"How long do you give it before he's a red-haired smear on the floor?" Pansy Parkinson asked.
The girl was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed, dabbing Purified Tentacula Extract onto minor blemishes on her face. On the bed next to her, a drop-dead gorgeous blond looked up from her book.
"Does it matter?" Daphne asked.
"Not really, I suppose." Pansy turned her face, staring at her reflection in a levitating hand mirror. "But it does bring one pleasure to think about."
"Does it?" Daphne said.
"Of course it does. You think the same, right Millicent?"
Millicent Bustrode, a girl blessed with the build of a lumberjack, nodded her broad square jaw.
"See?" Pansy said. "Millicent agrees with me."
"Shocking," Daphne said, returning to her book.
Pansy finished applying her Tentacula Extract and moved on, opening a jar of Peruvian Salamander Cream— perfect for lustrous skin.
"If he's lucky, he might reach the second task, but I'm betting the first one takes him down."
"Mhm," Daphne said.
Pansy waited for more, but Tracey Davis and Lilith Moon were listening in silence, while Millicent Bulstrode had always been a girl of few words.
"I bet he'll set a record for the worst score in the history of the tournament. And that's counting contestants who died in the first task!
"I'm sorry, are you still talking about Ronald Weasley?" Daphne asked. "If I didn't know better, I'd take you for a concerned wife."
Pansy went scarlet as Tracey laughed.
"You take that back!" Pansy demanded.
"Alright," Daphne said. "I apologize."
There was absolutely no sincerity in her voice, but demanding more would've made Pansy look like a burke. Steaming mad, she was pondering ways of getting even for this disgrace when someone said, "I think he makes it to the third task."
"You're mad!" Pansy said.
"I'd even bet on it," they said.
"Yeah? How much?"
"Pansy…" Daphne said.
The girl had looked up from her book. Tracey and Lilith Moon both had wide eyes. Even Millicent Bulstrode had gone stiff in bed. In this roundabout way, Pansy realized what was wrong. That accounted for all of her roommates, and none of them were the one talking.
It wasn't even a female voice. There, on a bed right between Daphne's and Lilith's, was Harry Potter, rubbing cream on his face.
"Peruvian Salamander Cream, huh?" he said scathingly, giving Pansy's cosmetics side-eye. "It's alright, I guess, but it has nothing on Amazonian Salamander Cream. Explains a lot that you use it, though."
"How?!" Pansy cried, jabbing a finger at him.
"How does my skin have such a natural, chic shine?" Harry batted his eyes. "You'd know if you had a decent skincare routine."
"Not that!" Pansy snapped. "How are you here? And where did you get that?"
Harry was sitting on a sixth bed that had never existed before, yet matched theirs down to the last thread.
"Does that matter?" Harry asked, patting the bed.
"It does not," Daphne interjected smoothly. "Focus on the first question, please."
"I just slipped in when you weren't looking," he said. "Why? Can I not be here?"
"Of course not!" Pansy said. "I'll get Snape!"
"He'd love to be called into a girls' dorm room," Harry said. "I'm pretty sure that's why he took the job as a teacher in the first place. It definitely wasn't for an actual love of teaching. He'd probably be disappointed about it being Fourth Years, though… Now if we were still Second Years, he'd be here in a flash!"
Pansy smacked her floating mirror out of the air. "My head of house is not a—"
"What are you here for?" Daphne said.
"Fun," Harry said, shrugging. "But now, I'm here to make a bet." He grinned, leaning forward on his bed. "What do you say, Pansy? You sure were ready to take me up on it a minute ago."
"You really think your friend will make it to the end of the tournament?" Pansy said.
"Make it to the end? He's going to win."
"Hah! You're a lunatic!"
"If I'm so crazy, take the bet."
"Put your money where your mouth is first, Potter. What do you have to bet?"
"Calm down, Pansy—" Daphne said.
"I'll swear a Magical Oath to be your servant," Harry said.
