My heart pounds like crazy with fear as I rise from the couch and walk to the door. I look through the peephole and swallow my saliva harder when I spot Lucas standing on the other side.
He's mad as hell.
The panic inside me makes me wonder if this is the right move. Nevertheless, Felix's health is the most important thing right now. I'm ready to pounce.
I take a deep breath and open the door, but I am unable to invite the visitor inside, because without a word he pushes past me, making him land on the wall. Right behind him enters a woman I know....
Hannah.
Why is she with him?
My former classmate casts me a sympathetic glance, which I understand to be a warning of what lies ahead.
I follow them and watch Lucas, who crouches in front of his cousin sitting on the couch and looks at him with worried eyes.
- Felix?
My ex-boyfriend is only now shifting his sad gaze to him.
- Lucas, it was my idea, don't punish Selena. She wanted good for me," he says in a calm voice. - She wanted to help me, I was the one who didn't tell her the truth, that I was still healing....
The man shifts his gaze to me, and his eyes change you in a matter of seconds. He looks at me with such hostility that at that moment I am certainly pale as a corpse from fear.
- I had no idea, sorry. I didn't think he was still taking medication, that he hadn't recovered.... I thought he was healthy, that you were the one causing him to experience hell," I say in a trembling voice, close to tears.
- You are a hopeless idiot, Selena! A completely clueless! - he yells at me unexpectedly, and I tighten my lips, trying to stop crying. I can't brood in front of him and show that I am completely weak. - After all, I told you to stay away from him! I informed you that you are his poison! Until you showed up in New York, he was recovering, living a normal life taking medication!
This is stronger than me, especially when I shift my gaze to Felix's sad face. I burst into tears, crouching in the middle of the living room and hiding my face in my hands.
- Don't judge her, Lucas," says Felix in a weak voice, seeming so utterly lifeless lately. - We are both to blame for this.
- Remember that you also didn't tell her about the fact that Felix is still healing, so you can also hold a grudge against yourself," Hannah, who is standing to the side, speaks up. - She had a right to think that you were the one hurting your cousin with your behavior.
I raise my head and look at my peer with weeping eyes.
- Why are you meddling? It's none of your business! - jumps on her, Lucas.
- And yet, you took me with you so that in anger you wouldn't do something stupid.
I look at Hannah and wonder what she has in common with Lucas. I remember that as we were running away, Mike said he had asked her for help, but did that idea make her now with this moron?
- Selena will still suffer punishment for her thoughtless behavior. The police are on their way.
My eyes now express fear, shock, and disbelief.
- Brother, did you accuse Selena of kidnapping? - asks Felix in a concerned voice. - She herself decided to call you, to give up her escape, so why do you want to punish her? I won't allow it. It's not her fault. She meant well for me.
- Shut up, wimp. You're sick, so no one will take your words seriously to justify it. - Lucas is still angry as hell and no longer looks at his cousin with caring eyes, but with clear rage in his eyes. - Only the right punishment will ensure that he never comes near you again.
- Let her go, please. This time, I promise you that I will stay away from her. In recent times, I didn't even want to spend time with her, because I realized that she no longer makes me happy, but only pits me against her. You were right, brother. I had to find out for myself, so don't punish her.
These words are so painful that they tear at my heart. Having dreamed until now of getting Felix back and the wonderful love I experienced as a teenager, only now do I realize that I am just as toxic as Felix. Except that I am not sick, and that sounds even worse....
Completely broken, I sit down on the floor and lean my back against the wall, looking at them with pain in my eyes.
I can see that Felix's words, as well as my condition, incredibly please Lucas.
- Let her go. I think she is suffering enough at this point. You got your cousin back. - Hannah pierces the young man with her eyes.
The doorbell rings. I guess who is standing on the other side, wanting to handcuff me.
I am completely unresponsive to this.
- Brother, please. - Felix grabs his cousin's forearm as he rises to a standing position. - Don't punish her. And so she abandoned her whole life for me, and I repaid her in the worst way....
He watches Felix for a moment, then shifts his gaze to me.
