Light… I could see again.
The world swam around me, colors smeared like oil on water, and sound hit like muffled static. My lungs seized. Every nerve screamed.
I was back.
"…what… if some… thing goes wrong…?" Emilia's voice drifted in like a whisper underwater, soft and uncertain. "…don't want… caught off…"
I blinked hard, dragging myself back to the present. Her silhouette was in front of me, talking, unaware of my inner turmoil.
i had died, but I am not dead. meaning, I had RBD but... my mind wasn't the most rational at the moment to dwell on that.
Everything was too loud and too quiet at once. My fingertips trembled against the table. Phantom pain pulsed through my ribs. My last breath - ragged and wet - still lingered in my throat like the taste of rot.
The chair creaked as I shifted slightly. I swallowed. It burned.
She was still speaking. Her lips moved, anxious and fidgeting. I caught something about "doing nothing" and "Felt," but my brain refused to glue the pieces together.
I heaved.
My body jerked forward in the chair as I dry-heaved hard enough to rattle my spine. Nothing came up - thank whatever cruel god for that - but the sensation was enough to make my eyes water and my throat burn. My ribs throbbed with a phantom ache, like the bones themselves remembered how they'd shattered.
God. Damn. That hurt.
I buried my face in my hands, dragging my fingers down slowly. I needed a second. Just a second, just a second, just a single second.
"Ar… ...u... ...ay?" Emilia asked softly. Too softly. softly, soft... soft.
a second, just a second. I just need a second. Too loud, too much, please stop it. I need... time...
the sharp inhale of my own breath was all I could hear, her words even more distant than before. my heart, pounding, all over my body.
My mind was crawling. Screaming. Reality had finished stitching itself back together, but my mind couldn't keep up, still clawing behind.
I could still feel the cold edge of death clinging to my spine. The coldness… it was cold. Cold. Cold.
I need - please stop it. Stop. Stop. How do I stop it? How?
Yes. I need. To stop it. I... stop it.
Without thinking, my body moved.
My head slammed forward, colliding with the table.
Crack.
A jolt surged through my skull, sharp and grounding. Pain flared, but it was clean. Real. I latched onto it like a lifeline. The cold peeled away from the edges of my mind. The static cleared. I could hear again. I could breathe.
I was back.
The sting along my forehead throbbed dully, but it was fine.Nothing compared to...The cold.
Cold…
I let out a sigh, slinking back into my chair like a ragdoll tossed onto cushions. "That was not pleasant…"
"Shiro!"
Emilia's voice now hit me more sharper and clearer than before. her voice frantic with Worry, lacing her tone like tangled thread, and when I looked at her, her face said the rest. Wide eyes, pale lips, frozen between concern and fear. maybe even guilt, the thought that she might have caused this, being a fleeting thought in her mind.
"Yeah? Ah, right." I blinked slowly, then gave her the best half-smile I could fake with a migraine splitting my soul. "Sorry for that. Just got… triggered, that's all. Some unpleasant memories came up. No need for you to worry about it."
I waved a hand like I was swatting a fly, eyes drifting to the wall.
"Just me and my fucked-up problems... I think I need some time alone." I muttered at the end, not intending for her to hear.
But she did anyway.
Her expression shifted, decisive now. Her gaze flicked between me and the door, the worry still etched across her face like a lingering bruise.
I, on the other hand, was trying to remember when I was. as it was quite important to Keep things close to the original flow, fewer inconsistencies, meaning the previous timeline will happen, but I'll be more prepared ig.
I let out a shaky breath, right, the, um. right. I was encouraging her to go outside and scout out. I should do that again, will give me some time alone too. fuuck, Im already so tired.
"Hey, Tella," I said, tone a little lighter now, "don't worry about me or anything, alright? Just be confident, and it'll all go smoothly. You need fresh air and some alone time - same as me."
I gave her the most reassuring smile I could manage with a migraine and post-death whiplash.
"You'll be fine if you go out. I promise, scout out, and wait out side, you'll be my back up for when things go south."
Emilia hesitated. Her eyes searched mine, trying to piece together something she didn't have all the puzzle pieces for. but stopped, as she realised that she shouldn't pry. it wasn't like we were friends or anything, why would anyone would be friends with her?
(but its an anime, so relationships progression go reaaal fast, right until the word love comes into play. but friendship is not apart of that.)
She gave a slow nod. "Sure… sounds good. I'll make sure not to disappoint."
There was a small, unsure smile on her lips, the kind people give when they're forcing themselves to believe something for your sake.
Then she turned and stepped toward the door.
Freedom.Silence.i slupt into the chair fully, fucking tired of any type of social interactions. At heart, I am mostly an introvert; I like to be alone when I feel most in control. people don't butt in, you don't have to play mind games as to not hurt feelings, its just you, and what ever hobby you do.
And guess what? Resting was a hobby, too.
...
...
...
I really do have RBD, huh? Well, that's the greatest news I've ever had since getting here. A quiet laugh escaped me. Phew. This makes everything sooo much easier. I got infinite retries, so i can afford to be a little less self-preservationisting and a little more risk-taking, if it gets the best results. but...
I shivered, hugging myself, head dropping into my hands. The coldness from before crept back into my mind, lingering at the edges of my thoughts.
i really hate dying, hurts a fuck ton, and feels shitty. Maybe if it's a quick one, then I'll be fine with it, but.
A flash of memories hit me, too fast. Too sharp.
I shook my head violently. No. NO, no, no, no, no, stop thinking about it. Don't go there. Nothing gets done if you do.
I felt my body relax slowly, the tension draining from me. My breath came out in a long, exhausted sigh, as i mentally let it all out. Fuuuuuuuuuuuck, this situation just suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks.
---
A/N, short chapter after than monster of a chap before, but feel kinda confused at the moment, but still wanted to write, so here we are.
hope you liked, byeeeee.
(crack treated seriously...)
(seriously treated crack)