From the airship, a paladin leapt down, his pristine armor gleaming in the sun. He landed with a thunderous crash, stabbing his sword into the ground with dramatic flair.
"WE HAVE COME FOR THE DIVINE TESTICLE—I mean, TESTAMENT!" he bellowed, his voice echoing across the mountains.
Behind him, the High Priest of the Holy Church descended gently using a feather-light spell, face frozen in a smile that screamed PR disaster. He leaned in and whispered, "It's testament, Gerald. TESTAMENT. Not... testicle."
Agnes, halfway through chewing on an octopus balls, froze. His soul visibly left his body for a moment."No way... no way they're here for... that."He dropped the ball. It bounced sadly down the path.
Before he could bolt, the ground rumbled. Flames erupted from a summoning circle, splitting the earth like a cracked egg. Out crawled a six-armed demon king with leathery wings and a wine glass full of blood. He took a casual sip.
"You mortals finally found the Golden Tier Artifact?" he said with a smirk, stretching as if he'd just rolled out of bed.
A deafening boom interrupted him. Light tore the clouds apart as a man in heavenly robes floated down, radiating an aura so holy that nearby plants started blooming out of season. A choir sang in the background. No one knew where it came from.
"I will decide who claims it," the man said in a booming voice that shook everyone's intestines. He was the King of Gods and Heaven.
Agnes, sweating like a dumpling in a steamer, ducked under a stall of fried octopus balls. Taking advantage of the commotion, he stuffed several into his sleeves and mouth. A stall lady smacked his head, but he kept chewing.
Within minutes, the peaceful sect garden had become a high-level diplomatic summit. The King of the Land, the King of Heaven, and the King of Hell all stood in a tense triangle, each one trying to out-aura the other.
They'd all sensed the familiar Qi radiating from the artifact.
In truth, it was just Agnes' long-lost left nut. But nobody could know that.
The Sect Master stepped forward, his forehead drenched with sweat. "Esteemed sovereigns, perhaps we could, ah, discuss this civilly—"
"No need," the King of Heaven said, cutting him off. "We declare a Tournament. In three days."
The Demon King nodded. "Agreed. Winner takes the Orb."
The crowd exploded. Cheering, shouting, a few fainted. Others immediately started gambling.
The rules of the tournament were released on floating golden parchments:
-Matchmaking would be based on rank.
-Winners of each rank would face others until a final champion emerged.
-Every recognized sect, guild, or institution affiliated with the Great University would receive 5 seats.
-Unaffiliated individuals had to pass a brutal entrance exam.
-Killing was discouraged but not strictly forbidden.
Martial artists began training immediately, throwing punches that shattered stone. Alchemists huddled to concoct potions so potent they needed gloves and gas masks.
Merchants opened pop-up shops and gambling stalls, one even selling fake divine artifacts. (Agnes bought one. It squeaked.)
And Agnes?
Agnes was crawling on all fours behind a dumpling cart, muttering like a gremlin, "I have to steal it. I have to do this..."He peeked up and immediately got intimidated by a squad of armored guards with magic-detecting birds.He sighed. "...I can't do this."
Slumped with despair, While aimlessly wandering, he stumbled upon a humble stall stacked with books. He picked up a few titles at random.
He squinted at the titles:
-Learn Basic Magic in 30 Days!
-Basic Martial Arts for Newbies in 30 Days!
-DIY Artifact-Making for Broke Cultivators
-Alchemy: The Legal Stuff (Mostly)
-Unconsciousness and Consciousness: A Deep Dive
-The Art of Enlightenment and How to Fake It Until You Make It
"Clickbait garbage," Agnes muttered—but he bought them all anyway.
Agnes' Crash Course to Power
Back in his room, Agnes plopped on the floor surrounded by books and snacks. He decided to speedrun his training arc.
Day One: Magic
Agnes focused on the first book, "Learn Basic Magic in 30 Days." It introduced the concept of creating magic circles using Qi—energy drawn from within the body. These circles functioned like spell templates, channeling Qi into specific elemental outputs. The theory was easy enough.
In practice?
Agnes failed thirty-two times trying to draw a basic fireball circle. His water ball exploded in his face. He nearly set his mattress on fire. He lost half of his hair in fire. Eventually, after pulling an all-nighter and scrawling on every wall, he managed to properly cast two spells: a weak fireball and an even weaker water ball.
Still, he was proud. "Two spells in a day? Pfft. I'm basically a prodigy."
Day Two: Martial Arts
The next day, he opened the martial arts manual. It focused on Qi-based physical techniques.There were 30 techniques ,he learned three core basics:
A Mobility Technique that used Qi to lighten his body and boost his footwork. After crashing into a wall and his neighbor's chicken coop several times, he finally nailed it.
A Body Strengthening Technique where Qi was circulated throughout his muscles to enhance durability. He experimented by focusing it only into his finger, turning it from noodle to nail.
A Qi Punch, where Qi was concentrated into a strike, releasing a small shockwave on impact. He broke a chair and one of his toes during practice. Mixed success.
Being Agnes, he naturally tried combining them in weird ways, like using the mobility boost while crawling. It helped... a little.
Day Three: Alchemy & Artifact Creation
By now sleep-deprived and twitching, he speed-read through both the alchemy and DIY artifact books, skipping straight to anything that looked remotely useful. One recipe caught his eye—a potion to amplify Qi resonance using crushed magic crystals.
Using his last savings, he ran to a scrap vendor and bought rejected crystals.Then he ran into a paint shop. He drew amplification circles onto the magic crystals (both absorption and release were amped) , ground them into fine powder, and mixed it into a bucket of red paint.
According to the alchemy book, magic crystals:
The magic crystals' properties:
-Absorb Qi
-Store Qi
-Release Qi
-Can be customized
-Cannot absorb already materialized elemental Qi
Warning!! don't eat a magic crystal it is deadly and harmful. Seek medical attention you have done so.
Agnes coated his fingers in the paint and tried casting fireball again. It was... barely stronger his normal fireball.
But then, he used Body Strengthening on his painted finger.
It turned metal solid—stronger than anything he'd achieved before.
"Okay... durability enhancement only," he murmured. "Not strength. Kinda useless... unless I am basically a punching bag."
Then, a grin spread across his face.
"…Guess it's time to use the knowledge from my past life."
Agnes bolted to the scrapyard, scavenging for anything remotely useful—metal scraps, springs, tubes, broken runes. By midnight, he had built a crude mask, enchanted with a weak aura-blocking spell, just enough to hide his presence.Using power of science created several items as well, like a shoe that works like a pen, a DIY Fireproof Suit, Oxygen/Gas magical hybrid mask and God know what else.
Unfortunately, the sect's five seats were already taken by seniors and masters. Agnes, the ugliest disciple in the sect, had no choice.
He had to take the entrance exam.
The Big Day
On the day of the test, candidates gathered from all over the continent.
Among them was one suspiciously painted red weirdo in tattered robes, Big School bag 5 times of his size and a bizarre metal mask that made him look like a budget superhero.
It was Agnes.
He stood proudly in line, arms crossed, absolutely radiating false confidence.A child pointed at him. "Mom, is that a clown?"
"No, sweetie...You should no move mentally disabled creature."
Someone whispered, "Is he bleeding…?"
Another asked, "Is that an art performance?"
People started giving him money for some reason.
And with that, the ugliest, most chaotic underdog in sect history stepped forward to fight for his nut.