A dropping pin would've been audible inside that room.
"Imagine having the Boy Who Lived as your human house elf," he said. "You could make me do anything with a single order."
Pansy's breathing sped up. She was imagining not just the political implications of such a thing, but the more… practical ones as well. Namely: having a handsome wizard on hand to handle any of her wants and desires. One she could treat however she liked.
"Deal!" Pansy said.
"Fool!" Daphne hissed. "If he's so confident—"
"If I win, I get the same for exactly one day," Harry said.
He was betting his entire life, in return for a single day of hers? Pansy should've recognized an obvious trap. But her aspirations had gone to her head, and there was no saving her now.
"You're on, Potter," she said. "You better not try to back out."
"I won't have a reason to," he said. "I'll see you soon, Pansy."
Laughing, he grabbed his blanket, lifting it like one of those Muggle con artists who went around claiming to be capable of 'magic.' When the blanket dropped, Harry Potter was gone, leaving nothing behind but the bed he'd been on.
"That wasn't wise," Daphne said.
"Come on, do you really think Weasely will pull it off?" Pansy said.
"I didn't." Daphne stared at the empty bed. "But I think, now, that he knows things we don't."
Pansy huffed, choosing to ignore her. There was no way she could lose this. It was just impossible. Meanwhile, Daphne continued looking at Harry's bed right up until she shut her book, slipping under the covers for the night, a thoughtful glint in her eye.
O-O-O
"You aren't thinking seriously about this at all, Ron! If you didn't enter your name, someone else must have. I think they were out to get you. Or maybe they were trying to distract you from more important things, like academic standards! Why, Ron, by the end of this, your life might be in danger. Or worse, your grades could sink to last place in our year!"
"But Hermione," Ron said dreamily. "The glory!"
This had become his stock answer to questions all day long. The redhead looked one step away from laying down on his stomach and kicking his legs like a schoolgirl in love.
"Glory doesn't secure job prospects, Ron," Hermione said. "The charms exam this week is on material that will appear in our O.W.L.s. I got first place on the last one, so I might be alright without ample studying, but what about you? This is no time to be thinking about some tournament!"
The trio were outside, sitting on the shore of the lake. With them was Neville Longbottom and, at Harry's invitation, Luna Lovegood. Neither Hermione nor Ron complained about the extra additions. They were out here to avoid the gossip and questions Ron had been barraged with all day long by their peers, and Luna in particular was useful for driving off the few students brave enough to follow them here. The last third year girl who came around asking questions got trapped in a discussion with Luna about Crumple-Horned Snorkack mating habits, and fled soon after.
Now, Luna was leaning back reading a book titled, Magical Creatures and How to (Un)Safely coax them. She wasn't shy about disagreeing with the book, and had been healthy outraged when Nargles were skipped entirely (which she insisted hurt their feelings). Neville was sitting beside her and Harry, who was skipping stones on the surface of the water. Ron lay on his back closer to the top of the embankment, smiling a bit stupidly while his eyes looked far away. Hermione, however, was pacing around the four of them.
"I can't get through to him," she muttered under her breath. "I just can't get through!"
"It'll be alright, Hermione," Neville tried to comfort her. "We've still got almost two years before O.W.L.s. He'll be okay."
Hermione whipped toward him, her brunette curls fanning out. "You think he'll be alright?!"
Neville flinched slightly.
"I think so, yeah," he said, and although his face looked timid, his voice was calm. "Aren't you at least a little bit excited that the Goblet picked him? I'm happy we can cheer for a Gryffindor. And it's even someone that we know."
Harry patted Neville's back.
"He's right Hermione," Harry said. "Can't we just be happy for Ron?"
Hermione's lips twitched. After a moment of hesitation, she dropped down with a great sigh.
"I suppose as long as he studies…" she said.
There was a moment of silence as everyone was content. Hermione had finally calmed down, and Neville seemed glad to see the tension bleed away. Luna was absorbed in her book.
