Chapter 10: Again
By the time I opened my eyes, I found myself lying in my bed, breathless and overwhelmed. My chest rose and fell rapidly, my heart hammering against my ribs like a drum of war. My body trembled, my limbs weak, but I forced myself to move.
I reached for my phone with shaking fingers, barely able to swipe the screen as I struggled to steady my breathing. The numbers stared back at me, glaring, unbelievable.
February 21st.
Three years ago.
A choked sob tore from my throat. My vision blurred with tears as the weight of what I had done crashed over me. I had done it. I was back. I had time.
I threw off my blanket and sat up too fast, dizziness hitting me like a wave. My mind spun, my body trying to adjust to the impossible leap through time. But I couldn't stop. I couldn't sit here and breathe as if everything were normal-because it wasn't. Not anymore.
I stumbled into the bathroom, gripping the sink as I stared at my reflection. My younger self stared back at me-less tired, less burdened, the shadows of grief not yet carved into my features. But I knew better. My soul was still the same.
I turned on the faucet, splashing cold water onto my face, hoping it would calm the storm raging inside me. My fingers clenched the edges of the sink so tightly my knuckles turned white.
I'm back.
I can fix this.
I have to.
I stripped off my clothes, stepping into the shower, letting the scalding water burn against my skin, reminding me that this wasn't a dream. It wasn't a cruel illusion. I was here. I was real. And Yue-she was out there. She was alive.
A strangled sound left my lips, something between a sob and a laugh.
I won't waste this chance.
I threw on the first decent outfit I could find and bolted out the door, my heart racing faster than my feet. I had no plan, no hesitation. I only had one thought screaming in my head.
I need to see her.
The ride to her house was agonizingly slow. Every red light, every turn, every second that passed felt like a knife twisting deeper into my gut. I tapped my foot impatiently against the floor, my hands clenched into fists on the steering wheel. The city around me was unchanged, just as I remembered it. The streets bustled with life, people laughing, cars honking, the world moving as if nothing had happened.
But I knew the truth.
In three years, my world would be torn apart. In three years, I would lose everything.
No.
Not this time.
I finally pulled up in front of her house, and for the first time in what felt like eternity, I hesitated.
What if she didn't answer?
What if she wasn't home?
What if I had already messed everything up?
I shook my head violently, pushing the thoughts away. No more doubts. No more fear. I had spent too long regretting, too long mourning. I wouldn't waste a single second.
I stepped forward and rang the doorbell.
The moment I heard her voice from inside, my breath hitched.
"Who's that?"
A sob caught in my throat.
Just hearing her again-her voice, untouched by sickness, full of life and warmth-it shattered me. My vision blurred with unshed tears, my chest tightening with emotions I couldn't contain.
The door creaked open.
And then-
There she was.
My heart stopped.
Yue stood in front of me, her face bathed in the golden glow of the afternoon sun. Her brown hair, dark and silky, cascaded over her shoulders, framing her delicate features. Her eyes-those warm, deep eyes I had memorized like the stars in the night sky-gazed at me with curiosity. Her lips parted slightly, confusion flickering across her expression.
She was so beautiful. So alive.
A sound escaped my lips, something broken, something desperate.
Before I could stop myself, I moved.
I lunged forward and pulled her into my arms, holding onto her as if she were my lifeline, as if letting go would mean losing her all over again. My body shook against hers, the dam inside me finally breaking. Tears fell freely down my face, soaking into the fabric of her clothes as I clung to her, my fingers digging into her back.
She was warm.
She was real.
She was here.
"I won't lose you again," I whispered, voice hoarse with emotion.
Her body stiffened slightly in my embrace. "Hora- I mean, who are you?"
And just like that, reality slammed into me like a tidal wave.
Right.
She didn't know me.
We weren't supposed to meet until two days from now. This moment wasn't supposed to happen. I had changed the course of our story with my recklessness.
Slowly, painfully, I forced myself to pull away, my arms feeling unbearably empty without her warmth. My lips trembled as I wiped my tears away, forcing a small, shaky smile. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you." My voice was uneven, barely held together.
I swallowed the lump in my throat and extended my hand, hoping-praying-she wouldn't think I was some lunatic.
"My name is Horace."
Yue blinked, studying me, her brows furrowing slightly as if trying to place me. Then, after a moment, she smiled-that same, radiant smile that had always melted my heart.
She reached out and took my hand gently.
"I'm Yue. Nice to meet you, Horace."
Her touch was light, delicate, but it grounded me. It made everything real.
I squeezed her hand just a little tighter, holding onto this moment, onto this chance that fate had given me.
This time, I would make everything right.
