As much as Daniel wanted to disregard Shintaro's words and proclamations, the talk with Big Deal did clear up some things for the Doctor. It gave him a fresher perspective on the situation with Gun but from the eyes of a bystander. He had been officially dating Gun for barely a month at this point. Sure, they had been intimate for a whole lot longer but that didn't really count. At that time, Gun had emotionally changed when it came to the Doctor, sure he was still slightly rough around the edges but there was a fondness that came with his tone of voice and his actions.
On the other hand, if there were others around then he would revert to being the cold and elusive Founder. Brutally honest and most of the time mean when it came to conversation with fighters or other gang members and delinquents, at least when it came to other employees he was a lot more civil but the fear factor of him was still there.
Sinu and the other Big Deal members had agreed that love and relationships, the right ones, made people softer not just to their partners but in life in general. To their apparent conclusion, Gun has not gotten any softer, even when he started officially dating Daniel. This either meant that Gun was trying really hard to act and be his normal self when others were around or he wasn't really in love.
Daniel doesn't want to doubt their emotions and feelings for each other but he also knows that Gun has too much on his plate to be acting and pretending to be mean 24/7 without slipping. Although the Doctor also knows that everyone expresses themselves differently and Gun was anything but emotionally expressive half the time anyway, so maybe people couldn't pick up on his change of emotions because he was bad at showing it.
There were probably a handful of people who could actually tell the Founders' emotions apart. Daniel even had a hard time doing so when he first met the man, it only took practically months of daily interactions and getting beaten up late at night to decipher his annoyed huffs to his 'I'm proud of you' huff which almost sounded the same but differed in how it inflected at the end. Daniel doesn't know how he grew to understand the differences but it was there.
After being caught by Jinyoung, Gun and Daniel hadn't gotten a moment to themselves whether it was on a weekday or weekend. Apparently, it was that time of the year when Chairman Choi and Crystal were doing a lot of work promoting their different businesses and companies which meant attending a lot of work meetings and events. This meant that Gun was on bodyguard duty more so than before. When the next weekend came around, Gun was missing from his usual seat in the VIP booth due to a chaebol event organised by some other conglomerate. He had to attend the event alongside the chairman and Crystal as a bodyguard Saturday night which meant that both Goo and James had to run the CC by themselves which turned out to be quite fine.
The lack of issues was a great thing, the smug look on Shintaro Yamazaki's face at the fact that the CC didn't need Gun to be present at all CC nights was a little less great. The fact that he was still hanging around in Korea was crazy, at least in Daniel's opinion. The Doctor thought that the man would at least have some work to do or get back to but he was taking the whole ordeal of 'I'm not leaving unless it's with you' shtick to the next level.
Back to the point that Daniel had been trying to make, they hadn't been getting time together and it was driving the Doctor's overthinking mind into the wall.
"Daniel, are you okay?" A voice calls and Daniel looks up from the food that he is eating.
It was a Wednesday night and several people had invited him out to dinner. By several people, he means the Jae Won High guys.
"You've been quiet all night, what's up?" Jace asks, a concerned look on his face as he tries to decipher what was wrong. Vasco who sat next to him also held a grim look on his face, dissatisfied by Daniel's lack of energy and responses when he had been the one who oh so excitedly dragged him out of the CC.
Realising that he had been dragging down the mood he simply smiles.
"Oh sorry, I was just thinking about work…I've got a lot of things coming in tomorrow since it's restock day" Daniel doesn't necessarily lie about it, it was restock day but it also wasn't all that stressful anymore. To Daniel, it was all routine work that he had gotten used to.
"Oh, anything in particular coming in?" Zack, who was sitting by Daniel's side, asks curiously.
"Just some new things here and there, I don't want to bother you with the boring aspects of my job" Daniel waves off before turning the conversation back to them. "So Vasco, you were saying something about having a new mentor" He urges, scrambling to remember what the other had been going on about before he became lost in his thoughts.
"Oh yes!" Vasco's expression perked up and suddenly he was excitedly going on about his story. "His name is Bredak! I met him on the CC grounds and he's a Muay Thai master! He's been taking me under his wing and training me to master all his techniques. His training is no joke and he's going to be taking me to the mountains this weekend for some extra training" Vasco rambles.
"Bredak…you mean the chef from the CC?" Daniel raises his brow, casting his mind to the image of a timid and small bredak who was an expert at using a wok...he was also an expert at Muay Thai? He couldn't believe it but if Vasco was telling the truth then Daniel would have to since the man rarely lies.
"Yep, that's the one" Jace nods, snorting out a laugh as he casts his partner a fond look. "Imagine my surprise when one day Vasco comes running in and talks about being picked up as a student for one of the most profound and famous Muay Thai fighters in the world only to find out they're a chef at the CC. Vasco caught his eye when he was watching the CC fights and tournaments and he wanted to take him on specifically as a student due to his potential" He boasts about Vasco, patting him proudly on the shoulder. The larger man in turn moves to hug his boyfriend, placing a particularly wet kiss on his cheek.
"It's almost disgusting how happy you are with him" Vin Jin pipes up from the other side of Daniel, pointing his spoon in their direction and letting out a disgusted sound. "I miss the days when you two weren't fucking each other and were somewhat intimidating, now you're both so sappy and happy it's ridiculous" The Dance and Vocal department student grunts out.
"I can't help but agree," Zack snorts into his food.
"Oh please, you have no right to agree when you're also the same way when you're around your own girl" Vin Jin fires back at the Boxer who although glares in his direction holds no heat.
"Well, I can't deny that but that's what happens when you're happy and in love with someone" Zack's glare turns into a silly smile.
"Have you even officially asked Mira out yet? If you haven't then all the things you're saying are creepy" Jace points out much to the boxer's chagrin before pointing to Vin Jin. "And you, don't be jealous because we're happy and you're still completely single" He adds.
"Tch, if Logan were here he'd agree with my sentiment" Vin Jin huffs, shovelling food down his mouth.
"If Logan were here he'd probably make several homophobic comments" Zack snorts.
"If Logan were here I'd have to punch him in the face" Vasco states.
There was a moment of pause before all of them broke out into laughter, Daniel included although it sounds a lot quieter and more subdued than the others. He had been watching the interactions, listening to the words and keeping in mind how everything was going down. Vasco and Jace's affections for one another were not a secret but they were never really this open about it either. The fact that they felt comfortable being themselves in front of them was heartwarming but it also gave Daniel an idea of how love is expressed through others. How someone can grow soft around someone they care for?