- True, I think this is punishment enough for her for making a thoughtless decision. Withdraw this accusation. - Hannah looks at him with pleading eyes.
The man wordlessly walks to the door and lets the policemen inside. I guess that he will not forgive me and this will be my end. I will be in serious trouble.
- I apologize for taking up your time, but tell your supervisor that I would like to withdraw the charge. There was a misunderstanding, my younger brother returned. Ms. Selena is innocent, she helped find him.
It's not just me who is shocked, but also Hannah when these words come from Lucas' mouth. I see Felix close his eyelids, as if he is relieved.
- I think we should take her to the station and question her....
- I think you don't have to do that. Tell your supervisor that I will arrange a coffee with him and explain everything to him.
The policemen nod, taking one last look in our direction. They leave the apartment, and Lucas, who is walking past me, suddenly stops mid-step and looks down at me.
- Next time there will be no mercy. I will not retract the accusation. This is a warning to you, Selena.
- Thank you," I say with remorse in my voice.
A man walks up to Felix and grabs his hand.
- Back home.
My ex-boyfriend does not even protest. Obediently he rises from the couch and, throwing me one last, despondent look, speaks to me in a whisper:
- Sorry, I don't deserve your love. I never deserved it.
They leave, and Hannah crouches down beside me and puts her hand on my shoulder.
- You will see that it will not end like this. You will still fight for each other. Be strong, because I have managed to know what kind of bastard Lucas is.
She leaves the apartment and closes the door behind her, and only then do I curl up against the wall and burst out crying loudly.
I'm in so much pain, but why is my heart screaming that I still love him?
*
From Felix's perspective
I feel like dying. Currently, the worst emotions are hitting me. I don't have the strength in me. I am hopeless, I don't even feel like protecting Selena, providing for her, even though I still love her so much.
How can it be that, with her, I am no longer happy?
I can't understand myself. Before, she was the whole world to me, I was crazy about her, I missed her so much all these years, and now after a few days spent together, I seem to be tired of her presence.
Am I just tired of this love, this struggle for our relationship?
I know how much I hurt her, but we need to stay away from each other. I need a break from her because I am losing the will to live. Furthermore, I think I understand that we won't be happy together because I will never recover, and that's what makes me want to keep my distance from her.
I can now think of her, not myself, so I want her to finally be happy, away from me. I would like to give her a chance to start a new life, with someone else by her side, because I can't make her happy anymore.
Furthermore, I stare with depressed eyes at the window pane, ignoring Lucas, who is driving the car, and Hannah, who is sitting next to him.
I don't know what she is doing with him, maybe he forcibly forced her to do something, but somehow at this point I don't care at all. I just want to lock myself in a room, go to bed, fall asleep and never come out.
- Felix? - Lucas looks at me in the mirror, but I don't pay attention to him at all. - Tomorrow I'm taking you to a psychiatrist.
- Go yourself, because you need it more than me," I answer him.
- I think you both require a specialist," says Hannah, who so far has been sitting quietly. I notice that Lucas throws her an angry look.
- Are you insinuating something? I assure you that there is no problem with me.
I smile under my breath, but do not comment on this in any way, not wanting to argue with him. I don't have the strength to do so.
- In my opinion, you have a worse issue than your brother. There is so much hatred of people and aggression in you that you are a danger to others. I am afraid of you, that's why I obediently stand by your side.
- I didn't force you to do it, you wanted to taste luxury yourself, like all the others.
- If I refused, you would give me hell, because you hate it when people oppose you. Everything must be as you decide.
Lucas unexpectedly pulls over to the side of the road and throws the girl a meaningful look.
- Get off and never show your face to me again.
I can see that Hannah looks shocked.
- In the middle of the night you throw me out of the car on a street I don't know?
- You want the freedom I'm just giving you. I'm showing you that I'm not forcing you to do anything. The way is free.
The girl throws him an offended look, then opens the door and gets out. Through the glass she shows him the middle finger, but he does not react in any way. Pressing his lips together, he takes off with a squeal of tires, leaving her there alone, with nothing.
Why did he just let her go like that? That's not like him...