Crazy wandered through the rain-soaked forest, one hand resting on his sword, the other swinging aimlessly at nothing. His recently 'Borrowed' boots squelched against the damp earth as he followed the beaten path, stepping over mossy rocks, hopping across fallen logs, and tripping on a root.
"Ow."
He pushed himself up, grumbling, before noticing something ahead. A tree.
A big tree.
Glowing.
The golden light shimmered through the mist, giving it an eerie, almost holy aura. Crazy blinked at it, then at the moss-covered stone slab beside it. Squinting, he leaned in to read the text:
*GRAND HOLY TREE #287357*
*Here lies the body and soul of the honorable Azure Lion First Order, Thorin Argentium. Leader of the 456th Azure Legion, the Lightning Beasts.*
Crazy stared at it. Then at the tree. Then back at the slab.
Huh. A ceremonial tree.
His gaze flicked around. Slowly, he realized every tree in the vicinity had a slab like this. He rubbed his chin.
A cemetery.
Usually, places like these would have guards, right? But the only sounds were the rain and his own breathing. The knights from before couldn't have been the only ones protecting this place.
...Right?
Crazy shrugged. Not his problem. He lifted his foot, ready to leave...
...When he realized something very, very important.
He had to pee.
The endless sound of rain was not helping.
He looked around. Empty forest. Holy tree. Sacred burial ground of some long-dead warrior.
Perfect.
...
Pilling his pants back up, Crazy admired his handiwork. "There. Extra fertilizer. You're welcome, tree."
Just in case someone missed his generous act, he stabbed a nearby stick onto it, making it stand out.
Satisfied, he resumed walking, absently rubbing his stomach as it grumbled. As he meandered through the forest, he read a few of the plaques along the way.
Lisabeth... Corin... Theseus... Nam... Julith... Genesis... Ben... Dover...
What weird names. If he had kids, he'd name them something more sensible. Like Chilly Jam. Or 25$ Chicken Salad. Or just... Tree.
He sighed and continued along the path, blindly taking lefts and rights, until...
Golden light.
Another glowing tree.
Huh. Weird. He hadn't realized there were multiple.
Well, if there was one thing he learned today, it was that glowing trees made for great bathrooms.
He reached for his belt, then glanced at the stone slab beneath the tree.
*GRAND HOLY TREE #287357*
*Here lies the body and soul of the honorable Azure Lion First Order, Thorin Argentium. Leader of the 456th Azure Legion, the Lightning Beasts.*
Crazy paused.
Squinted.
That... felt oddly familiar.
No, it had to be a coincidence. Names got repeated all the time. Probably some famous title passed down or whatever. Not a big deal.
He was just about to continue his noble act of tree nourishment when something caught his eye.
The base of the tree. The roots. The dirt.
Already... wet.
...And an ominous stick stuck out from it.
He froze.
Slowly, his gaze drifted back up to the plaque. The same tree. The same name. The same everything.
A cold shiver ran down his spine. He took a careful step back. Then another. Then turned on his heel and quickened his pace down the path.
Okay. No big deal. Just took a wrong turn. He was tired. Hungry. A little damp in the brain, maybe. Yeah, that was it.
He read the plaques again as he walked.
Lisabeth... Corin... Theseus... Nam... Julith... Genesis... Ben... Dover...
Hm. Weird names. He could probably come up with better ones, like...
...
...Wait.
His brain hiccupped. He suddenly realized.
That was the same order. The same names. His stomach twisted. His feet moved faster. The rain pounded harder. His breath came sharp as he broke into a light jog, eyes darting through the trees, searching for a way out.
Then, ahead: golden light.
Relief flooded him. Finally. The exit!
Crazy burst forward...
...and stopped dead in his tracks.
The tree stood there, glowing. Silent. Waiting.
His head tilted down, as if against his will.
*GRAND HOLY TREE #287357*
...
...
...
"Ah, sh*t."
He ran a hand through his drenched hair. "Okay. This is fine. This is normal. I just need to... I don't know. Sleep? Eat? Stop walking in circles?"
But deep down, he knew.
This wasn't a hallucination. This wasn't a dream. Something... Was messing with him. The trees, the path, the rain. It was all wrong.
A pulse of frustration ran through his veins. He clentched his fists, staring at the ever-dripping canopy above him as if the sky itself was mocking him.
Then...
A scream.
High-pitched. Desperate. "Kyaaaaaaa! Help!!! Someone!"
A woman.
Crazy let out a long, slow sigh.
Of course. Of course something else had to happen.
He rolled his shoulders, cracked his neck, and readjusted his sword at his side.
"Welp. Looks like it's gonna be a long day."