The thing with Zack and Mira was also another example of love changing a person.
Even in front of others and without their significant other around, the mere mention of their respective partners was enough to bring even the subtlest of smiles out. Daniel couldn't help but wonder if it was the same for Gun, did he also smile in such a way when someone else brought up the topic of him? Or did he stare stoically and give off cold answers like he usually does?
"What about you Zack, I heard that you also have a new mentor now," Vasco asks curiously and the boxer nods slightly.
"I haven't mentioned this to Mira but yes I have been training under someone else recently" Zack takes a sip of his drink before leaning in forward. "Do you guys remember when the Kings came to the CC? Well apparently I attracted the attention of one of them and now he's been helping me ever since…or well I guess it's more like borderline torture but it's been great nonetheless" He admits.
"Which King?" Daniel questions.
"Gongseob" At Zack's answer the others gape.
"The iron fortress, Kind of Daegu Gongseob Ji?" Jace calls as Vin Jin whistles at the title and names.
"Yep," Zack nods, crossing his arms and smiling smugly.
"He's a bit of an odd guy, being a monk but also enjoying a lot of…not very monk things" Daniel mentions off-handedly and the smile falls off Zack's face.
"Yeah, he is strange…I think he's even trying to convert me to Buddhism" Zack sighs.
"Don't let your Christian not girlfriend hear that" Vin Jin calls out and again there is a round of laughter.
Daniel of course laughs along, the reason he agreed to come out that night was simply because he needed the fresh air and to get his mind off the whole Gun situation but being surrounded by all these people that he could call friends…it still felt so lonely. Still, to not throw the whole mood of the night off again, Daniel plays along and pretends to be happy.
.
.
.
"What's up with you Doc?" A surprise visit from Eli was one that Daniel didn't think he would get any time soon.
Sure Eli and Hostel have had their history and frequent interactions with Daniel but it didn't mean that he and their leader were especially close. If anything, they were friends but operated as so at a good arm's length apart from each other. Hell, Daniel would even argue that he was friendlier with Sally and Warren than he was with Eli so to have this man specifically enter his office during work hours with no injuries in sight was a bit more than confusing.
"Eli? Uh, sorry what?" Daniel had swivelled around in his chair, looking like nothing more than a deer caught in headlights at the arrival of the man in front of him.
"I came in like two minutes ago and I didn't want to interrupt you mid-way through your work but you've just been staring blankly at that piece of paper the entire time, is something wrong?" Eli questions and it causes Daniel to feel flustered.
Had Eli been there for that long? How did Daniel not hear or notice that? Gun would be disappointed by his lack of awareness.
"Oh, uh yeah I'm fine…just lost in my thoughts" Daniel sighs before gesturing to the standing man. "So, what brings you here? Are you injured or hurt? Need any medical advice?" He asks but the other shakes his head.
"Actually, Sally and Olly made quite a big feast yesterday for Amy's birthday and we had leftovers. They suggested that I bring you some of the food as a thank you for all your hard work and how much you've helped us throughout this entire year" Eli explains, holding up the bag that was in his hands.
The delicious smell suddenly reaches Daniel's nose and he can't help the smile that slips onto his face.
"That's so sweet, you guys really didn't have to" Standing and heading over to the Big Daddy, Daniel accepts the food as Eli provides his own smile.
Taking the food and placing it on his desk, Daniel makes a mental note that he was set for lunch and dinner for both today and potentially the next.
"Doc, do you have a spare moment for me?" Eli asks cautiously and Daniel turns back to him with a raised brow.
"Of course, take a seat" Daniel offers and the two of them settle down into chairs. The Doctor had been quite surprised by the question but if Eli had a concern of any sort then he was free to listen and offer any help and support he could. "What's up? Is this a health concern?" Daniel starts the conversation but Eli shakes his head.
The leader looked slightly awkward, sitting in the patient's seat and staring around the room as he played around with his hands in a nervous manner. It takes a moment for Eli to officially settle down and decide on what he wants to say and throughout the whole ordeal, Daniel waits patiently with a smile on his face. Although it does start to wane a little the longer Eli's silence holds up.
"It's not about me…It's about you" Eli hums out and surprise splashes onto Daniel's face but he quickly masks it with a smile.
"Is that so? What about me? I don't think there's been anything that's changed about me in recent times" Daniel laughs, amused by the whole ordeal but Eli isn't laughing, if anything he seems to frown slightly.
"You've been slightly distant recently, others have noticed it…Olly noticed it and he brought it up with me since he was worried. I thought he was overthinking things but after coming in today and noticing how you were when you were by yourself…I guess Olly wasn't wrong. Is everything alright?" Eli asks and this time the fake smile that Daniel has plastered over his face does fall, instead he sends the other a shocked look.
"Olly and other people have noticed my mood? Oh…" Daniel curses himself. He had been trying so hard in recent times to pretend and act normal, to stop his exceeding happiness and excitement from showing when he started officially dating Gun and to hide away his worry and anger when Shintaro showed up in Korea. The fact that others had noticed his mood swings and change in personality meant that he was far from being subtle even when he was trying his hardest to be.
"It's not obvious or anything, Olly is just more perceptive than others when it comes to people he cares about and he cares about you deeply. I mean, after everything you've done for him it's fair to see why he would care about you so much" Eli explains softly and Daniel's heart croons in affection for the other Hostel leader.
"That's sweet of him but really, I'm fine" He states and the words taste stale in his mouth.
Eli looked disbelieving in his words, the Hostel leader was much harder to fool than Zack, Vasco, Jace and Vin Jin but that was perhaps because he had several kids, one biologically his own, that he had to take care of. Being a father, a young father no less, was no easy task but Eli seemed to manage it well enough.
"Doc…Daniel, is it alright if I call you Daniel?" Eli starts and Daniel nods. "Well, Daniel. I know that between us we aren't the closest people in the world. I know that you are far closer with several other members in the CC but I also know that you're a friend to everyone here. You're always willing to lend an ear or helping hand to those in need including the time that you help myself and Olly. I don't think I've ever said this before and I really should have said something but…Thank you"
Daniel's been thanked for a lot of things in his career and life, more so since he's started his job here at the CC surprisingly but to hear those words from Eli about something that had happened ages ago still warms his heart. Daniel couldn't help but melt slightly, deflating and feeling the tension seep out of him.
