This wasn't good. I had no control over my body when my head rose from the pillow and glared up at Aries. Aries got up from the couch and slowly backed away. You didn't have to tell me that this was the worst place in the Court for me to be. I already knew.
A doorless, windowless, stone cellar room. And the wolf was growling at the one person who couldn't shadow step to safety.
This wasn't like last time, in the duel with Blackclaw, where the wolf's anger was mine but not-mine. Then, it had been hard to separate my feelings from the wolf's. Now it was not. I was annoyed with Aries, not angry. I didn't know that the wolf could tell the difference.
Its feelings were murky, a bubbling mess of pain and rage. It was pain that erupted most prominently, because now it was trying to twist my body into something new, something that belonged to it and not me. Its rage was like that of a creature awoken unexpectedly, confused, afraid, and lashing out in the way it knows best. I felt it first in my jaw, a blinding shot. My teeth moved and reformed under my lips, to let the wolf snarl the way it wanted to. Did it look then like Orendell's bone-shard grin? I hope it didn't.
I was vaguely aware of the Vodalysa mages somewhere in the room. Aries and I had not been alone in the Sanctum, but they hadn't taken notice yet. It was only Aries who'd seen the sudden change.
"Zeph." He said my name again. He'd put up a hand defensively as though he'd expected me to lunge at him, but he knew this wasn't a game anymore. We weren't playing at anything now.
Aries was afraid. I knew it because the wolf knew it. His heart was racing. Prey stuck stone still before a predator. The wolf was locked onto his movements. The subtle intake of breath. It was waiting for him to run.
The wolf took one step toward him, a dare. Every ounce of my own will fought against it. I didn't have a voice, but I wanted to scream, not him.
And then, Aries did just about the stupidest thing he could have done.
He cast a bright, electric zap my way. The gesture was fast which worked in his favor.
The spell hit me square in the face. The sting of it lit up my sinuses. It was just enough of a surprise I don't think either me or the wolf could have seen it coming. It stopped the wolf in its tracks for just an instant. It was long enough that when I raised my hand to rub the pain from my nose, I suddenly realized that I was in control of myself once again at least partially.
Aries still hadn't moved from where he was standing, still watching me closely. If he expected me to say something, I couldn't. There were no words. Just the strange uncertainty of all that had just passed between us.
But I was lucid now. I did the only thing that came to mind. I cast shadow step and let the darkness carry me away.
I hadn't had a place in mind exactly. Just not here. So, when the shadows drew back to leave me standing alone in a stone corridor in a deserted part of the Court, it had to be good enough.
I stopped fighting the wolf and let it do what it wanted. At least now, the Court was empty, the covens were all convening. Aries was safely stuck in the Sanctum for at least a few hours.
There was no one around to see the wolf contort the vertebrae of my spine. I stripped off my blazer when I started to feel the wolf pulling at the seams. It was easier now, alone. Just me and the wolf. It wasn't fighting me the way it had earlier, or maybe it just no longer objected to the few things I wanted. I untucked my shirt as it began to rearrange the muscles in my back. I grabbed at my horns when I felt them begin to burn. They weren't hot to the touch but I could feel them melting down into my skull. My mouth was also on fire. Teeth punctured gums, my own jaw elongating into something canine.
I didn't doubt now that I was a werewolf. I was one. I was shifting.
The process was painful. I've complained a lot about pain - the mark of Orendell, the claws of the wolf tearing me up from the inside. Those were small trifles in comparison to this. Time stretched sideways. I couldn't tell you if my turning took minutes or hours.
It brought me to my knees, clawing at my skin, and when my skin could no longer take it - hands curling into claws - I took it out on a wall tapestry. I didn't even notice that I'd slashed it to ribbons until today, when I walked by and saw it again with fresh eyes.
Eventually, the pain subsided. I was on all fours, a wolf, not a man, and wrapped in fur. The wolf was alert, curious, confused. What was I meant to do on the full moon? Certainly not explore the empty halls of the Court.
