On getting home after the annual retreat at the resort was over as I walked through the door, I felt like I was floating on air. The memory of Christian's touch still lingered on my skin, and I couldn't help but smile every time I thought about it. I wasn't ready to share this with my mother just yet – I knew she'd be able to read the happiness written all over my face, and I wasn't ready for the inevitable questions that would follow.
The next morning, I woke up before the sun, restlessness keeping me awake. By 4am, I found myself in the kitchen, surrounded by flour, sugar, and butter. The aroma of banana, cinnamon, and raisins wafted through the air as I baked a loaf, accompanied by a batch of rich, chocolatey cupcakes.
Just as I was finishing up, my mother walked into the kitchen, her brow furrowed with concern. "What's going on?" she asked, her voice laced with curiosity. "You're baking on a Monday morning?"
I shrugged, trying to play it cool, but the smile on my face refused to budge. "Don't ask. I'll let you know everything in good time," I said, attempting to brush off her curiosity.
A slow, knowing smile spread across her face. "Hmmm, I bet it's something good," she said, her eyes sparkling with amusement. "This is the first time I've seen you smile like that in a long time."
As I got ready for work, I chose a new white chiffon top and paired it with a fitted, knee-length skirt, wanting to make a good impression. I also took extra care with my makeup, making sure I looked polished and put-together. The thought of seeing him again made me want to look perfect.
With the basket of cakes in hand, I knew I'd have to come up with a convincing explanation if I took the staff bus, so I decided to splurge on a taxi ride to the office instead. Arriving early, I had the chance to stash the basket out of sight, and then settled into my daily routine as normally as possible.
As the closing hour approached, everyone filed out of the building, but I lingered behind, hoping to catch a glimpse of Christian and hand him the cakes. Grace noticed me still at my desk and asked, "You're not leaving with the staff bus?" as she gathered her belongings.
I smiled and shook my head. "I want to catch up on a few things," I replied, trying to sound nonchalant.
"Don't stay too late," she advised, before heading out.
Once the office was empty, I took a moment to check my hair and makeup, smoothed out my skirt, and reached for the basket. Taking a deep breath, I made my way to the elevator, pressing the button for the 7th floor, the executive floor, I've been in this floor a few times but today I felt like a fish out of water.
As the elevator doors opened, I stepped onto the sleek, marbled floor and felt a bit out of my element. I had no idea where Christian's office was located. Just as I was about to ask for directions, Mrs. Phillips appeared. "Hello, are you here to see me?" she asked.
I swallowed hard, feeling a bit nervous. No ma'am". "I'm looking for Mr. Christian's office, please," I replied, trying to sound confident.
P"Oh, is there a problem? I can deliver the message to him myself," Mrs. Phillips offered, her eyes curious.
"No, ma'am, it's quite personal," I replied, trying to gauge her interest.
Christian is not in right now, he has not returned from a meeting he went to, but I'll tell him you dropped by," she said, her gaze drifting to the basket in my hands.
"Susan, admin department, right?" she added, her tone friendly.
I nodded, feeling a bit self-conscious as I realized she had noticed the basket. "Yes, ma'am," I replied, my eyes dropping to the floor as disappointment washed over me.
"I'll take my leave now," I said, trying to sound polite.
"Okay," Mrs. Phillips replied, turning to head back to her office.
The elevator ride was a blur, my mood sinking as I realized I had missed Christian. I stood there, feeling sulky and deflated.
One of Christian's official company car was parked downstairs, which meant he had to be in the office. Mrs. Phillips must have been covering for him. Undeterred, I decided to wait for him in the lobby. I returned to my office, grabbed my handbag, and headed back downstairs, basket in tow.
Taking a seat in front of the elevators, I settled in for a long wait. It was 5:30 pm, and I sat there for hour after hour, ignoring curious glances from people exiting the building. Finally, at 8 pm, the elevator doors opened, and Christian stepped out, accompanied by two Caucasian men who didn't work at our company.
I rose to my feet, and Christian looked surprised to see me. "Guys, please give me a minute," he said to his guests. "I'll meet you outside."
"Hi," I said, beaming. "I've been waiting for you."
"Hi," he replied, his tone cautious, glancing at the basket in my hands. Just then, Mrs. Phillips emerged from the elevator, looking disapproving. "Good night, Christian," she said, giving me a pointed stare.
"Good night, Mrs. Phillips. My love to your family," Christian called out, before turning back to me. "Why have you been waiting for me?"
"I forgot to give you my phone number, or get yours for that matter," I said, smiling despite my growing unease. "And I baked you cupcakes. In two different flavors – banana, cinnamon, and raisin, and chocolate. I hope you like banana and raisin...or chocolate...or both."
Christian looked around to ensure we were out of earshot. "Erm, Susan, right?" he asked, his tone polite but distant.
"Yes, Susan," I confirmed, still grinning.
"Susan, the other night was a lot of fun, but I hope I didn't give you the impression that it was anything more than that," he said, his words cutting through my hopes. "If I did, I truly apologize. I thought you understood it for what it was."
My heart sank as his words shattered my illusions. "Yes, of course," I said, forcing a smile. "I'm aware of that. I just...I just thought you'd like the cupcakes, that's all."
"That's very thoughtful of you," he said, his smile tinged with pity. "Could you please drop them with my PA, Mrs. Phillips, tomorrow? I'm taking those guys out for dinner, and I don't think it would be a good look for me to arrive holding a basket of cakes."
I nodded, my forced smile still plastered on my face. "Of course."
"I'm sure they're delicious. I look forward to it," he said, patting me on the shoulder. "Take care, Susan."
I stood in the lobby, feeling like a fool, as I watched him exit the building. I picked up my handbag and ordered an Uber, still in a daze, trying to process what had just happened.
The concept of casual sex was something I'd only read about in novels and gossip magazines, never thinking it could be a reality for me. In my mind, sex was a sacred act, reserved for people who truly loved each other. The fact that Christian had defended me when I was in trouble had led me to believe he had genuine feelings for me. But now, his casual dismissal of our intimate encounter as "a bit of fun" left me reeling. I had never considered the possibility that he might not feel the same way, that our connection could be so... disposable.