Xavier's POV
I woke up with a splitting headache. I tried to lift my head, but I felt like I had a ton of bricks weighing me down. There were bodies beside me. Must be the girls I invited over last night... Or was it the day before? I don't really remember. I don't remember a lot of things these days. One day is just like the others, so I thought that drinking alcohol would help me pass the time quickly. After living for so long, we should have known better.
I have been doing some thinking and let's just say, thinking led to everything, and it didn't go so well. The only available solution for me was to drown myself at the bottom of the barrel. And that didn't go well either. I have lost myself. I lost myself a long time ago. Every time I thought I was in control, I have been proven to be wrong.
I thought I could handle a blast from the past, but I was wrong. I have made myself up to be tough, but the truth is I was weak and vulnerable. I am not strong at all. I don't think I can do it again. Those days when I was ruthless and shut my humanity off, I was lashing out. I let out my anger at everything and everyone. I'll admit it felt good for a while, but then it didn't. I've only been trying to remain strong for Julian. I owe him my life. He got dragged into this with me and for that he has suffered greatly.
I wouldn't know where to even begin to thank him. Even after all this, his will is stronger than mine. He seemed ready to face it all over again. The hatred he feels is deeper than mine. When it comes to River and Amaya, I have a lot of regrets. I thought about it a lot and realized that things could have been different. If only I admitted defeat. If only I had been a better man and let things go. If only I hadn't let anger and hatred consume me like that.
It's too late though. No matter how hard one thinks, it's just thinking. It can't change the past or fix things. It has to end, and I am afraid that I will forsee a happy ending. I sighed and got out of bed after I rested a little bit. My head was still killing me and the light was blinding. My eyes are kind of sensitive at the moment.
I was in no mood to make noise to kick out those girls, so I dragged myself to the guestroom to take a shower and try to get rid of this hangover. After binge-drinking, I was starving. I needed food, so I went to the kitchen to have my fill. I thought Julian would join me, but when I looked at the watch I realized it was way past noon, and I was having brunch. One of the girls told me he was here and left quickly.
Great. I won't be spare of a lecture when he comes back. After having a meal, I went to the basement. I needed to work off some steam and shed this fatigue. I did a few sets of everything to pass the time. I worked out until I was hot and felt like my limbs would fall off.
I took a water break and wiped the sweat off my face.
" So this is where you have been hiding."
It was Julian. He was standing in the doorway. How the hell did I not sense him? Am I getting rusty? I shook off the thought.
" I was not hiding. I was just working out." I replied defensively. It was partially the truth.
" Sure. I thought you were not going to wake up. You seemed to be enjoying yourself lately."
" If you call that enjoyment, do join me next time."
" I think I'll pass. It's a bit excessive for me. I can join you right now. How about we spar? It has been ages since we tested our strength. What say? Are you up for it?"
He knows I can never say no to a challenge. Even when my body is killing me at the moment. I'll give it to him.
We got on the mat and circled around waiting for each other to make the first move. Swiftly, I closed in on him and threw a punch. He evaded and tried to go for the opening and attack my ribs. I couldn't dodge it because I was a bit weak at the moment.
That was such a hard attack, it almost felt like my ribs cracked. I got away from him and chuckled. He was showing completely no mercy. Alright. If that is how it is, then, I guess I won't be showing any mercy.
We fought, beat and threw each other all over the place. It was intense yet controlled. We made sure not to go overboard, or the house would end up in shambles. That would be especially bad for me.
After going at it for an hour, both of us surrendered and fell back on the mat heaving for breath. My body felt even more painful. I was beat. I felt my body going numb. I wasn't going to be able to get up for a while. Still, it was fun. It had really been a while since we had this kind of conversation.
I looked at Julian, who had bruises on his face. I am sure I was no better. He was awfully quiet. I knew that we could keep ignoring the elephant in the room.
" What's on your mind?" I asked.
" Do I really have to say it," he asks.
I went silent. There is no way out. It's inevitable. What will be, will be.
It was easier said than done. Who knows what the future holds? What is written in fate? I guess soon enough, we will find out. That day isn't far enough.
" I guess you don't," I replied.
" In any case, we'll do what we have to do to survive. That's all there is to it."
I struggled to get up. He stood up before me and offered his hand. I looked up at him and took his hand firmly and reassuringly. He helped me up and I almost fell over. I had no strength.
" Man, I think I over did it," groaned.
Julian laughed. It's been a while since I heard him genuinely laugh.
" That's what you get for going wild. It's not fun anymore, is it," he mocked.
" Shut up and help me walk. It's your fault I am like this. It wasnt a fair fight."
We bickered all the way up. It felt nice for us to go back to normal. The tension had melted away. I guess that little fight of ours did the trick. We should do it more often.