"LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, LORD MOULDY SHORTS IS IN THE BUILDING"
Voldemort rose to his feet, his ears still ringing. A trap, it was a bloody trap, he thought. He had to leave; he had to escape the ministry. As long as no one saw him, there would be no proof that he had returned. He had to leave. He had to leave immediately. A tune started playing. A tune that he vaguely remembered from his childhood. His wand spat out a spell that coated his ears. It would protect his ears if the sound got loud again but should still let him hear normally. Then the words started - Sung to the tune of Mary had a little lamb.
Voldemort wears mouldy shorts,
mouldy shorts, mouldy shorts.
Who dared? Who would dare? Who could possibly dare to mock him. HIM! The Dark Lord Voldemort!
Voldemort wears mouldy shorts,
He would kill them. He would kill them, their entire family and their pet dog as well. He would slaughter them and bathe in their blood.
mouldy shorts, mouldy shorts.
He raced towards the exit from the room. He had to leave now. At least he still had the prophecy, he thought as he gazed at the dusty glass orb still clutched within his hand. That brief millisecond of distraction proved to be rather costly to the Dark Lord as it was at that very instant that a flying iron ball flew straight into his hand with force enough to break a normal man's hand. He was tougher than most men though and the ball barely bruised him. What it did was to knock the orb straight out of his hand.
The orb flew out of his hand and bounced upon the ground. Voldemort's wand flicked out as he prepared to summon the orb back to him. He was just a little too late as an iron ball smashed down right on top of it with enough force to shatter the stone tiles of the floor.
Voldemort stared in disbelief at the shattered fragments of the orb, after all that...he had been thwarted by a...by a damned BLUDGER!
Voldemort has a teeny peeny,
The bludger flew right at his head. He sneered, did they really expect a bludger to injure him. Casually, almost lazily, he fired off a blasting curse. It hit the bludger and obliterated it in an explosion of white dust.
White dust? That was odd. Bludgers were made of iron; the debris should not have been white. The force of the explosion had dissipated the dust in a fine cloud that was floating in the air. His eyes widened in realisation as he cast a spell. A full body shield would keep the dust away.
teeny peeny, teeny peeny,
Unfortunately for him, he had realised the danger just a bit too late and his shield did not keep all of the dust off him. Pure white crystalline powder was settling on him. Some landed on his exposed skin, his eyes and he could not help inhaling some of it.
It's as small as it can be.
He was burning. He was coughing. His skin, his eyes, his nose and his throat. Everything burned. He could barely breathe. Vanishing charms had no effect. A scourgify had no effect. He was burning, burning, burning. He was blind. His men who had been guarding the door came running towards him. Purebloods to a man, they ran straight through the cloud of dust without stopping. Seconds later, they collapsed on the ground clawing at their skin, their eyes. They were going into convulsions and seizures, writhing on the floor in agony.
Voldemort has a teeny peeny,
A group of girls that had been playing volleyball on the beach were surprised by the howls of laughter coming from a dark-haired man. He was rolling around on the sand laughing his head off as he stared into what looked like a small mirror. They shrugged and went back to their game. There was always someone getting drunk on the beach.
"How do you like that, bitch?" laughed Sirius Black. "That, my friend, is pure capsaicin powder. Wonderful stuff, isn't it?" He would not stop laughing for a long time.
teeny peeny, teeny peeny,
It's as small as it can be.
Voldemort lay on the ground. More bludgers were bouncing wildly of his shield and ricochetting off to inflict damage upon the room. He crawled to the door maintaining his shield by sheer force of will. He was the Dark Lord Voldemort. He would not be brought down by this.
And everywhere that Voldy went,
Voldy went, Voldy went,
Everywhere that Voldy went,
His stink was sure to go.
....
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