WARNING! WARNING! SHOU IN CRITICAL CONDITION! WARNING! WARNING!
The shrill, raspy voice echoed relentlessly inside Yi Ming's mind, slicing through his concentration. He clenched his fists, his jaw tight as he glared at the system's message floating before him. This was the same system that claimed Shudu was fated for Xue Tuzi—that their destinies were intertwined. Yi Ming spat to the side in disdain. What was the system even thinking, pairing the fiery Shou with someone as apathetic as Shudu?
He looked down at Xue Tuzi, whose breaths came in short, desperate gasps, his body trembling in pain. The beauty was barely clinging to consciousness, his skin scorched and bruised, a far cry from the bright-eyed hopeful he'd been just moments ago. Xue Laohu's fingers dug into Xue Tuzi's arm, his grip tight with frustration and anger. His gaze shifted sharply back to Shudu, who stood a few steps away, grinning as if all this suffering was a mere spectacle for his amusement.
"Why didn't you protect him?" Xue Laohu's voice was low, laced with a fury that simmered just beneath the surface. The question was less a plea and more an accusation, demanding an answer that could make sense of the chaos.
Shudu's grin widened, dark amusement glittering in his eyes. He lazily flicked his wrist, where the small Gu worm—a Jiao Jiao—wriggled and squirmed in his grasp, crying out helplessly. It looked around, desperate for an escape, but Shudu's hold remained firm.
"Protect him?" Shudu scoffed, chuckling softly.
"Grandmaster Xue, you must be joking. It is not this venerable one's duty to save your fragile little disciple." His tone was laced with mockery, dismissive and cold. He tilted his head, a smirk curling at the corner of his lips. "If the Grandmaster's weak disciple couldn't handle a little burn, perhaps he isn't fit for the path you've set him on." Xue Laohu's jaw tightened, his anger flaring at Shudu's indifference.
"How sad. You've spawned a Gu worm with that human, only to discard him once he's served his purpose. Truly despicable, insect demon." Lord Yanhua's voice dripped with disdain as he opened his palms, summoning spheres of intense flame that flickered ominously.
Shudu's eyes narrowed, a glimmer of irritation flashing across his face. "First and foremost, I created this Gu worm myself. I am its rightful master," he retorted, his tone laced with irritation. "It's just… that… when it hatched, it saw that lowly human first. It's confused, that's all." With a dismissive flick of his wrist, he tossed Jiao Jiao to Xiao Zongzi, who deftly spun a web around the struggling creature, holding it captive. Shudu set his hands on his waist, advancing toward Lord Yanhua with an unhurried, almost taunting stride.
Xue Tuzi gasped weakly, fighting to keep his eyes open. "Shizun… run… please…" His words came in barely a whisper, his breaths shallow and labored. Xue Laohu held him close, protective fury blazing in his eyes. He glared at Shudu, his voice taut with anger. "Explain yourself!"
Before Shudu could muster a response, two figures appeared, breathless from the haste of their running. Li Zhameng and Shiliu skidded to a stop, eyes wide as they took in the scene. Without a second thought, Lord Yanhua immediately reached for his wife, pulling Shiliu into his embrace. With one hand gently cradling Shiliu's face, he poured spiritual energy into him, a soft glow enveloping them both as Yanhua's lips met his in a tender, restorative kiss. When they finally parted, Shiliu's eyes shimmered with relief, and he clung to Lord Yanhua, his voice trembling. "You're alive… I–I was so scared."
Lord Yanhua's expression softened as he looked at Shiliu. He placed gentle kisses across his tear-streaked face, whispering quiet reassurances with each touch.
Watching them, Yi Ming frowned, his heart sinking. Why couldn't the story have been about them? Their love was genuine, undeniable—a far cry from the convoluted, forced pairing between Shudu and Xue Tuzi. That would have been a love story worth narrating.
"This is the Grandmaster who holds the Elixir of Life," Shudu announced, pointing directly at Xue Laohu, who blinked in confusion. Elixir of Life? What the hell was that supposed to be?
As if on cue, the system chimed, and a small screen flickered into view before Yi Ming's eyes.
ITEM: ELIXIR OF LIFE — 500 LIFE POINTS
A surge of disbelief hit him. No fucking way. Absolutely not. There was no possible reality where he was the proud owner of this so-called Elixir of Life, especially one worth 500 life points. He shook his head firmly. "I don't know what you're talking about—I don't have it."
Shudu's eyes widened in surprise, a flicker of genuine astonishment crossing his face. "This venerable one heard the Great Grandmaster bestowed the elixir upon you shortly before her passing," he said, his voice edged with curiosity, as if he were testing the truth of his own words.
Xue Laohu shot him a hard, unamused look. Internally, he muttered, Yeah, she might have given it to the other Xue Laohu, but this is me. And I definitely don't have it. "Like I said," he repeated, his tone growing colder, "I don't have it."
Just then, Lord Yanhua stepped forward, his gaze hard and unyielding. "The deal was between you and me," he snapped, pointing a finger at Shudu before turning his attention to Xue Tuzi. "As for your… wife, I'll handle him shortly."
