She stood in the doorway, arms crossed tightly, a steaming tray of food balanced carefully in one hand.
Damn. She was stronger than she looked.
Her dark, silky hair was tied in a high ponytail, just above her sharp, violet eyes. Her traditional yukata worn just slightly too loose – like she'd thrown it on at the last minute.
I saw her eyes narrow, and somehow I felt like I'd made a mistake. She took a step back.
"Why are you staring at me like that? You'd better not be getting any perverted ideas!" she yelled.
I could almost feel the daggers she was glaring into my eyes.
"No, wait, it's not - " I stammered.
"Dinner ended an hour ago, idiot." She thrust the tray into my arms, spilling a little of the miso soup. "It's not like I was bringing you dinner or anything! But… since I was already passing through her, I thought I needed to. You're probably too dumb to come down and get it. You should be grateful."
I blinked at her. "…yeah, you're right." I said.
Now it was her turn to blink.
"Thank you. I didn't know I was supposed to - "
She huffed, loudly.
"You're already a pain. It'd be so annoying having a dummy American-jin collapsing in the hallway from starvation."
She turned to walk away. Then, stiffly, turned back, like she wasn't sure if she would stand in the hall or leave.
"Do you need any - "
She jumped, not expecting me to say anything.
"I – I'm FINE!" she blurted out, stepping back too quickly. "It's just – I don't – UGH! Just try not to choke!"
I stared at her. I could hear Yuki giggle in the background.
"..and don't bother Yuki," she said.
My eyes grew wide.
"How do you know about Yuki?" I asked.
She just rolled her eyes. "Oh my god, you're such a BAKA!" She jabbed a finger toward me. "Anway, you stay here. Second floor is YOURS! My room's on the first, and the last thing I need is some pervert trying to undress me with his eyes!"
She paused for just a second, letting me absorb what she had said because, clearly, I was an idiot. Then, once she decided I had processed her instructions, she continued.
"And another thing, stay away from Natsumi on the third floor. She'll scratch you to pieces if you go bothering her!"
With one last flustered huff, she turned on her heel and stormed off down the hall, muttering under her breath.
"That's Hibana Asuka-san," said Yuki, giggling. "She's cute, isn't she?"
"Yeah. And real delicate."
I looked down at the tray of food in my hands. My empty stomach didn't care what Hibana was like. She brought me dinner. She didn't need to do that. I might have hated her attitude, but she was right about something: I should be grateful.
Back inside, I sat on the futon, finally allowed myself to exhale. I hadn't realized how hungry I was until the first spoonful of miso hit my tongue. Then I didn't even bother with the spoon.
Hibana could call me a baka all she wanted. If she fixed this food, then I could forgive a LOT. The food was incredible. Simple, traditional—miso, rice, grilled fish, a few side dishes. But it was warm, and it was real, and right now, that was all that mattered.
Yuki watched me eat. Or at least… I imagined that she did. When I finished I set the tray aside and took a long look at myself in the mirrir.
"At least you've aged well," I said. "But who the hell are you?"
"You're still scared," I heard Yuki say.
I nodded. How the hell wasn't I supposed to be scared.
When I'd woken up that morning, I'd been bald. 44 and in the process of trying to lose weight while looking for work.
Now? I looked and felt like I was a fifteen-year-old. I'd been fifteen before, but I don't think I was as tall. Or as muscular.
And that scared me.
"Yeah, Yuki. I'm scared. I have no clue what to expect tomorrow. I-I-I don't even want to be here. I don't even know where the hell here is, and I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to be doing. I just want to go home. I don't want… whatever this even is."
I sighed. I looked outside my window again, watching the mist swirl.
"It's really pretty here," I said. "But everything looks so old and worn out."
Was my old life even still out there somewhere? Were there people looking for me? My friends? My mom?
"…it wasn't always like this. When I came here this was a resort island in the sixties. Off the northern coast of Japan. Shin'yume-sou was becoming popular until, um… someone died here," said Yuki.
I looked up for a moment.
"You were here in the sixties, huh? What was it like then?"
"Oh, I wish you could have seen it then. It was thoroughly modern. Very posh," Yuki smiled as she remembered. Her voice had a nostalgic, breathy quality, and I wished I knew more about the time and place she was describing.
"I came here with my parents… I don't remember them very well now. But I think they smiled a lot. I… I remember being on the patio… Ryu, the sun was so bright that day, and it must have been summer because of how blue the sky looked. Of course, all of the lanterns had to be moved for the fireworks that evening… the fireworks…"
Her voice trailed off, becoming sad as she repeated the word.
"Yuki? Are you okay?" I asked.
"Yes, Ryu. It's just that… I never got to see the fireworks that evening."
I swallowed. "Oh, damn, I'm so so-"
"It's okay, you know! It's okay… please, I shouldn't have said anything, Ryu. I didn't mean to make you sad! That's… that's now what I want to do. Let me help you."
The way she said it, I knew she meant it. I wish I'd known Yuki when she was alive.
"How am I supposed to sleep, Yuki?" I sighed, rubbing my temples. "Everything is happening too fast. I'm not ready for this."
A pause. Then—
I felt a cold draft at my back. The faintest suggestion of a fingertip, and the memory of a touch on my shoulder.
"You're doing fine, Ryu."
I turned to where I imaged Yuki was standing and gave a tired smile.
"I won't leave you," she promised. "After all… You're the closest thing I have to this world. I'll help you clear your mind. Just take a little time for yourself, okay?"
Ryu exhaled slowly.
"…How?"
Her smile softened.
"I'll teach you."
She reached out a hand. Or maybe he only thought she did.
Either way, Ryu closed his eyes.
And listened.
At first, it felt impossible.
My mind was a tangled mess of questions, panic, exhaustion, fear. I wanted to find Lana. I wanted to get the hell out of this place. I wondered what a supernatural world would be like, and now I just wanted to find the exit.
Now, sitting alone in my room with Yuki, I couldn't shake the feeling that, maybe, I had done this to her.
Ans she was trying to help me.
Yuki's voice was steady.
"Sit. Cross your legs. Now, just breathe in."
I inhaled.
"Hold it."
A pause.
"Let go."
And I did.
Again.
"Yuki," I said.
"Shhhh. This is time for you, Ryu. Don't expect anything. Just sit and breathe for a few minutes. Didn't your parents meditate?"
That hit me like cold water.
No. Hell no, my mom never meditated. She liked sitting on the back porch in the summer drinking cheap beer, smoking a cigarette, and laughing when a moth got fried in the bug zapper.
But Ryu's parents? Yeah. I bet they meditated.
And if the statue of the little man sitting cross-legged on the edge of my desk was any indication of Ryu's religion, I probably meditated too. At the very least, Yuki was trying to help me, and what kind of a person would I be to turn her down?
"You're right. Sorry… It's been a long day," I said.
I felt a chill on my back as though the air conditioning had suddenly kicked on, but it hadn't. It was Yuki. And that was oddly comforting right now.
"Breathe, Ryu."
I inhaled. I could feel the frost on my breath as I exhaled.
And soon, the room felt less like a prison.
The quiet, the faint scent of tatami mats, the distant rush of wind past the wooden walls.
And Yuki's voice, as soft as snowfall.
"See? You're doing fine."
For the first time —I felt my heartrate slowing.
The onsen's creaking sounded further away.
The wind against the window, distant.
I felt my own body.
Strong. Untapped reservoirs of potential.
An elasticity that I had forgotten about.
But mostly a sense of peace.
And for the first time since I arrived at this place—
I thought maybe, just maybe, I might be okay.
Until I remembered the orc.
And his warning.