It's getting to evening when I look out the window and see that Sebastian is still steadfastly stuck at Hannah's side, not intending to leave the front door. Even though it's cold outside, they're not about to give up and want to show Lucas that they're not doing anything wrong, that he's the emotionless bastard at the moment.
I want to speak up and say a few words to him about how he's behaving, but before I can open my mouth, he points his finger at me and announces that I should keep quiet. If I would rather not end up with a side of dead fish.
Fortunately, there is also Felix, who, like me, cannot stand Lucas' behavior.
- If you didn't care about me, I dare say you are a flesh and blood devil. How can you not feel sorry for them! - My boyfriend looks intensely indignant. - Why can't you grow up and let the people who care about you? I really don't know how this girl fell in love with you, but I don't dare ask her, because I didn't deserve Selena's love either.
- Have you visited too many psychiatrists, their teachings have passed on to you? Are you trying to put something into my head? - Lucas is clearly attacking him.
- No, I just want you to start being happy too! Stop living in the past, stop creating a wall around you, through which you do not allow new people! After all, everyone has noticed that Hannah has caught your eye, and yet you play some stupid game, at all costs not wanting to let her in! You are destroying happiness, through your stupidity! - Felix pierces Lucas with furious eyes. - The same when it comes to Sebastian.... He makes mistakes, but he does it for the sake of others! This time he brought Hannah here, because he also wants you to finally start living like other people!
- Are you making excuses now? And you will be able to live like other people if it turns out that your disease is so advanced that you will never be fully healthy?
I clearly don't like this sentence. Lucas is overstepping his bounds at this point.
- I may be sick, but an idiot nevertheless I am not, and I guess that you are hiding something from me. Nevertheless, I am not snooping, because I am happy at the moment. I don't know what the future will bring, I don't know what will happen to me, how I will cope. But the fact that I have two people by my side who are important to me, you and Selena, makes me want to fight. I have someone to live for.
I smile, feeling proud of him. He is beginning to think rationally, not giving up.
I shift my gaze to Lucas and notice that Felix's words have hit him a bit. He leans back against the couch with his hands, lowering his gaze.
- Sorry, I didn't mean to imply that. After all, you know that I'm happy if you're recovering.
Felix rolls his eyes and walks over to Lucas, placing a hand on his shoulder.
- You are still hiding a lot from me, and yet I trust you because you are doing everything to help me. You have gone through a big change. I know that in the past you also took care of me, but you were a spoiled brat, a bit jealous of me, which is why your mother threw you out of the house.
Lucas crinkles his eyebrows.
- And do you remember what she threw me out for?
Why is he bringing up this subject? From Felix's story, I heard that Lucas raped that girl at the party, but he denied it, claiming that he didn't do anything by force. Was it actually just an illusion Felix created in his head as a result of his illness?
- You've overstepped your bounds," Felix says quietly, as if he's not sure himself.
- I went to bed with a hot chick and made her a baby. She herself insisted and then made me the worst, that's why I don't trust women since then," Lucas declares, then shifts his gaze to me. - Fortunately, she removed what our mother gave her money for, so I assure you that I don't want to reproduce.
- Relevant information," I mutter.
The brunet looks at Felix for a moment, then massages his forehead as he shifts his gaze toward the door.
- It's okay, I would rather not be a monster like the people who raised me, so let them in, but warn them to stay out of my sight for now. I need to collect my thoughts.
Lucas escapes to the second floor, and I open the front door and call the two frozen victims inside.
- You guys are really crazy not to go to Sebastian's apartment to get warm! - I shout at them as they cross the threshold of the house.
The young man gnashes his teeth, while Hannah remains firm.
- I'll make this idiot warm me up," the girl claims boldly.
- I'd rather you let it go, because Lucas doesn't want you to show your face to him now. It's better not to call the wolf out of the woods. I know he wants to catch up on work today.
Without pulling off her shoes or jacket, Hannah throws herself on the couch, looking satisfied.
- I never lose. I promise you that he will lose his head for me.
- You'd sooner be the one to lose it if he comes down to the living room and sees how you knocked down his bright couch," mutters Sebastian. - I wouldn't want to be in your shoes.
*
From Felix's perspective
It's late evening when Selena and I are walking along the beach. The frosty air envelops our faces, but I'm warm because she's next to me and snuggles against my shoulder.
Finally, I can say that I am fully happy.
- Do you think that in our absence, they won't kill each other at home? - he asks me.
