[THE MOUNTAIN RAVINE — THREE MONTHS AGO]
"I'm sorry… I'm sorry…" Aleximus whispered through angry tears. "I couldn't…"
His body shook terribly as Jace watched him, his expression stone-like and unflinching. All that came from him were short, controlled blinks as the shadows from the fire Aleximus made danced upon his face and the dark wall behind his brother. As a result, his shadow behind him was nearly nonexistent, while Aleximus cowered and stretched every second on the wall he had his back to.
After a heavy silence had settled, Jacender took a daring step forward. "DON'T!" Aleximus exploded almost instantly. He wiped away the snot on his face and sprang to his feet, stumbling back a few paces as he did so.
The sun was starting to rise over the horizon behind Jace, but he retreated closer towards his shadow on the wall. He felt more comfortable there than to go to Jace's side.
"…Don't, Jace! Don't hug me! Don't tell me it's alright! Anna — she's gone because of me, damn it!"
Jace continued his slow approach without words, his eyes stoic and serious. "Take it out on me!" Aleximus continued. "Hit me! Beat me! I deserve it!"
He hit himself in the face to illustrate his point and breathed raggedly. He hadn't gotten the chance to speak about everything that had happened in the Axis for weeks. Now that he was finally being confronted by his brother, he felt sick — almost hesitant for a moment. That was because he didn't know whether or not Jace would support his new goal — his crusade in the name of their sister.
Jace was only a few feet away from him now. Aleximus, startled and agitated, lunged forward with a sickening headbutt and —
KRUNCH!
Jace reeled back for a moment but caught himself so he wouldn't fall. In fact, he hadn't even made a sound. One would've assumed he hadn't been struck at all. Again, he advanced without a word.
"I—" Aleximus began, punching him in the face. "I said, get away!"
It was uncharacteristically random of him, as he would always resort to kicks or precise blows, but he was desperate. Jace made no attempt to block and caught a stray blow to his eyebrow. A welt bulged above his eye as Aleximus launched one final punch. He'd managed to knock his brother down with this one. But again, without a word, Jace stood and approached his brother.
A feeling unlike anything he'd ever received from Jace's stern eyes shot through Aleximus and made him retreat into the wall behind him. His knees trembled.
Please, he sobbed, don't forgive me! I don't deserve it, you idiot!
Jacender staggered as he got closer. The blows had taken a toll on him, but he refused to give in to them. He raised his arm and extended his hand to his brother.
"Aleximus…"
It was the first time he had spoken since falling silent earlier. A jolt of fear ran whipped down Aleximus's spine and numbed his belly. His brother was angry; Something he never was to him. And what scared Aleximus the most was that… he controlled it.
Out of nowhere, Jacender tightly grabbed his brother's collar a pulled him in close. Aleximus could finally see his face now: his bruised and bleeding lip, the welt bump above his eye, and his red, stuffy eyes themselves. He realized it wasn't anger, nor sadness — it was something else entirely.
Jace took his raised hand and made a fist. Aleximus closed his eyes, assuming that he would hit him, but no pain came. Instead, Jacender threw his body against his brother's, tossing his arms around his shoulders, and embraced him as well as he could.
"N-No…" Aleximus resisted. He could hear his brother stifling his tears, doing his best not to cry in front of him. He had lost his uncle and younger sister too after all.
Aleximus's tears unwillingly formed once more, threatening to stream down his face should he hug Jace back. He'd understood what his brother's expression was and hated himself all the more for it. "Jace…"
"Don't… say anything… alright?" his brother sobbed. Aleximus could feel his body shake too. He was barely able to hold it together himself.
What Jace's expression was, was understanding. He knew the kind of pain his brother was going through because despite having not witnessed it, he could feel it. And that understanding transformed into something they could both sympathize with:
Regret.
This was not the time to assign blame or hate. Nor to hurt themselves and make promises of future vengeance. They needed time to process and mourn their losses. This would be the only time they could.
"Just let yourself cry," Jace sniffled. He buried his face in his brother's shoulder and let out a shaky breath. Aleximus drew in air. Then he exhaled. Then… he could no longer hold himself back. "You idiot," he cracked, his anger and fear slipping as he clung back onto Jace with all his might. "You too!"
With that, their emotions came loose, both of their pride, embarrassment, and thoughts all flooding out as they bawled and wailed. They bawled for what felt like hours before eventually letting go of each other. Their eyes were so puffy they felt that it would only hurt to cry any longer.
So, the two sat back-to-back on the edge of the ravine. Jace let his legs hang off the edge of the ravine and watched the sunrise watching the sunrise with his red eyes. Aleximus faced the dark wall behind him. He brought both his legs together, wrapped his arms around them, and rested his chin on top of his knees. With a raspy voice, he finally broke the silence:
"I miss her."