"You're welcome, I was only doing what I thought was right" Daniel relays to the other but Eli shakes his head.
"I know you were but still, there aren't enough words in this language for me to express my gratitude towards you. If It hadn't been for you then I would have done something that I would have regretted for the rest of my life…you also saved Olly and fixed his relationship with all of us. If you hadn't spoken sense into me I can't imagine how my life would have been" Eli confesses before his expression becomes fixed. "Which is why, if you have any problems or concerns please don't feel like you need to hold it in or deal with it alone. If there is any way in which I or others at the CC can listen and help you then please, let us know. We want to look after you as much as you have looked after us" The admission sends Daniel reeling.
How many more people were going to surprise him by dropping bombs at him during one-on-one conversations? First his uncle and now Eli? Were people actively trying to make him cry by filling him up with all these emotional words and stories?
Daniel contemplates it for a moment, debating on whether or not he wants to confess or ask for advice until eventually, logic wins.
"How do you know when letting go of someone you care about is the right thing to do or not?" Daniel blurts out and Eli looks surprised that his offer for help was being taken up. "I mean the right emotions are there but the circumstances and viewpoints of the relationship have changed because of other outside factors and because of this the perspective has changed for one partner" Daniel rambles, trying to explain the situation whilst doing his best not to give out specific details.
"Keep going" Eli encourages, his expression of shock melting into one of deep thought as he listens intently. He didn't seem incredibly baffled by the fact that Daniel was seeing someone and he kept his respectful persona even as Daniel spoke.
"I feel like I'm holding them back," Daniel explains as simply as possible.
Eli's face turns into one of understanding.
"I see"
"I don't want to hold them back in life. I want them to be happy and to reach their full potential without feeling like they can't achieve that because I exist. I love them so much and I know that they hold similar feelings, maybe not as strongly since I'm not as sure if they love me like I love them, but I know they feel for me. I just wonder, is that enough or will that ultimately ruin their life?" He asks and he knows that he's throwing all his heavy questions on the man sitting in front of him but once one question was spilled it felt as if the dam had broken loose.
Eli sits there patiently, face remaining passive as he considers all the words being spoken. It felt like an eternity of Daniel waiting and as the seconds passed by it ate the Doctor up internally. It would be better if the Big Daddy just spat in his face and laughed at his problems before waltzing out of the room instead of remaining in silence. Eventually, though, he does respond.
"You really love them, don't you?" Eli huffs out rhetorically and it wasn't to tease or be mean, if anything it was him stating a simple fact.
The simple fact that Daniel god damn fucking Park was in love with Jong Gun Park.
"I do" Daniel was quick to answer with all the sincerity in his heart, with no hesitation or pause as he spoke. It surprised him, the lack of doubt in his mind as he uttered the two words but it didn't scare him.
Had anyone told him at the start of the year that he would be in love with Gun he would have laughed in their face but now, he had no doubts. That stupid give-and-take relationship Daniel had built with the man at the start, forging a friendship, then a crush, it was only natural for it to develop into whole-hearted love, was it not? It was as if Daniel had been hit in the head with an epiphany but not at the same time because all his mind repeatedly said to itself was 'Of course, you're in love with Jong Gun Park, how could you not be?' and now it was all so obvious that it was laughable.
"Love is difficult, isn't it?" Eli offers, shifting his legs so that they are crossed one over the other. "Having to make all these internal decisions, all these small sacrifices so that both you and your partner can be happy. Love can be peace but love can also be a continuous battle, that is different with every relationship" Holding up both his hands he gestures to his left hand.
"When I was with Heather, everything felt just so right. It was as if every piece of the puzzle that I had been scrambling to find had finally fallen into the right place. She was my shield, a woman who protected me from the cruel reality of the world, my escape" He spoke of Heather with a kind fondness, with each word it was laced with an incredible tone of love.
Daniel could only hope that someone could still talk about him with such endearment after he died.
"On the other hand, loving Olly was a constant vicious yet thrilling battle. When I started to realise that there was another emotion apart from loathing or apathy for him I hated myself. Once I accepted that It wasn't going away and started engaging with him, it felt addicting. I couldn't stop myself from seeking him out. From looking for his smile, from feeling his gaze and touch, from the constant pride that rose in my heart every time he mentioned or boasted about me. I didn't think it was love at first due to our circumstances but after I cut contact with him again, I felt just as empty as when Heather died…that's when I knew but…it was too late at that point" Eli had gestured to his right hand as he spoke and surprisingly there was just as much affection in his words for Olly as there had been for Heather.
To know that Eli held both Olly and Heather in the same regard, not treating either one as less than or more than, was comforting. Even with their history and situations, Eli loved both.
"When you love someone, you want nothing but the world for them. You want to be by their side, to hold them close and to protect them from everything. You want to see only the good in them and either accept or want to change their bad. But despite all of this, despite all these emotions you feel for them it all takes a backseat to their happiness" Eli reasons, sucking in a deep breath as he expands on what he means. "I would sacrifice my feelings for them if it meant that they would be happier. Even if their happiness doesn't have a place for me" He confesses.
"Is that what happened with Olly in the end?" Daniel asks softly. "Is that how you knew it was time to let Olly go?" he adds.
Eli nods slowly.
"I knew that Olly would be much happier if we stayed only as friends and he has proven that he is. If it means that Olly can stay happy, that he can stay healthy and safe then I can put my love for him aside and value the friendship that he has offered me" Eli nods but it was spoken with such profound sadness that Daniel was shocked the other hadn't started crying yet.
"You still love him" Daniel utters and he didn't need a verbal reply for anything to be confirmed or denied. Just the devastated look on Eli's face was enough, the way his hands clenched and how his jaw flexed, even with how his brows creased and the way his eyes glassed over.
"I do, but as long as he's happy then it doesn't matter"
And it was so incredibly sad that it hurt Daniel's heart.
"Oh Eli…"
"It doesn't matter, my relationship isn't your problem and if anything I was just using it as an example for you" Eli was quick to cover up and move on, clearing his throat and blinking profusely before turning the conversation around. "Daniel, if you know that they are sacrificing their wishes then it's time to let them go, if they have to give up their future and happiness then you have to let them go. If you have doubts about them, if you have to justify and question if they love you in return then maybe the relationship isn't right to begin with" Eli adds and Daniel can only listen in on dejection.