Eventually I found my way out into one of the courtyards. It was one of the smaller ones. Mostly stone, with a lone ancient tree rising up from a raised planter. The wolf pawed at the ground. Mentally, I was exhausted. The shift alone had taken everything out of me. But physically? I was a wolf and the strange wolf in my head was mostly unfazed.
Alone now, it wasn't angry. I'd given up fighting it, so it was done fighting back. I know time passed, I was only semi-conscious of what I was doing. The wolf was first preoccupied with scent. The smells of the Court - musty spaces where dampness had gotten in and never out, a stick of incense leftover from one of the classes earlier in the day, old books, the faint traces of roast chicken from the dining hall on the breeze, and something less distinct, that my wolfy nose recognized even as I didn't - magic.
There was a rat in the courtyard the wolf chased for a few minutes, before it slipped into a crack in the Court's stone foundation and there was no way that I could follow.
I was only just starting to worry about how long it'd been - hoping against hope that the moon would release its hold on me before the coven meetings ended for the night, when I felt the force of magic brush over me. Through the wolf's senses, I could smell it, a strong, prickling aroma as natural as rain. I bucked against the spell, only to realize I couldn't move at all. It had locked me in place.
"Funny seeing you out tonight, Mr. Ashbourne." Blackclaw was a dozen paces back, a few steps from the door I'd just come out of. The wolf knew him for old sweat, the linseed oil on his coat, and the hint of bourbon under the coffee on his breath.
I shuddered at the sound of my name. He knew it was me.
I couldn't speak, but even more, I couldn't move. His spell constricted tighter as the wolf struggled against it.
"And for some reason, you thought it was a good idea to shift inside of the Court. I don't know how they do things in Caburh, but in Mesym, some people aren't so keen on crossing paths with a werewolf on their way back to their dormitories in the middle of the night."
He still didn't release the spell when I felt a hand seize me by the scruff and pull. The wolf whined, distressed as its front paws were lifted into the air. Blackclaw adjusted the spell to better heave me up, leaving the spell to do more lifting than he did.
"Relax. I'm not going to hurt you. Though I could. What idiot shifts in the middle of campus?" Blackclaw didn't expect me to answer. He was dragging me back down the corridor and headed for his office.
He dropped me on the floor after he'd shut the door of his office behind him. I didn't miss it when he took an extra second to twist the deadbolt to lock us in.
Blackclaw's office reeked thoroughly of him: unwashed coffee mugs, spilled whisky, old leather, papers, ink, and then something faint beneath all of that, hot, metallic, and raw - blood.
That alone would have raised my hackles, but even trying to tense against the force of his spellwork made me choke.
I was still frozen in place as Blackclaw crossed from the door to his desk. He threw open a cupboard behind to the sound of the clinking glasses. He poked through a number of different bottles before snatching up one and returning to me.
"Alright, now let's hear your side of it…"
He wrenched my jaw open and forced the contents of the bottle down my throat. It tasted like ash and rot. I writhed against the spell, trying to get away, but was stuck, hardly able to move my head from its place more than a few inches. I gagged through the foul liquid, not wanting to swallow, but unable to stop it.
And then he held my muzzle shut with his two hands. I couldn't get it out of my mouth if I wanted to.
"I've taken on bigger wolves than you, boy. Come on."
I could feel the wolf yelping in my head. It couldn't make a sound out loud, not with the spell, not with Blackclaw gripping its muzzle. But then, Blackclaw dropped his hold spell and the pressure keeping me in place fell away.
The wolf was still baying internally, but even now that it could howl to its heart's content, it still couldn't - because I didn't want it to. I was the one in control again.
I also realized I didn't have to stay as a wolf. A strange thread of magic that wound through my ribs told me I could have my body back, if I wanted it.
I wanted it.
