That night, I was in my room, smiling ear to ear as I chatted with Travis,
Travis: Hey, thanks for hanging out with Celia today, she really needed it,
Me: No problem, she's my friend, I'm happy to do it, she's really cool
Travis: Yeah, she is, I appreciate you being there for her, it means a lot to me
Me: I'll always be there for both of you
Travis: Why do you say that?
Me: Because I really care about you guys, you mean a lot to me
Travis: Hmm… it's funny you really care now, you blocked me once, remember
Me: Things changed, we know each other better now, we've talked, and well, it's different
Travis: Huh! I guess I can see that, so, you really do care?
Me: Yeah, I do, alot, and umm I was wondering, maybe we could hang out tomorrow? Sunday?
Travis: I wish I could, but I'm busy tomorrow, but I promise we'll hang out next Saturday for sure
Me: Oh Okay, that's fine. I'll wait
Travis: You're cool with that?
Me: Yeah I'm fine, just that,it would've been nice to see you sooner
Travis: I get it, I'll make it up to you next weekend
Me: I know you will, I really enjoy spending time with you
Travis: Same here, you're easy to talk to
Me: I'm glad, I like talking to you too, more than I thought I would
Travis: Same, you're not like other people, You actually get me
Me: I'm glad I do
Travis: You know what? You're kind of amazing girly, you know that?
Me: Stop it, you're making me blush
Travis: I'm serious tho you really are
Me: Well, thanks, You're not so bad yourself
Travis: Hehe, I'll take that
We chatted for a little longer, the conversation flowing easily between us. I felt a warmth in my chest, a deep sense of connection to him that I hadn't felt before, the way he was with me now, caring and sincere, it made my heart race, I was surprised by how much I'd come to like him in such a short time, but it was true. Every text, every moment we spent talking, made me care for him more.
As we ended the conversation, I couldn't help but smile, despite the disappointment of not seeing him the next day, I couldn't deny that I was looking forward to the Saturday we had planned, it was a small step, but it felt like something bigger, something real.
And for the first time in a long while, I felt like maybe just maybe, things were finally falling into place,
I dropped my phone, thinking about it and Ill sleep well tonight, I was happier than Ive ever been.
****
I was feeling a bit off on Monday morning, I don't know what it was, but something in the air just felt different, maybe it was because I hadn't seen Travis over the weekend, and I was still kind of missing him Or maybe it was because I hadn't had the chance to talk to Miley yet about what happened with him, I had planned to talk to her today, but when I walked into school, I saw her all lovey-dovey with Josh, her boyfriend, I rolled my eyes and shook my head,
Great! I'd have to wait for another time to chat, they were in their own little world, and I wasn't about to interrupt that,
So, I headed to my locker, grabbed the book I needed, and tried to focus on school, just as I was about to close my locker, I heard the all too familiar voice that made my skin crawl,
"Hey, baby girl," Tyler said, flashing me that cocky smile that I knew all too well,
I froze, already getting annoyed, I turned to him, giving him a look,
"What do you want, Tyler?" I asked, already irritated, he was always a little too much for me to handle,
He leaned against the locker casually, grinning like he had some kind of secret,
"Ohhh, nothing," he said drawing the word out, "just wanted to say hi to my favorite girl",
I narrowed my eyes at him,
"You've got to be kidding me",
"Come on babe, don't be like that," he teased while stepping closer, "You look good today.... so what's up, you know you can hang with me anytime",
I scoffed, trying to shove my book into my bag,
"Tyler just go away, I'm not interested," I snapped trying my best to ignore him,
He chuckled like I was some kind of joke, but then unexpectedly, his expression shifted, the teasing smile faded, and he got more serious almost too serious,
He leaned in closer, and I took a small step back, my pulse racing in a way I couldn't understand,
"So, what do you say?" he asked, voice lower now,
"Wanna hang out sometime? Maybe we could... you know, do something fun?"
I blinked, completely caught off guard, Was he... asking me out? Was this seriously happening?
