"You can't find me. Don't find me. Kaido, it's all Vegapunk's doing—I had nothing to do with it."
Caesar huddled in the lowest level of the facility, feeling the world outside grow eerily silent. Despite his hiding place, an overwhelming sense of unease crept up his spine. His body instinctively started dissipating into gas, beyond his control.
"Huh? Isn't this one of Vegapunk's failed experiments? Wasn't it supposed to be destroyed? Why is it still here?"
"Fuffuffuffuffu... What a lucky find. Two birds with one stone."
Doflamingo grinned, his usual sunny yet dangerous expression spreading across his face as he glanced at the trembling Caesar and the blue-spotted apple enclosed in a glass container. The fact that he had come all this way for Vegapunk only to find nothing irritated him, but stumbling upon these two things made up for it.
"EHHH!? Who—who are you?! Don't kill me! I'm useful, I swear!"
The sudden appearance of Doflamingo, coupled with the overwhelming sense of crisis surging through him, sent Caesar into full-blown panic. His face contorted in exaggerated horror before he promptly dropped to his knees in surrender.
If I remember correctly, Caesar Clown should be about fourteen years old this year?
He was barely ten when he started hanging around Vegapunk, Queen, and Judge. Another boy genius in this ridiculous world. Either everyone is born a musclehead or some kind of childhood prodigy.
Looking at the kneeling Caesar Clown, Doflamingo set aside his wandering thoughts and rubbed his chin thoughtfully before speaking in an almost soothing tone.
"Relax, my future adorable subordinate. As Judge's boss, I know exactly what kind of talent you possess. I believe you wouldn't mind switching allegiances, would you?"
I'm not going to die?! Caesar's terrified expression softened just a little, and he let out a relieved breath. His head bobbed up and down like a drumstick on a taiko, hastily agreeing.
"Y-yes, of course, Boss! But… Judge? Vinsmoke Judge?"
"Fuffuffuffu, that's right. Vinsmoke Judge, your former colleague. He works for me now as well. But you, my dear Caesar, are still just a tad bit behind Vegapunk's genius. For example… take a look at this."
Doflamingo pinched his fingers together, barely leaving a gap between them, and Caesar couldn't shake the feeling that the warlord was mocking him.
Crack.
Without warning, threads shot from Doflamingo's fingers, shattering the glass container in front of him.
Holding the artificial Mythical Zoan Fish-Fish Fruit in his palm, Doflamingo studied it with fascination.
If only I hadn't already eaten the String-String Fruit… this would have been perfect. Stylish and powerful!
What self-respecting man wouldn't want to be a horned, long-tailed dragon?
If the scientists at the facility had questioned his intellect compared to Vegapunk's, Caesar would have exploded in anger. But with Doflamingo standing before him, he had no choice but to direct his frustration elsewhere. Gritting his teeth, he scoffed at the fruit.
"That? It's just one of Vegapunk's failures. A defective artificial Devil Fruit. At least I managed to create incomplete versions! Vegapunk isn't better than me!
I already have a new approach for creating artificial Zoan Fruits. By extracting Lineage Factors from animal blood and embedding them into a suitable plant host, I can cultivate true artificial Zoan Devil Fruits!
I, Caesar Clown, am the greatest scientist in the world!"
Caesar's mix of defiance and forced submission made him look like the very definition of a sore loser. Seeing this only improved Doflamingo's mood, compensating for the disappointment of missing Vegapunk. The warlord decided to throw him a little bone.
"No, no, no. 'Failure' was just Vegapunk's way of downplaying it—he never wanted such a terrifying power to fall into the World Government's hands."
"But the truth? My Observation Haki has already foreseen it."
"This is a perfect artificial Mythical Zoan—Fish-Fish Fruit, Azure Dragon Model."
"And as for your little experiment? I know exactly how to perfect it. Once the results come in, you'll see just how wrong you were."
Of course, that was complete nonsense. His Observation Haki wasn't that advanced—he had simply read the script. But once he found someone to eat the fruit, letting Caesar witness its success firsthand would completely shatter what little pride he had left.
"Shurorororo! No way! Absolutely not! I refuse to believe it!"
Caesar had heard of Observation Haki predicting moves in battle, but foreseeing whether a Devil Fruit was real or fake? That was ridiculous. He refused to accept that he was inferior to that old bastard Vegapunk!
"Fuffuffuffuffu… Next year, Roger will reach Laugh Tale, become the Pirate King, and then turn himself in. By then, you'll understand the truth."
"Impossible! That's absolutely impossible!" Caesar, despite his age, wasn't stupid enough to fall for such an absurd story.
...
Conversations among villains were always simple and efficient.
After a brief tour of the facility, fifty or so scientists, along with as many transportable instruments as possible, were crammed into the Mini Flamingo. As for those who refused to cooperate…
Doflamingo had generously enrolled them in a free life-restart program. No way was he leaving them behind for the World Government.
Besides, there were always more scientists out there—he could just recruit new ones.
He was just a broke runaway orphan, after all. Taking some scraps from his old home was only natural.
The only real shame was that he couldn't find samples of Kaido's or King's blood.
...
As they passed by the port, the crew was greeted with the sight of a gruesome banquet—pink flesh strewn across the docks, roasted meat still sizzling, entrails mixed into the feast.
"Here, take this. It's your reward."
Doflamingo placed a snazzy pink Den Den Mushi on the only person still barely breathing.
"Dofla...mingo! You bas—"
"Fuffuffuffuffu, what's that? Speak up!"
Missing a few limbs, throat slit open, but somehow still clinging to life—this was a world where human endurance defied common sense. Even Whitebeard, after having a literal hole blown through his chest, had fought until the bitter end.
As for whether this survivor would make it long enough for reinforcements to arrive? That wasn't Doflamingo's problem.
He had delivered his gift. The World Government would be in touch soon.
...
One Day Later—Mary Geoise
Staring at the flamboyantly pink Den Den Mushi on the table, the Five Elders reviewed the classified reports detailing the incident at Punk Hazard. Rage boiled over.
The elder with the sword slammed it into the floor, shouting,
"Such reckless arrogance! Is the bastard child of the Homing family openly provoking the World Government?! That entire bloodline is insane!"
The elder with the judge's gavel clenched his hand tightly.
"Where is this so-called Donquixote Family now? Has he forgotten the honor of the Celestial Dragons?!"
The long-haired elder, the only one still calm, gave a calculated response.
"Their exact whereabouts are unknown, but we still have traces in the North Blue and Grand Line."
"Mobilize the Navy. Eradicate them."
"More importantly, there was a security breach regarding Vegapunk. Investigate CP9 and Naval Intelligence immediately."
"And contact Doflamingo. We need to know exactly what he intends to do."
-----------
+100 chapters on p@treon/tambeerg