Shudu's frown deepened, irritation flashing in his eyes. "For the last time, he isn't mine."
"Oh? Then why does he carry your scent?" Lord Yanhua countered with a sneer, his voice dripping with disdain. "He reeks of you—your scent is all over him."
Without another word, Lord Yanhua lunged at Shudu, and the two collided in mid-air, exchanging rapid blows that echoed like thunder. Their movements were a blur of power and precision, their energy crackling around them. With a final clash, they crashed to the ground, each grappling for the upper hand.
Xue Laohu, glancing down at Xue Tuzi, sniffed him a couple of times, trying to detect any trace of this supposed scent. Nothing. But he knew he couldn't let Lord Yanhua obliterate both Shudu and Xue Tuzi over this mess. Reluctantly, he handed Xue Tuzi over to Li Zhameng, who took him with a steady grip, and without a word, Xue Laohu stepped forward, ready to join the fight.
"Listen, I don't want to fight. Can't we talk this through?" Xue Laohu held up his hands, trying to appeal to any sense of reason left in Lord Yanhua. But instead of a reply, he was met with a barrage of blazing fireballs hurtling his way. He quickly snapped open his fan, elegantly fanning the flames to disperse them. Meanwhile, Shudu leapt into the fight, delivering a swift series of punches to Lord Yanhua's face, each hit punctuated by a fierce determination.
"The guards your disciple mercilessly killed cannot be brought back!" Lord Yanhua shouted, anger blazing in his eyes as he blocked Shudu's attacks.
"It's true they can't be brought back," Xue Laohu replied firmly, his voice unwavering. "But we were led to believe that this place was a corrupt facility. I don't wish to kill you, Lord Yanhua."
Lord Yanhua scoffed, a mocking chuckle escaping him. "You? Kill me? Ha!"
But Xue Laohu moved faster than the eye could follow, and within seconds, he had Lord Yanhua on the ground, holding him firmly in place. A cry rang out-Shiliu's voice, filled with worry and panic as he rushed forward. "Stay back!" Lord Yanhua warned his wife, voice tense, though he struggled to keep his composure.
Xue Laohu leaned in close, his voice low enough that only Lord Yanhua could hear him. "Now do you believe me?" he murmured. "I wield the power of the narrator. I decide who lives and who dies." His words were cryptic, and Lord Yanhua's eyes widened in confusion and alarm, though he struggled to comprehend what Xue Laohu meant.
Suddenly, Shiliu came barreling forward with surprising speed and energy. "My Lord!" Shiliu threw himself into the scene, shoving Xue Laohu aside in a burst of unexpected strength. Xue Laohu went flying, colliding with a wall in a comical thud as Shiliu seized his husband's hand, half-dramatically, half- recklessly.
"Oh, my Lord!" Shiliu said, clutching Lord Yanhua's hand tenderly, his lips brushing on Lord Yanhua's wounds. Lord Yanhua's stern expression softened just a bit as he reached up to ruffle Shiliu's hair. "This venerable one asked his wife to stay back," he murmured, though his voice held a hint of fondness. Shiliu's eyes sparkled as he clung to him, shaking his head "I won't."
"Shizun!" Li Zhameng's voice echoed with desperation as he hurriedly placed Xue Tuzi down on the ground, ensuring he was comfortable before darting over to his Shizun's side. Xue Laohu sat up slowly, rubbing his head where a fresh bump had formed—a painful reminder of Shiliu's unexpected ambush. He watched as Lord Yanhua and Shiliu exchanged glances filled with a kind of radiant affection, lost in their own world of whispered reassurances and gentle touches.
Oh my god, Yi Ming thought, barely stifling a groan. Can't they get a room? Their love is making me sick.
"Shizun, are you alright?" Li Zhameng asked worriedly, kneeling beside him and inspecting the bump with gentle hands. He patted it gingerly, his brow furrowed. Xue Laohu couldn't help but crack a faint smile. The ambush might have been laughably unskilled, but as they say, love has a force all on its own—and apparently, that force had left him with a throbbing headache.
"I'm fine," Xue Laohu replied, brushing himself off as he rose to his feet. His eyes narrowed, as he took a step toward Lord Yanhua, who was still struggling to get up, his expression tense and defiant. Xue Laohu cleared his throat, commanding attention. "Listen, I have three conditions," he announced, his tone unyielding.
Lord Yanhua finally met his gaze, pausing in his efforts to stand. Xue Laohu's voice was resolute as he continued, ticking each point off with deliberate authority. "First condition: put out the flames on Huo Mountain. The land has been scorched enough."
A flicker of reluctance crossed Lord Yanhua's face, but Xue Laohu pressed on. "Second condition: release the humans you have imprisoned. They've suffered, and hopefully, learned their lesson to never set foot here again."
Lord Yanhua's lips tightened, but Xue Laohu's gaze remained unyielding. He took a deep breath and delivered his final condition. "And third: in exchange for my disciple's life, I am willing to grant you the Elixir of Life."