"Wait, hold on, are you....asking me out on a d....date?" I stammered, not sure if I was hearing him right,
Tyler rubbed the back of his neck, looking oddly sheepish for once,
"Maybe I am," he said with a shrug, but his grin was gone now,
"Never thought I'd have to ask, but hey... I thought we could give it a shot"
I just stood there, staring at him, completely shocked, this was the same Tyler who had made fun of me since we knew each other, teased me endlessly and now he was acting like he wanted to go on a date? I couldn't wrap my head around it, my mouth went dry and I didn't know how to respond,
"Uh..umm... I'll....think about it," I mumbled awkwardly, not even sure if I was being serious or just trying to buy myself some time to figure out what the heck was going on,
Just then, as if my prayers had been answered I saw Celia walking down the hallway, I nearly sighed in relief,
"Uh I gotta go," I blurted walking quickly past Tyler and toward Celia,
"Hey, Celia!" I greeted her, trying to distract myself from what had just happened,
Celia gave me a bright smile as I walked up to her, "Hey, Mercedes! How's it going?"
I returned her smile, though I couldn't help but feel a little bit flustered, "I'm good, just... you know, the usual school stuff",
We began walking down the hallway together, and I tried to focus on her and on the conversation anything to get my mind off of what Tyler had just said,
But honestly? I couldn't stop thinking about it, Tyler of all people had just asked me on a date! What did that even mean? Why now, after all this time of teasing me and making my life miserable?
I didn't tell Celia what had happened, I didn't want to bring it up, especially when I was already feeling so confused,
I just hoped that things wouldn't get any more complicated, because with Travis on my mind and Tyler suddenly acting like this, I had no idea what to expect next.
Later that day, I was a mess of confusion, I couldn't stop thinking about what happened with Tyler, I mean, he'd always been annoying and always had a way of getting under my skin, but this? This was something else entirely, he actually asked me out, like he wasn't joking for once, and honestly? I had no idea how to handle it.
So, I decided to talk to Miley, she was my best friend after all, and I needed her to help me make sense of it all.
I dragged her into the girls' bathroom, and as soon as the door closed behind us, she shot me a look with her eyebrows raised,
"Umm Mercei, why do you look so panicked?" she asked, crossing her arms and leaning against the wall,
I sighed heavily, looking at the floor,
"You won't believe this Mi...Tyler... Tyler asked me out," I said as my voice was a little shaky, "And he wasn't joking this time, he was serious",
Her eyes widened but only for a second before she rolled her eyes and shook her head, "Ohh Mercei," she said, giving me a knowing look,
"You've got to calm down, he's just being Tyler, trying to mess with you, it's not worth stressing over, focus on the guy who actually matters, Travis",
I blinked, letting her words sink in, Travis, that made sense,
"Yeah," I said, nodding slowly, "I don't like Tyler anyway, it's just...why now? After all this time of teasing me, why is he suddenly serious about asking me out?"
Miley shrugged, "Who knows? But don't waste your energy on him, he's just some guy who likes to play games, Mercei you have something real with Travis, that's the guy you should be thinking about",
I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself, Miley was right, Tyler didn't matter, Travis mattered to me, the way I felt about him... it was different, it was real, and I wasn't about to let Tyler distract me from that,
"Thanks, Miley," I said, finally feeling a little bit of relief. "You're right, I should just focus on Travis, I don't care about Tyler, I'm just going to forget about him",
Miley grinned, a mischievous glint in her eyes,
"Good girl, now, about Travis... you're spending this saturday with him, right?"
"Yeah," I replied, smiling a little at the thought. "We're going to hang out on Saturday, I'm really looking forward to it",
Miley's grin widened, Well, there you go, it's your chance, Mercei, your chance to kiss him",
I felt my face heat up, " I don't know if I'm ready for that, I told you what happened last time, it's a huge risk",
Miley gave me a pointed look, "Risk or not, you're never going to know how he feels unless you make a move, sometimes, you've got to take a leap",
I thought about that for a moment, my heart thumping in my chest. Could I really do that? Could I take that step and try kissing him again? The thought terrified me, but at the same time, it excited me, I really liked him, alot,
"You're right," I said, taking another deep breath, "I'll try, even if it's a huge risk",
Miley clapped her hands together in excitement, "That's what I like to hear! You've got this, girl, just be confident, he'll love it",
I smiled, feeling a little more confident than before, "Thanks Bestie, I think I'll be okay",
As we left the bathroom and headed back to class, I felt my nerves bubbling up again, I had no idea what the weekend would bring, but I knew one thing for sure, I was ready to take that risk with Travis, Whether I kissed him or not, I was ready to face whatever came next, because for once, I was following my heart, not my fears and that felt pretty damn good.
