The days following the transformation left Remus quieter than usual. Though he was back to normal, or as normal as one could be after transforming into a creature of nightmares, and front of the people, he always avoided, he felt vulnerable and exposed. The weight of what had happened still clung to him, it was visible that he was not at peace.
And James and Sirius of-course could tell. Because every time Remus looked at them, there was hesitation, a flicker of guilt, like he expected them to finally see him as the monster he believed himself to be. He was hiding from their sights as if he was naked.
Other night, james was lying on the sofa, alone in the Gryffindor common room, staring at the fire. As he close his eyes, the cracking voice of the embers in the fireplace reminded him of the swishing branches of the whomping willow, from that night.
He open his eyes.
"This is not good", he said to himself. "
"The willow itself is not enough to keep him. What if it was someone else instead of me?"
"What if it was someone else and they got hurt? He would have been expelled!"
"He didn't even know I was following him! Every time, he is relying, just on luck? on the hope that everytime, without a mistake or getting noticed, he would make it inside, before the change overtook him."
"But what if he didn't make it in time, like the last time!? What if it had been Snivellus? He is already suspecting him!"
James scowled, running a hand through his hair, as he thought out loud.
"So what do you suggest?" suddenly a voice caught his attention from behind. James who was lying on the sofa, got up and looked back to see Remus, with a guilt stricken face looking at him.
James put his hand on his chest and fall back on the sofa, "You gave me a fright mate!, before you could expose yourself, I thought I have ended your game right here!"
Remus comes close and sit near him by the fire. James look at him and move away to give him space to make himself easy.
For a while they both say nothing, just staring at the roasting fire in front of them.
"Are you not scared?" remus started
"Scared of what?" james responded without a change in tone.
"From me?"
"From you?"
"Hmm"
"Why?"
"I am not normal…"
Have you ever killed someone?"
Remus was taken aback from this out of nowhere question. Kill?
This time, james looked at him, with a serious gaze, "have you?"
No! never"
Do you want to kill people?"
This time remus stood up and cried, "NOO!"
Are you in cahoot with Voldemort?"
"JAMES POTTER!"
"REMUS LUPIN! Then snap out of it!"
At this moment Sirius black entered the room, and seeing remus standing near the sofa all angry and breathless and james on the sofa, made all the sense to him, about what was going on.
Sirius goes over and put his hand on remus shoulder. "whats going on?" remus look at him with teary eyes. Sirius 1st look at him and then at james, who was now back at staring into the fire. Sirius help remus sit back and then push james to make space for himself between them.
Sirius who still had his arm wrapped around remus, shakes him to cheer him up. "james you have made him cry!"
James look towards remus, who is wiping his eyes. James give out a sigh, and then try to say something, but couldn't bring himself to say it.
"Remus… we are not afraid of you, mate. Why would you even think that?" finally james blurted it out and came down from the sofa, now sitting in front of him with his hand on remus knees.
Every…one has always … avoided me… I end up …hurt…ting myself … and others when I change" remus said, in between sobs.
James had no answer to this. This time Sirius spoke, "don't worry about us, we will not get hurt nor will we let you get hurt!" saying this he strengthens his hold on remus shoulder and james hug them both. Suddenly a cough caught their ears. Abruptly they look towards the direction of the sound to see peter Pettigrew, standing near the staircase, looking at them. James said, "you heard it?"
Hmm… peter nodded.
Come here, james said
Peter hesitantly approach the trio.
James stand up and before he could do anything, peter hide his head under his arms and cry, "I wont tell anyone, I promise I won't tell anyone!"
The three of them look at each other, a laugh escape their lips and then they peter gets hits by a pillow, peter raise his head and then as he see everyone laughing, he picks up the pillow and throw it back at Sirius. James throw it at remus and the fight starts.
As the four of them were resting on the sofa, after the chaotic pillow fight, all covered with cotton and feathers. James starts, "we need to protect remus". Everyone look at him.
"We need a way to know where everyone is, a way to track people across Hogwarts, in real time, so whenever anything happen we can use a special secret route to escape"
Like the whomping willow? Peter Pettigrew said.
Everyone looked at him. You knew?" Sirius exclaimed.
I saw everything that night" he replied, but I wont tell anyone, I also want to help.
Remus looks at him and says thanks to which peter nods with a smile.
"Well, now we are a group, we will protect each other" james say strongly. Are you willing, he looks towards remus and then towards peter and place his hand front of them. Remus put his hand on his hand peter also places his hand and then Sirius places his hand on the top of it and they all cheer.