"Oh…I see," Daniel nods.
Again, it was an answer he wasn't shocked by but he was still disappointed.
Silence falls between them, one that neither knew how to make better. Daniel was left to his own thoughts whereas Eli was left to his. Eventually, though, Eli stands from his chair.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make this conversation so depressing" Eli sighs.
"No, no, your answers have been really insightful" Daniel shakes his head, standing along with the Leader. "Maybe your words are just the sense I needed" He nodded, offering a short smile but both knew that it wasn't real.
"I could be entirely wrong," Eli offers instead. "Like I said, all relationships are different and besides, perhaps it's better to talk to this partner of yours before you decide anything because if it turns out that he loves you just as much as you love him then a compromise can be met" He suggests and Daniel nods.
Talking with Gun, was something Daniel had thought about doing since the night he was caught with him in the hallway with his uncle. They needed to talk.
"Thank you for your words Eli, I'll take it all into consideration" Daniel states, patting the other on the arm.
"Of course, Doctor. Anytime"
.
.
.
A few hours was all he needed before he decided to find and talk to Gun. It was slowly turning dark outside and Gun was apparently in his office for once at the CC. James had mentioned it offhandedly earlier when Daniel had been going over the list of injuries they had been getting in the past month. Now Daniel was marching up to the office, a tray of food in his hands as a peace offering in case things got ugly.
Sucking in a breath, Daniel knocks on the door.
"Gun, it's me" He calls softly, hoping the man heard him.
A second of silence.
"Come in"
At Gun's words, Daniel opens the door and walks in. The state of the office was a mess, messier than Daniel ever thought could be possible for Gun who was always organised. Gun sat at his desk, looking worse for wear but he lights up momentarily when he catches sight of Daniel and food.
"You're an angel" Gun compliments, standing from his seat and making his way to Daniel who was setting the food down on the coffee table and sitting on the couch. "I haven't gotten the opportunity to eat since last night" He hums and Daniel frowns disapprovingly.
"Gun…You know that's not healthy" Daniel sighs and Gun nods.
"I know, I know. I've just been really busy and when I'm not busy I'm actively trying to avoid my uncle and his men" Gun explains, flopping down on the seat before groaning. "You know, he's decided that camping outside my apartment during the mornings and nights before I leave for work and before I come home is his way of intimidating me? If anything he's pissing me off. And he's constantly trying to call and message me even more, it's irritating" He grunts out, tossing his phone from his pocket onto the table.
"Your phone's dead" Daniel observes.
"I can't be bothered charging it anymore, it just means I'll see all the messages and calls from him. I'm also restraining myself from getting a new phone and number because I just know the old man will find out my new number somehow" Gun grumbles and Daniel nods.
"How is Charles supposed to contact you then?" Daniel asks curiously.
Gun pauses, putting his spoon down he then turns to stare and blink at his phone blankly.
"Fuck" Gun is scrambling from his seat, snatching his phone and running back to his desk. It takes a moment for him to find a charger before he plugs it in and lets out a groan. "Charles is going to kill me" He mumbles, slowly doing the walk of shame back to the couch and falling into the seat with an even heavier sigh.
"I'm sure he'll understand your situation" Daniel hums, reaching out to grasp his boyfriend's hand, squeezing it meaningfully.
"Honestly it depends on his mood" Gun grumbles before focusing his attention on Daniel. "It feels like it's been ages since I last saw you, how have you been?" He asks and Daniel finds it sweet that the elder is still asking about him despite his own problems.
"I've been alright, I made time to visit and see a couple of friends but I haven't done all that much if I'm being honest" He informs the man who nods, digging into some of the food that had been brought. "I actually came here to see you and ask you a few things…well, I actually wanted to run a few things by you" Daniel tells the other, feeling his nervousness bubble up.
At this, Gun shifts in his seat.
"Of course, what's up?" Gun replies, waiting patiently for Daniel to speak.
After hearing about Gun's continued issues and irritations when it came to his father and his whole family situation, Daniel wasn't quite sure if now was the proper time to come forth with all these thoughts and ideas. Especially since the man looked more sleep-deprived and exhausted than usual. Then again, if not now, when? It had already taken so long before Daniel could finally see Gun, how long until their next meeting?
"I wanted to talk to you about your family actually" He starts off and that of course makes Gun groan in annoyance, what a wonderful beginning to the conversation.
"What about them? Has my uncle been terrorising you or something? Because if he has then I will set him straight" Gun sits up straight and looks far more angry than he had been before. "I knew that mess hall situation wouldn't have been the only time he went to terrorise you and the others. I swear to God, for a Yakuza member he sure has a big mouth" He rambles on, cursing again and again under his breath.
"Have you considered it? Leaving Korea and going back to Japan?" Daniel asks, cutting through the speech and causing the elder to stare back in shock before it melts into amusement.
"I have thought about his offer and I've already made up my mind. I'm not going back to Japan" Gun answers easily. "No matter what he says or how annoying he gets, I'm not leaving" He adds with a smirk.
The easy confidence that Gun spoke with almost deters Daniel from continuing with the rest of his planned talk, he almost wants to accept the words with a smile and move on with his day but he can't.
"But don't you think you would have an easier and much more successful life in Japan than here?" Daniel asks and the question throws Gun off, the smile fades and a minuscule frown appears instead.
"Huh?" He was caught off guard.
"I just mean, yes the Yakuza business isn't known for its positives but this is a new, contemporary age. Rather than illegal activities and whatnot, it's more into businesses now, isn't it? That's probably a far better position to be in than being the owner of a fight club or a bodyguard" Daniel reasons and with each word the frown on Gun's brows grows even deeper.
"Daniel, I'm not just the owner of a fight club or a bodyguard here. I'm a symbol of sorts, the Founders and I control the flow of crime and violence here and we keep people safe from petty criminals and gangsters. If I were to give this up and go back to being heir of the Yakuza it wouldn't matter how much the syndicate has changed. The people won't see it any differently and they'll see me as nothing more than a hypocrite. Besides, just because the Yakuza system has somewhat changed it doesn't mean that every part of its history has disappeared, I'd reckon that there are still some sinister things going on behind the scenes and from beyond the public's views" Gun explains from his side of things.