- I'm most worried about Hannah. The girl has a character and doesn't give up. She and Lucas are quite an explosive combination.
Selena laughs sweetly at my words.
- I think you are right. I, too, am most worried about the two of them. Sebastian is such a helpful boy, he was scrubbing the couch when we left. I think he will redeem the favor of his boss pretty quickly.
I look toward the ocean and see the lights of a sailing ship. This moment makes memories of the past come back to me. I don't understand why this is what causes them, but I think of literally everything, starting from my childhood to my adult life.
I wonder what my life would be like if I were healthy? How different would it be from the one I lead now?
Of course, I'm happy because I got Selena back and live away from Los Angeles, but if I hadn't gotten sick, would I have met her in my life too? Is she really my destiny? Or would we have been married long ago and had children?
- Aren't you cold? - she asks me thoughtfully, to which I shake my head.
- It is good, if I could, I would sit on the sand and look at the ocean, I like it so much here. I don't mind the low temperature.
- I just thought of something! - she says unexpectedly, smiling mysteriously. - Wait for me for a while, I'll go home and bring something!
With a surprised look, I look at Selena as she lets go of my arm and flashes toward the residence.
I stand in front of the ocean and smile under my breath, guessing what might have come to her mind. I pull a vibrating phone from my pocket, noticing that an unknown number is calling me. For a brief moment, I wonder who it could be, and the first person I think of is Mike, who may be calling from another phone.
- Pardon?
- Son...
This moment is worse than walking into a fire. I feel a strange sensation of heat flow through my body, making me feel sick, and a moment later a cold sweat covers me.
- Who am I talking to? - I ask, feeling a strange lump appear in my throat.
- Son, it's me, your mother," she replies, and I get weak. Sweats are pouring down my body, even though it is frighteningly cold outside. - It was so hard for me to get your number, but I managed. Lucas forbade me to contact you, Selena as well, once again took you away from me! Felix, my love, I miss you so much.
I feel faint. I fall on the sand, holding the phone in my trembling hand.
- After all, I already feel better. Mom, you're dead, it's impossible for you to call me.
I can hear her breathing, I can hear her voice perfectly, but I can't take it in, in front of my eyes I still have the image of how I killed them and buried them in the forest.
Am I living in some other reality?
Why, currently, do entirely different images appear in my head than the ones I remember and bury two, rag dolls I call my parents in the woods?
With frightened eyes, I look around me, feeling as if I am in a strange place. What if this is not real life, and I am dead? Am I dead, too, and this is all my imagination?
- Son, why should I be dead? Have you forgotten that I went to Canada with your father after you stayed in the hospital?
My heart is beating so fast, so anxiously, that in a moment it will jump out of my chest. I feel sick, I feel weak. I don't have the strength to rise from the sand.
- Mom, how is this possible? - I ask in a whisper. - For many years I lived with remorse, no one told me the truth....
- They're all fooling you, baby! They're making you crazy, that's why I'm calling you to come back to me. I miss you so much, Felix. I love you so much, son, you know I want the best for you.... I always wanted, that's why I left you in the hospital to recover.
Panic overpowers my body. I burst out crying, anxiously looking around me.
- This is some kind of illusion, you are definitely dead, mom! This is a dream, I am happy with Selena and with Lucas! I don't want you! I don't want you back in my life! I don't want! - I shout with panic in my voice.
- You are deceived by them, Felix! Come to your senses! They instilled in your head that your parents are dead, I could not contact you in any way because they threatened me! Lucas knows perfectly well that he is my son from my first relationship, that he is your older brother, didn't he tell you about that too! - she shouts at me.
I'm shaking, but not from the cold, but from fear. It all hits me too hard.
- I am terrified, I am afraid. I don't know anymore what is truth and what is illusion," I say in a trembling voice. - Mom, can you please show me through video chat?
I move the receiver away from my ear and look with panicked eyes at the face of the woman I hate most in the world.
- Dear Felix, do you believe me now?
I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know what's driving me currently, but in a panic I throw the phone in the sand, with frightened eyes looking at the ocean waves.
My whole life so far is an illusion. Nothing is real.
I pull off my shoes and rise from the sand, standing on trembling legs. I don't feel the cold, I don't feel anything at this point. As if in an amok, I walk ahead, seeing only the waves of the ocean.
They, too, are just an illusion, for sure. All around me nothing is real. There is no such possibility...
Somewhere between the sound of the ocean, I can hear my mother calling from the phone, but I know that this demon is only pretending to care because all she cares about is that I disappear.
Forever.