"Really, it's like this author never did a lick of research," she said. "Everyone knows that Dementors eat two things— human souls, and cabbage. He's completely forgotten the cabbage!"
"How could he," Harry said.
"Just look at this," she said.
Luna leaned over to Harry, plopping her book in his lap. He looked down expecting to find an entry on some magical creature or another. It was a safe bet for a book on this topic. Instead, what he found wasn't even a proper page.
A slip of paper had been slid into the book. Because of the angle, only Harry could see it.
It was written by hand. CONFIDENTIAL, it said at the top, followed by a small red heart. Harry scanned the rest of the letter.
If you're reading this, you have been scouted as a potential client of the dashing, desirable, and slightly-dastardly Harry James Potter. A client for what, you might ask? The naughty. Tricks of the night, the kind that your mummy used to pull your seed out of your daddy's long schlong. In return for a bit of your time, Harry Potter is more than capable of teaching you the ins-and-outs of doing the nasty. If interested, please see the Boy Who Lived, slayer of voldemort, and ladykiller extraordinaire, Harry Potter himself.
Near the bottom, the author had not just signed her name — Lavender Brown — but even treated readers to a small illustration of herself topless, flashing a peace sign.
"This book really is shocking," Harry said.
Luna pulled the book back into her lap, still looking serious.
"Isn't it ludicrous?" she said. "Not a single entry about Plimpies in the whole thing, yet I could show you three different nests in under an hour."
"Why don't you then?" Harry said. "We've got time."
"Harry, don't tell me you're seriously—" Hermione said.
But Harry was already standing, as was Luna.
"No time to chat, Hermione," Harry said. "Important work to be done." He turned to Luna. "Lead the way, my fine guide!"
Luna linked her hands behind her back holding the book, walking away, and Harry followed her.
"We'll be back in an hour!" he called back.
Pausing, Harry glanced at Luna, particularly the outline of her pert bum underneath her robes.
"Or maybe a little bit longer," he amended.
Neville and Ron waved goodbye while Hermione just huffed.
Luna led Harry along the edge of the lake before hanging a left. The trekked to the edge of the Forbidden Forest, stopping just before the first of the trees. In the daylight, the forest didn't look as pitch-black and frightening. It was almost pretty, seeing the trees with the last bits of fall color still visible on their branches. Luna approached one tree with a hollow trunk, setting her book down in order to lean forward, sticking her nose into the dark and sniffing.
"That's strange," she said. "I was sure there was a nest in here. With hatchlings, too!"
She was using her hands to prop up her upper body as she leaned against the tree. This position had the side effect of leaving her bum awfully exposed, sticking out invitingly. Harry came to stand behind her.
"I wonder if they're hiding," Harry said.
Luna still hadn't removed her face from the hollow cavity inside the tree, causing her voice to echo slightly as she answered. "Plimpies are very good at hide and seek. They like warm, moist places that they can burrow deep inside of."
"Like this?"
Luna stiffened as Harry's fingers snaked around her hips and slid under her skirt's waistband. Harry smiled. His hands slid along Luna's warm skin, finding the puffy shape between her` legs. His fingers prodded her, teasing out the location of her entrance.
"What do you think?" Harry asked. "Reckon there are any Plimpies inside of here?"
"No," Luna said. "But… I think you should check anyway."
Harry's fingers took the final plunge.
They entered Luna, delving all the way to her depths. Luna moaned, although she did her best to tamp her voice down, hiding her head inside the hollow tree.
Harry put his weight forward. He pulled one of his hands away from her body, planting it on the tree above Luna's head. Leaning forward at the same angle, he was perfectly able to whisper into her ear.
"I don't know if it's a Plimpy, but I've certainly found something," he said. "Could you help me identify it?"
His middle and index fingers surrounded her clit, pressing it from both sides. Luna's head dipped lower, accompanied by a sharp moan.
