It's hours later and I'm back on the lounger outside, while Lucian is making another attempt at gardening.
I brought another book out with me, an epic fantasy that I have no interest in reading. This time, it isn't because Lucian is entertaining to watch with his slapdash approach to gardening. He is, but it's not that.
No, I'm still thinking about my loss of control and how I've revealed more than I intended.
Minerva didn't push me for an explanation: just reminded me to continue to rest my leg before she left. After Lucian saw her out, he didn't push for answers either. I was even ready with a lie. I was going to tell him that the sun from the other day had made me emotional and I didn't mean what I said.
I should've known by now that Lucian isn't like that. I get the impression he's waiting for me to open up when I'm ready. If I'm ever ready.
Instead of demanding to know why I was labelling all alphas as abusive, Lucian asked me what I wanted to do today. When I said I wanted to go out and read, he said he'd planned on gardening and would I mind if he joined me? How could I say no to that?
With the recent memory of the fierce sun beaming down on me the day before, I changed out of Lucian's baggy t-shirt and into one of my tank tops. I'm still in a pair of Lucian's rolled-up sweatpants as I'm not feeling brave enough to try shoving my injured leg into skinny jeans or even my shorts.
I abandon my book and do nothing but observe Lucian for several minutes in silence.
"Lucian?"
"Yeah?"
As he examines a small green root peeping through the soil, it's impossible to miss his pleasure. I doubt I'm alone in wondering what's growing. With the way Lucian was emptying seed packets in any random spot, I guess whatever grows there will wind up being just as a surprise to him as everyone else.
"What do you do? Other than gardening… badly?"
He whips his head around. "Hey!"
I raise my eyebrow.
"Well, I'm figuring it out," he grumbles.
"If you can tell me what that is that's growing," I offer. "I'll take back my statement."
For several seconds, Lucian examines me with his face expressionless, then he sighs. "Fair enough. What did you want to know again?"
"What do you do? I mean? I'm guessing from the overalls Orion's a mechanic which is kind of weird for an alpha to work, but I guess some must. But what about you? Where do you work?"
"Management." I wait for more of an explanation, but Lucian doesn't say anymore.
"From home? Or did you take time off to look after me?"
I hope he hasn't stopped working because the thought of him putting himself out for me when he's already done so much makes me feel crummy.
"From home." Lucian goes back to studying the small growing root.
"Can I help do something? Like, dig a hole for more seeds, maybe?" I ask, after scanning the ground and noting more unopened seed packets.
Lucian's frown warns me what his answer will be.
"Please? It's only my ankle that hurts now, and only when I put pressure on it. I'm sure it wouldn't hurt to kneel. And I'll still be resting it, which is what Minerva wanted."
When he looks poised to say no, I make my eyes big. "Please? I don't feel like reading, and I'd like to help."
"Okay, fine. But tell me the second it starts hurting. And not for long, not after your migraine yesterday. An hour and we go back inside, okay?" His voice is uncharacteristically firm, almost sounding like an order.
I nod.
A few minutes later and I'm kneeling a few feet away from Lucian with a cushion under my injured foot that he got from inside. While he busies himself digging another hole, I examine the soil beside him, looking for a spot far enough away from where he's already dug up.
"What kind of management?" I ask him, picking up the thread of our earlier conversation. "I thought that was mostly done in an office. Unless it's HR, where I guess it doesn't matter where you work since it's mostly phones and emails."
"HR?"
I glance over at him. "Human resources… people management, I guess you could call it."
The confusion clears from Lucian's face. "I guess you could say that I'm a manager of people."
It's such a weird way of putting it that I dart a glance at him before I start digging. When I'm happy with my hole, I grab a seed packet for yellow peppers and briefly scan the instructions on the back.
It's just as I thought, Lucian doesn't have any idea what he's doing. "He didn't hit me," I say, with my gaze fixed on the seeds I'm pouring out.
Lucian briefly pauses. "Oh?" A quick peek reveals he's back to digging.
"I saw you and Minerva looking for bruises before. You won't find any. And I guess from what you heard me say, you probably thought… well. You know."
He doesn't respond, but I know he's listening. "I wish he had. Bruises heal faster than what he did to me."
"And what did he do to you?" Lucian's voice is soft.
I stare at the soil beneath my nails and, for one second, my vision blurs. I rapidly blink my tears away.
"Made me believe I didn't matter. That I'm useless. Worthless." I laugh but it's a bitter sound. "He liked to tell me his flashy red sports car had more purpose than I did."
For the longest time, Lucian doesn't speak. Although I feel his gaze on the side of my face, I don't dare turn to meet it. I'm not brave and this is just one more thing I can't do. Instead, I force a smile.
"So, you see why I ran."
With that I start to rise, intending to go back inside, forgetting about my bad leg because now that I've spoken, I want—I need to hide.
But I don't make it. Lucian grips one arm and turns me to him and before I know what's happening, he's buried one hand in my hair and his lips are on mine.
I freeze.
His kiss is soft, a gentle brush against mine, nothing that has me wanting to run or push him away. It's a kiss that's Lucian all over: gentle, persuasive, and patient.
I relax against him as all the tension in my body falls away. As Lucian extends the kiss, time seems to matter less and less, and so does the trowel in my hand, so I abandon both.
Deep inside, something flutters to life. I don't know what it is, but it compels me to part my lips because I want more of him, so I do. He answers my sigh with a low groan as he angles his head and draws me closer, even as I'm leaning toward him, hungry for more of him.
When he breaks the kiss, I'm too stunned to do anything but blink up at him as we kneel face-to-face with our garden tools forgotten beside us. I feel like I'm burning up, but not from the heat of the sun. It's from Lucian's kiss.
He slides his hands down the overheated skin on my arms without taking his eyes from me, making me suck in a breath at the gentle glide of his fingers which finally catch and intertwine with mine.
His warm brown eyes stare into mine, so deep that it's as if he were an omega trying to peer into my soul.
"You matter to me," he says, and then he bends his head and draws me back for another kiss.
A sweet kiss. One that tells me without words that he cares, that he wants me, and that I mean something to him.
I slip my arms around his shoulders and urge him even closer because he matters to me. More, I think, than I ever will to him.
I forget the seeds, the gardening, how hot it is. Everything. Nothing else matters except this kiss I wish would last forever.