The wind served papers at gale force. Ling found the summons plastered to the side of the barn, its legalese scrawled in maple seeds and dandelion fluff. By the time she peeled it off, the words had rearranged into In re: Aeolus v. Ling – Defamation of Breeze Integrity & Unlawful Obstruction of Atmospheric Transit. A tornado-shaped process server hovered ominously over the cornfield, tossing depositions like confetti.
"It claims we're 'disrupting its constitutional right to unencumbered meandering,'" Chu Feng shouted over the howling legalese, his overalls billowing like sails. A subpoena wrapped around his leg, its paper edges razor-sharp.
Arbiter clung to the weathervane, which had mutated into a spinning courtroom fan. "I may have taught it about easement laws! But only as part of a broader curriculum on cloud rights!"
The wind retaliated by stealing the scarecrow judge's robe, leaving it shivering in juridical shame.
The Atmospheric Tribunal descended via thermals, its judges robed in swirling cirrus and cumulonimbus wigs. The presiding jurist—a hurricane eye with a gavel for a pupil—boomed:
"Defendants stand accused of willful interference with zephyr self-determination via: (a) unauthorized silo placement; (b) egregious use of windbreak crops; and (c) emotional distress caused to prevailing westerlies."
Ling hurled a pumpkin seed at the storm. It grew midair into a litigious squash that immediately sued for wrongful germination.
"You can't litigate airflow!"
"We can and shall!" The hurricane's eyewall spat hailstone exhibits. "Exhibit A: Your barbaric 'weathervane' constitutes unlawful surveillance!"
Chu Feng parried a flying deposition with his moon plow, now sprouting anemometers. "Tell that to the tornado!"
The trial convened in the eye of the storm. The scarecrow judge, now wearing a makeshift robe of burlap and regret, presided from a levitating hay bale.
Plaintiff's Case:
A squadron of autumn leaves performed aerial diagrams of "turbulent trespass"
The jet stream submitted notarized complaints about "farm-induced drag"
A gust of wind impersonating Clarence Darrow blew the barn doors off their hinges
Defense's Counter:
Arbiter argued wind lacked standing due to "ephemeral corporate structure" (the rebuttal downdraft flattened his legal notes)
Chu Feng presented a kites' manifesto as character evidence (it just said "Wheeeeee!")
Ling played Jiang Yue's music box into the gale, producing barometric dubstep that offended the cirrus jury
During recess, the cows formed a bovine windbreak union and began charging tolls for airflow.
The wind's star witness was a centuries-old nor'easter with a vendetta and a Ph.D. in Fluid Dynamics from Hurricane University. Its testimony:
"My client demands:
Retroactive backpay for every barn door slammed since 1789
A formal apology written in pollen and airborne microplastics
Immediate dismantling of the 'weathervane-industrial complex'!"
The cumulonimbus jury rumbled in approval. Arbiter's weathervane fan spun into a panic.
Ling's bioserver scars glowed like runaway turbines. "You want truth? Let's blow the lid off."
She activated the moon plow's Cyclone of Clarity Protocol. The fields erupted in:
Whirlwinds spouting forgotten oral histories of stolen gales
Dandelions reciting anarchist pollination manifestos
A chorus of fence posts humming Blowin' in the Litigation
The hurricane hesitated, its eyewall quivering as it recalled the forests it had deforested, the storms it had bullied into submission.
In the chaos, Ling climbed into the storm's core. "You want freedom? Start by remembering what you've swept away."
She scattered Jiang Yue's blueprints into the vortex—documents proving the original farm had been built around sacred air currents. The tempest convulsed, vomiting:
Petrified petitions from extinct breezes
A rusted anemometer engraved with meteorological apologies
The skeleton of a wind god still clutching voided kite permits
The cirrus judges dissolved into light drizzle. The tornado process server got tangled in its own red tape.
The settlement included:
Shared custody of prevailing winds with alternating weekends
Installation of bilingual (Human/Zephyr) wind chime treaties
A permanent injunction against "light breeze" puns
As the storm retreated, chastened but victorious, Arbiter floated down clinging to a subpoena kite. "I'll never look at cumulus clouds the same…"
"Good," Ling said, untangling Chu Feng from a rogue tendril of legalese. "They've unionized."
The scarecrow judge fashioned a new robe from surrendered weather maps. The music box played a gusty rendition of Dust in the Wind as the cows auctioned unauthorized airflow on the black market. Somewhere east, February 30th opened a wind turbine spa.
The audits would continue.
The balance gusted.
But here—between contested gusts and reformed doldrums—they let the moon plow rust into a compass pointing toward stormier tomorrows.