Despair has been plunged into a wonderful innocence of adolescence, clinging into the bottom, thoroughly, within their fragile soul—unable to scream; dissipate without a sound, clearly captivated within the mournfulness; the bitter and the sweet of melancholia.
Blankly, far enough—far enough to not contemplating the same thing over and over, and far enough to get lost, between the light and the dark; within those, there are none; none of which represents merits and demerits; it was unintelligible to say the least, He got obnoxious with this so called absurdity, it was all of these brain ripping noises and pictures, popping in and out simultaneously with a sense of recklessness.
"How can one bare such a thing?"
He ponders while everything are soundly as it is; it was such a cathartic release for him, from all of the calamity he has been through with his mind—that nobody couldn't understand, even himself were confused also.
Daisies popping in his surrounding, the fragrance were noticeable since he sat in the middle of the field, the notebook on his lap showing a plenty of journals and scribbles, he does what his colleague told him to.
"Fairly, I think one of the many ways to pour your feelings is to wrote it. I think if you make a journal for yourself, it would help release those lingering woes."
He cherish her advice till this day, leaving a big mark in his heart, within that mark, it is more than just a burned flesh, but a gratitude that leaves a huge scar that which made him in a state of inexplicable paranoia that led him to question himself in a very self deprecating way; was it all a trifles that he pour within the fire that makes him indubitably fell into a well of flaming sorrow.
How can I reciprocate such a wisdom? She gave me the whole world while both of my arm were lacerated by such a deep despise I splendidly cherish towards myself. There's nothing I can consider as a lavish ore, a kiss that shriveled my existence is enough to make me a fool in a man's world, disregarding the consequences that led me into a desolate state of mind.
He's dead from toes to waist, dreadfull by all of the constant predicament that brings catastrophe that avoid him to gaze at the breeze of solace that he's been longing for eternity—it excruciated his lucidity in a way a chalk grazing through his ears with it's screeching sound.
"Oh, why does the human soul craves for such a bond?—such a bond that is meaningful in a meaningless way, a bond that is empty yet full beyond it's shell."
He nagging about it everyday in a simultaneous manner, where he gets nothing, but pure confusion and one cannot bare such a question like his; for over more than 170 days he have had been contemplate this question ever since, no rest and solution—just pure confusion and while he's on his way home, suddenly an old black sedan almost crashed him; fortunately, the driver is pretty eloquent with his feet and pulled the brake right away, before he make a puddle of blood that can haunt his mind for seven afterlifes. And then the driver of this certain car open the window from the driver seat and ask the young man beside of him with a self-assured tone that also has a hint of politeness, he said.
"Are you dazed by any chance? if so, I don't mind if I were the one that drove you to home and also, do you live in the same apartment as mine?"
The young man trying as hard as he can to remember his fellow neighbor, but it seems that it was all in vain since he hardly sought himself to get outside of his unit for some period of time (except for going to the campus and other necessities) he seems very bashed from his question for how pathetic his life is. He's socially inept and he spend most of his time doing all of his assignmen's as a criminology student; infact half of it were undone—not because he was incompetent, it is quite the contrary, he really dedicated his time and sanity for questions and the incomprehensible. He used every single might of his and every single second's wasted on those unsolvable. And the result? Well he's absolutely in a frantic mess because of it. He went to a psychiatrist to seek help for how those unsolvable led him into a fractured state of mind; even at some cases, his acquaintance caught him laughing in the middle of the lecture without any concrete reasons on how he ended up laughing blissfully, like a madman on the great depression. He then timidly answer his question with very timidly. Clearly he's very inexperienced when it comes to unexpected conversation, so he cannot help but stutter with his words.
"W-well, yes? from what I-I remeber, it is absolutely my fault if I barely know you since I only go outside of my apartment whenever if it's urgent and also I-"
"Ah no worries, I know you're a student in one of the most renown university in this country, and I know very much you have all sort of things to do, it is not that easy from what I expected."
"Well yes, great intuition! I-I suppose... I kind of regret my decision for choosing that university over the other one, I certainly acknowledged that this university is the only university that has a very adequate criminology major amongst the other choice I had."
"So you're a criminology student then?"
"Yes, I have a mixed feeling for this major; whenever I solve a case or uhh... finish my assignment, it felt like Aphrodite hugged me with such a delicate warmness but then it was all solely an illusion of a mankind when my professor threw another assignment. Unfortunate isn't it?"
"That is pretty unfortunate of you indeed; we can talk about this matter afterwards. It is such a honor to accompany a student with such a noble pursue after all, so come and sit, while you can take your time in solitude."
I can sense this man has another intentions which in case I didn't know what is it about, but first and foremost, I need to get home quick; and second of all, even though I didn't know his ulterior motives; I know that he's a man with a soul like a feather based on how he talks in which kind of remind me of a certain someone that I really fond of—She's my messiah—the savior of my life; the one that I owe my entire soul for. So if this man has a close resemblance of her in terms of it's attitude, It is the greatest upon the greatest of all demand that I have to accompany him. But this is clearly a logical fallacy; what if he has a bad intention that can lean me to an everlasting tribulation; What if that attitude is just a facade that he wears to fool me as his suspect and what if—he kidnapped me and torture me in a very unspokable ways possible. So many conceivability, so many conceivability that I cannot lose it—it is tight in my head where it is tormenting; if Hell is the pinnacle of it all, then I would be like those were reserved in that place; Yes, I'm a sinner, and like other sinners, I've done countless immoral act that can led me to a loathsome agony that would burn me for eternity; I'm nothing but merely a meaningless flesh if God order his flame to excruciate me. If God is so divine, why he let us drown with fear and why he is disgustingly so humane? such an egotistical being that makes me wonder if he ever had a conversation with it's creation. If God is more divine than the entirety of his creation: One were not able to fathom him, because he is unfathomable in every way possible; He has no beginning and no end... W-wait!! why did I think all of that goddamn it! Forget about it, I'll take the offer since my apartment is pretty far from here.
"S-sure, it would take roughly about two... hours in total in order to... uhh... arrive at my nest?"
My nest, what the hell is wrong with you?
The man shrugged and ignore the oddity on his speech, and in an inquired expression, he undeliberately slippet out some words.
"Jeez, what takes you so long to decide... Anyways, come sit and lean on the chair, no need to feal uneasy, young man!"
He then lean on to the passanger seat that is right beside the drivers seat; He then close the door of his car while the man besides him adjust his gear and eventually, pulled the gas. From what it seems, it is save to say that there are barely street lamps that are used to accommodate the fellow drivers; the road is empty and the only scenery infront of him is the afternoon cloud, the endless grassland with it's mountain; and of course, the asphalt; he encountered every contraries that the road has, it was variable: From a little bump to a mini shockwaves, it has been a part of his journey since the departure of his from the poppy fields.
The man on the side of his seems a bit dazed based upon the way he contemplating something at that point—while he was driving in a straightforward road where there are no turns or signs, no distraction or such, just the scenery and the endless grassland which he conclude that it might seems to be a run-of-the-mill habbit that a driver could possessed (he also thought to himself that he might also ended up daydreaming while he will drive at that same position as his) and today, might have been a hard day for him, or it is always like that, who knows? one could only speculate without knowing what is inside the curtain.
"Harold."
The man blurted. He knows very well hat he wants to acquire his name in return.
"Lupin, your kindness is formidable; it is a pleasure to met you, Sir."
The middle-aged man beside him smile as he tell his name, he also smile reciprocately, and the two are in a very short-term of silence, and after that brief of awkwardness; the man finally spoke with a rather unsophisticated tone which there are barely any signs of emotion on the surface, but there must be more within it.