Keifer's POV
I'm going insane. I don't know how much longer I can take this.
"Seriously? Are you planning to finish all the alcohol in your mini bar?"
I didn't bother to look. I know it's Honey.
"It's none of your business if I finish this. I have plenty of money to buy more," I said and took a sip from my glass.
This is the only way I can endure what I did. It feels like every hour that I don't talk to her, someone is ripping my heart out of my chest. I need to be numb.
"Whatever. Your girlfriend hasn't been going to school for two days now. And it looks like she still has no plans of attending today."
I knew this would happen. This is my fault. It seems like she's lost the will to study because of what happened.
Even our classmates have stopped answering my calls. Rory was the first person I tried to reach, but he wouldn't pick up. I tried calling others, but they either rejected my calls or didn't answer at all.
Yuri and Ci-N were the only ones who answered, but they all said the same thing. They kept asking what my problem was. I couldn't answer them, so I just ended the calls.
"So, what's your plan? Are you going back to London?" Honey asked me.
I shook my head. "Not yet."
I'm not strong enough yet.
I haven't even fixed my anger management issues. That's what I need to work on first before anything else.
But with everything piling up on me, I don't even know what to prioritize anymore.
"Sigh… Keifer, I'm the one having a hard time with what you're doing."
"You don't have to stay here if you can't stand seeing me like this."
She let out a small laugh, which made me look at her. She's starting to annoy me.
"You said you wanted to be strong enough to protect your family and the one you love. But here you are, looking even more miserable than your girl." She arched a brow. "…Now tell me, how can this drunk man in front of me save his family and loved ones?"
I let go of the glass in my hand.
She's right.
Turns out, this woman actually makes sense sometimes. I thought she was all about drama and attitude. How can I fight for and protect Jay-jay and my siblings if I look this pathetic?
I chuckled in disbelief. I pushed her away so I could fix myself and make sure she's safe. There are things I need to do instead of just sitting here and drinking.
"Turns out, you actually have some sense." I said and downed the remaining alcohol in my glass.
"We've known each other for so long, and you're only realizing that now?"
I placed the glass down and stood up, facing her with a slight smile.
"I've known for a long time that you don't have a brain."
Right after saying that, I walked past her. I knew she'd get mad and start nagging at me.
When I stepped out of the lounge, I immediately looked for a maid.
Most of them were avoiding me. They knew I didn't like having too many people around me. The worst part? I don't even know their names.
The only ones I recognize are the Head Housemaid and the Butler.
I didn't want to keep calling them because they're both getting old. They should be resting. Once I turn 18, I will take full custody of Keiren and Keigan from them so they can finally retire and enjoy their vacation.
I'm deeply grateful to them.
I kept looking around until I saw one of the maids vacuuming the carpeted floor.
"Hey…" I called out to her.
She turned off the vacuum and looked at me.
"Sir?"
"Can I ask you a favor? Prepare a meal for me. I want everything ready by the time I'm done showering."
She nodded. "Yes, sir. I'll take care of it."
I turned away and walked towards my room. I took a shower to get rid of the alcohol in my system. I think I've had enough to numb the pain.
I quickly got dressed afterward and grabbed my hoodie. I plan to go jogging after eating. I consider it a warm-up for my day.
When I arrived at the dining area, the food was already prepared. The maid was pouring juice into a glass as I sat down.
"Please eat, sir." The maid said.
"Thank you—hmm… what's your name?" I asked.
I just realized I never even knew her name.
"Cass Sandra Eugenio. You can call me Cass or Sandra." She answered with a smile.
I forced a smile. "Sandra will do. Again, thank you for this."
"You're welcome, sir."
She had this jolly attitude, and I couldn't help but think of Jay-jay.
I hope I can see her happy again.
Because of what I did, that might never happen.
I chose not to think about it for now. I won't be able to move forward if I keep focusing on what ifs. I have to stop imagining things about our situation. It's clearly not helping my mind to keep up.
I forced myself to eat. Honestly, my stomach didn't want to accept the food. This is probably the result of drinking for days.
After eating, I stood up and put on my hoodie. I also plugged in my headset and slipped my phone into my pocket. I wasn't in my right mind while walking out of the house.
I looked up at the sky. It feels like I haven't been outside for a long time, even though it's only been two days since I last went out.
I'm getting weirder every day.
I went ahead with my plan to jog. I kept running at a slow pace while trying to organize my thoughts. It was working since I was able to think of things I could do.
When I reached the park, I stopped. I had run quite far from home. I didn't even notice it because I was so deep in thought.
I chose to rest for a while. I sat down on a bench and took my phone out of my pocket to check for any messages. There was one from Honey, but it wasn't important.