"I… I guess so" Daniel falters before shaking his head and pressing on. "But you can change that perception! If you were to go back and take your position as heir then you could progressively change the Yamazaki clan and lead them towards a cleaner path without crime. If there's anyone with strong morals and could enact that change it would be you" He urges only to freeze when he catches Gun's perplexed expression.
"Why are you trying to convince me to go back so much? It's almost as if you want me gone" Gun snorts, chuckling softly only for the sound to die out when Daniel doesn't respond.
Gun's perturbed expression transforms into one of deep hurt and confusion.
"Wait, do you actually want me to go back to Japan and become heir to a Yakuza clan?!" His voice was raised and he soon let go of the hand that Daniel had still been holding onto.
"No! That's not…well it's not what I'm trying to do necessarily" Daniel denies, shaking his head. "I just want you to consider all the possibilities you could be losing if you don't take this opportunity" he justifies and Gun scoffs.
"Possibilities I'm losing? Like possibly becoming a criminal and ending up like my father?" He sneers, the thought of turning out like his father offends him more than Daniel trying to convince him to think about going back to Japan.
"No?!" Daniel calls but it sounds more unsure and like a question than he intended it to be. "I just think that you're not properly taking this whole thing into consideration due to other circumstances" He gestures with his hands and Gun glares.
"What am I not taking into consideration?" He sneered, waiting for an answer and Daniel was quick to provide one.
"You could have a family in Japan!" Daniel shouts and that shocks the elder into silence. "In Japan, you could be with your father! With your mother or your uncle! With other extended family members that I could only wish to have! You could get married to a well-titled woman and you could have kids of your own!" He exclaims and saying these words out loud to Gun felt like a stab to the gut.
Gun opens his mouth to reply only to shut it, taking a deep breath before shuddering out a sentence.
"Has that senile old man been going around claiming that I'm going to get married if I go back to Japan?" He seethes out. "For fuck sake, he has no right to be claiming stupid shit like that to people who have nothing to do with my life" Gun growls out, the veins in his neck starting to pulsate.
"He's mentioned it but he hasn't been going around telling everyone" Daniel tries to appease but it does nothing to tame Gun's indignation. "But he does make a good point, the wife and kids part. Isn't that something you've considered having before? It is a normal thing to think about and to want" The Doctor's tone had gone from confident to soft like each word was poison on his tongue as he repeated what Shintaro had said to him.
Gun's head snaps towards Daniel, betrayal showing in his own eyes.
"Thinking about getting married to a woman and having kids is a 'normal' thing a 'normal man' should do?" Gun mocks, the tone of his voice going pitchy as he tries to contain his ire. "Is that what you think? You think I'm not normal because I haven't thought about something like that? Does it make me strange that I don't want that because I'm in a relationship with a man? I didn't think I'd ever hear such assumptions come from someone like you" He leers, baring his teeth as he speaks.
"That's not…that's not what I mean" Daniel choked out, baffled by how wrong everything was going. "I'm not trying to say you're strange, I'm just saying that wanting to get married and have kids is something that most people do and that's not exactly something you could do if you were to be with me no matter how progressive our society is becoming" He reasons.
Gun narrows his eyes dangerously on Daniel, considering the words he spoke. Emotions seem to overtake all sense of reason, Gun curls his lips in distaste.
"You don't think I knew that when I agreed to date you? Do you think that isn't something I've considered both with you and any of the past men I've ever had a thing with? This isn't my first rodeo Daniel, I didn't just wake up one day and decide that I wanted to be with a man, I've had those internal debates and conversations with myself and I've made my peace and plans. Unlike you who had to have your dick get sucked in the middle of the night in the middle of a public gym before you decided men were your thing" He attacks and Daniel recoils in bewilderment and hurt.
"Gun-"
"I guess I should have expected all these questions and assumptions from someone as inexperienced as you…tch this is why I make it a rule not to sleep with virgins" He shakes his head, disappointment dripping from his tone.
"Gun, this isn't the point I'm trying to make" Daniel hisses, trying to ignore the pain that convusing through his heart at all the accusations and words the other was saying. Words that Daniel didn't even think Gun could say to him.
"Yeah, then what exactly is the point of what you're trying to say? If you are trying to convince me to leave Korea and go back to Japan, to get married and start some metaphorical family that I don't even want. Do I look like I could be a decent father? I hate my father and just the thought of being around children makes me sick" Standing up from his seat, Gun starts pacing around before spinning on his heel and pointing a finger at Daniel. "Do you want to break up? Is this what you're trying to get at? You don't need to go through all these stupid little loopholes if you want to dump me, just fucking dump me" He accuses.
"No! I don't want to dump you!" Daniel shakes his head desperately, scrambling to explain himself.
"Then why? Why the hell would you say all this to me knowing that I've already made my decision to stay here and give up all that!"
"BECAUSE YOU'RE GIVING IT ALL UP FOR ME!" Daniel screams, standing up from his spot, breathing heavily as he stares at the Founder who stares back with wide eyes. "The reason you're staying, the reason that you'd give up contact with your father and these opportunities is because of me…or at the very least partly because of me" He breathes out, feeling sick to his stomach.
Running a hand through his hair, Daniel could only hope that the tears that were welling up in his eyes would stay there. He didn't need to break down and cry right now, maybe after but not now.
"Don't stay for me, don't give it all up for me " Daniel whispers.
Gun stares back, the anger seemingly having deflated as his shoulders fall. Instead of screaming and shouting in return, Gun approaches Daniel, reaching out and grabbing his hand and cupping his face.
"Shouldn't wanting to be with you be enough of a reason to stay?" Gun asks, his brows creasing together as he keeps his eyes on Daniel. "I don't get it, why do I need to have another reason to want to be here?" He questions, completely and utterly confounded by this revelation.
"Because I don't want to be the reason that holds you back from happiness" Daniel admits.
Gun shakes his head.
"But you make me happy" Gun confesses, his tone desperate judging from how Daniel hardly looked like he could believe the words. "You are my happiness" He adds softly, attempting to reassure the other.
Daniel shakes his head, closing his eyes and pulling his face away from Gun's warm palm.
"But you could be happier, you could be so much happier with a wife and children in Japan, with a family you could create back at a place you call home rather than with someone like me" Daniel urges and again Gun lets out a noise of irritation.