"Well?" Harry said.
Luna murmured something too quiet to hear. He pressed marginally harder, eliciting a second moan, this one making Luna hurl her head back.
Her face came back into sight, and Harry was thrilled to discover her cheeks flushed. Luna groaned and panted, missing a great deal of the dreamy aura she usually carried.
"Let's hear it," he said. "From your own mouth."
"It's my clit," Luna moaned.
"Is it? I'm sorry!" Harry said. "That was rude of me, treating it improperly. I'll make up for that."
His fingers pressed down in a whole new way. Luna's thighs constricted around his hand. Harry's fingers were flicking back and forth rapidly, nearly vibrating, and Luna's whole body reacted. She was struggling to collect a single breath while her hands had clenched into fists, still pressing against the tree's coarse bark.
"I've heard something about Plimpies too," Harry said.
"What is it?" Luna gasped, turning her head to look at him.
"I read about it once. Apparently, the best way to catch one is to lure them in. But the only thing that can act as bait is their favorite drink— the orgasmic juices of a nice young witch. Do you think that's true?"
"I've never heard—" Luna moaned again, clenching her neck as another wave of pleasure washed over her. "Of course it's true! We'll have them here in a flash, Harry!"
He smirked. Harry dug his fingers into her with such renewed enthusiasm that Luna's feet were temporarily lifted off the ground. Her lower half was being carried by a single hand, two of its fingers were digging into her deepest parts. Quite unable to help it, Luna screamed.
Harry couldn't recall ever hearing her raise her voice, even when she was bullied by girls at Hogwarts. She took most things with her own kookie brand of calm, making her a kind of emotional anchor within his friend group.
It was a new experience for him, hearing her make sounds like these. It reminded him of an alley cat yowling in heat. Luna's shoes fell off over her feet as her legs dangled in the air, and Harry watched her toes curl. Her nails dug thin white lines into the soft bark of the tree. He felt an orgasmic rush washing over his fingers, followed by an immediate slackening of Luna's body.
Harry set her down gently, where Luna's legs promptly buckled. To keep her from falling, he laid her back on the grass.
Luna turned her head, glancing at their surroundings.
"No Plimpies," she said. "I have a feeling you lied to me, Harry Potter."
"And what if I did?" he said. "What'll be my punishment?"
"None," Luna said. "You're far from the first."
Harry lost his smile. Despite all the momentum, Harry chose to sit down next to Luna, rather than pounce on her and continue their lesson.
"Why did you want to hire me?" he asked.
"A Nargle told me I'd be a fool not to take this deal. I still wasn't convinced, but a Crumple-Horned Snorcack proceeded to back him up. If those two can agree on something, it's certainly a good idea."
"Obviously," Harry said.
Luna looked over. "I don't have much to pay you with. I had some pocket change, but that always disappears from my pockets when I'm not looking. I think Hogwarts has a dreadful Pixie problem."
"Must be," Harry said, still not smiling. "Listen, the thing about these lessons is, they're free of charge. I'm a bit selective about my students, but once you're in, that's it."
"Oh, no," Luna said. "Well, thank you for letting me know this way. That was very nice of you."
She thought that was his way of shooting her down. She just assumed that if not everyone was picked, she wouldn't be. Something about that hurt Harry right in the heart.
It was awkward, and he'd never been the best at using his words to make others feel better. Usually, he relied on actions.
Which was perfect in this situation.
Harry casually unbuttoned his pants and unzipped his fly. Luna looked over, her eyes promptly going wide as he brought out his large penis, holding it with his hand.
"See this?" Harry said, sliding his hand along his stiff length. When Luna nodded weakly, he said, "You did this."
"Me?" Luna asked.
Harry nodded. "You and your perfectly inviting pussy. It was lovely to be inside it, and I'd love nothing more than to shove all of this in there."
"You're quite certain?" Luna asked.
"Absolutely."