A hush fell over the space as Xue Laohu's words settled like a quiet storm. Lord Yanhua's eyes widened, a spark of astonishment flickering there before he masked it.
Yi Ming clenched his fists, frustration simmering beneath his calm exterior. He didn't even have enough life points for the Elixir of Life—at least, not yet. But he held onto the hope that, once this mission was completed, the pending 500 points would come through, allowing him to finally purchase it. Yet, the system's silence gnawed at him, the usual chime of updates or guidance suspiciously absent.
Lord Yanhua's voice broke through his thoughts. "This venerable one will accept your terms on one condition," he declared, his gaze sharp. "Shiliu stays with me."
Xue Laohu's shoulders relaxed, and he managed a small, relieved smile, nodding eagerly. "Of course, absolutely. That was always my plan," he assured him, gesturing casually as if the demand had never been in question. "I have no intention of taking him back to his parents."
Hearing those words, Shiliu's face lit up with pure joy. Without a second's hesitation, he threw his arms around Lord Yanhua, pressing his lips to his husband's in a deep, fervent kiss. His relief and happiness obvious, every fiber of his being was singing at the thought of staying by Lord Yanhua's side.
Yi Ming watched the scene unfold with a hint of exasperation, internally muttering, If only everything else in this mission could be this simple.
"But first, I must tend to my disciple," Xue Laohu murmured, his eyes darkening as he gazed down at Xue Tuzi, who lay pale and weakened. The young man's breaths were shallow, each one a strained effort, and beads of sweat dotted his brow, rolling down his face. His energy was waning fast. Yi Ming stood beside him, holding him gently, worry evident in his expression. The Shou and Gong need their first romantic encounter, he thought, his mind racing. Great—how am I supposed to make that happen now?
He shot a glance at Shudu, who was idly kicking rocks nearby, his expression one of complete nonchalance. Yi Ming's annoyance spiked. Shudu's debt to Lord Yanhua had cost him 500 life points, and now, at the very least, Shudu could make himself useful. This "stupid romantic moment" with Xue Tuzi was the one thing that could put the mission back on track. Yi Ming's brow twitched with irritation as he called out, "Shudu, come here."
Shudu looked up lazily, pausing his rock-kicking, and then sauntered over with an air of mild disinterest. Xue Laohu took a deep breath, mentally bracing himself. He wasn't sure how Shudu would take the next part. "Lend Xue Tuzi your energy," he said, keeping his voice steady.
"Tch," Shudu scoffed, crossing his arms and arching a brow in defiance. "And if this venerable one refuses?"
Xue Laohu clenched his jaw, frustration bubbling over. "I'm already doing you a big favor here!" he snapped. "Retrieving the Elixir of Life is going to drain me. I won't have enough energy left to give to A-Tuzi, and besides, this debt was yours to begin with!"
To his surprise, Shudu's defiance softened. With a reluctant sigh and a grumbled "Fine," he knelt beside Xue Tuzi, placing his fingers on the beauty's meridians. A faint, dark glow of demonic energy pulsed from his fingertips, slowly seeping into Xue Tuzi.
Yi Ming's brows knitted together in mild disappointment. I was hoping for an energy kiss transfer, like the one Lord Yanhua and Shiliu shared, he thought with a sigh. But, of course, he was setting his expectations too high.
Xue Laohu eyed the scene impatiently, watching the slow, steady transfer. "Isn't there a faster way?" he asked, his voice tinged with urgency.
"Hmmm… there is," Shudu replied, a sly smile spreading across his face as he slowly licked his lips. His gaze lingered on Xue Tuzi, studying him with a predatory glint. He lifted Xue Tuzi's chin gently, tilting it up to meet his own eyes. His thumb brushed over Xue Tuzi's lower lip, grazing the small mole nestled at its corner—a delicate touch that seemed to hold a strange, intimate promise.
Yes, this is it! Yi Ming thought, his heart racing with excitement. Finally, the romantic moment!
Shudu's eyes closed halfway, his long lashes brushing against his cheeks as he leaned in, his face so close to Xue Tuzi's that their breaths mingled. Yi Ming watched with bated breath, fully expecting a soft, tender kiss that would seal the connection between Shudu and Xue Tuzi.
But instead, Shudu opened his mouth wide, and before anyone could react, he delivered a sudden, forceful stream of energy in the most grotesque form imaginable—vomiting a surge of dark, murky demonic essence directly into Xue Tuzi's mouth. The thick, pungent energy poured forth, almost suffocatingly, as Xue Tuzi choked, his body instinctively tensing against the awful sensation.
Yi Ming's excitement crumbled instantly, his mouth hanging open in horror. This... was not the romantic moment I had in mind.
Blah Blah Blah:
Xue Tuzi: How disgusting! You're a volatile piece of shit for that you know that?
Author: Chuckles pulls out a cigarette pressing it into their dry crusty lips, lighting it up to take a nice long drag.