"Why the hell do you have to keep bringing that up? I don't want a wife! I don't want kids! I don't want to be in Japan! I want you, I want to be here with you!" Gun grunts out, beyond frustrated by the circle they keep running around in. "Are you sure you aren't the one projecting? Are you sure you don't want to have a wife and children like some normal man with a normal life?" He scoffs, his tone growing mean again.
"No, I do-" "Why do we always have fights like this?" Gun suddenly questions but it wasn't spoken with any malice or fire.
"W-What do you mean?" Daniel stutters out, hearing his voice turn shaky.
Gun takes a step back, moving away from Daniel's space to go and sit at the edge of his desk. He crosses his arms, his body language closed off and defensive.
"We always start happy, living off the high of our emotions which mainly consist of lust, mind you. All this happy-go-lucky honeymoon phase shit then we go into a stalemate before getting into a fight because we ask stupid and unnecessary questions…or well, you ask the stupid questions and I shout back, then we're both in a shitty mood and then the shit hits the fan afterwards. Is this going to be the same, endless cycle with you?" Gun questions.
Daniel's heart aches. The agony that his own heart was throbbing with seemed to intensify with each word but he makes a point of not showing it as much as he can.
"Maybe, if you stay with me it might be," Daniel shrugs. "You might make me happy but I can't always bring you happiness" He sighs, thinking back to Gun announcing just moments ago that he was his happiness. How could he be when every time they had a conversation like this they made each other feel so miserable?
Gun shakes his head, letting out a sarcastic laugh as he turns to stare at the wall instead. He couldn't even look at Daniel anymore.
"Is this where you say that me being with a woman would bring me more happiness than this?" Gun questions bitingly.
Any other time, Daniel might snort or let out a short laugh, currently it feels too cruel to be making these sorts of jokes so soon.
"Maybe" Again, Daniel shrugs, not knowing what else to say or do.
Gun shuts his head, sucking in a few breaths and breathing out through his nose before he shifts his position.
"Maybe you're right. Fine, I'll make note of this and consider your points" Gun speaks formally, turning to walk to his actual seat at his desk. "It's good to know where you stand in this debate, actually I'd say it's eye-opening to know that even my own boyfriend doesn't want me here and wants me to leave him because he's too scared to break things off himself" The words held malice but outwardly they were spoken in a measured tone.
"Gun, I don't want to break up with-" "Doctor Park, you're dismissed now. I have a stack of paperwork to finish and not enough time in the world or I guess I should say, not enough time left here in Korea to finish everything. If you wish to further speak on this issue then please arrange for another meeting rather than dropping by in such an unprofessional and impromptu manner. Otherwise, limit your meetings for important things, I'm a busy man. Good day," Gun dismisses coldly, picking up his pen and the next file he has to look through.
Daniel wasn't given any other opportunity to speak, not with Gun seemingly having decided to ignore him now.
Daniel swallows thickly before nodding, knowing the gesture was missed by the other.
"O-Okay" Daniel turns, heading straight for the door.
"Wait" At Gun's order, Daniel swiftly turns, looking hopefully at the elder only for his heart to fall at the cold stare he was being given. "Take your tray of food with you, I don't have the time to eat it and by now it's probably cold. I'd rather not have the stench take over my office when I'm trying to concentrate" He gestures to the coffee table and Daniel feels like nothing more than a kicked puppy.
"But you've barely eaten-" "I've lost my appetite" Gun responds shortly, with no room for argument.
Daniel goes on to argue anyway, that despite their fight, it didn't mean that Gun should compromise his health just to be petty. His words are cut short by the hand that was raised by the elder.
"Or are you going to start making assumptions about my hunger as well? Is that all you're good at? Making assumptions and jumping to conclusions?" Gun calls out spitefully.
Daniel swallows his words, immediately clamping down and instead defeatedly going to grab the tray of barely eaten food. The weight feels heavy in his hands and it takes all of his willpower to stop his hands from shaking. Walking slowly to the door, Gun calls out once more.
"Also, I know these past two weeks I've been arranging for other people to drive you home but I'll be too busy to be doing that from now on. Since you want to be so independent and you don't seem to want me around anymore you can make arrangements to get home by yourself. You can do that, can't you Doctor Park"
The lack of first names is what stings the most.
"Of course, Sir" Daniel mumbles before slipping through the door.
The walk to the mess hall feels like a walk of shame, having to pass the uneaten tray to the cooks makes Daniel feel even guiltier. Judging by the looks that Bredak and Jihyeon were giving him, the guilt was probably evident on his face. He does make up the excuse that Gun was busy and didn't have time to eat, he apologises profusely to them seeing as they went through all the efforts to cook a meal only for it to be nearly entirely untouched. They wave him off and give him smiles but that isn't enough to completely shift Daniel's mood.
Daniel returns to his own office. Despite the fight and despite his shitty feeling he still had a job that only he could do, also there was no one to replace him anyway. So he sits in his office, mindlessly going through his work or helping those who walk in with minor injuries. He smiles and jokes with anyone and everyone who comes by, ensuring that his hurt and inner turmoil are nothing but invisible to them. No one needs to see a front-row seat to a doctor's breakdown, after all, how were they supposed to trust him to take care of them if he starts crying?
So he words. He works the last few hours he has left of his shift before packing up and bringing out his phone to look up the bus route home. Gun wasn't taking him home, there was no arrangement for any other car or individual to take him home either. Gun wasn't going to do that for him anymore. It was just one of the numerous things that Daniel seemingly took advantage of, another way in which Gun did everything for him but he gave him nothing in return.
It takes a short amount of time for Daniel to identify which buses he needs to take before he sets off into the freezing outside world which was actually something he appreciated. At least the cold makes him feel numb. At least it justifies and matches how his own heart feels.
The pathway was familiar, it was the same route he used to take before Gun had started driving him everywhere but it had been such a long time since he had taken public transport that it still felt strange. He's left to his own devices, some people stare and whisper but for the most part, no one approaches him.
The second bus that Daniel has to take misses by a couple of minutes due to the previous bus being stuck in traffic. He has to wait an extra 20 minutes for the next one so he sits and waits quietly, patiently.
'I guess I should have expected all these questions and assumptions from someone as inexperienced as you'
'If you want to dump me, just fucking dump me!'
'Why do we always have to fight like this?'
