A YEAR LATER
"Umuya-Sama?" The woman's voice called out politely, "The Hokage is ready to see you now."
I got up, stretching out my body as I did so, that had actually taken a while, almost a full day, and that was with me nudging things in the background when I realized how long this could take.
I walked over to the door, pushing it open, revealing the Hokage sitting at her desk, her face set in a stern expression.
"Come in." She ordered calmly. "And take a seat."
I walked over to one of the chairs opposite her desk and sat down, waiting for her to start talking.
"So..." She picked up a few papers on her desk, the ones I had to fill out to get a meeting with the Hokage, but she scowled as she read through them. "...Are you serious?"
"I'm not sure what the problem is." I fully know what the problem is.
"You just wrote your name backwards!" She threw the papers back down on her desk. She opened another drawer, pulling out some more documents, she held one up in front of her face and examined it for a moment. "You even look the same, just without the burns and the eyes."
"You didn't recognize me either." I pointed out, that was actually kind of funny.
She slammed the paper on the desk, from the small glimpse I got, it was Ayumu's file, they even had a pretty good sketch of my face.
"It isn't my job to memorize the faces of every High-Profile individual!" She snapped back. "That is the job of the village sentries, and the Sensor Net, and the secretary, and the Jōnin Guard outside the building, who all have failed to do their jobs!"
Now I felt kinda bad, I just wanted to have some fun and all these people were being blamed for not catching me.
"Don't blame them, they never had a chance." I said. "I'm sure they are very good at their jobs under normal circumstances."
Tsunade glared at me, before huffing and leaning back in her chair.
"What do you want?" She asked with resignation. "We have been trying to meet with you for almost a year and a half now."
They had actually been trying to talk to me for a while, but sadly for them, I was incredibly petty.
Besides, I knew what they wanted to ask, and my answers would be incredibly unhelpful for them.
I feel like they wouldn't believe that most of my reasoning boiled down to 'Well, this sounds like fun!'.
"I want to know the location of the Uzumaki Mask Shrine." I said casually, I could have used DP to find it, but Jashin taught me that just throwing my Divinity around could lead to it being stolen, and I wasn't sure what the Shinigami was just yet.
If he was the actual god of death, then best be respectful and not throw DP at one of his artifacts.
Tsunade, as expected, was confused by this question, which she quickly shook off, before frowning at me.
"Why do you want to know where it is?" She asked with suspicion.
"I am deeply passionate about archeology." I responded completely seriously. "It is my one purpose in life."
"And the whole 'Saint' thing?" She questioned, raising an eyebrow.
"A nice hobby on the side, very relaxing." I said cheerfully.
She stared at me for a few moments, studying my face before sighing in defeat.
"I'm not going to get any answers from you, am I?" She sounded resigned to her fate now.
"Actually, the real reason is that I wanted to verify if the Shinigami is actually real or not." If she thought I would be unhelpful, then time to prove her wrong.
"What? Why?" That actually caught her off guard. "Also, he is real, we have documented accounts of his summonings."
"Ah, I guess I should be more specific, I wanted to verify if the Shinigami is a god or not." I clarified. "I know there is a thing called the Shinigami, and that it exists, but I am uncertain about what exactly it is."
"That's... interesting." Tsunade replied slowly. "It is something we haven't really thought about, but why?"
And here comes the part where my answers will probably seem insane to her.
"The Watcher is real too, you know?" I said idly. "I don't like unknown threats, and neither does my God, one god trying to eat my fellow worshipers is more than enough for me to worry about."
That finally made Tsunade realize that, if I was joking, I was committed to it.
"Explain." She demanded.
"Jashin was a god of death and murder, he was a very hungry boy, and so, he set his sights on the souls of the blessed of The Watcher."
For the first time in this conversation, my words were completely serious.
"Jashin doesn't exist anymore." I still got a bit angry at that fuckhead when I remember him. "He caused little damage in the grand scheme of things, but if he was not drunk on arrogance and hubris, he could have killed thousands."
"And what does that have to do with the Shinigami?" Tsunade asked, her expression or stance giving nothing away, which was expected from a Shinobi as old and experienced as her.
"If he is actually a god, then contact needs to be established." My voice was still serious. "The world is changing, and there is little room for uncertainties and doubts."
She tapped her fingers on the desk for a few seconds, staring at me.
And then she made her decision.
"I will tell you where the Shrine is, but I want something in return." She finally said.
That was fine, the only reason I wasn't richer than god was because I was god, I could wave my hand and drown people in gold.
"Sure, what do ya want?"
She blinked at that, seemingly surprised at how easy that was.
"And I want you to take an escort with you to the Shrine." She added after a moment.
Now that was something I was a bit reluctant to agree to.
"...Send someone that you won't miss too much." I said slowly. "If things turn hostile, there is little chance of them surviving."
She nodded in response, now that I think about it, telling a Kage that their Shinobi might die is pretty stupid.
If there was anyone aware of how dangerous being a Shinobi was, it would be a person that personally assigned the most dangerous missions.
She was the one that told her people to go out, and she was the one that personally got the report when they came back missing squadmates, sometimes not even coming back at all.
"Now... On to what I want..." She leaned forward and gave me a slightly malicious smile. "I want access to The Order's teleportation network."
Oh sweet, I was getting what I wanted, and I was getting an easy way to spread my religion in the Land of Fire.
She would get Gates, and the priests that ran them.