The reverse process wasn't quite as bad as the process earlier tonight. For one thing, it didn't feel as though my bones were all breaking and melding themselves into new shapes. It only felt as though they were remembering the places they belonged. That didn't mean it didn't hurt at all. My body was reorganizing itself all over again. Muscles, ligaments, bones all finding their old places.
When I finally felt my lungs snap back to where they belonged, I whimpered through it. I was shaking and cold on the floor of Blackclaw's office. I didn't even realize it initially that I was also completely naked.
"Ashbourne, welcome back," Blackclaw said. His voice was a low growl. "What do you have to say?"
What did I have to say? After the night I'd just had, I don't know what he wanted, what he could have expected. I put in some guesswork. "Thanks?"
Blackclaw huffed. "You shifted in the middle of campus. Is this some kind of a joke to you?"
I was still shivering. "I'm not laughing, sir." I don't think that was what he wanted to hear, but my whole body ached. I was trying to wrap my arms around my knees because balling myself up seemed the only comfortable option here.
"You won't get into trouble just for being a werewolf here, but you're still responsible for property destruction you cause and how you interact with other members of the Court. Not everyone has especially pleasant memories when it comes to unexpected werewolves, you got it?"
I nodded. Blackclaw only eyed me closer. I knew he was referencing the War of Nightmares again, but it had nothing to do with me, and if I hadn't been naked and shivering on the floor, I might have said, I really don't give a damn. But given things were as they were, I held my tongue.
"I didn't really think I was a werewolf," I said.
Blackclaw barked out a laugh. "Now, that's a new one for me. Are you going to tell me you just have some really weird dreams every full moon?"
"No," I said. "This has never happened before. I… I didn't assume-"
Blackclaw pulled the chair out from behind his desk and dragged it closer to sit in front of me. "You mean to say this was your first full moon? The first time you'd shifted?"
In my head, the wolf chuckled. "Yes," I stammered out.
"Gods above… You can't be serious."
"I made a deal with Orendell," I said. "This curse for magic." This thing that was meant to be a secret felt more like a burden. How else was I meant to explain I knew next to nothing about werewolves?
"So it really is the gods to blame," Blackclaw muttered. "Which one is Orendell?"
"The first werewolf," I said. "Luna's cursed king." That was what the fairy tale Aries and I had read called him.
"So, naturally, werewolf," Blackclaw said. Clearly Orendell wasn't exactly the most familiar to him either. It made sense. There were many gods and a few were fairly regional. "And you really didn't know? I mean, I had a strong hunch watching you duel."
"I grew up in a vampire court in Nizari. It's not exactly a place that welcomes werewolves. I've maybe met a few in passing over the years, but not really," I said.
"Well, I guess that makes me our resident expert." Or you killed a few werewolves in a war. If you're an expert on werewolves, Ianthe's a bloody anthropologist.
"What did you give me? That potion?"
"Wolfsbane solution. A little poison for your wolf. Makes it weaker. Means you'll have an easier time controlling it. I know not all of you like using it but it has its uses. I've had enough werewolf students over the years that I figure it's better to keep it on hand than need it and not have it."
I wasn't opposed. If it meant I was able to have some say in my actions, it was worth it. If I'd had it earlier, I wouldn't have even had to worry about the wolf lunging for Aries. "Any chance I could have more of it?"
Blackclaw raised an eyebrow. "Not many werewolves I've met want it."
"It tastes bad, but I mean, it worked. I never asked to be a werewolf," I said.
"Isn't that generally the way it works?" Blackclaw laughed to himself. He went to jot down the recipe. "I found your jacket by the way. Or, I assume it's yours. Couldn't find the rest of your clothes." I dread to think they might have been shredded while I shifted. I'd been hesitant to so much as even untuck my shirt. I was a little out of my mind by the time my hands started twisting into paws.
I took my jacket, the recipe for his potion, and with that, I shadow stepped back to the Vodalysa dormitories.