"Well… Well I'm sure it's okay, as long as the Nargles give their permission."
"How long will that take?" Harry asked.
Luna blushed. "I'll ask later," she whispered.
Smirking, Harry rolled on top of her.
As they kissed, his hands unfastened the clasp around her neck. Her blue Ravenclaw Robes rolled out like a beach towel. Underneath, Luna wore a simple shirt and skirt, the latter of which was crooked after Harry's earlier venture. Harry's hands slid under her shirt, groping her breasts past her bra, giving them good squeezes while his tongue rubbed hers.
Luna soon moaned, pressing her head against the ground. Harry used the break to drag her shirt off, showing the sky-blue bra underneath. He bent down and bit her cleavage, impressed by the size of her chest. Luna wasn't exactly Lavender or Susan, but apparently no one had noticed the odd girl who spent her time talking to imaginary creatures growing a healthy rack of her own.
Harry's hands eased under her back, undoing the latch of her bra. Luna showed her first bit of initiative as he did, pulling at the hem of his shirt. Harry couldn't help but smile. When he straightened, pulling Luna's bra away as he did, he immediately rewarded her with what she was after. Rather than removing his shirt himself, he grabbed Luna's hands, helping her get it up and off of him.
His cock was still sticking up above his loose pants, and Harry took the chance to kick the clothing off now. There was no one around to see their naked bodies here at the edge of the grounds. He sucked Luna's bare chest, feeling her fingers slide along his back as he did, and pushed down her skirt. Her skirt and panties ended up hanging off of one ankle, rather than coming off entirely, but neither of them cared so long as they were out of the way.
Harry's cock rubbed Luna's stomach, making goosebumps break out along her skin. They both looked down at it.
"Have you ever felt one before?" Harry asked.
Luna shook her head.
"I just experimented a little bit," she admitted softly. "With Ginny."
Harry blinked. That was a detail his first wife never shared with him. He caught himself thinking about the airy blond and the fiery redhead locked together in bed, putting their tongues and fingers in moist places, and felt his erection harden further.
"It will hurt at first, but only once," Harry said.
Luna nodded.
Her hands looped around the base of his neck. Harry angled his hips, rubbing his cockhead along her slit. It was easy to find— all he had to do was locate the leftover liquid from his fingers.
Harry's dick entered her in stages, letting Luna adjust to each one. When her hymen snapped, Luna moaned, tucking her head against Harry's neck. He waited until she was ready, which she signaled by biting his neck, leaving a hickey.
Harry's dick plunged inside of her, discovering Luna's folds much wetter than he imagined. Her orgasm earlier had been serious business. Harry drove his length inside of her, and over Luna's soft moans he couldn't help thinking that each wet slap sounded a little like the word "Plimpy."
Luna was still biting his neck. Harry planted his forehead on her rolled-out robe. There was something addictive about smelling fresh grass and feeling a cool afternoon breeze as you fucked. It felt so… natural.
"This is much better than a magic creature," Luna moaned. "My body feels strange in the loveliest way!"
Harry could feel her squeezing him, and sure enough her second orgasm soon arrived. It was less intense than the one brought on by his fingers, but it made her body quiver all the same. She clung to him, squeezing his back while her legs stuck straight up in the air. Harry made a resolution. If he was going to be the one introducing her to sex, he was going to do it right and make this a day she'd never forget.
Harry slid his hands behind her head, mixing his fingers into her blond hair. He held her there, pulling her face toward his own, where he kissed her fiercely. His hips fell with more vigor. The noises only grew louder, his body slapping against Luna's faster and faster.
At the very last second, he pried himself up. Harry escaped Luna's clutches, grabbing her thighs instead. His dick stood up almost straight, spraying semen across Luna's flesh. Ever the curious Ravenclaw, Luna wasted no time in wiping up a glob and sucking the finger clean.
"Tasty," she said. "Reminds me of Nargle milk."