I decided to go back to jogging. I was about to leave when I saw someone wearing an HVIS uniform. My heart started beating so fast. I hadn't even seen their face yet, but I already knew who it was.
Dammit, Jay-jay!
I badly want to see you, but I'm afraid that if I hold your hand, I won't be able to let you go.
It feels like all my efforts to endure will be for nothing.
I haven't even started my plan, and yet everything might fall apart.
I put my headset back on and pulled my hoodie over my head. I jogged away from the park, pretending not to see her. Even though, in reality, my feet didn't want to move forward.
It didn't take long before I felt someone following me. I already had a clue who it was.
Don't follow me! Please…
If she doesn't stop, I might not be able to hold myself back. Everything will be ruined.
I subtly increased my pace, hoping she wouldn't notice. But she was still following me—or rather, they were.
I only realized too late that I was already near my house. I had no choice but to face them. I stopped and caught my breath. I removed my headset and slipped it into my pocket.
"Next time you follow me, make sure I don't notice." I said without looking at them.
I didn't hear any response from them. I wanted to walk away and keep moving forward. I didn't want to face her.I was afraid.
But if I don't face her now, the next time we meet, I might not be able to control myself.
I slowly turned around to face them. And at that moment, I realized just how hard it was to stick to what I was doing.
The emotions I numbed with alcohol softened the moment I saw her.
My Jay-jay…
"What do you want?" I asked them.
"A-aah..." She started, and I almost ran to hug her. "B-because… T-there's—."
She didn't get to finish what she was saying because, out of nowhere, Percy suddenly walked straight into my house. My jaw dropped in disbelief.
"Hey!" I shouted and followed him.
Seriously? Just because we were friends before doesn't mean he has the right to do whatever he wants. Especially entering someone else's house.
My house, to be exact.
Didn't he think that I could file a trespassing case against him?
"Pa-CR ako!" He answered before quickly running inside the house.
I stopped in the garage, rubbing my face in frustration. Why didn't Percy leave his shamelessness in the grave? Why did he have to bring it back with him?
I could still feel Jay-jay's presence not too far away. Percy had distracted me, so we hadn't finished talking.
But I had no intention of continuing the conversation. I needed to come up with another plan. I had to stick to my first one, which was to push Jay-jay away from me.
It was the only way to save her from me and from my stupid cousin, Clyde.
But I had nothing after that.
"When your stepbrother comes out, you both should leave." I said calmly and was about to walk away.
"Keifer!" She called my name, and my knees almost gave out. "…I-I just want to know something."
Why do I have this feeling? My instinct is telling me to stay and listen, but my mind is screaming at me to turn my back and leave.
Without any hesitation, I chose to stay. I didn't exactly know why. Maybe because I wanted to stare at her for a while. Maybe because I missed her too much, and I wanted to enjoy the little moment that we had.
"What is it?"
"I-I just want to know…" She took a deep breath. "…despite everything you did, d-did you ever love me?"
FVCK, I DO! And not just loved, because I love you so much!
I wanted to shout that and hug her. I wanted to so badly. But I couldn't do that. Everything I had started would fall apart, and I'd be back to nothing.
If I do that, I know she'll find a way to help me. I don't want to put her in danger.
I laughed bitterly. I knew I was about to bring pain to both of us again. I can't bear to see her hurt, but I have no choice.
She bit her lower lip. I saw her trembling slightly.
Maybe she's scared to hear my answer.
I was hesitating about whether to go through with it. But if I didn't do this, how would she stop? She might just keep asking me over and over again about how I feel. And if that happens, I'll be forced to tell her the truth.
Damn these 'what ifs' and possibilities!
"You followed me just to ask that?" I forced a laugh. "…I can't believe this."
I shook my head while smiling like a lunatic. I don't know if I'm good at acting, but I'm trying my best.
"Let me guess… You expected that maybe I developed feelings for you while I was deceiving you?"
I know it's a yes. Don't worry, Jay, because you're right. I developed feelings for you without even realizing it.
The next thing I knew, I was the one deceiving myself—not you.
I kept denying my feelings, trying to convince myself that it was impossible, even though it had already happened.
I almost laughed at my own stupidity. I faced Jay-jay and looked at her. I could already see the pain in her eyes.
"What a damn!" I added and laughed. "…This is not a TV series or movie. Falling for you or realizing that I love you in the middle of my revenge will never happen."
She gasps a bit. I know I'm hurting her so badly.
This is another reason to hate me.
"So, I'm really that good at acting. I made you believe!" I still smile and laugh.
I walk slowly toward her. She seems uncomfortable.
