Walking through the castle, Pansy led me near the entrance."Back here," she waved, directing me just beside the main staircase to where she had seen the particular painting I was looking for. Easily missed if one didn't know any better, the small place was only the size of a long hallway with one end blocked. There were a few students loitering around the area, but seeing the Slytherin crest on our robes made them quickly vacate."There he is," Pansy said, pointing towards a lone portrait of an old man casually observing the sunset, his back turned towards us, hiding his face."Excuse me?" I asked, trying to get his attention.
The man hummed, glancing over his shoulder towards me before looking back at the horizon."Care to watch the sunset with me?" he asked.
Pansy looked over at me with disbelief. I was confused myself—the man known as the best and brightest the school had to offer was… this? I glanced behind me. A bench faced the large oil painting. The lack of foot traffic in this area made it surprisingly quiet, despite being near the entrance staircase.
"Sure," I agreed, taking the seat and watching the painted sun slowly sink in the sky, hoping Pansy might get bored and leave. Pansy glanced between me and the painting for a while before finally sitting beside me, eagerly watching for something I might have seen. The noise of students walking behind us—from the stairs, moving outside, or coming in from the front courtyard—became white noise. Their voices lost meaning, blending into the backdrop of the slowly setting sun in the painting. The calming hues of yellow deepened into a rich red, lulling Pansy to sleep. Her eyes grew heavier as she stared at the warm, fading colors, and the hours passed us by.
Finally, Pansy's head slumped onto my shoulder. Dinner had just begun. The distant, indistinct hum of hundreds of students in the Great Hall, combined with the dimming entrance lights, made me equally tired. I felt myself slipping, leaning my head against the back wall as I began to drift off. Just as I hovered on the edge of sleep, a voice called out to me."It's always good to have company in life."
Startled, I gasped and sat up, looking at the painting of Merlin, still gazing at the sunset. He hadn't moved, but I could tell he had spoken. I gulped, glancing at Pansy to see if she was truly asleep. Even Val was asleep, coiled around my arm."Is that why you became friends with King Arthur?" I asked.
The rocking of Merlin's chair paused."Arthur… hah," he reminisced, chuckling softly as he remembered his old friend."And what… might I ask… would a Slytherin like to know about a Muggle?" he inquired, never turning.
I gulped, sighed, and glanced around for any eavesdroppers before finally saying what I had waited hours to ask."I want to know…"
I bit my lip, unsure how to express my desires. Merlin remained silent, patiently waiting for my response."I want to know… how you survived school here…"
Merlin slowly nodded, gently rocking his chair again."It wasn't easy…" he admitted, my stomach sinking in response."I was ridiculed by those I thought were friends. Avoided by those who looked on with worry over my House. Finally, I found a true friend in the most unlikely of places," Merlin explained.
I frowned, glancing between Pansy and Val, my thoughts drifting to Draco, that strange Hufflepuff girl, and—for some reason—even Hermione."You wonder too, don't you? Why you are the one that must hide?" Merlin asked.
The pit in my stomach grew heavier."Yes… I ask why I had to be born into my family…"
Merlin nodded silently, understanding my pain."I always chose to believe… that only those who have been dealt hardships can learn the lessons they teach."
I scoffed, laughing bitterly at his so-called wisdom."Teach? Lesson? What possible lesson could I learn from this!? My entire life is a confusing mess, all because of this—this burning feeling in my very soul, telling me what is and isn't right. I curse it, yet cling to it at the same time! I feel disgusted by the beliefs I was raised on, yet I still have to smile and nod in response. I can't… see any reason in it."
Merlin remained silent, finally stopping his chair from rocking. Slowly, he turned around to face me. His eyes, filled with wisdom from decades of experience, reminded me of Dumbledore. He wore a saddened smile, looking into me, yet somehow beyond me at the same time."Things may not become clear until much later in life… I can't tell you how your life must shape you…"
I sighed and scoffed at his lack of useful advice."All I can say… is that those who follow and those who lead are very different people. I was never one to lead, but your life is different from mine."
He smiled warmly, looking back at the darkening sky, admiring the stars slowly appearing in the painting.
I frowned, trying to decipher his meaning.'He wants me to lead the House? He must have heard my name from passing students… But I'm not a leader. I can't lead people who don't share my beliefs.'
Finally, I sighed, resting my shaking head in my hands, bottling my emotions before gently shaking Pansy awake."Pansy… it's time for dinner."
"Hmm? Ah!" Pansy groaned, suddenly realizing she had been sleeping. Her head snapped up from my shoulder."Sorry, I must have dozed off!" she yelped, hastily straightening her robes.
I sighed, still burdened by my conversation with Merlin."It's fine, Pansy. We should eat before curfew," I said, standing up and stretching my legs.
Raising my arms, I noticed a distinct wet spot on my sleeve. Glancing at Pansy, I saw a trace of drool at the corner of her mouth. Smirking, I pulled my sleeve to her face, gently dabbing away the last of it. I made sure she wouldn't unknowingly leave it there—it would be far less embarrassing for her if I cleaned it now.
She froze, staring between me and my sleeve."Are you staying here?" I asked, moving the conversation along, not giving her time to ask about my exchange with Merlin.
"No! No, I'll be right there—you can leave first."
I nodded at her and made my way to the Great Hall.
Pansy gasped at Lucas's sudden gesture, her pounding heart throbbing in her chest at his casual smirk of amusement. Once he left, she could no longer hold in the shaky breath she had been suppressing.
A sudden chuckle came from the painting to her left, making her jump. She stared at the image of Merlin, who was still gazing at the starry night."Perhaps some advice?" he muttered without looking at her."If you go to battle with someone over apples, but the apples turn out to be lemons… what have you truly fought over? What you sought never existed, but could you accept the sourness of what you had won?"
Pansy stared at the painting, his words ringing through her ears.
Apples… Lemons… His words sounded strange, yet somehow profound. Pansy couldn't grasp their meaning, but she knew Lucas had something to do with it.Was he the one she was battling? she wondered. But what were they fighting over?
Lucas was an enigma. Despite his popularity, he didn't use it to lord over others. Instead, he helped in class, raising Slytherin's standing even higher. Pansy didn't understand him, but Merlin's words clung to her mind like a splinter she couldn't dislodge.
Dinner was mostly spent recounting my ride back into school—a hot topic that Slytherins used to boast their House's superiority. Though I wasn't interested, that didn't stop the first years from excitedly retelling the story in their own exaggerated words.
Classes would begin tomorrow, but I was more relieved to be halfway through my first year. If Merlin's advice couldn't help me, I would stick to my plan: keep my beliefs and emotions hidden until I was out of school. Then, I'd move far, far away from my parents.
'Just six and a half more years…' I thought with a sigh.