Ryu slumped against a rift-twisted lamppost, HP at 1, chest a glitchy wreck of static and scars, the Core Key still scorching his hand. Earth's streets were a slaughterhouse—god mulch smoked, rift-vines choked cars, and flaming dildos glowed in the wreckage. Lira stood fierce, Waffle Iron of the Grid dripping goo, her smirk a jagged blade. Gorv loomed, axe crusted with god dust, growling like a pissed-off beast. Pip hopped, toucan screeching flames, harpoon gun drone buzzing like it was ready to impale something.
The system flickered: [Quest Update: Earth's Glitch-Shitstorm. Objective: Smash the titan or get flattened—your call, asshole.] The ground quaked—rifts pulsed, and a roar thundered, deep and glitch-distorted, from a shattered freeway ahead.
Snarkfang pulsed, runes blazing. "Titan time, shitlord—you're gonna get squashed like a roach. I'm fucking thrilled!"
"Fuck you," Ryu rasped, slicing a rift-vine that glitched into a rubber nose and sneezed at him. "No flattening—just fighting."
"Keep dreaming, fuckface—titans love stepping on ants. Stab 'em and scream!"
A figure rose from the freeway—gigantic, clad in rift-code armor, a colossal bastard of Valdris's worst: Glitch God's storm wings, Glitch-Tech's cannon helm, and rift-fists pulsing with glitch tar. [Enemy: Glitch Titan Lord (Level 115). Note: Big-ass prick—good fucking luck.] It growled, "Glitch Knight? You trashed my domain—I'll trash your guts."
Ryu gripped Snarkfang, HP ticking to 5 from a ragged breath. "Try it, tall-shit—my crew'll turn you into glitch mush!"
The Titan's helm flashed "PEON"—then it swung.
Lira roared, "Smash this fucker!" and charged—iron smashed a rift-fist, sparks flying, code splintering. [Damage: 200. Effect: Titan's fist's cracked.] No mulch talk—just a feral "Next!" as she swung at its helm.
Snarkfang whistled. "Klepto's a fucking titan-slayer—keep her, shitlord!"
Gorv bellowed, "NO MORE BIG FEET!" and leapt, axe crashing—glitched into a gravity pulse, slamming the Titan into asphalt. Concrete shattered, freeway buckled. [Damage: 220. Effect: Titan's grounded.]
Snarkfang snorted. "Big boy's a goddamn quake-maker—still dumb as a stump, but I'll cheer!"
Pip cackled, "Suck this, giant-ass!" and lobbed his harpoon gun—it glitched mid-air, turning into a flaming grapple launcher that blasted the Titan's chest, hooking code to armor. [Chaos Triggered: Grapple Gore. Damage: 190.] The toucan dove, torching its wings—tar fizzed, flames glitching RGB. [Damage: 150.] Ryu grinned. "Pip's a fucking grappler—finally hooking the right shit!"
The Titan roared—fists pounded, glitch-tar splashing. Ryu dove, triggering Glitch Guzzle 2.0. Snarkfang flared—sucked glitch energy from a rift-fist, static flooding Ryu's veins—HP surged fast. [Glitch Guzzle 2.0 Effect: Big Slurp. Heal: +60 HP. HP: 65/80.] The fist withered, glitching limp. [Damage: 240.]
Snarkfang cackled. "You're a fucking glitch-gulper, dipshit—drink 'em dry!"
Its cannon helm fired—glitch-bolt blasted. Ryu dodged, but it clipped Gorv's leg—he growled, static bleeding. [Damage to Gorv: -70 HP.] Lira roared, iron smashing its helm—cannon cracked, code gushed. [Damage: 210.] Gorv charged, axe cleaving its wing—gravity pinned it, storms stalling. [Damage: 230.] Pip's grapple launcher rammed its gut—toucan torched the gash, armor sizzling. [Damage: 220.]
Ryu swung—Glitch Goad 3.0 hit. Runes taunted "TITAN-TURD" across the sky—Titan glitched, fists exploding in its face—rift-spawned grunts' tar bombs blew up mid-throw. [Glitch Goad 3.0 Effect: Explosive Fuckery. Damage: 250, Chaos +700.] He slashed—Glitch Gripe 2.0 followed. The Titan's glitches spread—wings fried grunts, helm shocked itself. [Glitch Gripe 2.0 Effect: Glitch Plague. Damage: 260, Glitches -90, Spread +15.]
Snarkfang wheezed. "You're a fucking plague-bomber, fuckface—spread it!"
The Titan pulsed—rift flared, spawning glitch-brutes, armored rift-rats with tar-hammers. Lira smashed two—iron sparking, code spraying. [Damage: 200.] Gorv's axe pulsed, crushing three into pixel paste. [Damage: 210.] Pip's grapple pinned a cluster—toucan torched the scraps, flames glitching wide. [Damage: 230.]
Ryu grit his teeth, HP at 65. "Fuck you, big-dick!" He swung—Glitch Gank flared, stealing the Titan's tar-glitch—Ryu's strikes dripped sticky tar, slowing foes. [Glitch Gank Effect: Tar Theft. Damage: 250, Buff +Tar.] The Titan flailed—fist hit itself, helm denting. [Self-Damage: 110.]
The colossus roared—rift pulsed, vines whipping. Ryu took a hit—vine lashed his arm, static searing. [Damage: -40 HP. HP: 25/80.] He roared, "Not yet!"—Glitch Gush 2.0 hit. A flood of thicker glitchy goo sprayed, coating its legs and wings—it hardened into tar stone, locking the Titan tight. [Glitch Gush 2.0 Effect: Tar Tomb. Damage: 240, Mobility -95.]
Lira leapt, iron smashing its core—armor split, code bled. [Damage: 230.] Gorv cleaved its head—gravity crushed the helm flat, sparks flying. [Damage: 270.] Pip's grapple rammed the rift, toucan torching it shut—flames glitched, frying its last fist. [Damage: 250.]
Ryu staggered, "Die, fucker!"—Glitch Glower flared, blinding light scorching the Titan's face—grunts fell, clawing blind. [Glitch Glower Effect: Blind Burn. Damage: 210.] He swung—Glitch Gash sliced deep—static erupted, brutes dissolving. The Titan bluescreened, collapsing into fizzing junk—screen flashed "T#TAN OUT." [GlitchTitanLord.exe terminated. +2400 EXP. Level Up: Glitch Knight Rank 24. New Skill: Glitch Grind 2.0 (Grinds harder, dust hits wider).]
Ryu fell, HP at 25, goo-soaked and grinning. The rift fizzled—Earth trembled, more rifts pulsing. Lira wiped her iron, snarling, "Titan's mulch." Gorv flexed, axe high, roaring. Pip high-fived his toucan, grapple sparking victory laps. The system flickered: [Quest Update: Titan Down. Note: Earth's still glitch-fucked—keep swinging, asshole.]
Snarkfang snorted. "You're a half-dead shitlord, Ryu—nice titan tan."
"Fuck off," Ryu rasped, eyeing the chaos—sirens wailed, rifts roared.
He glared at his crew. "Move, fuckwits—Earth's a glitch-shitshow now, and I'm not croaking in this shithole."
Lira smirked. "Next one's mulch too."