the simulacrum is damaged, you can repair it in an alchemical laboratory, using rare herbs and minerals. The simulacrum lasts until it is damaged too much and the magic used for it completely leaks out. You are able to receive all memories from the simulacrum.
If you cast this spell again, any currently active duplicates you created with this spell are instantly destroyed.
Material Components: Snow or ice in quantities sufficient to make a life-size copy of the duplicated creature; some hair, fingernail clippings, or other piece of that creature's body placed inside the snow or ice; and powdered ruby worth, sprinkled over the duplicate and consumed by the spell.
Casting Time: 12 hours
Duration: Until dispelled
Creator: Harlowe Wintersmith
My eyes lit up as I read through the spell. This was much more reasonable - no soul transference, no need to harm myself beyond plucking a few hairs, and the result would be purely a magical construct rather than some weird semi-clone of myself I'd have to create a soul for.
"OK, this is much better," I said, already mentally calculating what I'd need. "Twelve hours for casting time is still a lot, but I guess it would take time for all my magic and memories to get into the simulacrum."
I looked at my watch: 8:22 in the evening. If I started now, the simulacrum would be ready shortly after I began my morning broadcast tomorrow. Perfect timing - I could send my duplicate to classes while I worked on more important things.
"Well then, let's get to it," I declared, pushing back from the table. "No need to stall anymore."
Jarvey raised his head, resignation written across his tiny features. "Please don't tell me you're going to clone yourself."
"Pfft, of course not," I replied with a dismissive wave. "I'm going to make a simulacrum of myself."
"Because that's completely different," Jarvey muttered.
"It is!" I insisted. "The spellbook says so."
Jarvey sighed and closed his eyes. "Just don't wake me up from my nap."
I laughed, already pulling out my wand. "I'll be sure not to wake you up, Jarvey."
Holding my wand steady, I pointed it at one of the walls and focused my magic. "Transmutare."
Immediately, stone began to creep out from the wall as if it had a mind of its own, flowing like liquid yet solid enough to hold its shape. I guided it carefully, molding it into a roughly human-sized silhouette. The stone responded to my magic, twisting and compacting until it formed a crude but recognizable statue of myself.
"Conversio Glacie," I murmured, focusing on the transformation.
The stone silhouette trembled for a moment, its surface crackling as it rapidly changed composition. Gray stone gave way to translucent ice. As the transformation completed, the now-icy figure began to tilt precariously.
"I Cast Gravity Upheaval," I called quickly, releasing a burst of magic that caught the ice sculpture before it could shatter against the floor. The figure floated gently through the air, guided by my will until it settled onto the table.
"First step down," I murmured, satisfied with the ice form. "Now for ruby dust. I'm pretty sure I had that ingredient for a potion."
I walked over to the shelf where I had organized all my ingredients, scanning the neatly labeled vials and jars. "Let's see," I muttered, my finger dancing above each container before settling on one filled with deep red powder.
"Perfect," I said, plucking the vial from the shelf and returning to the table. I set it down carefully beside the ice figure, which was already beginning to gather condensation in the warm room.
Now for the final component - a piece of myself. I reached up to my head, selecting a strand of blonde hair and bracing myself. "This is gonna hurt," I muttered, before giving it a sharp yank.
"SON OF A BITCH!" The pain was sharper than I'd expected, tears springing to my eyes.
"DON'T YELL!" Jarvey shouted, jolted from his doze.
"I THOUGHT YOU WERE SLEEPING!" I yelled back, still nursing my scalp.
"I WAS!"
"HOW CAN I SLEEP WHEN YOU'RE MAKING SO MUCH NOISE!"
"WELL I'M SORRY, I'LL TREAT YOU TO SWEETS TOMORROW!"
"PROMISE?"
"YES!"
"APOLOGY ACCEPTED THEN!"
"WHY ARE WE STILL YELLING!"
"I DON'T KNOW!"
"I'M SORRY!"
"I'M SORRY TOO!"
After our absurd shouting match, Jarvey huffed indignantly and scampered to another corner of the room, muttering something about "crazy blondes" and "death wishes."
I turned back to my work, carefully placing the strand of hair on top of the ice figure. To my fascination, the hair slowly sank into the frozen form, disappearing until it reached what would be the center of the sculpture's chest, where it stopped.
With a steady hand, I opened the vial of ruby dust and began sprinkling it over the ice sculpture, making sure to spread it like the spellbook said.
Once I was satisfied I'd used the right amount, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, gathering my magic. According to the book I wouldn't have to stay in one place for these 12 hours, but it would be continuously taking magic from me, and it definitely wasn't going to be a small amount.
I concentrated, feeling the magic build within me like an incoming tide, and spoke the words that would begin the process.
"I Cast Simulacrum."
A/N: Our little thief is going to skip classes, oh how he's grown.