****
I was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, my mind running a mile a minute.
Saturday was almost here, the day I'd been looking forward to hanging out with Travis, just the two of us, I couldn't help but think about everything that could happen, would he feel the same way about me? Or would I be putting myself out there only to get hurt?
I thought about our conversations, the way he made me feel so comfortable and safe, the way he looked at me, like I mattered, the way my heart raced whenever he smiled or when his voice softened when he talked to me,
But there was the kiss...
I wasn't sure if I was ready for that leap, but part of me knew that I couldn't just let the opportunity slip by, it was a huge risk, a big step, but if I didn't try again, I might regret it, and I wasn't one to regret things anymore, not when it came to something so important,
I thought back to what Miley said, how sometimes you had to take a leap, even if it was scary, Was I really willing to do that? Was I ready to take that chance? My stomach flipped just thinking about it.
I told myself I had to try, if it didn't work out, if he didn't feel the same way or if he was uncomfortable with it, then I'd just have to accept it, I wanted him to know how I felt, no matter what, and if he didn't feel the same, I hoped we could still be friends,
But... what if he did?
My heart skipped at the thought, What if he liked me back? The idea of that made me smile, a mix of excitement and nervousness flooding through me, but I couldn't be sure. I had no idea how he felt. Maybe he was just being kind, or maybe he actually cared about me the way I cared about him,
Either way, I couldn't keep second guessing myself, I had to be honest, with him and with myself, saturday was coming and I didn't want to go into it with all these doubts,
If I kissed him, I just hoped that we could still be okay afterward, no matter what happened. The most important thing was that we both cared about each other, right? And if it didn't work out, I could still be proud that I took a chance on something that mattered to me.
I closed my eyes, trying to calm the swirl of thoughts, whatever happened on Saturday, I'd be ready.
I was still wide awake when my mom came home from work, I heard her footsteps in the hallway, and the sound of the front door opening followed by the faint rustling of her coat as she took it off, I wasn't really in the mood for a conversation, especially not about how I was feeling, I was still too caught up in my thoughts about Travis and whether or not I should make that move on Saturday,
My mom knocked on my door before walking in, her soft smile lighting up the dim room,
"Hey, sweetie," she said, sounding a little surprised, "You're still awake? You're usually asleep by now",
I quickly sat up in bed, trying to seem casual,
"Oh, yeah, I just... I couldn't sleep" I lied while flashing her a quick smile, "I was just thinking about stuff, but I'm going to sleep now, don't worry",
She raised an eyebrow, clearly not fully convinced,
"Are you sure everything's okay? You've been so quiet lately, and I know you well enough to know something's on your mind", She walked over to my bed and gave me a gentle kiss on my forehead, "You know you can talk to me about anything, right?",
I closed my eyes for a moment, taking in her warmth, it was hard to hide things from my mom, she always knew when something was off, but right now, I just needed to keep it to myself, I didn't want to burden her with the whirlwind of emotions I was feeling, not yet, at least,
"Yeah, Mom, I'm fine, really," I said, my voice a little softer than I intended, "I promise, I'm just... tired, I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?"
She seemed to study me for a second, her eyes filled with concern, but then she nodded, satisfied enough with my answer,
"Alright, honey, if anything's ever bothering you, just know you can always come to me, I'm here",
She gave me one more kiss on my forehead before turning and walking toward the door,"Goodnight, sweetie",
"Goodnight, Mom," I whispered, watching her walk out of the room and quietly close the door behind her,
I lay back down, trying to settle my racing thoughts, but it wasn't easy, I felt like I had a thousand things on my mind, and it was impossible to stop thinking about what might happen on Saturday, Would I be brave enough? Would he feel the same? Could I really take that chance?
I closed my eyes, but sleep didn't come easily, I knew I needed rest, but my mind refused to quiet down, it wasn't until I heard my mom moving around downstairs that I finally let myself relax, even if just for a moment, hoping sleep would take over soon,
Whatever happened, I knew that Saturday would be a turning point, I just hoped I was good and ready.....