'Is this going to be the same, endless cycle with you?'
It wasn't supposed to be like this. Their conversation was supposed to be civil, it wasn't supposed to end like this. They were supposed to just talk civilly and then move on once they came to a conclusion together. Instead, Daniel had gone on the offensive and started accusing Gun of all these things and Gun of course had been offended.
How could Gun have responded any differently if Daniel had been the one attacking him?! Of course, he would be angry, of course, he would say all those hurtful things. The man was already at his wits ends and Daniel of course had made everything worse.
A bus pulls up and Daniel gets on. It takes three stops before Daniel registers that he's gotten on the wrong bus and he has to get out and reconfigure where the hell he was and where the hell he needed to go. He left the CC at around 5:30, by the time he gets home it's around 8 and he's nothing but exhausted and hungry.
His stomach was protesting against his body. Maybe there would still be some leftover dinner for him to eat. He'd snack on something, satisfy his hunger and drag himself to bed where he could finally drop all the pretences and masks and curl up on himself.
"Daniel, is that you?" A voice calls as Daniel enters the house.
Surprised by suddenly being addressed, Daniel turns to see his own mother sitting and drinking something warm as the TV was on and lighting up the room. She looked surprised to see Daniel but she smiled pleasantly at him.
"My boy, welcome home, how was your day?" She calls.
Daniel doesn't answer. His voice had stopped working several hours ago, near the end of saying his goodbyes to the security guards as he was leaving the CC his voice had gone funny, a telltale sign that if he spoke anymore he might cry. So he had stopped speaking after that, he hadn't needed to, but now as he stood stock still, staring at his own mother's warm smile he couldn't help but open his mouth.
"Mum…" He all but wails out, voice sounding as wobbly and wet as he feared it would.
Seonhui's brows shoot upwards and she's immediately standing and spreading her arms.
"Daniel, come here" She calls and Daniel drops his bags and jacket, launching himself across the wide space between them before he can finally wrap himself in his own mother's embrace.
Tears had started spilling down his face faster than Daniel could stop them but his mother doesn't judge him. The sobs and sharp intakes of air rack throughout his entire body.
"I've messed everything up, it's all my fault! Hic , Sob , I've ruined everything and I have no one else but myself to blame, gasp" He sobs out into his mother's sweater, knowing that his own tears and snot were probably ruining the fabric.
He was running her shirt just like how had ruined his relationship. Oh God, he was such a failure.
Daniel goes to pull away but the hands that remain on him, around his frame, are tight and firm.
"Ssh, it's okay sweetheart, let it out, let it all out" Seonhui murmurs softly, rubbing his back in a calming motion.
Any restraints or thoughts that Daniel had left completely break.
It takes a long goddamn while before Daniel can finally pull himself together enough to string proper sentences but even then his voice still quivered and he was still sniffling. His mother had moved them back into the living room and seated them on the couch. Daniel was left lying on his mother's shoulder, plastered to her side as he whimpered and held back any more tears that were trying to escape, to which he was failing miserably.
It takes a small bowl of vanilla ice cream and a box of tissues delivered by one of the helps for Daniel to completely become verbal again. Daniel was quite embarrassed that the help had to see him in such a state, he hadn't even known that there were any still at the house during this time of night but he didn't mention anything about it. Instead, he thanks the woman softly and appreciates the kind look she sends him before she disappears, leaving mother and son to talk.
"So, do you want to explain to me why you came home in such a state?" Seonhui asks softly. She eyes her son imploringly, trying to decipher her son's emotions and reasons for being left in such a state.
Daniel didn't want to talk about it, not when his feelings and emotions were still so raw. Not when he still felt so hurt.
Seonhui makes note of it, nodding with a sigh before she pats her son's thigh.
"You know, it's been a long time since you've come crying to me like this. I think the last time you cried so much was back when we were still living by ourselves" She suddenly brings up. "You had come home in tears and wouldn't let go of me for hours because one of the students had stolen some of your stationery at school, had been playing around with it and broken it without so much as an apology. I had been furious to hear about it, marched right up to your school the next day to demand why such a thing happened and that I didn't even receive a call home about it and all your teachers had to say was that you hadn't seemed bothered by it. I remember recalling them saying that you had smiled it off and told the other kids that it was okay" She muses.
Daniel remembered it, the memory she had been recalling. It didn't seem significant now but to little Daniel, it felt like the end of the world even if he hadn't shown it at school. Even with how old he was he knew that his mother worked hard every single day and night to provide for him, that stationary might have been cheap to others and not important to his bullies but it had meant the world to him that his mother could buy him new items like that.
"Your teacher seemed sincere so the only conclusion we could come down to was the fact that you held those emotions in until they finally overwhelmed you" Seonhui smiled sadly, running her hand down Daniel's hair, fixing the mess it had become in his time sobbing into his mother's shirt. "It kind of made me realise how emotionally smart you were, being able to restrain yourself at such a young age when other kids your age would have broken down immediately. It also made me sad because this was only something you could have learnt through observing the people around you" She sighs and Daniel stares with wide eyes.
"Mum that isn't-"
"I know that when you were younger I was busy quite often, with work and with taking care of your father. I know that outwardly I tried to hide all my anguish from you, all those negative emotions I felt I tried so hard to shield you from it and it wasn't until then that I realised that you learnt to do that yourself" Seonhui cuts Daniel off, her own eyes growing glassy. "And whilst I know that children being exposed to too much negativity can impact them the same could be said if they were withheld from it too much. I mourn the fact that even after I learnt all this I didn't teach you better strategies to maintain or manage your emotions. That you still have to resort to the same tactic even today" She confesses.
"It's not your fault" Daniel mumbles. "It really isn't, at my age I should have learnt better ways to cope than just do something like this" He huffs, his cheeks puffing out as he speaks.
"And I should have taught you better ways, I guess this makes us both at fault" Seonhui mumbles but it wasn't condescending or spoken negatively. "I want you to know that you don't have to hold everything in anymore, you don't need to keep everything to yourself until you combust and that it's okay to tell others when you're not okay" She spoke soothingly.
"But I-"
"Daniel, what would you do if you saw that your uncle or I were overworking ourselves until the point of sickness? What if we were so pent up that we just came home one day and started bawling our eyes out because we didn't say anything about our stress throughout the day?" Seonhui reasons.