I'm sorry, Jay-jay. I'm sorry for what I'm about to say and do!
"To make sure you don't hope anymore, let me make it clear to you." I stop in front of her. "…I will never fall for you. You are just a stupid little shit to me, just like your brother Aries."
Her tears start to fall. She even tries to stop them but obviously fails.
Seeing her like this is breaking me into pieces. I want to punch myself. I'm holding back too much.
You're a fucking evil, Keifer!
I can't believe I'm enduring this. But I have to continue.
I smirk at her. "If only you had given in to me on New Year's, you would have found out the truth sooner. If only you had given yourself to me then, the plan would have been over." I cross my arms and look at her from head to toe. "…Too bad. Half of Section E would have won the bet."
Fuck! I slipped!
I shouldn't have mentioned that. I just added to the pain she feels toward our friends. She was supposed to turn to them when I left. What now?
She is shocked by what she heard. It's clear she still doesn't know anything.
Right! The bet!
I smile widely.
"Come to think of it… the bet isn't over yet." I hug her by the waist. "…Why don't we continue what got interrupted on New Year's?"
Being this close to her makes me want to kiss her. I badly want to taste her lips, but not like this.
Every time I kissed her before, I made sure she felt my love. But now, she has to feel the pain.
I hold her chin. She closes her eyes from the pain.
"L-let go of me," she begs.
Just kill me after this!
"I know you want it."
I crash my lips onto hers. It's a deep kiss meant to make her feel disrespected. The kind of kiss that shows my dominance. I can feel her tears running down her cheeks.
I want to stop, but I can't.
Stop me, please…
And she did. It's like she heard my mind. She pushed me with all her strength. I stepped back, but what I didn't expect was what she did next.
She punched my jaw. I immediately felt dizzy, and before I could recover, she was already on top of me, punching me again.
She keeps hitting me while her tears continue to fall.
I deserve this. I deserve every punch from her.
Keep punching me if that will help ease your pain.
Each blow hurts, but I choose not to fight back. I start feeling the blood from my nose and taste it in my mouth. I thought she was going to crush my face, but she suddenly stops.
She looks at me. For some reason, she cries again, but this time with so much pain.
I don't take my eyes off her either. I can't look away, even though I can clearly see how much she's breaking.
I want to touch her cheek and wipe away her tears. I want to apologize and take back everything I said. I want to hold her tightly. So tightly that I will never let her go again.
But I can't…
I can't stop the lump in my throat. It kills me every time I think about our situation.
She has to leave me. She has to get hurt. She has to… She has to…
I can't stop my tears anymore, especially when I see her staring at me.
It's like she wants me to feel every bit of pain she carries.
You have to do that… I know exactly how you feel.
She suddenly moves away from on top of me. Slowly, I sit up. My face is wet with blood and her tears, now mixed with my own.
I wipe my face with my hand.
I don't want her to see me suffer. She shouldn't know anymore.
The way she looks at me is full of pain.
I feel it too, and I just hope I can bear it like you do, Jay-jay.
She starts to walk away, but she stops before reaching the house gate.
"Mark my words, carve them into stone, onto your forehead, and even on a dog's ass! Karma will get you! You son of a bitch!" She sighs heavily. "…And when it happens, I'll be the first one to laugh right in your face!"
She immediately runs outside.
I want to laugh at what she said.
Karma already got me a long time ago.
And it was good karma.
"Jay-jay!" It was Percy. "What did you do, Keifer?"
I look at him threateningly. "Protect Jay-jay. If anything happens to her, I will kill you, and it will be for real."
He doesn't answer and quickly runs after Jay-jay.
You better protect her, Percy.
I sit there, staring blankly for minutes. The scene keeps replaying in my head.
I fucking don't understand. Why did this have to happen to us? Why do I have to suffer? Why do I have to hurt her? Why…
Why can't we just be normal students?
I hold my face as my tears start to fall.
I feel like I can't do this anymore. This is too much. I just want to take back everything I said and did.
I DON'T WANT THIS ANYMORE! I can't live without Jay-jay in my life. I need her.
I force myself to stand up even though my face and head throb with pain.
"Keifer! What happened?" Honey shouts as she runs toward me.
"I have to follow Jay-jay. I have to talk to her." I say, trying my best to walk.
Honey stops me and helps me stand.
"You need to get your wounds treated! Who hurt you?"
She tries to take me inside the house, but my body moves in the opposite direction.
"Jay-jay… I-I can't lose her!"
"Can you hear yourself? I thought you were going to fix things first?"
I no longer care about my situation. Jay-jay is the only thing that matters to me.
"Jay-jay… Jay—"
I don't get to finish what I'm saying because everything suddenly turns dark.