Shadow Of Past
On a usual school day, I was waiting for Lia to go to school as usual. But this time, she was really late. The wait seemed endless, and suddenly, I sat down on a bench. My gaze drifted into the void while my mind began to wander.
Without warning, memories resurfaced, flooding my mind like a crashing wave. I recalled how I had become like this… and most importantly, when I had started to lose control.
Middle school… that place where I learned that sometimes violence was the only answer. There, everything was about domination. Either you walked over others, or you got crushed. At first, I tried to stay on the sidelines, not to get involved in conflicts. But the illusion of a peaceful everyday life didn't last long.
It all started with a simple altercation. A group of older students picked on one of my few friends, Naoki. He was different, physically weaker, but he was a good person. They enjoyed humiliating him, pushing him in the halls, knocking his lunch over, laughing every time he fell. Every day, he came back with new marks on his arms, new injuries he tried to hide under his oversized uniform. He always smiled, but his smile grew more and more fragile.
I still remember the day I saw one of their insults break something inside him. That day, one of the boys tore his sketchbook from him and stomped on it while his friends laughed. Naoki loved to draw; it was his only escape, the only thing that allowed him to flee from that rotten reality. I saw him freeze, slowly pick up the crumpled pieces of paper, clutch them to his chest, and run away without a word.
I should've done something that day.
But I did nothing.
I looked away.
And a few days later, Naoki took his own life.
His body was found in an alley, hanging from a metal beam behind a construction site. He had left only a simple message on a piece of paper torn from his destroyed sketchbook.
I can't take it anymore.
That was the breaking point. That day, I realized that school protected no one. The teachers ignored complaints, the parents saw nothing, and the only law that reigned was the law of the strongest. So, I decided never to be weak again.
I punched the first student who dared laugh at Naoki's suicide. Then another. And another.
From that moment on, I became a monster.
The punches rained down relentlessly. Every student who crossed my path and dared provoke me ended up on the ground, their face bloodied. My fists had hardened from the constant hitting. Very quickly, everyone learned to fear me. They whispered my name in the halls, avoided my gaze, and when I passed, a heavy silence settled.
But that fear didn't satisfy me.
I wanted them to feel what Naoki had felt.
So, I went further.
I hunted down those who had bullied him, one by one.
I still remember the first one. A boy named Sota, always surrounded by a gang, always smiling mockingly. I followed him after school to an alley. When he turned around and saw me, he burst out laughing.
— What do you want, huh? Have you lost your mind?
I didn't answer.
I hit him in the stomach so hard that he collapsed to his knees, gasping for air. Before he could get up, I grabbed his head and slammed it against the wall behind him.
Blood splattered my hands.
That was just the beginning.
I found them all. Those who had laughed. Those who had participated. Those who had stayed silent.
Some ended up in the hospital.
Others left the school.
But I felt nothing.
Just an emptiness.
An emptiness that only violence could fill.
Days passed, and I didn't stop. Every excuse was good enough to hit. A sideways glance, a misplaced word, an arrogant attitude… I struck, again and again, until the silence returned.
One day, a teacher tried to stop me.
He ended up with a dislocated shoulder.
I was expelled several times, but every time, I came back, and fear came back with me.
I had become a king in a kingdom of silence and terror.
But even a king can feel lonely.
Because in the end, Naoki was no longer here.
And no matter how much I made them suffer, he would never come back.
It was a girl who made me realize the extent of my descent into hell.
One day, after I had come from a fight, my fists still covered in blood, she approached me. She looked fragile, but her gaze was determined.
— Do you really think he would have liked this?
I frowned.
— What are you talking about?
— Naoki. Do you think he would have wanted you to become this?
I wanted to answer, but no words came out.
She sighed and looked me straight in the eyes.
— He would never have wanted this. He would never have wanted you to become a monster.
She was right.
But it was too late for think that .
I was already a devils.
And that's how it all began my past
filled with hatred, rage, regret, anger, fear, despair, disillusionment, twists and turns, my past known only to certain people important to me like my parents, my sister, my aunt Tilan and someone close to my company, of course I was ashamed of what happened, dark, filled with darkness, shadows, many sins, these are what I committed, send innocent as guilty and this was the beginning of my crisis of loss of control of myself
the only thing I could add is that what I did is unforgivable physical and mental torture aggression insult lies murder I killed when thinking about it I want to see myself die but I must live for him in his memory I want to vomit when I think about the past that's why my web novel was and will remain my only escape
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thanks for reading this chapter