The sun crept up Jace's legs but struggled to touch Aleximus. Jacender's body shielded him from it, but in return, Aleximus's shadow enlarged to the point where it had filled up every bit of light in the wall.
"I heard her talk to me. When I was unconscious." Jace said.
Aleximus became deathly still. "...What did she say?"
"…It was when we were still in the Axis, I think. It was really quiet and tiny, but I knew it was her. I could tell somehow… She asked me to take care of you."
Another tear rolled down Aleximus's nose and through his fingers. That one stung the most.
"Jace?"
"Yeah?"
"Since we left, I think I've been scared of the dark…"
"…"
"...But, weirdly… I feel comfortable here... Maybe it's because I can't see anything."
"Is that why you won't look over here?"
Aleximus offered no response.
"…I don't think it's anything to be ashamed of." Jace continued.
Aleximus pulled his chin deeper into his knees and stared at the wall. A faint outline of Hatagi and his dagger mocked him whenever he did.
"I see him every time I go to sleep. Sometimes when I wake up too. It's like he's mocking me."
"…"
"I wonder if that'll happen the rest of my life…" Aleximus breathed. "I just… I want to be able to keep us safe."
"…Do you want revenge?"
"More than anything."
"Even more than keeping me safe?"
"…"
Jace took a breath and stood. He knew what he had to do.
"Listen, 'Lex," he said, letting the sunlight finally hit his brother's back. Aleximus nearly flinched at the feeling of it. He'd stayed in dark areas for the past few weeks as to not get him and Jace caught. He almost couldn't remember what the sun felt like.
Jace put his hand above his eyes and looked off into the distance. "I think you need to figure things out. I also don't think it'll be easy and I'm not saying to ignore the past."
"Then what are you saying?" Aleximus mumbled without turning. "You're speaking in riddles, idiot…"
Jace suddenly grabbed him and spun him around. "What I'm saying, you bastard—" he started, forcing his brother to stare where he was looking. "—Is that at least every once in a while, you should look at the sun!"
Aleximus's eyes widened. In the distance, past the ravine, a herd of deer ran freely through the area, clamping happily with their young. Above them, doves and finches took to the sky and soared along the clouds in flocks.
Animals from the Axis! he realized, Did they get freed when the barrier came down?
"You wanted to leave the Axis, right?" Jace continued. His words felt strong, convicted. Aleximus had never known his brother to ever speak like this before.
"Though it's not the best circumstances, we're going to make the most of it as we can, got it?! Blaming yourself for things you had no control over won't get us anywhere. And forcing yourself forward for someone else won't help either! Especially when they aren't here and wouldn't have wanted you to!"
He squatted next to Aleximus and pointed into the distance. "Past the horizon, remember? Well, you can't get to where you're going if you don't want to move! And you can only get there if you want to — not because you think you should've done it for someone else! You want revenge? Fine! Those Eclipse people took Anna and Uncle Matsuda from us! But you can't torture yourself about what Anna would've wanted, because you already know what she did want: For you and me to be safe and take care of each other!"
He took a deep breath and pushed his face closer to Aleximus's. "You had a dream, remember?! And it's not a dream if it's that easily forgotten! We're going to explore the outside world and we're gonna live while we do it! We're going to do everything that Anna couldn't do twice as much so it'll feel like she did!"
The color began to return to Aleximus's eyes. His cold, muted red iris glew with new hope — new conviction as his brother spoke.
"—So it's okay to be in the shadows," Jace yelled. He said it loud enough so he'd believe it too. "As long as you remember that I'll be behind you every step of the way, there's no reason not to trust in tomorrow either, right? The sun is there for a reason! To tell you that you don't have to be scared of the shadows, even if they're all you see! That's also the truth!"
His cheeks burned pink with embarrassment, but he couldn't help but smirk happily. "…So every time you feel you're gonna waver, I'll be there to kick your ass again and again until you're straight, you idiot brother!!"
As if possessed by Jace's words, Aleximus rose to his feet, backed by a gentle breeze behind him. Though no one was there, it felt like someone was pushing him up — cheering him on. He knew it was Anna. Somehow, someway, she was there and telling him to keep moving forward. Jacender was right. That was what she would have wanted.
"Alright," he said, a smile forming on his face. He glanced behind him and noticed Hatagi's shadow had vanished from the wall. In fact, the entire wall had been illuminated, every trace of its darkness gone.
Who would've thought that Jace would be the one to get rid of all this? he asked himself. …I've been saved again…
Below him, his shadow had grown. It was not as large as the shadow on the wall, but it was his — complete, and with limitless potential for growth, gifted back to him by the sun.
"Thanks, idiot."
[SANCTUM CHAMBER EMERGENCE [III] ]