"I think I'd be horrified if I saw either you or Uncle Jinyoung break down into tears, the thought of that happening makes me feel sick" Daniel responds softly before frowning. "But I guess I'd also question why you didn't tell others or at the very least talk to me about it" He hums out, realising what his own mother was trying to imply.
"So, do you want to talk about why you came home so frustrated and upset today?" Seonhui prompts.
Daniel considers it again. Telling his mother about everything that happened means that he needed to go into detail and a lot of other things but at the end of the day she was right about telling someone his problems. He had already kept his situation with Gun and Shingen a secret for several weeks at this point, trying to seek advice or second opinions from people who don't fully comprehend his situation has only led to the mess he's currently in. If he wanted a valuable opinion then he needed to provide all the facts, not just half-truths.
"I think I just ruined the first relationship I've ever been in because of my insecurities" Daniel states and Seonhui's eyes grow wide momentarily before her expression settles and she's nodding for him to continue.
Daniel confesses to his relationship with Gun. Confesses that they've been an official thing for nearly a month now and that they had become emotionally attached for even longer. He spoke about Shintaro and the Yamazaki clan with their problem of needing an heir. He tells his mother about the conversation he had with Shintaro, the talks that he's had with others since then that have only helped to fester his fears and insecurity. He then gets to his talk with Gun, how he offended the elder and hurt him with everything he said despite what he already wanted to do. How he pushed him to take into consideration Shingen's offer despite the elders' reluctance and how that has officially caused a rift between them.
Throughout the entire explanation, Seonhui does nothing but listen. There are no disgusted or disappointed expressions, no comments or little sound effects with any of his words, just her calming presence and the occasional nods. Once Daniel finished, he could only look to the floor in shame, the bowl of ice cream he had been eating had barely half finished and had melted due to all the time he spent talking.
"So…that's the official story of how I ruined my relationship" Daniel concludes, an attempt at humour being made but Seonhui doesn't laugh. Instead, she closes her eyes and takes in a deep breath before beginning to speak.
"Can I ask, apart from Gun's uncle coming to you for 'help' is there any other particular reason you want Gun to leave and go back to Japan?" Seonhui questions her son.
Daniel's brows scrunch together at the question.
"Well no, not really. If anything I don't want him to leave at all, I want him to stay here with me" Daniel hums out.
"Then how come you were so adamant on getting him to leave? To me it sounds like you were actively trying to get him to go and from his perspective it must have been even worse" Seonhui hums, considering the conversation she was told about.
"I guess it does…but really, I just wanted him to consider all the sides thoroughly before he made his decision" Daniel shrugs.
"But it seems to me that he has thought this out, that he's had weeks, if not years to think this through. You said that he'd been frequently getting these calls from his family so he must have had some idea of what he wanted" Seonhui reasons and Daniel deflates.
"I just…I just wanted to make sure…I mean at the end of the day his reason for staying can't possibly be just for me. He's barely known me for a year and we've been dating for a shorter part of that. There's no way in hell someone like me could largely influence his future like that" Daniel explains, that raw openness that he had been feeling earlier was back.
"Is that what you're truly worried about, sweetheart? That you're the only reason he's staying and that he might come to regret that?" Seonhui points out and Daniel couldn't help but feel called out.
His lack of response was enough of an answer.
"Oh sweetheart, I think it's a wonderful and powerful thing that he's choosing you over his horrible family. If anything this shows the strength in your feelings for one another" She couldn't help but remark in wonder. It wasn't often that just the love for someone else could prevent someone else from making a life-changing decision. After all, how many couples and relationships have been broken apart because of distance? Because someone had to move homes, had to move away for work or school.
The fact thatGunshott down the opportunity to go back to Japan and be with his family spoke volumes about his dedication to Daniel but also volumes about his own personal reasons for why he's choosing to stay. After all, as Daniel had said, they had known each other for less than a year.
"I'm sure he has other reasons, personal reasons, for staying here in Korea. Perhaps they're reasons that he can't tell you yet and it also isn't something that you should push him to talk about" Seonhui reasons, patting her son on his knee. "After all, at the end of the day, it's not you or Shintaro or anyone else who decides on whether or not he is staying here. It's up to Gun"
And those were the exact words that Daniel had been preaching to Shintaro each time they came face to face. Words that the Doctor had sworn by but had then turned around and disregarded. Daniel felt like nothing more than a hypocrite, trying to convince Gun and push him into a decision that he thought was right.
He was no better than Shintaro in that regard if that was the case.
"Are you feeling better, sweetheart?" Seonhui asks softly, her eyes searching for any sort of sign that Daniel would start breaking down again.
At Daniel's self-revelation in trying not to be selfish, he ended up becoming just that, he felt sick again but that insane pressure he had been feeling on his shoulders was gone. Daniel had two options from here on out on how to approach Gun in apologising and clarifying his words, either choose to get it over and done with quickly or wait until things cool down slightly.
"Talking about this was a good idea, I feel a lot better" Daniel breathed out and it was the truth. Daniel could finally breathe in and out without feeling suffocated like he had been in the last two weeks. "Thanks," He tells the older woman who squeezes him into a tight hug and places a kiss on the top of his head.
"I will say, please give me time to process that you're in a relationship before springing your problems next time. I can't believe my boy is dating Gun of all people" She clicks her tongue but there was no real annoyance or anger in her voice, only a gentle fondness. "Despite his occupation, that boy is a gentleman. Gun was nothing but kind to me during your time in the hospital, he kept you company every single day and made sure you were comfortable no matter what. I see now that his dedication hadn't been created out of necessity as your employer but because he truly cares about you" Seonhui smiles cheerily and Daniel flushes.
"Enough about my love life" Daniel huffs with a pout, he was exhausted from talking about Gun. "Tell me about the story of how you met Dad" He insists instead and a look of surprise falls onto Seonhui's face before it melts into loving warmth.
"I've told you the story several times before, dear," Seonhui murmurs.
"I want to hear it again," Daniel urges.
Seonhui sighs at the ridiculousness of her son but relents.
"It was a cold Autumn day, I was on my way home from classes and I had decided to stop by a cafe for a nice warm drink…and when I entered the store there he was…"
Daniel could only listen on in contentment. He could finish dealing with the Gun situation tomorrow, right now he was satisfied to curl up into his mother's arms and listen to her speak for hours on end.