Any more observations were cut off as Harry rolled her onto her side. He dropped down behind her, bending her upper leg forward and re-entering her pussy. Caught off-guard, Luna was left moaning loudly as Harry crashed against the pert bum he admired on their way over.
Harry refused to stop. Every time he came he stayed hard, switching positions and starting over. Luna's voice grew hoarse from repeated use. By the time Harry had her on top of him, her legs raised in a V-shape while Harry thrusted into her from below, Luna was barely able to moan. Her skirt and panties hung off of one ankle, flying like a flag off of a flagpole. At some point her tongue had begun hanging out of her mouth. Her right eye was completely closed, while her left eyelid had stopped halfway down.
Harry grunted, a sheen of sweat across his whole body. He was putting everything he had into this, determined to give Luna the best experience possible. But perhaps he gave her a little bit too much.
Luna hit her latest orgasm, but her body simply couldn't keep up. Her pussy spasmed all around Harry, driving him to an orgasm of his own. He pulled out, delivering a last small load onto Luna's stomach before going flaccid.
The noise Luna made was chilling. She screeched, sounding halfway between a Demiguise and a territorial barn owl. It was the kind of noise that could make a seventh year piss their pants at night inside the Forbidden Forest. Luna slid limply off of Harry, landing on her side.
Harry rolled over to check on her. He shook her side. "Luna? Luna!"
She was unresponsive. Her tongue was hanging out. Harry lifted the half-open eyelid, discovering the eye underneath had rolled back in her skull.
"Luna!" he shook her harder. "Are you alright?"
Without warning, Luna sat up, making Harry jump back.
Her face was normal again. Her tongue was back inside her mouth, and her eyes were fully open again. She scanned their surroundings, bright eyes taking them in quickly. When she faced Harry, she used two fingers to adjust a pair of glasses that she didn't have.
"I have full control of my faculties," she said. "In fact, based on the throbbing feeling emanating from my crotch, I would estimate that my mental health has reached an all-time high. My only current weakness is the lack of use of my legs, which are thoroughly non-functional."
Harry blinked. "You're sure you're okay? You're… Well you don't sound like it."
"What gives you that impression?" Luna asked. "As I said, my faculties are functioning more than admirably. Now, as the cause of the damage to my legs, I think it's only right that you complete this transaction by returning me to my dormitory post-haste."
She held her hands out, waiting to be clothed and carried. More than a little confused, Harry complied. He assumed a good night's sleep would have her back to normal. He assumed wrong.
O-O-O
"And now, what you've all been waiting for!" Flitwick said excitedly, standing on his desk like a pulpit. "It's that time again. Time to reveal the scores for the latest quiz!"
He clapped, but no one joined in. Hermione might've, if she wasn't so desperate to hear the results. She looked like an illicit potions addict going through withdrawals as she rocked at her desk.
Flitwick handed back tests until he got to the part he always announced to everyone: the top three scores in the class. Padma Patil got third. Flitwick lifted the next test.
"And, in second place," he said, "we have… Hermione Granger!"
Hermione released a strangled cry that definitely wasn't healthy for her vocal chords.
"Which means first place this week is none other than… Luna Lovegood!" Flitwick said. "Stunning improvements, Luna!"
The blond Ravenclaw, who had replaced her pink plastic sunglasses with thick-rimmed spectacles ever since that day by the forest, calmly came to the front of the class, taking her test back.
"Thank you for your magnanimous teaching, Professor," she said. "It was insightful and the root cause of my success."
Flitwick beamed as Luna casually returned to her seat, the whole class watching her. Harry couldn't help but shake his head.
He'd heard of people being fucked silly before, but apparently, like a double negative, when it happened to a girl who was already sufficiently silly, it was possible to do the opposite. He'd fucked her serious.
He watched Luna after the others in the class had looked away, catching a small satisfied smile flickering across her face. He shrugged, turning away.
As long as she was happy.