The memory of the doctor brought a faint smile to Brad's lips.
The guy had something that caught attention— that awkward, endearing seriousness, that strangely shy gaze that darted away when he looked at him for too long but was also strong and bold when he was tending to the wounded. It was an appetizing contrast.
Damn, the doctor was downright delicious.
Brad sighed inwardly, biting the inside of his cheek. He needed a man. Probably just as much as he needed a cigarette. Abstinence had never been his style, and now? Everyone wanted something from him, expected responsibility, decisions, common sense. As if he were meant to be something more than a castaway drifting through his own life.
And he… he needed to feel someone's warmth under his fingers. To run his hand over tense muscles, to pin someone against a wall, to listen to the ragged breath that would betray everything they were too afraid to say aloud. To lean down over someone's neck, to feel them tremble under his touch.
Oh, yes. Brad definitely needed a man.
Maybe one day he'd visit some old friends, rekindle a forgotten acquaintance. Take a breath, even for a moment, in the arms of someone who wouldn't expect anything more than a sinfully good night.
Yet the thought wasn't tempting. He didn't like looking back. He preferred to look ahead.
But when it came to romance, a gay man in a small town didn't have many chances. He had to take what came his way.
His thoughts drifted back to Colin. To his serious eyes hidden behind ridiculously long lashes. To that subtle shyness that, for some inexplicable reason, affected Brad more than any confident flirt ever could.
Only Colin… Colin was untouchable. Not in his league, not in his world. Brad wasn't in the habit of hitting on straight guys. Fate was particularly cruel, placing such an appetizing treat under his roof and locking it behind glass.
Look, but don't touch.
A real cosmic joke.
***
Colin Stone leaned heavily against his apartment door, breathing hard.
He had rushed inside as if chased by rabid dogs. Unfortunately, what was chasing him was far worse.
His heart pounded too fast, his breath was too unsteady.
Brad Lipski was dangerous for his heart.
No. He couldn't let this happen. Colin clenched his teeth in frustration. He wouldn't let himself become a slave to his desires. Brad Lipski wasn't the first handsome guy he had ever seen, and he surely wouldn't be the last. Colin was supposed to be his tenant for a year, so he'd either get used to his landlord's charm, or…
No. Colin was a grown man, for God's sake. Adults could control themselves.
Yesterday, he had allowed himself a moment of indulgence, fantasizing about Lipski, but he'd been high on adrenaline then. The bar fight, the police…
The memory of those events suddenly filled him with warmth.
Brad Lipski had shielded him with his own body and taken the blow.
That was… That was enough to set his senses ablaze, but for God's sake, he had taken care of that yesterday. It should be over now.
Humans weren't animals. They could control their urges; otherwise, society would be an anarchic mess full of sexual crimes. Yes, logic and reason would cool his thoughts.
Colin took a deep breath as if trying to convince himself that he was in control.
There was nothing wrong with fantasies, but a man who couldn't control them was pathetic— and, perhaps, dangerous. Moral norms weren't just some outdated nonsense from a bygone era; they were a mechanism that kept the world in order— a social agreement on self-restraint, a necessity to curb certain impulses to prevent chaos.
So why… why, damn it, wouldn't his body accept that?
And that's what truly terrified him. His own chaos— the uncomfortable realization that a single person, a single face, a single gesture, could throw him off balance. His thoughts were too loud, his desires too alive.
If Colin didn't control himself, everything he had built over the years— his life, his career, his dignity— could turn into something pathetic.
Another deep breath, and another— his heart slowly began to settle.