"Like most people who want to become a Doctor, I want to help people and save lives" Daniel replies and with the answer Collin snorts. It was the most simple answer anyone could give aside from the 'I want to make money' statement. "But I also don't want people to suffer" He adds, kicking his feet against the floor.
"Suffer?" Collin voices and Daniel nods.
"Just like your father suffered, my…my dad also suffered. He had a kidney disease" Daniel confesses. "My mum used to pester him to see a Doctor because he was always tired, over months his appetite grew smaller and smaller and there were even moments when I caught him vomiting in the bathroom at the strangest times but he always used to brush it off. He said it would mean that he'd have to take time off work and at that point we were already tight on money. It wasn't until he collapsed at work that he finally got himself checked out…He was already coming to the final stages of renal disease" He confesses and Collin manages to stay silent, listening to the words that were spoken.
Daniel clears his throat, clenching his hands into fists on his lap before speaking again.
"He got a dialysis to remove the excess waste and fluid but at that point what he needed was a kidney transplant. We were put on the list but even I knew that with Dad out of commission there was no way in hell Mum was going to be able to afford the hospital bills much less a new kidney" It all happened so long ago and yet the pain still burned just as hot in the present. "One night my mother and I had gone into the hospital to visit dad, we had already been there for a while and she left me to go to the bathroom…that was when his kidney started to seriously fail. I remember him going into shock, Doctors running around in a panicked state and them wheeling him off. I was only 7 at the time and had no clue what was going on so against my better judgement I followed them"
The other man sucks in a sharp breath, watching as Daniel's face begins to pale at the memory.
"I knew I shouldn't have followed them, I knew it was wrong but somehow in some way, I was able to go in unnoticed. After searching around for God knows how long I somehow got into the observation room and that's when I saw it. My own father's body was cut open and organs were exposed and several Doctors screaming at each other as they tried to stop the bleeding. There was so much blood, far too much and it wasn't until I started studying to become a Doctor did I realised that the reason there was so much was because one of the Doctors had botched the operation and accidentally cut into an artery" Daniel's voice shook as he spoke, taking in a shuddering breath every moment or so. "The botched operation and the exposure to blood and guts was terrifying but my own father's dead eyes, wide open and unalive, staring back at me with no colour other than black…it petrified me" He breathes out, running a hand through his hair.
It takes a moment, a couple of deep breaths and a hand on his back, rubbing soothing circles before Daniel can even speak again.
"That memory haunted me for years, even after Uncle Jinyoung took me and my mother in after we were at the end of our lines. When he told me he was a Doctor I had been sceptical at first but seeing him work so hard to save lives…I wanted to do that too, I wanted to overcome my fears and be like him. So I tried, and with his help I was able to strive towards that goal and everything had been perfect until the first time I was allowed in the operating room. Imagine the horror I felt when the first patient I would be assisting a surgery on was a middle-aged man with kidney issues" He let out a short laugh to convey his disbelief and horror. "It was too similar, the memories of my father resurfaced and I…I couldn't" he shook his head, his voice dying out as he felt a sob building up in his chest.
"So that's the reason" Collin hums out and Daniel nods.
"I…My uncle doesn't know…hell even my mum doesn't know, I ran out of the observation room before anyone could see me…but his death still haunts me every single time I try to do a surgery" He sobs as he turns to the other Doctor. "It's as if his ghost whispers doubts into my ears, what if I make a mistake? What If I end up fucking up so bad that I kill someone like that?" He questions and Collin's stony face gives away little emotion.
"With that attitude, the ghost might be right" He instead snorts, cutting Daniel off short. "If you give into the panic you will fuck up, just like every other time you've panicked" He adds and Daniel hangs his head in shame.
"But"
Daniel perks up.
"From what I've seen both today and the other times that I've watched the CC or heard news from it, you haven't been fucking up. Sure you're tense as hell but you're certainly not the same greenie from a couple of years ago. Moreover, as much as it pains me to say it, it seems like the other employees and patients trust you as their Doctor, and trust in your judgement and leadership. You know in both your heart and your actions what you're capable of, it's time you stop holding yourself back" Collin hums out and Daniel gapes.
"It's not easy" He blurts the pain of his past and his memories. It's not easy to overcome or to just forget. It's not easy to keep his emotions and panic under control when all he feels is fear and anxiety.
"Life is never easy" Collin shrugs and Daniel freezes.
'Nothing in life is easy…You think easy is what gets you to the top?... if you want to be strong, if you want to win…it's not just potential that I see in you…whenever you think about giving up I want you to remember me'
Daniel let out an amused snort, reaching up to wipe the tears off his face. To think, even in moments like this where it has nothing to do with that man, Daniel could still find excuses to think about the Founder. Who knew that Gun's advice from then could be applied to now?
"Collin thank you for today, not only were you an outstanding Doctor and surgeon but you were also a good person for helping keep my mind focused during the surgery. Whether that was for your benefit or mine" He hums out. "I'm also sorry that I came off as a spoiled and standoffish brat to you back in the day. I used to be bullied and I didn't have enough trust or confidence in myself to see you as a friend. Instead, I hurt your feelings and everyone else's with the way I acted. I understand that now" Daniel apologises but Collin shakes his head.
"Nah, if anything I'm the one who should be sorry. Just because you didn't want to be my friend didn't mean I had the right to bully you. I only proved your fears correct…I should have been more considerate of what you were going through than be blindsided by my own and other people's opinions. Also, you're a good doctor" Collin compliments.
If anyone had told Daniel that he would be having a heart to heart with his tormentor and bully he would have laughed in their face. Yet here he was, finding that although he should still be angry at the other for all that he had put Daniel through but seeing that it would do nothing to continue feeling those emotions. There were several misunderstandings that were caused by pain and Daniel found that he didn't want to hold onto that pain anymore. If he wanted to stop holding himself back he would need to let go.
"I forgive you" Daniel replies, holding a hand out for Collin's to shake.
"You don't have to forgive me, I'd understand it if you didn't" Collin states with a knowing look on his face. "One simple act of kindness doesn't entitle me to a lifetime's worth of repentance for my actions" He reasons but Daniel shakes his head.
"In the same way I don't want people to suffer, I also want to dedicate my life to making sure that the people around me feel seen and loved. But to do that, I have to start with myself. My forgiveness has everything to do with me as it does with you" Daniel explains, extending his hand out further for Collin to accept.
The other does so easily, not a moment of hesitance.
It took a different kind of person to be the bigger man and forgive. Daniel wanted to be that different kind of person.
Collin makes the decision to head back inside to monitor Jacky's condition, telling Daniel to turn in for the night. Daniel takes the advice, heading to sleep off his fatigue, he could shower in the morning but currently he was too exhausted.
"Hey, you look like shit"
Daniel looks up, neither shocked or surprised by the sight of Gun who was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. Watching the Doctor in the darkness of the hall. Daniel couldn't even find it in himself to feel creeped out by Gun, all he could feel was relief as he took steps to close the distance between them.
Gun watches his every move, as if expecting the other to shout at him or even hit him, arguing about the shit hole that was the tournament. Instead, Daniel leans forward on his toes and kisses the other tenderly on the cheek.
"Lets go to bed" He urges, feeling serene as he wraps his fingers around Gun's own, tugging him gently.
There was no resistance, only confusion as Gun allowed himself to be pulled along.