Well...
Jiraiya hummed, it's not like he needed to win a fight against Mukuro anyway.
"Ma, Pa, time for a classic, just like our first fight." He declared. The pair looked at him curiously before realizing what he was thinking, they shared a disgruntled look before nodding.
Jiraiya bit his thumb, letting blood drip into his palm again.
"Summoning Jutsu!"
Another plume of smoke rose up, this one bigger than the last two, when it cleared, a massive toad towered over them all.
"Gamabunta!" Jiraiya greeted loudly.
"Eh? A crow?" The Toad Boss squinted at Mukuro. "I thought you lot were dead."
The two Summons stared each other down, tension filling the air.
"Ah, many seem to think that." Mukuro answered dryly. "But here I am."
The staring continued, until Jiraiya spoke up again.
"Gamabunta, run interference." He ordered quietly. "I'm going to get the summoner."
"Oi, Don't order me around, brat." Gamabunta grumbled, but he still unsheathed his tanto, leaping forward with a leap.
Mukuro responded by diving forward as well, the two titans clashing in the middle of the field.
Jiraiya ignored their fight, instead, he ran through hand seals and fell into the ground.
The earth flowed like water around him, and he traveled below the battlefield, sometimes leaving a Shadow Clone, he needed Osamu distracted.
But soon enough he was below the fighting pair, waiting for his moment to strike.
The memories of the Shadow Clones appeared in his mind.
The first and second failed, but the third succeded, he ran through another series of hand deals, this time propelling him upwards, he broke through the ground and saw what he wanted.
Osamu was currently midair, having been flung off of Mukuro by his Shadow Clones.
"Ma! Pa!" He yelled out, as Fukasaku and Shima leapt towards Osamu, hands glowing with Chakra.
They grabbed onto Osamu's arms, pinning them to his sides.
"Demonic Illusion: Sleeping Croak!"
Osamu's eyes dropped as the two toads sang into his ears, before they both puffed into smoke, taking Osamu along with them.
Long ago, when he was more inexperienced, he had run out of Chakra while using sage mode, sending both toads back to Mount Myoboku, but at the time they were grabbing an enemy with their tongues, and he had been taken with them.
They of course had knocked him out, but he had been heavily berated for his recklessness.
The plan was simple, his goal wasn't beating Mukuro, just capturing Osamu, so the Two Sage Toads would knock him out with a Genjutsu, and then Reverse Summon Osamu with them.
Jiraiya landed back on the ground, Sage Mode falling away, and looked at the ongoing fight between Mukuro and Gamabunta, which was... not going well for Gamabunta.
Mukuro had him pinned down by his head, talons digging into his face, unwounded besides a small line of blood on one of his wings.
Jiraiya grimaced, he cut off the connection of Chakra between them, banishing Gamabunta back to Mount Myoboku.
"Good match," Mukuro commented politely. "Your Summon is quite skilled, I would ask that you tell him my respects."
Jiraiya stared at him, now for the part of the plan that he didn't think of.
"So... are we just gonna leave it at this?" He asked awkwardly. "I kinda kidnapped your Summoner."
The crow tilted his head curiously, considering the question.
"You have disrespected me." He stated calmly. "Treating me as an obstacle and not a fighter, it is only a slight disrespect, I understand not many can match me, so if you survive, we shall call it even."
"Survive wha-"
Mukuro's feathers grew, lengthening until they resembled a flowing mantle, Jiraiya could feel the Nature Chakra always present in the air being drawn towards Mukuro.
Mukuro's pupils shifted, changing from round to a four pointed star.
Jiraiya ran like his life depended on it, which it did, as he felt a shiver run down his spine, the air becoming charged with power.
"Sage Mimicry: Tailed Beast Bomb."
Jiraiya looked back just for a second to see something terrifying.
Small orbs of red and blue combining into a purple sphere, every Shinobi that has ever seen a Jinchūriki go all out would recognize this attack.
Jiraiya ran faster, running through hand signs, desperately running through his options, he decided that putting as much Earth between him and Mukuro was his best bet, so he used Earth Release.
He dove down into the earth, pushing his Chakra to its limits to get as deep as possible.
And then...
The Tailed Beast Bomb hit, it exploded, flattening the entire area, filling the sky with light, shaking the earth to its core, dust flew everywhere, obscuring everything for miles around.
Jiraiya's desperate burrowing barely saved him from being obliterated, instead, he only got crushed by tons of rock being forced downwards.
He crawled out of the rubble, bruised and bloody but alive, staggering upright, he stared at the crater that now replaced the hillside.
Mukuro was gone, disappearing after using so much Chakra.
Jiraiya laughed breathlessly, what a terrifying creature.
He sloppily bit his thumb and slammed it into the ground.
"Summoning Jutsu!"
In a plume of smoke, Shima and Fukasaku appeared, both still holding a now sleeping Osamu, both Summons looked around, grim faced but not surprised.
"Ah, this is why we said to run," Fukasaku commented dryly. "You really should have listened to us."
Jiraiya chuckled tiredly, he really regretted this whole thing at this point, he should have just left Sasuke alone.
This place was a madhouse.
"Yeah... that would've been smarter." He agreed quietly. "How long will the Genjutsu last?"
Shima glanced at Osamu, judging how well it was holding.
"One hour, he has a surprising amount of Chakra, so it took quite a bit of effort to put him under."
"Right..." Jiraiya muttered, tired and annoyed.
"Well, I think we should leave now, you should rest up, Jiraiya." Shima advised. "You're hurt all over, no need to be stubborn."
With that, both of them returned to Mount Myoboku.
He was honestly feeling kinda lost, this whole thing escalated so much in so little time, but he needed to get out of here before the Order investigated this area.
He took out some seals, preparing to restrain Osamu, but before he could do that, a puddle of black liquid formed underneath Osamu's body.
Jiraiya quickly lunged for the sleeping man, but was too late, his body sunk into the liquid before it disappeared, leaving no trace.
Jiraiya froze, eyes twitching in irritation.
A sarcastic clap came from behind him.
"Great fight!" Ayumu said brightly. "Very impressive."
Jiraiya slowly turned around, seeing Ayumu standing there, far enough away that Jiraiya could not grab him before he teleported again, clapping mockingly, a massive grin on his face.
"I hope you take this as a lesson to not bother people who don't want to be bothered." Ayumu advised. "And I hope you have a good explanation for Tsunade, I'm sure she will be expecting one after the whole city was woken up by that explosion."
Jiraiya shivered at the prospect.
Ayumu laughed quietly and then melted into a puddle, vanishing from sight.
Fucking Wave, fucking Ayumu, fucking Osamu, fucking Sasuke, fucking everything.
Jiraiya cursed silently in his mind, limping away from the crater and back to the city.
After a slow and frustrating journey back, evading Order members and curious civilians, he managed to sneak back into his room unnoticed.
He collapsed on his bed, exhausted and still injured, and closed his eyes.
But before he could fall asleep, the door slammed open, revealing a slightly panicked Tsunade.
She stopped when she noticed Jiraiya's bruised and bloody state.
Tsunade stared at him, and put two and two together.
"Jiraiya..." She started slowly, irritation growing in her voice. "What did you do?"
Jiraiya felt like crying.