***
Instead of pursuing a career in business management, I abandoned everything I had once planned for myself and set my sights on an entirely different path. Medicine. The moment I made that decision, I knew there was no turning back. I was diving into the unknown, but it didn't matter.
Because Yue's life depended on it.
I threw myself into my studies with an obsession that bordered on madness. Every single second was spent learning-anatomy, pathology, pharmacology-anything that could give me even the slightest advantage. I consumed textbooks with a relentless hunger, memorized research papers, and studied every documented case that even remotely resembled Yue's condition. I chased after breakthroughs like a man possessed, chasing after the one answer that continued to evade me: How do I save her?
The nights blurred into mornings as I drowned in pages filled with complex diagrams and medical jargon. I attended every seminar, sat through lectures twice just to absorb more, and shadowed doctors who specialized in rare diseases. My fingers ached from taking notes, my eyes burned from lack of sleep, but I didn't stop. I couldn't stop.
Because time was my enemy.
Two years passed, and despite everything I had done, despite every ounce of effort, every sleepless night, every prayer whispered into the void-no cure had been found.
I scoured the medical world for specialists, knocking on doors, begging for consultations. I sat across from the best doctors, the greatest minds in the field, clinging onto every word they said, hoping-praying-for a miracle.
But every conversation ended the same way-
"I'm sorry, there's nothing we can do."
Those words. Those goddamn words. I heard them so many times they started to feel like a curse. Like a death sentence for Yue. My hands clenched into fists every single time, my nails digging into my palms until they bled.
I refused to accept it.
There's always a way. There has to be.
I spent nights in the university lab, testing theories, exploring drug trials that wouldn't be approved for years, experimenting with treatments that could hold even the smallest sliver of hope. I researched experimental procedures, stem cell advancements, anything that could buy me more time. Every breakthrough felt like a step forward, but every dead end sent me spiraling further into despair.
And through it all, Yue remained blissfully unaware of the battle I was fighting behind the scenes.
She still smiled at me like she always did. She still held my hand, her warmth anchoring me to the present.
She had no idea that I was watching the clock tick down with every passing second.
One evening, as we sat on her couch, her head resting on my shoulder, she sighed softly.
"'Race, you look exhausted," she murmured, turning her face toward mine. I could feel her eyes studying me, concerned. A moment later, she reached out and gently cupped my face, her fingers brushing against the dark circles beneath my eyes. "Are you even sleeping?"
I forced a laugh, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "I'm fine, Yu. Just studying hard."
She frowned. "You always overwork yourself. Don't forget to rest, okay?"
How could I rest? How could I stop?
I had less than a year before I lost her again.
I wasn't going to let that happen.
As the months slipped through my fingers like sand, my frustration grew. Time was slipping away from me, and no matter how many books I read, how many experts I spoke to, I still didn't have an answer.
One evening, after an exhausting meeting with my professor about potential experimental treatments, he sighed heavily and gave me a look that made my stomach turn.
"You need to accept reality, Horace."
I stared at him. "No. There has to be a way."
He exhaled slowly, rubbing his temples. "Some things are beyond our control. You can't fight fate."
Fate.
The word burned in my ears like acid.
I had fought fate. I had torn through time itself to be here, to change things, to stop history from repeating itself. I had sacrificed everything to rewrite our story. And now he was telling me to give up?
I clenched my fists beneath the desk, my nails biting into my palms. "I refuse to believe that."
He shook his head, pity in his eyes. "Horace-"
I didn't let him finish. I walked out.
I spent the next few days locked in my apartment, drowning in research, my laptop surrounded by medical journals, handwritten notes covering every inch of my desk. My head throbbed, my body ached from exhaustion, but I didn't stop flipping through pages, typing out theories, running calculations that blurred together.
But it wasn't enough.
It was never enough.
One night, as I sat alone in my dimly lit apartment, my fingers clenched around the edges of a medical report, my body suddenly shook.
I slammed my hands against the desk, sending papers flying to the floor. My vision blurred with unshed tears, a scream clawing its way up my throat.
"Goddammit!" I roared, my voice breaking with frustration. "What the hell am I supposed to do!?"
The silence that followed was suffocating.
No one answered.
No miracle cure appeared before me.
For the first time since I had leaped back in time, I felt it-the crushing weight of helplessness.
I had done everything differently. I had dedicated my entire existence to saving her. I had changed everything.
And yet...
I still didn't have an answer.
My hands clenched into my hair, my breaths coming in ragged gasps. My chest tightened as the cold grip of reality closed in around me.
I can't lose her again... I can't...
Tears burned down my cheeks as I whispered brokenly, "Not this time... definitely not this time..."
I had sacrificed my dreams, my future, my very sanity to change our fate.
So why...
Why wasn't it enough?