Magnus was slouched on his throne. Again. Ha...
[A/N: I can't get this guy to move.]
He looked like a lazy cat, twisting around in search of the perfect nap position—except Marianne kept ruining it.
"Magnus, at least go for a walk," she sighed.
[Honestly? She's got a point.]
"Shut up, b*tch."
"…What?"
Marianne blinked, eyes already misty from the sudden insult and cold rejection.
Not that it was even aimed at her.
"I wasn't talking to you," Magnus groaned. "I meant the voice."
[Rude.]
"You deserve it," he muttered, shifting again, now draping one leg over the armrest like some gremlin king nesting in his lair of laziness.
Marianne sniffled. "You—you're schizophrenic. I swear, I'm calling Bob."
That got a reaction—barely. An eye twitch.
"You wouldn't."
"I would."
"I hate that guy."
[Same.]
So do I.
[A/N: So Do I.]
"See?" Magnus pointed vaguely toward the ceiling, like the fourth wall was a skylight. "Even the Voice agrees. Bob's a menace. A spreadsheet with legs."
"He's a good worker. Unlike a certain cat I know."
"Why am I a cat now, bunny?"
Marianne flushed, raising a hand to hit him—then stopping herself.
[…Can you stop flirting and actually do something? Like, I gave you the title of Sloth, sure, but that doesn't mean you're excused from everything. Shouldn't you be, I don't know—conquering territories or something?]
"No?"
"…Wait—do the other Demon Kings have someone like you too?"
Meanwhile, Marianne was still standing there, staring at him like he was losing it.
'This schizophrenic lord is getting worse by the day…'
[No, they do not. Or rather. I dunno.]
"Stupid"
"....." Marianne was seriously concerned about this guy looking at the ceiling and she herself copied him, trying to find the person this lazy schizophrenic guy was talking with.
[But know this, there's a man in another dimension. He. Also has a system.]
"Who's that guy?"
[A human]
".....Wish i could slap you. What's his name?"
[Dunno, it was something like hajin or whatever]
"..Hajin?"
"Magnus, who's Hazin? What are you talking about?" Marianne asked.
"Oh, I don...."
"Why are you calling me by my na–"
"I did not."
"You did."
"Nope."
"Yep."
"Nuh uh"
"Yuh uh"
"Fine, you win my lord. That's the only thing you are good at"
"Can you compliment me without a insult for once?"
"Oh and where's....uh.. lily? What was her name?"
"If you are talking about lust, she left saying "I got lot to do unlike that sleepy head". "
"I kinda feel like she didn't say that and you are mak-"
"She did"
Magnus sighed, once again changing his position on the same throne.
----
At the same time, in the human realm.
Renaya was running—no. Chasing. She was chasing a man who had abandoned his job.
Bob.
"I don't wanna do it!!"
"Get back here, you stupid b*stard!"
They dashed through alleys, over merchant stalls, across bridges, and even—especially—right through the prestigious Royal Academy's rose garden.
"Bob, you got the post! A high honor!" Renaya screamed, dodging a floating clipboard he threw at her.
"I'm not built for this!!"
"They're kids, Bob!"
"They're noble kids!"
"Bob—STOP RUNNING!"
He did.
He turned.
Looked her dead in the eyes.
And then leaped into the academy's koi pond like a rogue agent returning to the water.
Splash.
"Bob—what are you doing?!"
"I'm hiding in my natural environment!" he gasped, poking his head above the surface like some tragic wet cat. "Tell Magnus I died valiantly. In service. To the empire. Or whatever."
---
Back in the Demon Realm.
Magnus, eyes half-closed and soul 93% in sleep mode, suddenly twitched.
"…He's in a pond."
"Huh?" Marianne asked, stirring tea beside his throne-sofa.
"Bob. He's soaking wet. Probably crying. I can feel it."
"You… have a psychic link with him now?"
"No. Just a hunch. That man would drown himself before trying to "calmingly" talk with Human kids."
[He's not wrong.]
"yet, he still gets more done than you." Marianne replied as she took a small sip out of the tea which was supposedly for magnus.
"Because I delegate. "Leadership.""
"…That's not how ruling works."
"Isn't it?"
[It really isn't.]
"…Anyway," Magnus mumbled, yawning so hard the air itself seemed to slow, "tell Lust to bring snacks next time. If she's going to insult me, she might as well cater it."
"She's been gone for two days."
"Cool. What about the others? Is there any fight now?"
"Dunno"
[Dunno]
"Idiots."
Magnus streched, still laying on the throne. He was moving but not moving.
"Mag- my lord, at least sit up properly. You look like a sack of cursed potatoes."
"Potatoes are noble creatures," Magnus muttered. "Leave them out of this."
Marianne massaged her temples. "Cursed ones aren't!(Marianne likes potatoes)."
"You haven't moved in three days."
"I moved yesterday. I blinked seventeen times. Broke a sweat."
[He did not.]
"You're getting weaker."
"I'm getting closer to the throne's final form. Soon, it will absorb me, and I'll ascend into Ultimate Comfort."
[That's not how thrones work.]
"That's not how thrones work!" Marianne echoed, throwing her arms in the air.
"Have you ever merged with furniture, Marianne?"
"Have you ever worked a single day in your life, Magnus?!"
A pause.
Magnus blinked slowly.
"…Define 'worked.'"
For a moment, It felt like Marianne was about to murder him.
---
Meanwhile, back in the Human Realm…
Bob was still in the pond. A frog sat on his head.
"I think I have hypothermia," he muttered.
Renaya crouched by the edge, arms folded, absolutely done. "You've been in there for six minutes."
"That's six minutes too many."
Suddenly—gasp—a student in uniform appeared, looking scandalized.
"Is that… the new instructor?"
Bob immediately ducked underwater like a hunted fugitive. Blub.
Renaya looked at the student. "He's just… practicing. Aquatic economics."
The student nodded, totally confused. "F*ck is a aquatic eco-."
From behind them, a tall man in a stiff, disgusted uniform arrived.
Professor Eustace. Bob's "senior instructor." Balding. Bitter. Smelled like chalk and overdue taxes.
"Miss Renaya," he sneered, "your 'instructor' is fraternizing with amphibians, it seems."
Renaya plastered on a fake smile. "It seems to me too, but he's quite innovative."
"You mean insane."
"I mean employed."
Blub.
---
Back in the Demon Realm.
Marianne poked Magnus with a spoon. He didn't respond.
"...Are you dead?"
"…No. Just wondering what it means to be alive."
"Can you not drop philosophy questions on me"
Magnus sighed. "If Bob gets fired, he's not coming back, right?"
"He will."
"tch!."